JesseJoe

I saw Scarlet and Kelly weekend before last. We spent the day laughing, reminiscing and talking of the greatness of God. Those two really are quite remarkable. Shelly Aka JesseJoe

Where is the post you are referencing? I would like to check it out. Thanks! Shelly

Paw, reading your post brought tears to my eyes, for many reasons. Smiling, Shelly

I agree wholeheartedly :)

HAP, check out I Kings 19:19-21; then, II Kings 2:8-15 Personally, I think LCM did receive double of what VPW had, only it wasn’t the spirit of the living God. Shelly

Kit, thank you for the encouraging words and prayers. Yes, it is very good to be out of TWI and able to deal with things in a real way. One of the challenges for me after TWI was realizing it is ok to explore, understand, and mourn my past. For years, I pushed, “forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth.” Many of us did, much to our detriment. I realize now, I had been “forgetting” things I hadn’t even processed and that had caused a massive amount of nasty attitudes and anger in my life. It feels good not to be angry. The main case study of the book deals with 20 children in California who where kidnapped while on their school bus and buried alive in 1979. There are other case studies as well, ranging the spectrum. The book goes through the effects of the trauma on the kids as well as those around them. Too Scared to Cry is a very enlightening book. It has helped me considerably. If/when you read it, let me know what you think. I have always respected your opinion and would be very interested in what you have to say. All the best to you and yours, Shelly

I don’t know, dmiller. That sounds WAY too WAY spiritual for me :) Ex, been there done that. And survived. HAP, think of VPW to LCM.

Hey, Bolshevic. Thanks for your post. I appreciate your frankness. Views such as yours always makes me think, reevaluate. You wrote, “Is nobody willing to admit it until they hear one of their peers say it first?” It isn’t about my admitting I was in a cult. It is a matter of me being able accept what happened to me. It is about being able to talk it through with the only people I have ever found that understand. They understand because they were there. It is about validation of feelings and learning I am ok. I left as Leafy and her husband did. I thought I had failed God. I didn’t leave because I thought I was in a Cult. TWI taught us not to question. If something was wrong we were responsible because we weren’t mature enough, we didn’t believe enough, we didn't study enough, we gave our ABS to some one in need and not God's Ministry, we were thinking evil, we were out of fellowship, we were off the word, or any number of other BS things that were pounded into our heads. The sad part is, at the time it made sense and I believed it. Remember? “”””””If you can control your mind, you can control your entire life.”””””” Such BS. GSC allowed me to question. I learned I wasn’t responsible for every “negative” in my life. It is ok to tell it like it is, even when others call it thinking evil. I learned .... happens and no amount of believing is going to change that. I learned so much, most after I started posting, exposing my shame and my guilt. Anyway, thanks. Life isn’t as cut and dry as TWI would have us believe.

Throwing in the towel sounds too much like quitting to me. I can’t see Paw quitting at being who he is; which, in my opinion, is someone who cares deeply about bringing the evils of TWI to light and helping put the hearts of those broken back together. Even if GSC closed, that wouldn’t change. I like the phrase passing the baton better. Although, if this site closes with no baton passing, I can’t imagine another site not popping up to replace it, with a prominent link to the read only GSC, and really good instructions on how to search it :) Shelly

Happy 2009 to you as well, Kit. And to all of you out there! New beginnings And continued journeys With thankfulness, Shelly

Hi, Pond. Paw pretty much said it, “Let me make one thing very clear, this site will never require a poster to use their real name in public or private!!!” Although the issue is closed, I want to give you something else to consider beyond what Mister P has said. When I found WayDale, and continued on to Grease Spot, I can’t tell you the amount of guilt and shame I had. I had failed everything. I had failed God. I had failed people I loved. I had hurt people in vicious verbal ways. I had shunned my family for many, many years. I turned my back on the ones I held most dear, both in and out of TWI. The only thing I felt I could right is string the F____ chairs. I was at the point my heart was a weak as my flesh, and 10,000 times as hard. I don’t know if you can relate to that type of guilt and shame. All I wanted to do was stay hidden. But I wanted answers more than I wanted to hide, so I registered under my dog’s name. Jesse was my strength for a very long time. If I had to use my real name and expose myself, I don’t think I would have ever been able to stand in the light again. I wouldn’t have been strong enough to register under my real name, let alone ask my questions, or comment on others, which was healing as well. Some of my greatest understanding came because of the conflict, some of which I was right in the middle of. (Sorry Paw. I know I was part of the reason for your headaches then.) Even when I wasn't posting, many times the antagonist said what I was thinking. The arguments helped me weed out the garbage in my mind that the Way had put there. Yes, many of us had been out of the Way for years before coming here. I had been out for 11 years, ’88 to ‘99. It took that long to find a place to help me get the Way out of me. Along with the Way, I lost the guilt and shame as well. Just something to think about. Shelly Patton AKA JesseJoe

