Sushi - I know you've been interested in this for quite some time. That is really good stuff! It looks like you've hit a gold mine there! Can you share the web site?
I guess I was a mix of the latter 2. I never brought something to school except one time...I had to bring in a pair of pants for him. It seems that he and 2 friends were cleaning the class goldfish tank - I think it was about 5 gallons. They were not clowning around the teacher said, but somehow the glass broke and all 3 of them got wet. My son only needed new pants, he got off easy. And in the early grades, when the children had their birthday in school, their teachers requested that moms bring in the cupcakes after lunchtime and leave them in the office until they were ready for them. {But that's not hovering)
I think I was sometimes too heavy handed but I did try hard to be a consultant when I could. If what you're listening to is this good - I only did about a 60% "good job". Still, today, I have to brag about my kids; they're both good solid citizens, involved in their communities. One is a stay at home mom, doing a great job at child and husband care. The other has a terrific job, works hard at it but loves what he does. When he comes home...he relaxes and plays with the "toys" he can afford. So far he's a good husband and now he is looking forward to being a father in the not to distant future
Given their personalities, no matter what, they would probably be right where they are now in their lives but if I had the advantage of some of this really good coaching, we all would have had many fewer fights and my blood pressure would have always remained normal - - -well -- almost always.
I haven't listened to all of it, but it's very interesting, Sushi.
My Daddy was definitely a drill sergeant - even over all our friends. Nobody wanted to come to my house if Daddy was home when I was growing up. They were as scared of him as I was.
Mama was a consultant in the truest sense of the definition. She was very fond of saying, "Make it light on yourself, kid." and letting us make our own decisions. She'd be there to help us figure out a way to succeed and carry out whatever we decided, even when she knew we were gonna fall flat on our face. She'd also be there to pick us up, dust us off and set us going toward our next decision.
I think I'd be a combination of the two as a parent 'cause I definitely see drill sergeant 'tendencies' in my nature, but love and respect the parenting style of Mama.
Sushi - this is great stuff and I know you've been impressed with this stuff.
Keep it up - keep pushing. You may not have a child psychology degree...but you know how to handle people and you know about running classes (yeah - I know.....) so you would be really good at this. You would enjoy it and you'd be good at it.
This stuff a-l-m-o-s-t makes me think I'd like another kidlett around here. I did say almost!
I would add two things. 1) when done right, this stuff really works!!!!! and 2) you may find things in some of their examples that you don't agree with - either they don't fit your value system or you feel your child is too young/too old. What we have done is modified their examples to fit our values and circumstances.
For example, I just plain cannnot wrap my mind around the idea of allowing elementary school children to play in their bedrooms as late as they want and then go to school all tired. I'm not convinced they would make the cause and effect connection very quickly and I think it is a horrible thing to put their teachers through - lol. So we use the choice method - Would you like to go to bed now? (usually said about 15 minutes before we want them to go to bed) Or when your show is over/your done with that? (whatever fits) Also, would you like to go to bed with books or without?
Another example is mealtime - I am very opposed to withholding food. However, I have no problem with sending a rude child away from the table and allowing them to come back and eat later, alone, when everyone else is done. Likewise, I have no problem with a child fixing a pbj sandwich, grabbing some yogurt, or some other healthy food, if they don't like what is on the table. The keys for us are, it can't make extra work for the adults,(the child must be responsible for finding and preparing the alternative), and the food has to be healthy.
My apologies, Dooj. My threads seem to have a tendency to crash and burn (which is why I don't start many), therefore, I was getting a little anxious.
Don't worry about the action on the threads Sushi! Just keep throwing them out there... if they stick, they stick... if they don't, throw another up in its place! Some get action and some don't... oh well... if'n you want to post it, post it!
... the action on a thread isn't necessarily indicative of its worth, value or enjoyment factor! ...post on young man!
(I know, I took liberty with the 'young' part there!)
P.S. Is there a charge or donation for this class? If so, do we need to know the P.O. Box? What kind of refreshments are offered?
Strange One - I'll be on your crew! I can make, get, cajole or wiedle refreshments with the best of them, and I don't wash styrofoam cups. We try to get mugs for new students, and the rest bring their own of take styrofoam.
... the action on a thread isn't necessarily indicative of its worth, value or enjoyment factor! ...post on young man!
Well, Mr. Strange, I'm one of those people who needs feedback on what I'm doing. If no one is responding, this tells me there isn't any enjoyment factor on the part of the supposed listeners. If there isn't any enjoyment factor for said listeners, I don't see a reason to put the time in to posting the material.
