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Reading this thread reminded me of something from a movie I saw recently. The movie is "Inception" – a sci-fi thriller about a guy who usually steals intellectual property from the mind of someone who is sleeping. Although the big twist in this story is that he is contracted to plant an idea in someone's head – an idea the person thinks is his own and that will influence him to make a major business decision. This could probably get into all sorts of categories how TWI deceived, manipulated & motivated folks – but on this thread I thought of how from my earliest involvement with them, so many ideas were planted in my head – insidious seeds – that would effectively choke out a normal thought process. What I mistook for a blossoming garden of spiritual growth was actually overgrown weeds that obscured the perception of reality. Jumping at any class that became "available" in my area, being excited to go door-to-door witnessing, putting my share of moolah in the cornucopia, all earned me the praise from others of how fast I am growing in "the Word". From the get go, I had the idea that anything TWI offered would put me on the fast track to spiritual growth & fulfillment. That's why I went WOW and then went in the Corps.. . There was only one way to go in this ministry and that's up. …uhm more precisely, climbing the hierarchy of spiritual status. Oh, that's moving up alright – further up the corporate a$ $. But my head was telling me "Look how long I've been in TWI; how much I'm responsible for; how I've been around the man of God; how much I've worked PFAL; how much I've changed." Ugh! Looking back .. . I mean way back – a brief scanning of when I took the class, my years as a cult-gear, the year I left up to now – in many ways is a weird nebulous feeling – similar to what I get sometimes when I feel an ache or stiffness from age and think "Where did my youth go? I still feel like a kid – though now trapped inside the body of an old man." So I wonder – did I learn anything? Have I grown spiritually? Reason tells me I must have – but maybe it's some humbling human safeguard of the brain that tells me I don't know much about anything – so I need to pay attention and be on guard during this journey. Also makes me think how in the he11 did I make it this far? Sorry for rambling here.. .haven't posted in a long time and I know I tend to stray from topics.. .but another thing about this illusion of spiritual growth that I see – is the stark contrast of how we judge growth and change – while we were in TWI compared to how we think now. I think back on all the "deliverance" stories I heard in the ministry. They all sound alike. [speaking of Deliverance – I saw a T-Shirt at a canoe rental place in Gunnison "Paddle faster I hear banjos" – hmmm, that sort of fits here doesn't it?]. The common denominator in ministry deliverance stories is always the same standard – all things TWI is what's good for ya! Everyone thinks alike, homogenized personalities, canned experiences, standardized growth charts – all are a product of the PFAL factory – one of the world's most misleading producers of the Stepford Christians. BUT – here at Grease Spot I have seen such a broad spectrum of perspectives, unique experiences & savvy thought processes by folks who have left Victorville. In an effort to squelch other implanted ideas I'd just like to say that Howdy Doody never took the class and Mickey Mouse is not born of the seed of the serpent.