Shellon

Perhaps. Poor Phil

LINK

Thanks mstar

Punxatawney Phil -------> Crockpot

I've thought about this issue since the thread began and my thoughts have been all over the place in terms of my children, our family, etc. and the parts that some days feel broken as a result of TWI.

A year after my husband died, I left TWI, which meant I was taking my daughters, then 16 and 3, away from their paternal family, who were all in TWI. I knew what my girls would be missing out on in terms of grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins and the decision wasn't an easy one.

For nine years, we heard nothing from them, as expected, and since then there have been a smattering of contact events but nothing that could be considered improving the situation or healthy for the girls.

The disconnect is painful some times and really ok other times; depending if it's a birthday, holiday or event that I regret is being missed by their dad's family.

It's been a long process of reconciliation and quite a maze of decisions as their mom.

So, in answer to the original question, no, my kids are not still involved. I am most thankful for our communication process that affords them information on why I made the choices I did, actually for them, but the cost has been high.

I'd do it again the same way if presented with the same circumstances.

Yes, newlife, I have vivid memories of all that stuff and, in fact, still carry some of it, which pizzes me off some times. Last night I was fixing my fave cup of tea and it occured to me that I didn't even drink the kinds of tea I liked while in TWI. Whatever some leadership person said was the best kind, we made our best kind; that's some silly shi+ if ya ask me and ya did.

The first time I wasted two days in a row lounging around reading some "devilish" books and leaving all the chores just because I wanted a couple of mental health days, it felt very strange and like I would probably get busted.

Most of the time I think I'm past things like this and then some reminder smacks me in the heart. The first time both my parents and my step dad all pulled into my driveway at the same time scared hell outa me. It was a total fluke; they just all happened to be driving in the same area and one saw the other pull in and so forth; nothing to do with coming to confront me about nuttin honey. But the emotions if brought were a huge wake up call to me that I still carry this crap.

They stole many important things from us, didn't they? Some stuff can not be recovered and no one can make restitution for them; we just have to figure out where we can live with it and keep going.........sigh.

http://outofmymouthontothepage.blogspot.com/2010/01/if-i-were-you.html

Flame on

Congratulations and please do not assume how anyone might feel. This is America and we get to choose who we love, who we are an item with and no one else's opinion should matter.

Love comes along so very rarely, go with it, enjoy each other, have some fun, love each other.

I certainly don't wish to take from your announcement thread by reminding you of things you already know, but seriously, don't give a fig what another thinks about your lives; you've both been there, done that and have some really crappy tshirt to prove it. This life is way too short to worry about that crap. Rather, tell us the good stuff, share your lives as you might wish, let us congratulate you!

Congratulations !

What did I say that was mean? I certainly did not intend to sound mean, but perhaps rather comforting. I simply meant that it takes time to heal. It has and does still for me.

WG

Not crazy about speaking for excathedra, but I think she was speaking of the 'get a life' comment that was given to Jeff

I need to add one more possibility to the above list of possibilities....

#4 They embark on a campaign of seeking to aquire friends and allies here at GSC in order to manipulate folks into look down at me as they do and spread their poison in peoples' views to the point where everybody considers me the bad guy.

Now for me, I do not believe that me considering this possibility is based on paranoia, but on simple recollection of how they operate behind the scenes. Like the proverbial poison serpent, they function at their very best when they get you before you ever see them coming. And like the rattlesnake, their warning is a fearsome sound but I know that they only operate in such a hidden and nasty way because like the rattlesnake, they are rightly afraid of being stepped on.

Personally, I'd prefer them to have such an open and honest manner of behavior that they need not be afraid of the honest and bold people in the world; who do not need to hide their poisonous nature in such an aggressive and damaging manner as they really, really do.

_______________________________

Thank you very much my love, WG, and Twinky!

It is very good for me to hear your feedback because to me they all resonate with a soundness and a compassion that seems to be missing from my former aquaintances that are at present still more entangled in RRF doctrine and practices than I am. And I earnestly hope that your words resonate in their ears more than mine seem to have, as they seem to have relegated me to only be looked down upon and insulted for the time being.

You're welcome ~!

One of the most valuable things I took from TWI and still apply, I hope, is how NOT to treat people and I learned to understand that I can do more good if I meet people where THEY are, not where I wish they'd hurry up and get to.

If those from RFR never learn compassion, kindness, patience (something I know you're strong in) and learn the basics of human behavior as to engaging another for hoped for results, then I fear they shall just remain ignorant, blind, accusatory, ugly hearted. What a shame and loss to their lives, not to mention those that they might otherwise have benefited if not for their stupidity.

