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The joke is on TWI


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What if TWI wrote the welcome aboard message for the Titanic:

Dear valued guest, you are about to embark on the greatest ©ruse ever conceived! Our philosophy is that you should enjoy an exciting voyage on our own terms. Our ship is equipped with every amenity and option and by far is exceedingly abundantly redundant especially in the option category (i.e. same option stated several different ways). We believe the greatest cargoes come to us over quiet seas – so please keep it on the down low how much you've actually paid to be on this ©ruse.

Whether this is your first ©ruse ever or the first time with our ©ruse line our goal is to provide a memorable fun filled experience for all; you may even find yourself wanting to shout "I'm king of the world" from the prow of the boat. Just remember the captain is really the king on this boat…so technically all the women on the boat belong to him.

When it comes to our guests – our safety and security is priority one! When we leave Reality Harbor please remember to always wear your nametag. This way if we have a safety or security issue with you we are able to call you out specifically and not distract everyone else who is getting along just fine with the onboard programs.

If you should experience any discomfort or minor inconvenience with your cabin - such as flooding, going topsy turvy, etc. – remember the five senses can be deceiving and that a little positive affirmation can go a long way when working through such small problems. If a shipwide catastrophic event should occur it is best to maintain absolute faith in the captain's talent for pulling a nautical miracle out of his stern; unbelievers may inhibit the captain's ability to do so – in which case they should be thrown overboard immediately. Only unbelief can sink this ship – and possibly an iceberg if it's no longer being held in abeyance.

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What if TWI wrote the sworn statement oath

Do you abundantly swear on a stack of PFAL books

To tell the truth behind the facts

The whole truth behind the facts for this administration

Or this day and time and hour

Whichever comes first

So help you vp

May his statue not rust in pieces

(edited for hilarity)

Edited by T-Bone
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What if certain people were teleported into TWI...

I think therefore I am…out of here

What Rene Descartes said during session 6 of PFAL


One if by land, two if by sea…but on a jet my drink limit is three.

Paul Revere in-residence ways corps flying home for Ho Ho Relo


I have not yet begun to fight.

What John Paul Jones wrote in his journal about the mounting tension in his W.O.W. family.


8 6 7 5 3 0 9

What Tommy and the Tu-tones (the groundskeeper crew at Headquarters) estimated they could earn collectively in the next 13 years if TWI would actually pay them.


I can't get no satisfaction.

What Mick Jagger said after taking the PFAL class for the umpteenth time.


Don't go around tonight

Well it's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise

What John Fogerty said to a corps sister after seeing something nasty in the motor coach.


Frankly my dear I don't give a damn.

Rhett Butler's reply to the lady with the cornucopia who said god wouldn't spit in his direction.


Give me liberty or give me death.

Patrick Henry's resignation from the way corps.


Et tu, GeerHead.

What Julius Caesar said after the passing of the patriarch was read.


Ask not what PFAL can do for you; ask what you can do for PFAL.

JFK ( MC at PFAL '77)


It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Charles Dickens at the Rock, comparing his girlfriend's schedule working the Breakfast Tent to his midnight shift on Bless Patrol.


(revised for one more)

Edited by T-Bone
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