Ron G.

Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered; And when the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread. JACK AND JILL went up the hill To have a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill And now they have a son. SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair Said Simple Simon to the Pie man, "What have you got there?" Said the Pie man unto Simon, "Pies, you dumb bastard!" HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings' horses, And all the kings' men. Had scrambled eggs, For breakfast again. HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock. GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry. And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them too 'cause he was gay. There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad . . She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car.

Garth, Snopes has an agenda and everything they put out is NOT accurate. The quotes, in and of themselves, are the opinions of the individual speaking them, and had little to do with the founding of the nation. I think if you found an HONEST source, you'd find the Patrick Henry quote to be accurate, but looking further, you'd find that Patrick Henry was not only a devout Christian, but a devout anti federalist and opposed the constitutional convention. Washington believed very strongly in a supreme being, but never, as far as I know, endorsed Christianity. Belief in a supreme being is central to Washingtons activities in other endeavours apart from his political or military life, yet it would entwinw through everything he was and everything he did. Harry Truman was also engaged in the "extra curricular" activities that Washington was engaged in as are a few on this very forum. I have to admit, however, that that Truman quote is new to me, but as I recall, the nations founding had been pretty much accomplished by the time Truman came along, so such a quote would have nothing to do with the principles upon which the nation was founded. Belief in a supreme being is central to the founding of our nation in that natural rights MUST come from a higher source than the state. Thus, the Bill of Rights is, in theory, inviolate. This is why the socialist left seeks to destroy God in the public forum. Without God, there are no unalienable rights, and without unalianable rights, there can be no individual liberty leaving the people open to socialist economic and social mechanisms. Unfortunately for the fundie zealots, there is no provision to impose their views on others. Unfortunately for the secular socialist atheist ACLU zealots, there is no prvision for separating men from God.

Lifted Up... Thanks for the quotes! They're appreciated. George... Grant and Lee were both men of great character and integrity. They were doing their duty as they understood it. Garth... Give us ONE example of inaccuracy or mendacity.

The "swap shop" is something, evidently, unique to Arkansas...maybe even just the Ozarks. I, and most everyone I know, listen to it faithfully every morning between 9 and 10:30 AM. It's even played on the radio in most of the local coffee shops and cafes while patrons eat breakfast. A lot of folks come just to drink coffee and listen to the swap shop. I've gotten seeds, calves, poultry, tractor parts, truck parts, my washing machine, a hand well pump, some rabbits, a couple of pistols and a lot of other things I needed, as well as sold livestock and other stuff. The link I provided just shows stuff for sale, trade or giva away and wanted things and lost and found. It excludes the calls about birthdays, anniversaries and other announcements. In case you missed it, click here... SWAP SHOP You just might find something you need!!!

"no, not a in-bred toothless hick" You mean like yankee from New England.

A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."

Happy Birthday, TCat!!! At least Shell told you you were GETTING old. She tells me I AM old. Ya gotta admit...she's honest.

A True Arkansan Here are some ways to know if you're a true Arkansan... 1. You can properly pronounce Ouachita. 2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies. 3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. 4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. 5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks. 6. You see people wear bib overalls at church, funerals and weddings. 7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. 8. You measure distance in minutes. 9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. 10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. 11. You know cow pies are not made of beef. 12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. 13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist. 14. You aren't surprised to find groceries, pharmacy, movie rentals, ammunition, beer, and bait all in the same store. 15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is. 16. You pronounce all words ending in "a" like it ends in "y"....opera = opery, Ozona (womans name) = Zoney 17. You know everything goes better with 'Ranch'. 18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. 19. Your local paper doesn't have classifids because everyone listens to the "Swap Shop" on the radio every morning. 20. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends. Finally: 21. You are 100% Arkie if you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr Pepper."

Garth... I don't think anti abortionists are nearly the threat in any of this that ambulance chasers are. Even if a sleazy lawyer cashes in and attains great wealth by chasing down and catching the juciest ambulance, he's still a sleazy lawyer. At least anti abortionists who blow clinics up get to go to heaven and have 72 virgins with big hair, look like Tammy Faye, and appeared with Pat Robertson on the 700 Club. I think that's how it goes....I keep getting all that stuff mixed up.

Weird Laws From Around the World England .. All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy. England .. Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks England .. It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch when not wearing socks England .. Placing a postage stamp that bears the Queen (or King) upside down is considered treason Chester, England .. You can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight. Scotland .. It is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow. Singapore .. If you are convicted of littering three times, you will have to clean the streets on Sundays with a bib on saying,"I am a litterer." This will then be broadcasted on the local news. South Korea .. Traffic police are required to report all bribes that they receive from motorists Switzerland .. A man may not relieve himself while standing up, after 10 P.M. Australia .. Under Australian Communications Authority (ACA) regulations, a modem can't pick up on the first ring. If it does the, ACA permit for your modem is invalid and there's a $12,000 fine British Columbia, Canada .. It is illegal to kill a sasquatch Alberta, Canada .. If you are released from prison, it is required that you are given a handgun with bullets and a horse, so you can ride out of town. Uxbridge, Canada .. Residents are not allowed to have an Internet connection faster than 56k Beijing, China .. Drivers of power-driven vehicles who stop at pedestrian crossings are liable to a fine of up to five yuan, or a warning. USA .. Chico, California .. Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine Ontario, California .. Roosters may not crow in the city limits. Sterling, Colorado .. Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight. Iowa .. One-armed piano players must perform for free Fort Madison, Iowa .. The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire. Marshalltown, iowa .. Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrant New York .. The penalty for jumping off a building is death New York .. A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket Florida .. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal Florida .. You may not kiss your wife's breasts. Tampa Bay, Florida .. It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M. Kansas .. Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights Kansas .. If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. Wichita, Kansas .. Before proceeding through the interesection of Douglas and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehice and fire three shot gun rounds into the air. New Orleans .. It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it. Maine .. Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack. Massachusetts .. At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches. Massachusetts .. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