Too Scared to Cry - How Trauma Affects Children… And Ultimately Us All, by Lenore Kerr, M.D. My mom died early June 2008, four months after my 50th birthday. Soon after her death, I realized I was asking questions about my childhood I hadn’t asked in almost 30 years. Questions I had learned to stop asking, because of the pain they stirred. While involved with TWI, I forgot about the questions I had. I worked very hard forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. For some reason, after my mom died, I remembered and felt free to ask the questions that I realized have always been in the back of my mind somewhere. My family has actually been supportive. In talking to a friend several months back, she suggested I read Too Scared to Cry. As I read, I could see myself on so many of the pages; my parents’ broken marriage, being kidnapped by my father and separated from mother when I was two, never having stability, being molested repeatedly by a cousin when I was 8, the nightmares, sleepwalking, feelings of shame, worthlessness and guilt. I was halfway through the book when, for the first time in my life, I cried for the childhood I never had. It was the beginning of my journey to understand who I am and why I am the way I am. It has been a very healing journey. If any one has read this book, I would be very interested in hearing your thoughts. Shelly

Satori, good to see you. I am glad you haven’t lost your skills as a wordsmith. Although I find your post counterproductive, your way with words is simply amazing. Just like old times :)

The Walls The walls are tight, suffocating Built one experience at a time Reinforced by steel phrases Mortared by insensitive hearts The thickness impenetrable Height overwhelming Seamless, no doors No hope of escape Pressure builds Explosions occur The tongue slashes Bleeding hearts left behind The walls are tight, suffocating Torn down one experience at a time Weakened by tender words Chiseled by caring hearts The thickness permeable Height insignificant Seamless, no doors Hope Pressure released Explosions prevented The tongue controlled Healing heart left behind

Hey Paw. I can tell you what this site has meant to me, personally. Because of you, I was able to explore my losses, my regrets, my mistakes, my beliefs, even my sexuality. You made available an environment where I could expose myself, as I hid. Grease Spot allowed me to speak my truth and be challenged to reconsider my position, or embrace it, whatever the case may be. I am very happy with my life, Paw. The things I learned here, about TWI and myself as I posted, were the catalyst to my freedom. I still have chains. I will always have chains. But those chains are less binding because of you. I remember a similar panic when WayDale closed. It was very hard for the many of us who had come to depend on what we had found there. WayDale did close, and someone else carried on the healing. Paw, someone will always carry on the healing. I have mixed emotions about the Grease Spot forums closing. I haven’t posted in years, but I do lurk. For me, having the forums close will be like losing a friend: in this case, losing a friend to a life of love and companionship. It would be bittersweet. I learned to express my thoughts here, Paw. Thank you. Shelly (((((((((((((excathedra))))))))))))

Linda, I am so happy for you :^) I have no doubt you will have a very Merry Christmas! Just wanted to pop out of retirement and say hi. Paw got me my old user name back. JesseJoe was who I was for a very long time. My healing started as JesseJoe. Did I ever tell you that you were a large part of that healing. I don’t think I ever did. I remember your encouragement and your kindness. You never judged. Even when you spoke out it wasn’t in a harsh condemning way. You helped me see how I wanted to be in my life simply by living yours. You helped me heal. Merry Christmas, Linda Z. All the best to you and yours, Shelly

Too Gray Now, I LOVE that song. When I was young and thought I was unloved and unlovable, that song gave me value. I am an Aquarian, you see. Not a very good one but an Aquarian none-the-less. :(--> :)--> The 5th Dimension can to Wichita Falls, Texas to be part of a Jerry Lewis Telethon and I was there to hear them sing it. I remember thinking that there must be something good about me if there was a song about me. I know, young, naive, OK, stupid. But it sure got me through a difficult time in my life. Thanks for the memory!