Here at GSC, I believe the majority of us get that, if simply because we use two brain cells together; we've been there and have a few ugly tshirts as our grand prizes. That they refuse to fire any synapse to the end of a whole thought isn't your fault.

As a contributor to our little family around here, you get the benefit of friendships and like minded others who don't wish for you to be hurt or in pain or lose any more please.

We support each other here; that aint a difficult concept, even for silly people. I don't want to invite them to cause you more and/or further crap, but you're made it crystal clear you prefer straight out, straight up truth as opposed to slinking around behind huge dirty rocks, peeking at you with heavy laden bloodshot eyes.

Ew

I've bolded my responses under yours, I hope it communicates

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#1 Since they have no real good answer for my points they unfortunately decide to slip back out of the limelight and keep the twisted, cruel, and manipulative things of Barnard's manner to themselves without ever really realizing how much of their reality is pure kaka.

Michael Stipe said "Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious...". That one makes me think of groupthink, Stockholm Syndrome where the victims begin to relate to and even assist their captor, quite for their own survival, The Genovese Syndrome where others will stand around, even silent, and do nothing about the horror around them and the old stand by 'head up their donkey's Syndrome'.

#3 They attack with their probably painful version of my life seeing as it is undoubtedly filled with at at least half-truths and even genuine faults of mine but sooner or later it will become evident that I was not even close to being as worthy of their own condemnation as the man that led them into condemning me.

I suppose that's a risk you have to take, Jeff, or at least have proven here that you are willing to risk. Remember another quote by George Bernard Shaw, who said The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.". So, they're lying and secret keeping and manipulations are pretty telling in that they might well not believe even their own kaka, much less others'. Helluva way to live a life and to have to deal with their own emotions that, while they tried to destroy you, and came quite close, you remain to confront and insist on their realization of your truth. And if they never respond, if they are, indeed, the troll paw suggested it's out there and they can not deny that.

If I was a betting man I'd bet they will take the route that is cowardly yet allows them to think they are all that.

And you, fortunately, never have to eat their shi + sandwiches again, served with their filthy hands.

Thanks Shellon...It HAS been a worthwhile journey...You did so much for me when I first left the ministry and I was like hanging by a thread....it was you that God brought into my life and for quite some time it was you in the chat room that kept me on the journey and I'll always be grateful for you!!!

I'm glad we were both in the right place at the right times for what needed to be said and done.

You tied a knot and hung on; that's not a small deal !

That statement "get a life" is really a silly one. Of course the the person to whom it's addressed has a life, otherwise, what, they're dead. Duh. I do understand that it implies 'get over it' and all that bloody foolishness too.

Hell, people that land on those things must not have much production in their lives too or they'd have exercised the organ that lies dormant in their skull to be a little more creative. Talk about needing some life.

Why people think those cliche's work just never makes good sense to me.

It's another way of saying something like "I don't want to address your life, I don't want to consider that you have had pains and struggles, I don't want to accept that I might have to actually converse, think, breath, do anything other than my own shi t"

Excuse for not saying anything but blowing out their hole.

Another one of those 'is that the best you've got?'

sheesh, how lame.

I offer to them, whomever they are, and yes, even if it were a silly teenage girl and maybe more so if it were a grown man; shut the hell up, take a look in the shiny thing on the wall and ask yourself some simple and basic questions.

Get a life, indeed. sheeeeesh

.......Now, after being out for 23 years, my life is the best it's ever been...but it has taken a lot to get to this point.

It hasn't been an easy journey, but It's been a worthwhile one.

Love that! And you have been the one to do the hardest work, I'm proud of you ~!

I guess I struggle with this one. I just can't give TWI that much credit in my life. I liken this one to blaming the one who "got me in the word" which is the one in the mirror.

I made choices, I did what I did for reasons that are finally clear to me and I blame no one else.

My husband died while we were in TWI but I can't even blame them; he had a horrible heart disease that he could have known about if he'd gone for check ups, etc. and I believe he'd have had the heart attack he did, regardless of their silly and foolish instructions.

I can't blame Ford Motor Company if I run over a nail and my tire blows out either.

I don't know........I just can't blame it on them, I try, have tried. It's part of my story, I get that; they'll always be part of my story, but I chose, I decided.

Maybe all of our dynamics are unique and there's so much more to why things happened. I certainly hold TWI a smidge accountable for some things, like trashing my husband's name after he died, holding him up as an example; they did that of their own choice.

My life is in a place not necessarily because of TWI but because of the choices I made to stay with them.

Having said all that, I know that it's not the case for everyone, just me and it's something I think about a lot and question all of this stuff.

you're kinda funny.

doingjustfinethankyou, I see you've come to the battle of wits unarmed.

