lilbit

Here is another realization that happened along the way... NOT THE WAY. Looking from a place of an "overview" I find... had I not experiance a false sudo seperation from what is truly Spiritual and who I AM, I would not have been as hungry to embrace my Higherself or God. We all have immersed ourselves in the doctrines of men and came up wounded, frightened and confused. Without resolve our only options to this is bitterness, distrust and fear. I know I have lived my share of it. But there comes a time when enough is enough between your ears and you cry out for healing and resolve. The resolve I recieved is and continues to be on such a grandiose scale that I cant believe that it is real , let alone true. All I did was ask MY Beloved for help, what is the truth and guidence. The responce from the universe was YES!!!. The different ways and means to my healing have not been conventional but neither is GOD. So in retrospect what I have experianced and understand NOW in my life, had it not been for my time with TWI, the depth and richness probly would not have been realized by me. Everything in its own time. I do not condone TWI and its practices and I wil not let them have the last word spiritually. I have taken spiritual responcibility to heal. And to date I can honestly say...I AM HEALED. This post is to let anyone who feels hopelessly intangled and stuck that there is resolve and love . It's yours for the asking. Namaste, Imbus

It has been well over six months since I left this site. My previous name was Imbus. I'm back for just a brief moment to communicate an awareness that has happened on my journey. Thank God for Craig. It took that man to bring down a miniserty that still could be out there manipulating the masses. When I think about it... Craig really brought a magnifying glass behavior to a very suductive system. Craig mirrored in more ways than one the decietfulness and rationalization of the whole Way system. Had I not lived throughe such horrific spiritual opposites of love, forgiveness and compassion I would not have been able to be critical enough to challange the real and know its true depth. So in a way Craig was the perfect solution to a very serious problem. It took a little time for the system to break but better late than never. I know this man hurt the multitudes as well as V.P. So what can we gleen from this? For me... Go stright to The Source if you want spiritual understanding and guidence. Embrace what resinates with you and let go of the rest. And for God sake ask for healing from all this. It is available...on every level. There is a big univese out there and God is not limited. We just need to break out of our box thinking and allow for unlimited LOVE to happen. I'm game ...are you? Thanks Craig for living what Christianity, Love ,Compassion, Forgiveness, Serenity,At-one-ment IS NOT. I look forward to the journey of What IS! Namaste...Imbus

For the last copla months I have taken a hard look at my spirituality. I have come to realize that much of what I "thought" and "understood" of spirituality was a mixture of "oil" and "water". There was the experiance of many cults in my quest for truth. TWI was the third of many. Mixed in the hunger for truth was immaturity and naivity. I lacked life skills and experiances and trusted completly the direction of another. As a result I have trauma wounds of fear, shame ,anxity, grief and intermitted shame. Greasespot has been a Godsend to help identify some of these wounds. Also GS has made it comfortable to speak ones truth...to have a voice. To be able to address your fears and disappointments and not be alone in your experiance... how truly valadating and healing. For me there came a point that the healing became rumination. I had emotionally cycled with each new topic at times and had reexperianced the fear and anger. Like getting caught up in the drama over and over again. For me GS became a truma bond. A link to the past to keep the intensity going. This is by no means GS fault. What was a means to heal became to me a reason to not move on but stay in the victum role and cry "Fowl Play". A friend once told me, "If you are holding on that tight to something that is that painful then you have to ask one question...What are you getting out of it?" For me it was an excuse to fail and self-destruct. I held on to the "suffering" in my life and thought it was my destiny/lot in life. I no longer hold fast to this concept. Latly I have had s spiritual "shift". A different point of view was introduced to me to help explain first ...WHY. Then everything else fell into place. Surprisingly though it was alot of little things that came together in my understanding. All this happened when I made a conscious decision to ask for "Gods" help and availed myself to what ever came into my sphere of enfluence. This time with wisdom and boundries as my companions. Also to "trust" what resinates with me . That has been tough but workable. As a result I recognize my attachments to the past and made a decision to let it go. In doing so I am empting myself of painful things and am making room for things I thought TWI and others would teach me. First and formost, "How to unconditionally Love". I have had more Joy and Peace within the last copla months than in my whole existance put together. I am thankful beyound words. The unconditional love part is on the horizon and I am excited with the endless possibilites to practice/do. All this brings me to the reason for this post. It's time to let go of GS. For me it is a trauma bond and I am working on recreating a peaceful and harmonic life. (Hense the "oil and water".) Maybe down the road I can come back and say "howdy do". But I sense that it is a circle that is being closed and that is o.k. I would like to thank Paw for his enduring love and patience. Thankyou for all that you have done ,do do and will do . You are a good man. To Shellon for all her support and follow up. Also for allowing me to have a voice with you and others in the quietness of...! To Oldies you have provided a fourm of debate that is much needed. Not that I agree with you but your comments have challanged me to dig a little deeper and really test for myself what I really believe... if it is not VPW than what? You still bug the crap out of me and...that is o.k too. For all that crossed my path in diolog...NAMASTE..GOD BLESS Imbus/lilbit