Rascal... Have you ever had goats? Cabrito is FINE barbecue! Hogs? Ham is good. They're usually as smart as the dogs and even the children.

Whyizzit??? A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

And a special HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the U.S.M.C. which celebrates its 230th birthday today.

You cross Ol' Pat by voting the wrong way, you can esspec' a kneecapping from his henchman, God. Nice town ya got heyah -- be a shame if sometin' wuz ta happen to it. (aint it fun watchin the fundies and the ACLU trying to out moron each other?)

I've just had the tail of the gator...I don't know about the rest. Here are some menu ideas for you coolchef... Pinto with pintos. Quarterpounder Quarter-Horse. Beer battered Clidesdale. Glazed Paint. Roasted Chesnut. Tennesee BBQ Walker.

Just curious if anybody has ever eaten horsemeat. NPR was talking about the fact that there are three horse slaughterhouses in America, in Texas and another state I can't remember. 65,000 horses per year slaughtered, all for overseas use. Slaughterhouses also owned by foreign sources as well. Guy's NPR commentary kinda centered around 'poor little boo-boo horses being tortured (captive bolt guns) and murdered (captive bolt guns after several misses and finally an effective hit) only to be sent overseas. He was kinda advocating simply letting the horses spend their last days in a pasture until they died. Although horsemeat isn't commonly consumed in this country, I really don't see a reason to get upset about it. Hell, how many meats have you guys here eaten? I've eaten everything from turtle to buffalo to gator to shark to pretty much everything worth eating that's gone down to a bullet. So, my question is, is horsemeat any good, or is it gamey? Any why would there be any weirdness associated with it other than the fact that we don't normally eat it?

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't @*#( with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and .... on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya". To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the $*@! out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the .... out of little kids. Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

My buddy and lodge brother, Charles, has a successful soap making business. http://www.poisonivysoap.com Since I make some deer tallow candles every year for the inevitable power outages we have every winter, I've been thinking of trying to make some citronella candles and trying to sell them with his assistance. I imagine I can get beeswax reasonably from some friends who have hives and put honey up to sell. I also have access to buying a small herd of Angora goats. Since I'm looking to buy some goats, anyway, for other purposes, I could get the angoras if I had a market for the wool. I'd probably sell it at a very modest price, since I mostly want the goats for milk to fatten hogs and keep stuff eaten down. Just a thought.

Are you sure he wasn't standing on a chair, changing his clock?

Those of us who raise livestock know that cattle, hogs, chickens and goats don't have watches and seldom pay attention to clocks...and their caregivers don't either. Like Krys and Tcat said...just pick one or the other and leave it be. It's just one more thing to aggravate us. dammit

Hi Belle and Happy Birthday!!! You're the second person I ever knew whose birthday was Halloween....the other was my dad. Happy Birthday!!!!

It COULD happen! I saw a movie once called "Return of the Living Dead" where a cannister fell off an Army truck and the contents was a gas that got loose in a Kentucky town bringing all the dead back to life. The dead were running around with an insatiable appetite for brains. The Army finally nuked Kentucky to eliminate the threat. The reason I mention this is because the movie began with an announcement that the events depicted were true and it was a true story. The movie said it. I believe it. That settles it. So much for Raf's skepticism.

When I was a little feller growing up in Ft. Worth, Texas, few blacks rode the same busses my family rode. The ones who did sat pretty much where they pleased and a gentleman always gave his seat up for a lady regardless. I do remember some larger stores had "colored" and "white" restrooms and drinking fountains. When I was about 7 or so, I asked my dad why that was. He told me it was so store employees would know which customers could read and which ones couldn't. In the event of emergencies, the signs were pretty much ignored. My mother was nervous around blacks and Mexicans because she grew up in a small northern Wisconsin town full of Scandinavians, and never saw any dark skinned people until she took the train to Texas. This was in her mid twenties. It also made her nervous because when I was a baby, evidently, blacks and Mexicans would continually come to touch my blonde hair. I think they thought it was good luck or something. She didn't mind, too much, but it made her nervous. I remember hearing about Rosa Parks and lots of folks were wondering what the big deal was since Texas was a different world, it seems. Many taxi cab drivers were black and they always rode in the front. Like Sudo...some things we can fathom and some things we can't.