Welcome to Greasespot Cafe doingjustfinethankyou

Your post here reminds me of the "every and never" words again. I don't see where Jeff blames others for every bad thing in his life. Every bad thing? Sometimes when someone expects others to take accountability for their actions that altered our life other say "you chose to be there, why blame them". That is an excuse, again, so that the one excusing doesn't have to interact, consider, converse or, perhaps, help.

Read what he's said, he lost his wife ! His marriage ! Why would he not want someone to have some sort of accountability for that massive loss in his life? Could he have walked away and given up and not fought for his wife and marriage and their son? Sure he could have and likely saved himself a helluvalot of grief and torment, but it seems to me he's got more integrity and scrap in him than that.

Then he'd be accused of "allowing it to happen" or some other silliness. He took vows with a woman he loved and they bore a son; that's not a small deal and he had every right to not accept the loss of either. I believe that blame is a good thing; maybe it's the word we don't like: blame. Call it whatever works, but he has the right to understand and put the spotlight on those that harmed, hurt, wracked and ruined his, and it seems many others', lives. And by all accounts continue to do so.

Why not? Wouldn't you? Would you lie down and watch your family be ripped out from under your heart and just say "ho hum, whatever"? I hope not.

These forums are tricky in that we can't know a whole lot about a person unless we hang here quite a bit and get a feel for their words, ideas, watch for consistency, and listen with our reading, as it were.

So much for my introduction to you; I do welcome you here. And add that this is the My Story section of this forum; of course implying that it's that person's story. Unless you or I or anyone has actually lived a part of the writers life, we can't possibly refute or contradict or argue with their telling, can we?

Jeff has been given the freedom, here, to tell his story and he's done so with the information he's got, in fact looking for discussion and exchange, but not to be confused with argument of his facts.

I'd bet if you told one of your life's stories here, you attempt to do so with the assurance that it's your story and therefore you hold the copyright to it, by default, 'cuz it's yours; who's to argue with you.

Am I to assume by your 'get your facts straight' comment that you are familiar with Jeff and his story? Then, by all means, share as he's invited.

Again, when we write out a story in a forum such as this, we do have to practice some form of edit for the sake of time, the readers attention span and our own other obligations. I'm 50 years old and if I were to tell EVERY fact of my story, there would be much snoring; it's just too long.

I know, you would suggest that he "tell the story he's told here" with his facts straight. I would again say 'how do you know'.

Get a life. Why is that the quickest retort available; seems like one of those "get over it" excuses, rather than actually giving someone the courtesy of your time and consideration to his story.

Get spellcheck. Read his posts and you'll see how often he edits for "spelling and clarity". Again, isn't it rather unkind to make such a comment as "get spellcheck". Perhaps you are an Editor by trade and spelling errors pizz you off. Understandable but still not neighborly to point out anothers' errors.

I add again, we don't really know each other here, save for a small handful of those that have met, or have been hanging here and elsewhere before Greasespot, so we only have each other's written words with which to get aquainted. We have to exercise patience and kindness.

If someone chooses to tell their story around here, it's not how they do it, it's that they do it. That, as I understand it, is the purpose of this part of the forum.

Get to know us, wander around and see that we're not perfect, there are not a whole lot of judgement calls in this part of the forum. Alot of Greasespot Cafe, in my opinion, is telling what happened, with the eye toward finding the places our experiences fit in our life so that we can live with them and not err on the same side again OR telling what happened so as to perhaps assist another in not having it happen to them.

One voice can carry a long way towards healing if that's what is needed, understanding which is always helpful and clarity as needed.

Regardless, it's his story, my story and you have one; tell us.

http://sowersonline.com/default.aspx">S.O.W.E.R.S.

If you can look past the pictures of the dude dressed in a cow costume on his hands and knees or tied to a tree limb, you can find a couple of contact numbers on their site.

I also PM'd you Doug's private email, as well.

Thank you for your prayers. My dad's surgery was yesterday and while they only did half of what they'd planned due to too much on his body at once, after they got started, he's home and resting and doing well.

My mom's was this morning and she's home as well.

Even though I've read this elsewhere before you shared with us here, this one just kills me, still and maybe always........

"my peer"

Jeff Sjo in the whole time you have posted on GSC you have never once taken responsibility for your own problems but have played the poor me card and blamed others. I'd say until you face the t"#2' mom"of yourself that you have no business trying to fix anyone else. You've allowed bitterness to eat away at you so long I question your ability to have a truly spiritual thought.

This arrogance reminds me why I don't like the words 'always' and 'never' when we speak to others or refer to ourselves. He says you've "never once.." and my question to him would be how he could possibly know that.

And therein also lies his assumption that you want to "fix anyone else".

How could he possibly know your motive or intent if he won't participate in some form of communication exchange.

He paints you with a terribly wide brush, if ya ask me.