When I went L.E.A.D, my first year at Emporia, it was after my first call/ rejection.(I was called to go then got in a bit of trouble so then I was heald back and put on probation.) When I finally went...It was the most humilating time of my life. I was sent with 2 other people, the leader a gestapo type of guy.( We wern't being given rides fast enough because I didn"t smile.) :( Went down El Capitan on my butt because my legs hurt so much from the shoes I was wearing. I was screamed at all the way down to get off of my butt.(Thank God for the snow... it made sliding bearable.) MY Duo was in the rain and it was cold. My climbs at Gohshin were met with more yelling and near impossible climbs. The first time I repelled ,I lost my footing and turned upside down as I walked backwards off of the cliff. It also was the first time for public nakedness when we did the sweat lodge. I had a few body image issues and that was hard. I did get one brief reprieve out of the experiance. I remember seeing and drawing a picture of a small tender tree growing out of the middle of a burnt out tree trunk. We were to keep a journal and that drawing was the only signifacant moment my whole time there.That pictue I have held in my mind for years because it was the only sane moment of my experiance. It has been a metaphor for me in many ways. What has been your experiance...good, bad or indifferent.!

So that's why I string my chair before each meal, suck those deablos spiritus into my vacume cleaner nightly and hum..."Like an Eagle' and "P.F.A.L" while I joyfully do the dishes. My life before TWI was...hurry up and eat so I can go have fun... could careless about dust bunnys and sang out loud "Sunshine of your Love" by Cream. I think I liked my life better before TWI....SOMEONE PLEASE SNAP ME BACK !!!!!!!! :blink: ;)

JTC57 my experiance is much like yours. Now that my parents are past I'm closer to my sibs because all the chaos and confusion is gone from our lives. TWI and teachings never entered my family dynamic. When I left home to go WoW I never looked back. I did get resolve at the end of there lives. It was what I needed to move on emotionally and it came from them and not forgivness on my part. I now know my sisters as adults and global citizens instead of sib just trying to survive. It"s so nice to finally have a relationship with family even though parents are not included.

Not at all. Personally I believe he should do jail time for what he did. He effected so many lives in a negitivly powerful way. If any thing I'm try to understand what lead to this devient behavior. Dr. Vic was a seductive perpetrator. Even to LCM. LCM must have handed his conscious (personal power) and moral integrity to the master of deception. I'm sure at the beginning LCM had thoughts that this is not right and didn't challange V.P or did and it got rationalized away. So LCM was groomed to be a sex addict under the clock of spiritualiy. But there came a point which he made a deliberate decision to not follow his moral integrity and is responcibile for abuse of power. I'm sure his parents didn't teach him infidelity. I'm sure they didn't teach him to pray on women sexually. Where in Gods name did he get this stuff even when every religious society (Christianity) condones such behavior. I do not believe LCM started out this way. I believe he became the victuim through seduction by V.P and the victuimizer. V.P did con all of us but conned him as well. What a waste of life. LCM has to live with the realization/humilation of destroying a ministy, right or wrong, victuimizing men , women and children and losing all credability as a human being. Todate I have not heard of any remorse so I assume he has an addiction in place to deal with any shame or guilt that might seep out of his soul. I can't amagin that he maintains rightous indignation for being caught or called on the carpet. Well he is a sick man and chose to follow an even slicker more sicker human being. LCM had more than one addiction in place when he ruled TWI. Yo name a few other then sex...power and rage.I wonder what addictions he is using now to compensate for his addictive loss and ruined life?

I am currently working at a treatment center for addicts of all kind. Sex addiction is one of the hardest (no pun intended) addictions to recover from, just like anorexia. With anorexia the compultion to abstain from food is the very thing that kills you. With sex addicts...men are very visual creatures. Their first impulse sexually is derived by site. Every thing in our culture is based on visual sex appeal. Now the thing that takes healthy desires into the realm of addiction is chemistry. The body release endorphines upon climax. Those endorphines is a natural cocain for the body. With the sex addicts they become addicted to their own bodies cocain so to speak and have a hard time stopping. There are some folks that are so compulsed to get that high that they accually do damage to thier organs. Now here is where the worse degree of this addiction plays out...on the internet. Just like heroin you need a little bit more to achieve the same high. You need a little more intensity to get the desired results. If a partner is not avaiable then the internet is the next best thing. Remember the desire for the bodies natural high increases with anxeity and stress. The down side to any detox is depression and overwelming craving for the drug/sex of choice. With LCM...he is a man tormented in more ways than one. He is very wounded by his behavior and probly has some addiction/compultion going on to help cope with his mental and phisical. As much as I don't like the man...he is ruined and would take years of therapy to just get to baseline.