I can see now why actors, especially comedians, find the film making process so difficult. Since there is no real live audience (other than the crew members), there is not much feedback.
P.S. Is there a charge or donation for this class? If so, do we need to know the P.O. Box? What kind of refreshments are offered?
Yes, there is a charge and a P.O. Box. However, for those who still believe in God, they're going to have to ask Him what they are.
Sushi, I haven't listened to all of this cause I don't have kids and, well, the new season of CSI has started with Survivor coming up as well as NASCAR Season.....
But what to Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants say about Spanking Swingers?
I would say that I am a cross between a Drill Sargent and a Consultant. "You will listen to my choices and you will like it!"
Well, not quite like that. I try to give my boys as many choices as possible. I think that is very important to give them the power of making decisions. Although, when I am not in a good mood or if the day has worn me down, I will start making demands that I want to be listened to and adheared to right now, or consequenses will follow. I must say that those are not the better moments or moments that I am happy about. It does seem, though, that it is like an old habit I fall backon.
I agree with Abi, in that there are certain things I would take issue with. I think we need to eat as a family and that what is on the table is what is for dinner. I think that going to bed at a certain time is important and as Abi said, I don't know that a young child will make the connection that the reason they are a crab and everyone is annoying them is because they didn't get enough sleep last night.
My kids are still young, 1 and 3, and I think there is a lot of be said about schedules. If I let them blow off enough steam, then when it is time for a bath and bed they are ready. Even the one year old knows that at a certain time of night when I undo the gate at the bottom of the stairs that it is time to crawl up them and head for the bathroom and try to take his clothes off for bathtime. He knows that after rincing it is time to get out and that it is time for pjs and then brushing teeth and then nursing and then bed. At young ages kids think in a linear time frame and when you do things consistently they learn what comes next and are ready for it without a fight. It took us a while to figure that out. We still have a hard time with it because we can be and like to be pretty spontaneous sometimes.
We are still learning for sure, and we have some pretty rough days at times. So I would be interested in looking into this stuff. Anything to make the job of being a parent a little easier sounds good to me.
We went over some techniques at a parent night at our daycare. (The boys started about 3 weeks ago.) There were some good tips relayed there. One was using positive words in instructing what not to do. Like if one hits the other you could say to a young child, "we're learning how to use gentle hands arn't we?" and then remind them by showing them. This would be instead of just saying or yelling "NO HITTING" or "DON"T HIT." At a young age, you can really take advantage of giving choices and framing those choices in a way that either one gets what you want done. For example, "Do you want to go upstairs for bathtime by yourself or do you want me to take you upstairs?" You also have to be willing go along with thier choice. So if they want you to take them then you have to take them, but most of the time at 2 - 4 years of age, the kids want to do things themselves.
Another thing that helps, at least at this age of 3ish, is preparing them ahead of time before doing something. So we talk about what we are going to do and what you would like them to do. For example going to the store. We try to talk about it a while berfore hand. Let them know we are going to the store later. Ask them if they want to be your helper and explain to them how helpers act in the store etc.. We talk about things like that several time before we ever actually do it. So, when it comes time to do it they are ready and eager to go and help and act nicely in the store instead of throwing a fit over something simple. Again, spontaneity can get in the way of this one as well.
Also, after doing this consistently for a while then you really have to do what you say you were going to do otherwise, the child may get really upset. Like the other day, we were going to get gas, but I wanted to get a carwash as well. I asked my 3 year old, "hey, do you want to go get a car wash too?" I knew he would because he loves going in those drive through ones. So we went to another gas station that had one. By the time we got there my mind was already on to something else and I forgot to get the carwash. So when I got back in the car and drove off, the boy was really upset....over a carwash. It was probably more like over not doing what he was expecting to do (something he was looking forward to.) In times like those I tend to make him just deal with that fact, but it is always better to do what you say you are going to do, even down to the carwash.
This is becoming another long Lindy post, so I guess I will stop there.
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GarthP2000
Is that site done by our very own Bluzeman?
:)
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Sushi
Why, yes, it is.
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krys
Sushi - I know you've been interested in this for quite some time. That is really good stuff! It looks like you've hit a gold mine there! Can you share the web site?
