I took all their crap, but I remember my brain still worked and I would think my own thoughts but didn't believe my own thoughts.
Now that I look back on it, I realize my own "retorts" in my head were perfectly justifiable and reasonable reactions. Wish I'd said them outloud but didn't, due to my false belief that the reprover must know more than me, was more spiritual, etc etc.
An example comes to mind: This 6th corps woman I was a waittress with was reproving me (for like the zillionth time?) and during the reproof she said, "You should stand up for yourself more when you're reproved." And I'm thinking, "Yeah, but then you'd say I'm not meek."
It was like those Mad Magazine things where the person responds with one thing and there's another bubble with the smart-foot thing they really want to say.
quote:when John or I were reproved (mostly by Bub Moneyhands), we would nod in agreement and do whatever we wanted to anyway.
I think the quicker people get to that stage of handling reproof, the stronger they are to cope with the recovery and the quicker they are to get out.
Your stages of handling reproof are sooo familiar. It’s a very good definition you’ve explained. From taking it personally to combating it mentally to just plain ignoring it. Very insightful. Thank you!
quote:Generally, I melted pretty easily. It really didn't take much more than a cross look in my direction for me to start questioning what I had done wrong.
These are people the really vicious leaders would pick on. They seemed to get pleasure out of really beating up people with very tender hearts. Grrrrr It really gripes my a$$. I’m glad you started standing up for yourself.
quote:I got to the point where I didn't share much about my life so it made it tough for them to say anything.
I did that too and tried to get my ex to do it. He’d talk about “running something by” so and so. I’d ask why. Hadn’t we already made a decision about that? “Yeah, but I just want to run it by him.”
I found that the less they knew about us the less they had to attack. Eventually, I quit sharing things with my ex because I knew it would get me in trouble with him for not “renewing my mind” or it would get passed on to someone else.
quote:When I first went on Staff, it was during the worst part of Puke Martinfail's reign. Just a stroll down the hallway was sure to get you reproof of some kind. It was like people were hiding in the hall to find some way to reprove you.
And we thought that was normal or were too scared to say or do anything about it. *shakes head* I don’t know why we allowed people to treat us like that. Every little fight back was empowering like you with the guy & his magazine. I think it’s those little steps that helped us get to the point where we just weren’t going to take it anymore and to realize that WE were right after all.
quote: I stood there with glassy eyed remorse...believing that I was a loathsome failure and that this God chosen leader was trying to help my sorry arse... If I could go back in time...I'd punch him in the mouth so hard that he would have to drop his pants to chew his food...no more church with you boy....
Isn’t it all the more infuriating to realize we were just being played by some bullies who were really probably most miserable and taking it out on us?
quote:But still, I took it for years. Hanging my head. Saying all the right things. Knowing in my heart I was right and they were wrong. Not saying anything about it to my spouse because I knew he wouldn't back me up.
That’s the worst, imo. Realizing that I couldn’t REALLY share my heart with my husband or he’d turn me in and that he would choose a group of people over me was earthshattering. It broke my heart every time he would agree with me and then refuse to stand up to them. I still ache for him, knowing that he is all alone and the only people in his life will fake loving him only as long as he keeps jumping through their hoops.
quote:The only good thing I can say is that during my final two confrontations I was totally in control and it ticked them off royally.
It’s all about control, isn’t it? They want to control our lives, our time, our money and even our thoughts. They don’t know how to handle not being in control and that’s why they kick people out when they start taking control of their lives back from them.
quote: They don’t know how to handle not being in control and that’s why they kick people out when they start taking control of their lives back from them.
It seems like they just sat around thinking up different things they didn’t like about us and how they could use that for another reproof session.
They actually did. It was called twig coordinators' meetings. The little Nazi twig coordinators would report to the head Nazis about who said what and to who and who did or didn't do what. They sat around and talked about people.
I know, because I would say things to my room-mates, one of whom was a TC and next thing I knew my BL is confronting me about the EVIL THINGS I said. (which in the real world that normal people live in wouldn't even be thought twice about)
One time I had a date with a guy. Well, he invites this other chick to go with us. So I tell my room-mate after this "date" that I thought it was kind of dumb for this guy to invite this other chick when we were supposed to be on a "date." Next thing I know, my BL is confronting me because HOW DARE I say such a thing? Like it was so selfish and unspiritual of me.
And that always led into his litany about how I was "poisoning the branch."
It was none of his damn business, now that I think of it.
I think that Paul N. got out after the LOYality letter thing...
While in the military, i was "encouraged" to wear my class "A" uniform at big meetings. Which I didn't mind (it saved me from buying a suit). The leaderdang liked to have the military folks stand & be recognized. At the time, I thought was neat. Looking back, I feel that we were being used. By have military there, they must have thought that we gave them some degree of credibility. Much like politicians like to use the military now...
It seemed that most BL, LC, & RC didn't want to mess with us to much. We were there "window dressing", and we were/are leaders in our own right. The people in the military know how to follow orders. But, we are also taught to think for ourselves. I think the twit leaderdang knew that they could only push the folks in the military so far.
