Leaderboard

I was looking for God. I met a WOW. He was really knowledgeable in the scriptures, and on fire for God. I met some interim Corps and they seemed to have a glow about them and they seemed vibrant with life. I felt pressured by the WOW (who himself was being pressured by the interim Corps) to take PFAL, which raised a lot of red flags for me. I became disenchanted by the non-WOW people I met after the WOWs had moved on. Not very caring, as I couldn't attend regularly because I lived in another town a long way away so they thought I was just a time-waster and not really interested. Still, I wasn't impressed by any churches and their seemingly wishy-washy message. The fog years started (not that I knew that at the time). Chris Geer came to Gartmore and started his reign of terror. I found some graduated Corps who were unhappy with (and hurt by) the leadership but were wonderful people to be around. I hung out with them for a while. They helped me a lot. Things were getting worse. I prayed and miraculously was offered a job in another country and I moved to be with a tremendously tight-knit bunch of believers. Then, I stopped by at HQ for the first time ever. I got talked into entering the WC training. That was when things really started to go wrong. I was always in trouble. Well, all the in-rez Corps was. Bullied. Threatened. Worked long days. Not enough sleep. Too much to do, always. Study hall was good, but interrupted twice a week by going out to chop wood. The constant fear of being thrown out. I'd given up a high-paying well respected profession to enter the WC - expecting to be going back into the profession to spread the word within it. Still, it was "God first" and I gave it my all, nothing half-hearted with me. Yep. I drank the Kool-Aid in abundance. Huh, that profession - and all other training - was belittled all the time I was in rez, and it became known that we weren't expected to return to our previous professions or employment types. I was belittled, constantly. There were some very weird things that happened, weird in an unpleasant way. Mostly, it was a big yell-fest. I had a WoW year. When I graduated, the area and twig that I had built up from nothing was given to someone else (male), who had been unsuccessful in his WoW year, and he immediately ran off practically everyone my family had won; the area folded. I got kicked out of the WC (at the same time, losing my engagement to another Corps person) and all the last few believers (ex-WoWs) moved out back to the city they'd come from. I was left with no-one, no support, nothing. I had no self-esteem, no inner reserves, no confidence, nothing. No thing at all. Abandoned in a foreign country and too terrified to move to another city or even back to my home country. No friends in the new country; all my family and friendships in my home country in tatters. Why? You might find this hard to believe, but the Corps Night teachings were heavy-duty indoctrination sessions about the greatness of TWI, no-one else knowing the Word, and the dangerous unreliability of mainstream Christians. I was terrified of other devil-possessed Christians. I was suspicious of everyone. I was significantly depressed, horrible, spiky, aggressive to people, and near suicidal. I would stand in front of my closet and burst into tears at the effort of choosing what clothes to wear. I burst into tears at most things, actually. My weight dropped by about 40lb; I looked so gaunt. Really, I have no idea how I functioned at all. My WoW boss had kept me on and she was a real rock. She didn't understand the inner turmoil, but her own marriage had broken down quite recently and she understood some of the pain I suffered. I spent ten years in that ultra miserable state. The Lost Years, I call them. I cannot really remember what I did. Just vague things that only occasionally fit together. Somehow, after some years, I moved back to my home country. I was still desperately miserable and depressed. I can't begin to explain to you how dark those years were. I knew I needed to get back to God. To the greatness of God's Word blah blah. I was ready to crawl over broken glass back to TWI. I needed to write the most grovelly letter ever and send to them. I looked them up on the net; needed the zip code. The google search redirected to Grease Spot Cafe. I was appalled by the horrendous stories I read (with horrified fascination) about this wonderful ministry that I'd let down so badly and disgraced myself (and God) with. But the more I read these horrifying stories on GSC, the more I saw the truth, there was a ring of truth, and I realised that how I'd been treated had been systematic abuse and psychological manipulation aimed at breaking me (and many others), but not, if you like, personal to me because I was such a rat-dang individual - just part of the pattern of abuse, especially of females. The scales fell from my eyes. My healing started. Today, I am an active member of two churches, both of which have a laid-back feel to them. I thought I was kind and compassionate before; hah, nothing to what I am now. I'm involved with poor and disadvantaged people. I recognise signs of abuse and can help people move on. I can recognise God's loving kindness and demonstrate that to other people. I am safely held in God's hands and rely completely on him. I learned a lot of stuff in study hall - all I remember is what I "taught myself" through careful study. I don't remember much of TWI teachings. I have never been able to resume my profession after so very long out of it. I am significantly financially disadvantaged. However, I have (after years of fear and worry about being "out of God's protection") bought a little house - which God directed me to - and I have a mortgage till I'm 74. I am too old or too out of touch to be employed in this economic climate, and after many years of applying and being rejected, I've set up as self-employed. It's me making the best of a bad job (as the saying goes) and I earned enough (not much more than minimum wage) to meet my very frugal needs, and to give a little to others who have a little less. My client base is erratic and I don't know from one week to the next what work I'll have, but I pray about it and out of the blue I get a phone call for someone who needs my help. I have no pension entitlements. I don't read the Bible much. I do hang out with mature Christians and discuss the workings of God's love with them. Some people consider me wise; others think I have somewhat strange ideas; one person called me an apostle; others think I'm a compassionate pastor; most think I am enthusiastic (perhaps too much so) to share God's love with others. I am very careful what I accept of teachings/ sharings/ Bible studies. I learned some very bad language which I try hard not to use and now rarely slip on. I learned some very hateful behavior, again which I try hard not to use. I learned some very hateful attitudes towards some groups of people, which I have overcome since I was never wholly convinced about these attitudes in the first place. I have repaired my severely fractured relationships with my family and with some pre-Way friends. I have never married and my long-desired children will never be born, I'm past child-bearing age now. I mourn their absence. Would I do the same again? I would seek after God. But I would listen to my wiser friends and family who weren't impressed by TWI's teachings. I wouldn't wish the misery I endured at the hands of TWI on anyone. I would wish the closeness experienced within some twigs, on every group of Christians. I can't change the past. I can only draw from it to enhance my future, and perhaps help others with their futures. I wouldn't have wished to be where I am now. I feel there is a lot that I could have done to help others, that has been stolen from me and stolen from God. I have learned to be happy with my lot. Godliness with contentment is great gain. I know God loves me and will never never leave or forsake or abandon me. Despite my many failures and weaknesses, in which He delights because He can "show off" and help me through. So, MRAP. Does that answer your question? Yes, it changed my life. For good? For bad?