I guess I was a mix of the latter 2. I never brought something to school except one time...I had to bring in a pair of pants for him. It seems that he and 2 friends were cleaning the class goldfish tank - I think it was about 5 gallons. They were not clowning around the teacher said, but somehow the glass broke and all 3 of them got wet. My son only needed new pants, he got off easy. And in the early grades, when the children had their birthday in school, their teachers requested that moms bring in the cupcakes after lunchtime and leave them in the office until they were ready for them. {But that's not hovering)
I think I was sometimes too heavy handed but I did try hard to be a consultant when I could. If what you're listening to is this good - I only did about a 60% "good job". Still, today, I have to brag about my kids; they're both good solid citizens, involved in their communities. One is a stay at home mom, doing a great job at child and husband care. The other has a terrific job, works hard at it but loves what he does. When he comes home...he relaxes and plays with the "toys" he can afford. So far he's a good husband and now he is looking forward to being a father in the not to distant future
Given their personalities, no matter what, they would probably be right where they are now in their lives but if I had the advantage of some of this really good coaching, we all would have had many fewer fights and my blood pressure would have always remained normal - - -well -- almost always.
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Sushi
Sure, HERE! There is also material geared toward educators, so, anyone who deals with children can benefit.
If there are enough people, I would even run a class for y'all. However, this would mean a heckuva commute for most of you.
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Sushi
Gee, never thought I would hear myself say those words again (run a class).
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Free Soul
Our entire school district uses Love & Logic as the discipline plan.
It's the Helicopter parents who drive us crazy by refusing to allow their kids to be accountable for their poor choices.
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Belle
I haven't listened to all of it, but it's very interesting, Sushi.
My Daddy was definitely a drill sergeant - even over all our friends. Nobody wanted to come to my house if Daddy was home when I was growing up. They were as scared of him as I was.
Mama was a consultant in the truest sense of the definition. She was very fond of saying, "Make it light on yourself, kid." and letting us make our own decisions. She'd be there to help us figure out a way to succeed and carry out whatever we decided, even when she knew we were gonna fall flat on our face. She'd also be there to pick us up, dust us off and set us going toward our next decision.
I think I'd be a combination of the two as a parent 'cause I definitely see drill sergeant 'tendencies' in my nature, but love and respect the parenting style of Mama.
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Sushi
Now that you've gotten a little taste, we'll proceed.
HERE!
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krys
Sushi - this is great stuff and I know you've been impressed with this stuff.
Keep it up - keep pushing. You may not have a child psychology degree...but you know how to handle people and you know about running classes (yeah - I know.....) so you would be really good at this. You would enjoy it and you'd be good at it.
This stuff a-l-m-o-s-t makes me think I'd like another kidlett around here. I did say almost!
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Abigail
oops
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Sushi
Up to now, half of the posts on this thread have been mine.
What I would like to hear is if you're using it, and what the results have been.
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doojable
Sushi, I'm still listening - It'll take some time to think about what I already use and what I would consider implementing. Patience, patience......
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Sushi
My apologies, Dooj. My threads seem to have a tendency to crash and burn (which is why I don't start many), therefore, I was getting a little anxious.
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Abigail
I would add two things. 1) when done right, this stuff really works!!!!! and 2) you may find things in some of their examples that you don't agree with - either they don't fit your value system or you feel your child is too young/too old. What we have done is modified their examples to fit our values and circumstances.
For example, I just plain cannnot wrap my mind around the idea of allowing elementary school children to play in their bedrooms as late as they want and then go to school all tired. I'm not convinced they would make the cause and effect connection very quickly and I think it is a horrible thing to put their teachers through - lol. So we use the choice method - Would you like to go to bed now? (usually said about 15 minutes before we want them to go to bed) Or when your show is over/your done with that? (whatever fits) Also, would you like to go to bed with books or without?
Another example is mealtime - I am very opposed to withholding food. However, I have no problem with sending a rude child away from the table and allowing them to come back and eat later, alone, when everyone else is done. Likewise, I have no problem with a child fixing a pbj sandwich, grabbing some yogurt, or some other healthy food, if they don't like what is on the table. The keys for us are, it can't make extra work for the adults,(the child must be responsible for finding and preparing the alternative), and the food has to be healthy.
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Sushi
Now we'll get into the basic principles as well as common problems with kids.
ENJOY!
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Tom Strange
Don't worry about the action on the threads Sushi! Just keep throwing them out there... if they stick, they stick... if they don't, throw another up in its place! Some get action and some don't... oh well... if'n you want to post it, post it!
... the action on a thread isn't necessarily indicative of its worth, value or enjoyment factor! ...post on young man!
(I know, I took liberty with the 'young' part there!)
P.S. Is there a charge or donation for this class? If so, do we need to know the P.O. Box? What kind of refreshments are offered?
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waterbuffalo
Sushi, I'm very interested in reading this, but haven't been able to get the site to download.