To this day, nobody has gotten "in my face" more than the DI's at Fort Leonard Wood when I took Basic Training back in 79. (back then, the DI's were Vietnam combat VET's).
I should also mention, during my wow year, we were supposed to be military outreach wow's. I was the only one in my "wow family" that had any connection with/to the military.
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outandabout
I took all their crap, but I remember my brain still worked and I would think my own thoughts but didn't believe my own thoughts.
Now that I look back on it, I realize my own "retorts" in my head were perfectly justifiable and reasonable reactions. Wish I'd said them outloud but didn't, due to my false belief that the reprover must know more than me, was more spiritual, etc etc.
An example comes to mind: This 6th corps woman I was a waittress with was reproving me (for like the zillionth time?) and during the reproof she said, "You should stand up for yourself more when you're reproved." And I'm thinking, "Yeah, but then you'd say I'm not meek."
It was like those Mad Magazine things where the person responds with one thing and there's another bubble with the smart-foot thing they really want to say.
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outandabout
It seems like they just sat around thinking up different things they didn’t like about us and how they could use that for another reproof session.
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Hope R.
I think the quicker people get to that stage of handling reproof, the stronger they are to cope with the recovery and the quicker they are to get out.
Your stages of handling reproof are sooo familiar. It’s a very good definition you’ve explained. From taking it personally to combating it mentally to just plain ignoring it. Very insightful. Thank you!
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tonto
These are people the really vicious leaders would pick on. They seemed to get pleasure out of really beating up people with very tender hearts. Grrrrr
It really gripes my a$$. I’m glad you started standing up for yourself.
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JustThinking
I did that too and tried to get my ex to do it. He’d talk about “running something by” so and so. I’d ask why. Hadn’t we already made a decision about that? “Yeah, but I just want to run it by him.”
I found that the less they knew about us the less they had to attack. Eventually, I quit sharing things with my ex because I knew it would get me in trouble with him for not “renewing my mind” or it would get passed on to someone else.
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Wayfer Not!
And we thought that was normal or were too scared to say or do anything about it. *shakes head* I don’t know why we allowed people to treat us like that. Every little fight back was empowering like you with the guy & his magazine. I think it’s those little steps that helped us get to the point where we just weren’t going to take it anymore and to realize that WE were right after all.
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UncleHairy
Isn’t it all the more infuriating to realize we were just being played by some bullies who were really probably most miserable and taking it out on us?
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Oakspear
I relate ALL TOO WELL to that one! And the problems we already had were because of TWI to begin with.
--> That 20/20 hindsight’s a kicker.
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WordWolf
Priceless!
:D-->
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TheHighWay
That’s the worst, imo. Realizing that I couldn’t REALLY share my heart with my husband or he’d turn me in and that he would choose a group of people over me was earthshattering. It broke my heart every time he would agree with me and then refuse to stand up to them. I still ache for him, knowing that he is all alone and the only people in his life will fake loving him only as long as he keeps jumping through their hoops.
It’s all about control, isn’t it? They want to control our lives, our time, our money and even our thoughts. They don’t know how to handle not being in control and that’s why they kick people out when they start taking control of their lives back from them.
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A la prochaine
Ma Belle,
Wonderfully stated!!!
Work of art!
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outandabout
They actually did. It was called twig coordinators' meetings. The little Nazi twig coordinators would report to the head Nazis about who said what and to who and who did or didn't do what. They sat around and talked about people.
I know, because I would say things to my room-mates, one of whom was a TC and next thing I knew my BL is confronting me about the EVIL THINGS I said. (which in the real world that normal people live in wouldn't even be thought twice about)
One time I had a date with a guy. Well, he invites this other chick to go with us. So I tell my room-mate after this "date" that I thought it was kind of dumb for this guy to invite this other chick when we were supposed to be on a "date." Next thing I know, my BL is confronting me because HOW DARE I say such a thing? Like it was so selfish and unspiritual of me.
And that always led into his litany about how I was "poisoning the branch."
It was none of his damn business, now that I think of it.
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Zshot
JT,
I think that Paul N. got out after the LOYality letter thing...
While in the military, i was "encouraged" to wear my class "A" uniform at big meetings. Which I didn't mind (it saved me from buying a suit). The leaderdang liked to have the military folks stand & be recognized. At the time, I thought was neat. Looking back, I feel that we were being used. By have military there, they must have thought that we gave them some degree of credibility. Much like politicians like to use the military now...
It seemed that most BL, LC, & RC didn't want to mess with us to much. We were there "window dressing", and we were/are leaders in our own right. The people in the military know how to follow orders. But, we are also taught to think for ourselves. I think the twit leaderdang knew that they could only push the folks in the military so far.
To this day, nobody has gotten "in my face" more than the DI's at Fort Leonard Wood when I took Basic Training back in 79. (back then, the DI's were Vietnam combat VET's).
I should also mention, during my wow year, we were supposed to be military outreach wow's. I was the only one in my "wow family" that had any connection with/to the military.
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