how many times do you see people becoming like their parents even when they don't want to?
could you ever stop acting like you came from the culture you were raised in?
it is possible, yes. difficult, absolutely. you can't erase it, but you can become more like the person you want to be every day. if that weren't true, I would be very different today.
we grow new brain cells every day. how they grow depends on what we do. passive wishing doesn't change the structure of your brain. I saw myself becoming my mother and I changed it. my ideals are very different from hers. the way I treat my children is very different from the way she treated me. it took years and years and years to get her voice out of my head, but I did it.
and the soul thing... people use it differently here, depending on how they believe. forget twi and their doctrines and think about whether "soul" or "self" are valid expressions for what you want to say. since I'm now a spiritual agnostic, I use them more or less interchangeably and twi can suck it if they don't like it.
i am spending too much time thinking about this place and the issues it raises for me, so i'm going to back off for awhile and find other things to do.
he, I find that there isn't much that doesn't trigger some twi memeory/attitude/"mental convulsion". twi is a bit of a constant with its tentacles on everything.
it is possible, yes. difficult, absolutely. you can't erase it, but you can become more like the person you want to be every day. if that weren't true, I would be very different today.
we grow new brain cells every day. how they grow depends on what we do. passive wishing doesn't change the structure of your brain. I saw myself becoming my mother and I changed it. my ideals are very different from hers. the way I treat my children is very different from the way she treated me. it took years and years and years to get her voice out of my head, but I did it.
well that's the other part, who should I be? Am I supposed to drive myself to be something? Should I be concerned with it?
If we can become "anything", what's a "true self"? Wouldn't that be something that could change all the time? Couldn't that something I just think I have control over/make the decisions?
well that's the other part, who should I be? Am I supposed to drive myself to be something? Should I be concerned with it?
If we can become "anything", what's a "true self"? Wouldn't that be something that could change all the time? Couldn't that something I just think I have control over/make the decisions?
ha, if we could become anything, I would be a competent theoretical mathematician, but alas, I don't think brain elasticity stretches that far.
no, you shouldn't drive yourself to be something. maybe that's my point: be less afraid of what you don't want to be, and more interested in what interests you until you figure out who you actually are. pay attention to your moods, get to know yourself.
I recently had an incident where someone verbally attacked me for expressing a concern, and called me a narcissist, and selfish. talk about cult flashback - and this was someone who is supposed to love me and be supportive. I think they didn't realize that their emotional demand that I think like they do was not only unreasonable, but a horrible emotional trigger. the big difference between now and my response to such things while in twi is that I was able to (even during a crying fit that lasted over an hour, because it really hurt) take stock of my mental processes that led to my concern and realize that the other person simply failed to recognize that I put some thought into it and it wasn't a selfish snap decision. they made the mistake, not me... because instead of assuming why I felt a certain way, they could have asked. big difference between judging and understanding. two years ago I would simply have changed my thinking to match theirs. today I can assess whether what I think is valid on its own terms, or whether the other person is pointing something out that I didn't take into consideration. it's still not EASY, but it's a lot EASIER.
i am spending too much time thinking about this place and the issues it raises for me, so i'm going to back off for awhile and find other things to do.
Dear Brainfixed,
Take care, and do what you need to do.
I hope that we get to hear from you again when these things have settled a little more for you.
how this topic took a turn is nice and i like it very much, with everybody putting their thoughts out here and everybody else expressing their perspective about those thoughts, and i like it very much because it is good coversation to me. i really like how people can disagree without fighting and how even though people might disagree they see where we also agree and then we can see a clear path to communication, which is what conversation is for in the end or otherwise it would just be babbling and nothing would be understood i think.
on the subjects of "true self" and "soul" i think that there is no one definition of these things or no one way to look at these things or no one way to find these things because these things are only for the person themselves to define, perceive and find these things as they see and feel right for themselves, so there's no "universal" self or soul to define or discuss. for me what i mean when i talk about these things is that i have learned to look into my own thoughts and feelings and perceptions to see if what i think and feel and want and don't want and all is from my deepest heart of identity or from what others expect from me or trained into me or demanded from me regardless of how i thought i should be. and how do i know if my own thoughts and feelings and perceptions are not just more of the behavior modifications of my lifetime? because i have my own personal experiences of the world now and i can draw from those things regardless of the training of my lifetime, and yes it is hard and it is very time consuming and it is draining alot of the time, but the more i do it the better i get at doing it so it takes less time and effort until i think that someday i will be true to myself as a natural way of being instead of something i have to stop and do. i sure do know that it slows life down quite a bit and at first i was very frustrated with it all because i felt life was going by me without my participation, but now that i am getting used to i have learned that nothing short of a life an death emergency needs an instant or quick action or reaction, so i feel that i am bordering on getting wisdom, which is something i really like alot and i feel like i am living my life for me and not for everybody else, which is a long long way from where i first started this process, and it's a good long long way for me.