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krys
Strange One - I'll be on your crew! I can make, get, cajole or wiedle refreshments with the best of them, and I don't wash styrofoam cups. We try to get mugs for new students, and the rest bring their own of take styrofoam.
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Sushi
Don't know what the problem is, WB. The audio file downloads just fine here. :(
Perhaps someone with more expertise than myself can help you there.
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Sushi
Well, Mr. Strange, I'm one of those people who needs feedback on what I'm doing. If no one is responding, this tells me there isn't any enjoyment factor on the part of the supposed listeners. If there isn't any enjoyment factor for said listeners, I don't see a reason to put the time in to posting the material.
I can see now why actors, especially comedians, find the film making process so difficult. Since there is no real live audience (other than the crew members), there is not much feedback.
Yes, there is a charge and a P.O. Box. However, for those who still believe in God, they're going to have to ask Him what they are.
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Sushi
bump
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Belle
Sushi, I haven't listened to all of this cause I don't have kids and, well, the new season of CSI has started with Survivor coming up as well as NASCAR Season.....
But what to Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants say about Spanking Swingers?
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Sushi
Well, how about commenting on what you DID hear?
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lindyhopper
Interesting stuff, Sushi.
I would say that I am a cross between a Drill Sargent and a Consultant. "You will listen to my choices and you will like it!"
Well, not quite like that. I try to give my boys as many choices as possible. I think that is very important to give them the power of making decisions. Although, when I am not in a good mood or if the day has worn me down, I will start making demands that I want to be listened to and adheared to right now, or consequenses will follow. I must say that those are not the better moments or moments that I am happy about. It does seem, though, that it is like an old habit I fall backon.
I agree with Abi, in that there are certain things I would take issue with. I think we need to eat as a family and that what is on the table is what is for dinner. I think that going to bed at a certain time is important and as Abi said, I don't know that a young child will make the connection that the reason they are a crab and everyone is annoying them is because they didn't get enough sleep last night.
My kids are still young, 1 and 3, and I think there is a lot of be said about schedules. If I let them blow off enough steam, then when it is time for a bath and bed they are ready. Even the one year old knows that at a certain time of night when I undo the gate at the bottom of the stairs that it is time to crawl up them and head for the bathroom and try to take his clothes off for bathtime. He knows that after rincing it is time to get out and that it is time for pjs and then brushing teeth and then nursing and then bed. At young ages kids think in a linear time frame and when you do things consistently they learn what comes next and are ready for it without a fight. It took us a while to figure that out. We still have a hard time with it because we can be and like to be pretty spontaneous sometimes.
We are still learning for sure, and we have some pretty rough days at times. So I would be interested in looking into this stuff. Anything to make the job of being a parent a little easier sounds good to me.
We went over some techniques at a parent night at our daycare. (The boys started about 3 weeks ago.) There were some good tips relayed there. One was using positive words in instructing what not to do. Like if one hits the other you could say to a young child, "we're learning how to use gentle hands arn't we?" and then remind them by showing them. This would be instead of just saying or yelling "NO HITTING" or "DON"T HIT." At a young age, you can really take advantage of giving choices and framing those choices in a way that either one gets what you want done. For example, "Do you want to go upstairs for bathtime by yourself or do you want me to take you upstairs?" You also have to be willing go along with thier choice. So if they want you to take them then you have to take them, but most of the time at 2 - 4 years of age, the kids want to do things themselves.
Another thing that helps, at least at this age of 3ish, is preparing them ahead of time before doing something. So we talk about what we are going to do and what you would like them to do. For example going to the store. We try to talk about it a while berfore hand. Let them know we are going to the store later. Ask them if they want to be your helper and explain to them how helpers act in the store etc.. We talk about things like that several time before we ever actually do it. So, when it comes time to do it they are ready and eager to go and help and act nicely in the store instead of throwing a fit over something simple. Again, spontaneity can get in the way of this one as well.
Also, after doing this consistently for a while then you really have to do what you say you were going to do otherwise, the child may get really upset. Like the other day, we were going to get gas, but I wanted to get a carwash as well. I asked my 3 year old, "hey, do you want to go get a car wash too?" I knew he would because he loves going in those drive through ones. So we went to another gas station that had one. By the time we got there my mind was already on to something else and I forgot to get the carwash. So when I got back in the car and drove off, the boy was really upset....over a carwash. It was probably more like over not doing what he was expecting to do (something he was looking forward to.) In times like those I tend to make him just deal with that fact, but it is always better to do what you say you are going to do, even down to the carwash.
This is becoming another long Lindy post, so I guess I will stop there.
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