Self doubt, shame, guilt, fear, etc.

[CoolWaters]

Often when people relate how bad twi teachings/demands caused trouble in their lives, somebody says something like, "You had your own mind. Why didn't you think for yourself?"

I've argued and screamed at and ignored and whatever when I've come up against this mentality. All to no avail...the chastiser always bottoms lines it all to blaming me for not using my own mind.

But I did use my own mind.

In my mind, being told I wasn't up to snuff was normal. I had grown up with it. By the time I was 16yo and twi came into my life, it was nothing to accept that kind of treatment from those in twi.

In my mind, sexual perversion was normal. I had grown up with it. By the time twi came into my life it was nothing to accept that kind of activity inside twi.

In my mind, gawd awmighty was a two-timing, backstabbing sonuvabeeyach who raped, beat, lied, and fornicated on a regular basis. I had grown up with that gawd. By the time twi came into my life it was nothing to accept twi's version of that gawd.

I could go on but I won't.

TWI said it had answers for people like me. I wanted those answers because nothing else in my life had worked. It was nothing for twi to take my innocent heart of trust and turn my life into a living hell.

The point here is that I trusted twi. When I gave my trust to twi, twi took that trust and made me pay for it over and over and over again.

I used my own brain...used what I knew...to judge twi's 'wisdom'.

But wtf did I know?

[coolchef]

please do not take this as a slam but you did not have your own mine neither did many of us we were brainwashed but thank god we are fiannaly rinsed out

[polar bear]

My heart goes out to you. We were boxed in, we were taught if you leave the household you are in a wilderness. What crap. You thought you were doing the Word by staying, then you knew a lot of stuff was off the Word, but you thought, where would you go. Then along came Greasespot-(just kidding). God knows our hearts and knows when we've had more than we can handle and provides a way out.

[potato]

seriously, dude. I did wonder where I would go and THERE WAS GREASESPOT!!

I love the internet. and virtual rebel cells.

[dmiller]

[rascal]

Cool, I have to say that we were vulnerable.

Coming from a broken home, with a harried mother who couldn`t take care of us...

The lure of having a NEW family, a family of God. Brothers and sisters to fight for and along side of you in the great spiritual battle...

How noble, How noble to be on a mission for God.

We were needed, we were loved, we were spiritual warriors that were bringing light to the world.

Oh my God how irrisistable to a love starved teenager.

Once in that mind set, twi was the only place to be, no matter how bad it got.

Who would want to go back to being a spiritual *empty* a bump on the log?

For many of us, twi was the first place we ever felt loved or of value.

This was exploited.