Maybe he can go the cowards journey and run back a few times, as witnessed in the exchange you have put here, hollar a few ill placed accusations and ASSumptions then run again, but I think we already know that it's sneaky and fearful and such a pizzpoor way of dealing with uncomfortable situations.

I've been looking for another place to use the word douchenozzle and I think it fits here.

(edited cuz the cussing thing would not let me say urine)

Samantha, my daughter, is out of surgery, recovering well. Today's showed a requirement for further surgery, but for now........she's ok.

Thanks for prayers.

My dad has been diagnosed with Peripheral Artery Disease in both of his legs. It's a welcome diagnosis, actually, since he's had pain and the problems that come with it for a very long time.

The problem, really, for myself and my brothers has been getting him to DO something about it. Weds, Jan 13, he's having surgery to clear artery's in both legs as well as an artery leading to one of his Kidney's.

My mom is having eye surgery on Thur Jan 14; the details of which I'm not exactly clear on, but it's minimally invasive and done as an outpatient, problems of significant nature not expected at this point.

Finally, my daughter, Samantha, is having a gynecological surgery performed tomorrow Jan 12, as well.

Pray for all of us, will ya?

I think, over the last days, I've figured out what I mean more clearly.

I'm their mother, I need to get to choose what of my life or certainly the life of their deceased father they hear.

Understandably, I can not nor would I ever want to keep them in some protective bubble; my children are realists, not by choice and they've been told the truth as it pertains to them individually and the given situation since they could understand the language of love and truth.

When someone else makes the choice for me, for them, to divulge things, that's when I'm piXsed off as a mama.

One of my baby's is almost 28 years old and living on her own, so of course I have no "control" over her information; don't want to. But I'm still her mama and I still want to protect her and certainly the memory of her dead father where and when I can.

The realist in each of them was taught by me and the reality is that I can't control it and it makes me mad.

Alot of what I wrote in My Story here I had to tell them first; I had no problem with that and there wasn't alot of new information for them.

I just want to choose what I tell them about me or the man they knew as daddy who can't defend himself. That's really it.

Roy, I dig that you are putting some of your story here, keep it comin' will ya?

The best part is that it's YOUR story and no one can tell it like you; the best.

In our house we pray for you every day.

Shellon

How do we decide when to tell someone that we love a truth that we know is going to do some damage to them? Are some secrets better left there? Yes.

Who the he!! are we to decide something like "I know this is going to hurt and hurt alot but I've decided you need to know it". There is something inherently twisted in that logic, if logical at all.

I'm a mother of two amazing young women and I would, literally, give my own life if it meant they got to live theirs. We do that as parents, or at least we say we would, while silently hoping that choice is never given us.

Emotionally it's the same way and it's tough to communicate isn't it? If my children can be spared some ugliness, I'd no sooner expose them to it on purpose than I would expose them to a weapon "so they can know what happens". If I accidently shoot myself in the foot, would I draw my kids to me and say 'look, girls this is how it happened and I'm gonna teach you something here, don't ever do........THIS' and shoot the other foot just to draw home my lesson to them?

How freakin' dare I impose my life's pains on others just so they can know the truth and hope like he!! it sets them free.

It's a combination of dances that the steps to are never clear. When in this life do we draw the line on speaking the truth "in love" and shutting the .... up so spare the heart and mind of someone we love?

Who decides this shi+, is what I want to know. I'm usually the first one to say "tell them, are you kidding me, they have to know". I'm changing that to "don't listen to me and you do what is right for YOU". Especially ! ! and mostly if I have no idea of the particular situation I'm giving such sage advice on.

Maybe they don't, maybe it's not my decision as to what you tell those you love, maybe it's ok to let the people we care about have happy thoughts and dreams about the people they love. Not maybe, but yes.

I'm not so crazy about truth if it hurts people I love.

Thanks for compliments, Ron; I'm glad that you and others have found the story to be many different things, that was my hope as well as getting it out of my own head as a cathartic tool, perhaps.

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The reason(s) I've not been published a long time ago are as varied as the story itself, like any of us; it's a painful process when it's ones own truth and not just a "story". It's about my daughters, it's about a man who can't defend himself, it's about people who walked in and out of my life in the process of some painful times and others who will never leave it, even if I'd prefer them to.

It's about some of those people who I can't just walk away from, it's about toxic relationships and secrets that should never be told, no matter how others think it's good to.

I want to decide what truth should be told about MY life and when and where. That is the good stuff about writing the book or publishing it. If I never ever ever! publish anything, but only write it for my own therapy, that should be enough; either way I get to decide.

It took 10 years to even write the story here where I have relative safety and counsel if needed. It's a painful journey that I'd rather not own.

Congratulations !