I shouldn't have started my day with this post. What a reality check. Thank god TWI did not get the best years of my life which is now. Thanks Belle.

I guess gullability is a globel thing. I know for myself I only think in terms of my world and not the world beyond me. Specfically that folks throughout history have hungered for spirituality in different cultures. And yes ...if you are hungry enough you will put your trust in the hands of said spiritual leaders. I love eastern stories. Somtimes they make more sence than the stoeies Ive read in the Bible. Keep them commin. :P

Thanks all for your imput...I mean sharing. Its nice to know I'm not alone in my struggle to be free emotinally from words that are just words. I think it is a good suggestion to use the words bunches to become desensitized to them. Somehow I emotionally go into convulstions with a few. The one word that just angers me to no end is" God" . This too shall pass. Thanks ;)

Imprinting is a term used in the horse industry for imprinting on a new born horse the scent and touch of humans. This is done soon after birth. I find after 16 yrs. there is still some residual effect of having been associated with TWI. I've been imprinted. I was reading in a book where the author made reference to God as "the divine light". Boy did whistles and horns go off in my head. V.Ps criticism of other religious views rang clear in my head. I can still hear his critical parenting voice to this day.. I have to make a conscious desicion not to be judgemental but open and compassionate.. To be yelding instead of one up. There are times Way brain just happens and I am ashamed. It usually robs me or someone else of the moment in all its purity. Anyone else have this stinken thinken?

aaaaaaaaaa huuuummmmm....a lesbian? I hope so. For all the bad PR she has gotten throughout time she might as well be. What other female do you know who has been misrepresented, trashed and been the perpatrator of mankind because of "her" sin. At least being preached as a lesbian would give the religious right good reason and ground to degrade the female species and not over a stupid "apple". Just a thought.

Do I practice...NO. I don't practice a thing. I find if I do the opposite of what I have been taught than I am more in tune spirituallity with myself, others and the world around me. Just "being" is enough for me. It's amazing how life works for you if you stop trying to control it by "practicing a thing". Although I do like to go out in the desert and empty my mind and allow for the universe to... Is that a practice? ;)

I am really sorry for the folks that had hard WOW years. I know the people that I undershepered to go WOW had a he!! of a time on the feild. Drugs,alcohol and folk sleeping together. When I was in Louisanna, I recieved calls fron N.Mexico from one of my "kids" and it was horrible what was going on. I couldn't keep her on the feild. (Thank God for that) I think the continued family dynamic would have done more damage spitirually then just leaving. What I realize now was I was a cult within a cult. Cult of personality. Alot of folks got involved in TWI because I loved them, supported, protected them and they thought that is what TWI was all about. What a rude awakening when they went WOW or I left the area. I was the best codependent and good at what I did. I wanted desperately to be like JC and did my part in carrying folks. Looking back I now see that all of us were doomed for failure because the system (PFAL) did not work when s#it happens. Some recognized it sooner than others and left. I do know this...God is God with or without a system to work in. If there where any "signs, miracles or wonders" it is because God is... and it had nothing to do with TWI or the WOW program. Why some got results and others didn't ...who knows.

All but $100.00 was paid by my sponcers to be in the WC. My whole experiance financially in TWI has always been substandard. For me I tried for so many years to reap the "more abundent life" and always came up short... always in a state of poverty. Sadly at that time I believed it was me and my unbelief. In the WC I learnrd to travel light, not own a damn thing and live by second hand stores. Buying something new was out of the question. Leadership ability was the criteria for entering the WC. Surprisingly though while in the 15th corps it apeared to me that anyone with a strong sence of self and leadership ability was emotionally and mentally torn apart. It was like any sucess prior to the WC was invalid and you were considered stupid. You were treated disrespectfully. So requirement for being in the WC was a contrdiction for the way you were treated.

Thanks Belle. I can identify with all of the above. It's a sad commintary that I cannot trust the Christian God nor trust that The Bible is inspiried. My whole perception of spirituality has taken a 360 degree turn since my experiance with TWI. The journey I'm taking now is filled with enormouse life, is a never ending adventure and is most of all guilt and shame free. I guess I had to experiance the bad in order to be open to recieve what I believe to be my journeys path to true spirituality. So I guess without TWI I would not have known there was better. NAMASTA

Catcup thanks for the info. I will be looking for these media memoirs. Another good read is a book titled "For Their Own Good". The authors last name is Miller. It gives an insightful account of how Hitler and Germany came to be. It speaks of German methodology and teaching practices on raising children which spawned such likes as Hitler and his hinchmen. V.P and my father came from the same influence.

