Profound Words

[Tom Strange]

Words to Live By

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[T-Bone]

they're great, Tom - my favorite:16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Edited August 21, 2006 by T-Bone

[Sudo]

Tom,

That one must be making the rounds. I got it today in e-mail. :)

Here's one I got today that gave me a chuckle.....

The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.... Do you want a bed near the window?"

sudo

[Tom Strange]

yeah... and here's another...

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far.

These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends. They had a great time, but after all of the fun, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until  early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that they would wait until after it had been administered and then they would explain to their professor why they had missed it.

They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat  tire. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor agreed that they could make up the final the next day.

The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them each a test booklet.

Each quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought…

Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy.... then they turned the page.

On the second page was written....

For 95 points: Which tire?

[Ductape]

Hope its OK, I plagiarized one for my signature.

Late thanks

[oilfieldmedic]

Here's a couple more

1: Some days your a statue & some days your a pigeon

2: It's te things you learn after you know it all that really matter

btw...this is the silly category, isn't it?

Edited August 24, 2006 by oilfieldmedic