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Tzaia
I know. There were times when I emotionally wanted to do what some of you were doing - it seemed like such a good way to serve the Lord. Then I looked at the reality - people "equipped" by the organiz
Tzaia
TWI was a haven for abusers and the abused. For the abused, TWI's dynamic was a source of comfort. For the abuser, TWI provided an outlet. TWI placed a high value on conformity and being in the corp
Bolshevik
there it is agian :blink:
potato
it is possible, yes. difficult, absolutely. you can't erase it, but you can become more like the person you want to be every day. if that weren't true, I would be very different today.
we grow new brain cells every day. how they grow depends on what we do. passive wishing doesn't change the structure of your brain. I saw myself becoming my mother and I changed it. my ideals are very different from hers. the way I treat my children is very different from the way she treated me. it took years and years and years to get her voice out of my head, but I did it.
and the soul thing... people use it differently here, depending on how they believe. forget twi and their doctrines and think about whether "soul" or "self" are valid expressions for what you want to say. since I'm now a spiritual agnostic, I use them more or less interchangeably and twi can suck it if they don't like it.
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Bolshevik
he, I find that there isn't much that doesn't trigger some twi memeory/attitude/"mental convulsion". twi is a bit of a constant with its tentacles on everything.
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Bolshevik
well that's the other part, who should I be? Am I supposed to drive myself to be something? Should I be concerned with it?
If we can become "anything", what's a "true self"? Wouldn't that be something that could change all the time? Couldn't that something I just think I have control over/make the decisions?
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potato
ha, if we could become anything, I would be a competent theoretical mathematician, but alas, I don't think brain elasticity stretches that far.
no, you shouldn't drive yourself to be something. maybe that's my point: be less afraid of what you don't want to be, and more interested in what interests you until you figure out who you actually are. pay attention to your moods, get to know yourself.
I recently had an incident where someone verbally attacked me for expressing a concern, and called me a narcissist, and selfish. talk about cult flashback - and this was someone who is supposed to love me and be supportive. I think they didn't realize that their emotional demand that I think like they do was not only unreasonable, but a horrible emotional trigger. the big difference between now and my response to such things while in twi is that I was able to (even during a crying fit that lasted over an hour, because it really hurt) take stock of my mental processes that led to my concern and realize that the other person simply failed to recognize that I put some thought into it and it wasn't a selfish snap decision. they made the mistake, not me... because instead of assuming why I felt a certain way, they could have asked. big difference between judging and understanding. two years ago I would simply have changed my thinking to match theirs. today I can assess whether what I think is valid on its own terms, or whether the other person is pointing something out that I didn't take into consideration. it's still not EASY, but it's a lot EASIER.
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JeffSjo
Dear Brainfixed,
Take care, and do what you need to do.
I hope that we get to hear from you again when these things have settled a little more for you.
JEFF
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brainfixed
how this topic took a turn is nice and i like it very much, with everybody putting their thoughts out here and everybody else expressing their perspective about those thoughts, and i like it very much because it is good coversation to me. i really like how people can disagree without fighting and how even though people might disagree they see where we also agree and then we can see a clear path to communication, which is what conversation is for in the end or otherwise it would just be babbling and nothing would be understood i think.
on the subjects of "true self" and "soul" i think that there is no one definition of these things or no one way to look at these things or no one way to find these things because these things are only for the person themselves to define, perceive and find these things as they see and feel right for themselves, so there's no "universal" self or soul to define or discuss. for me what i mean when i talk about these things is that i have learned to look into my own thoughts and feelings and perceptions to see if what i think and feel and want and don't want and all is from my deepest heart of identity or from what others expect from me or trained into me or demanded from me regardless of how i thought i should be. and how do i know if my own thoughts and feelings and perceptions are not just more of the behavior modifications of my lifetime? because i have my own personal experiences of the world now and i can draw from those things regardless of the training of my lifetime, and yes it is hard and it is very time consuming and it is draining alot of the time, but the more i do it the better i get at doing it so it takes less time and effort until i think that someday i will be true to myself as a natural way of being instead of something i have to stop and do. i sure do know that it slows life down quite a bit and at first i was very frustrated with it all because i felt life was going by me without my participation, but now that i am getting used to i have learned that nothing short of a life an death emergency needs an instant or quick action or reaction, so i feel that i am bordering on getting wisdom, which is something i really like alot and i feel like i am living my life for me and not for everybody else, which is a long long way from where i first started this process, and it's a good long long way for me.
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