When I read the letter the other morning... the last few days have been rather rough. It triggered alot of emotion. It reminded me of my days in the corps and the ranting and raving that incured. The tone was abusive at times but the words, down right injurous. The letter for me spoke the same language. What I felt has been anger, shame, confusion, betrayal and guilt. Shame and Guilt for not "standing" with LCM and anger that I still feel these feelings. Betrayal because I trusted this ministy with my whole being to teach me about God and they abused that trust. I've come along was since I left. My beliefs are my own and I have very strong boundries to protect me and what I believe. But once in a while there is a topic that puts me back in the moments of abuse and this letter is one of those moments. Shame and guilt was the M.O used to keep folks in their place. Although I feel what I feel, I will not die and this too shall pass.

In retrospect Oldies I don't belieive it was the research or teaching that brought success. I believe it was the genuine intrest and love that each of us WOWs had for folks. Love that could never be emplimented no matter how many times you teach about. Like VP said, 'It's an inside job" and has nothing to do with the organization. Spirtuality is spirituality...Organization is organization. I think God honors the heart and intent of individuals. Not how much Bible they know or classes runned. I have seen the same success in the church I sometimes attend. It is a Methodist fellowship and is so powerful in their Love for God and eachother, it makes TWI as a whole look awfully bad, present and past.

Oldies I agree in part with you. There where some folks who gave there whole self to the program and left their individuality at the door. When everyone had there egos in check and really strived "in love" to make things happen...it was powerful. Here is where it was not sucessfull. Leadership who stroked their ego with their position of athority and those who had a stong sence of self and would not surcome to BS. I personally had a great time as a WOW. I was lucky in the leadership catagory and our family was left alone. The area cordinator was to busy else where puting out fires and our family cordiator was not the dominate type. Praise God. We all wanted the same thing and for some reason it all worked out. The majority of my service with TWI was not micro managed and that is why I stayed so long...other than being brainwashed!

Oakspear...very well said. That was about the way it was handled logically in my mind. Emotionally it was a different story. I needed somthing to belong to. I was a mess, suicidal and had no direction. Twig was the family I never had. Someone loved me for me and I was already abused by the Bible college I had attended. So PFAL made logical sence in comparison to the fundemental non-denomiational hellfire/brimstone garbage I had already experiance. PFAL was the answer to a life of desperation and shame.

The lawyer held up The Way logo and said,"$100.00 a month, who'll make it two, who wants to start the biding for me"? All the outies said in unison we'll make it three, let's kill the stupid Way tree. But low and behold a quiet voice came floating from the back of the room, as quiet as a humming bird sings. The damage is done thanks to LCM and some...God Bless you, Rosile.

I was in the military at Ft. Lee working as a good worker bee to start up a PFAL class. At one of the Area corps meetings I asked AC some questions concerning abortion. Why there were verses that contridicted VPs teachings and eachother? One year prior I challanger the CC of Gunnison about his conduct in how he was handling doubt and honest resolve to the paper on Adultery. He told me I did not have the scope of the word and that I was spiritually immature to see the truth of the matter. I had just completed reading The Gosples as a novel and had a different take on JC. I read about how he handle doubt and never ridiculed nor humilated his disciples publicly. It appeared to me he was never moved by questions. I showed SS verses about confrontation and compassion...he showed me none. RED FLAG! Again my area cordinator said if I have to ask Questions that have already beeb answered by VP, I should not be in a leadership positon and should take the class again. Well, I never went back and he never asked where I was. A month later the letter for loyalty arrived and found its way into the trash. It took me years to get PFAL out of my soul. Leaving PFAL has been tougher.

When I was at H.Q in residence we watched a movie,"Red Dawn" with Patrick Swazey. We were drilled out of bed at 3AM and sent to the top Fl. of the Owens(?) bldg. There was talk of going underground with all PFAL material and stock pilling food . The atmosphere in the room was a sence of urgentcy and commitment. I had to admit that I was amotionally beaten down and just in a daze. Anything that TWI would have suggested I would have followed through on. I was so swept with the drama of it all I figured they knew what was best. I had given up so much of my power and didn't trust my internal compus for direction or right or wrong. I was so wounded I couldn't make an informed decision on my own. Years of emotional abuse in my childhood made me a prime canidate for TWI. So I guess when your that wounded and have no sence of self... well I'm glad today they didn't ask me.