Thank you for the confirmation! I will be in Texarkana the end of August and the country sky should make this all the more memorable. It really is pretty awesome. Please do post some photos, Zixar. I?m already looking forward to them. :)-->

Zixar, I received this via email this morning and thought of you. What do ya think? Is it for real? Jesse Never again in your lifetime will the Red Planet be so spectacular! This month and next Earth is catching up with Mars, an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Due to the way Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the last 5,000 years but it may be as long as 60,000 years. The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars comes to within 34,649,589 miles and will be (next to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky. It will attain a magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc seconds wide. At a modest 75-power magnification Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. Mars will be easy to spot. At the beginning of August Mars will rise in the east at 10 p.m. and reach its azimuth at about 3 a.m. By the end of August when the two planets are closest, Mars will rise at nightfall and reach its highest point in the sky at 12:30 a.m. That's pretty convenient when it comes to seeing something that no human has seen in recorded history. So mark your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars grow progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month. Share with your children and grandchildren. No one alive today will ever see this again.

Yes, I read it. OK

Mike, you never did answer my question. Will you answer it now? From JesseJoe to Mike way back when: Jesse

Psalmie, I see you got some computer time. :)--> You brought up an interesting point ? getting a puppy or kitten to young. Some of the behavior information I have read says that between ages of 5 and 8 weeks is one of the most important developmental stages of the animal. That is when they learn from the mom all about being the animals they are. They learn etiquette like bite inhibition and animal body language. I did an informal survey at the dog park asking the problem child?s owner when they got their pet. Interestingly, I learned that most of the dog?s that would lash out without the typical canine posturing or the dogs that played to rough hurting other dog?s, had been raised without the benefit of an older larger dog to teach them this behavior was not ok. Not all of them, but enough to take notice. I imagine cats learn about the ?only one location? by the smells the mother leaves around, Remove the mother and the kitten is left to their own devices, so to speak. Plus there is the whole dominance issue. Who better to teach the young about order than a responsible adult? Psalmie, for what it?s worth, whatever you decide about Kelly, I support you in the decision. BTW, why is it some breeders think that if there is a problem, getting a new animal will make it all better? :(--> Jesse

101 Ways to Wok a Dog :D-->

I really like Avalon. In a Different Light is my favorite CD.

Rottie? There is nothing wrong with not being able to look at something unpleasant. You are not in denial; you know what is there. Some of our best volunteers will not come to the building, ever. They can?t. They don?t want to hear about it. They don?t ask questions. That is how they protect their heart. They know their limits; they accept them and they do what they can. Those of us who have chosen to work at the shelter are no more or less caring then they are. We each decide our roll and do our part. Some people making it better, some people through their ignorance and apathy making it worse. I really admire you. You are neither ignorant nor apathetic. Dot, I had no idea that many animals went through shelters in the Atlanta area! We deal with about 12,000 animals annually, which is down from the 23,000 in the mid-nineties. Our shelter can hold between 400 and 450 at a time. That includes strays, bite cases, cruelty cases, and adoptables. About 140 animals are up for adoption all the time. What is sad is, for example, a few weekends ago we had 50 dogs processed. That meant that fifty cages had to be emptied so they could be filled and it is the adoptables that must give up their space. It is such a sick cycle. I don?t know what we would do with out the rescue groups, like you were involved with Vickles. For every animal taken in by rescue, whether it is all breed rescue or specific breed rescue, that is one less we see. The key is making sure they are spayed/neutered or the problem is perpetuated. No-kill shelters are a big help to our area as well. Although some do .... me off by portraying us as the killers and themselves as the true animal lovers. God, people are so twisted and ignorant. But let them be self-righteous if it saves even one. We have a pet limit in New Orleans. You are limited to four. It was really designed to fight against the dog-fighters and their mass production of pits. Plus, situations like you mentioned, MJ. We have a family down the street from my house that has caused me to fanaticize about a No-pet ordinance! They started bringing their three in at night and my neighborhood is peaceful once again. Not everyone is willing to look for a solution and then it is the responsible pet owners and rescue groups who suffer. Thank you for your replies Vic, Rottie, Dot and MJ. I really see a day when all this madness will end. Thank you for being part of the solution! Now for all you guys who ?feel? for your dog. CUT THEM OFF! You are not going to bleed. You?re not even going to be less of a man! Maybe you can?t see it now, but try it, you?ll see. I guarantee it! ;)--> Jesse