Shellon

You will find the right ending to this.

Thank you and yes, I think I will.

Hi coupcake, nice to see you!

My dad's surgery on the first leg is today not the 16th. The other leg will be done in April.

He and his wife start a country wide journey in june, so it's hoped he'll be ready for that adventure.

Glad he's better, sorry you're fighting it. Prayers continue ! !

My dad's surgery is scheduled for March 16 for one leg, April for other leg and I am so glad they're doing it one at a time given his body's reaction to kidney stent procedure. He and his wife leave in June for a year long "walk about" all over the country, so he should be good for wandering around.

Samantha has mostly recovered from her Hysterectomy and is back to light duty at the Salon and full duty at second job; still no heavy lifting, the hormone replacement hasn't offered much relief yet, but she's hopeful, mostly.

Kelly's hypoglycemia still isn't diagnosed, but it is severe if she doesn't maintain her diet as to proteins and carbs, stay hydrated very well and keep her stress down; very difficult when you're 14 years old but she (we) are working on it.

I wanted her to see an Endochronologist, but wasn't given the referral since she's not diagnosed with anything. So.......if her episodes return, we'll start over. In the mean time my biggest issues are relaxing when she's not where I can see her, her keeping up with her glucose numbers and adapting diet and life accordingly and re-thinking our life.

It's good.

Awesome 10,000 posts ! hahahaha that rocks.

What does he win? A toaster? Hape4me has some really amazing appliances that are, actually, very valuable.

Maybe he'll part with one as your award.

Award, no award, we're glad you're here.

Thank you, what a treat to see you here.

Will be praying for that sweet little one of yours too!

And today I'm struck more than in a very long time with how very alone it is to parent after a spouse has died. I have decisions to make regarding my child, very important ones that will shape her future, maybe, and I have to do them without the bounce of the other person.

Pay the bills. Alone

Mess up the plumbing by thinking it can be done without a professional. Alone

Decide what car to buy, is it the best buy. Alone

Deal with teachers, school boards, bully's. Alone

Take on major decisions that might very well alter our lives. Alone

Death of loved ones. No one but me.

Our oldest child's high school graduation. Yup, just me

Our youngest's first day of school. Ditto

Our oldest's drug problem. Solo

Our youngest's current health issue. I'm it

our oldest's recent hospitalization, almost bleeding to death and then her surgery after. uhhuh you guessed it.

Life

Alone

Samantha is a stylist and has sorely missed working. Today she returns to work part time, light duty. Her second job as a hostess she's been doing, if too soon. She's been placed on Hormone Replacement Therapy meds and figuring that out. Menopause at 28, God Bless Her.

She developed Pneumonia and the coughing caused some residual troubles with her stitches and added pain, but that's on the mend too.

Oh and she quit smoking during her recovery from all this.

My dad is getting the procedures done on his legs; one this month, the other next month to alleviate too much stress on his body at one time; I'm thankful for his doctors suggesting that.

Kelly is doing ok, struggling some days with the added responsibility of having to monitor her sugar, eat differently, keep stress lower, rest better. She's never been a sweets person, but sometimes she'd like a big 'ol bowl of ice cream or hunk of cake. She can have it just not the 'big 'ol' part.

Since Samantha has had reproductive problems since about age 17 and had most of her cervix removed due to cancerous cells a few years ago, I'm glad she's gotten this done. No more grand babies from her, but she was not going to give me any more of those little sweeties anyway. No more pain for her, I hope, no more dealing with the ravages of what birth control can do to a woman's body.

as my favorite Box says "Life, she's good, no?"

Yes, my babies are doing ok and we get another day to laugh together, to fight over mother daughter stuff, to remember, to enjoy.

And to remember to enjoy.

Imagine, if you can, the ability to crush a person. Take her will to live. Remove all joy from her life until she's a hollow shell of a human being whose only thought is "Dear, God. Why haven't you killed me yet?"

That might be the best way to describe losing my husband and trying to understand where a f'ing religious organization might have played a part, where the man was his own enemy, where I "missed it", where the he!! we go from there and seriously looking at my kids and knowing that I have to get up, I have to breath, especially breath out.

The human spirit is a fragile thing.

A friend of mine on the phone last evening said "I wish my man would die like yours; it has to be easier than this bullshi+ I'm living with now. My answer was for her to look in the faces of her children as they lay sleeping and ask herself some serious questions.

I am a strong woman, I am a fierce scrapper and I'm still very pizsed off but my babies needed their mama, my babies needed some solid something, my babies needed to know that even though daddy was dead, mama was not going to die too.

It's a daily thing when you're that low and breathing isn't always the better choice. I didn't want to consider that my breathing was only contigent on my man being alive, but when one speaks vows to another, at least for me, I was serious; I meant every word and I fully joined my heart with his so what was I to do with this half of a heart now.

It sure didn't beat in any pattern that was compatible with life.

I keep trying to find an end to this story and there just doesn't seem to be one. This morning as I watched my 14 year old walk from my car to her school, I remembered her at 23 months old when daddy died. She had no idea what was going on, she played, she sang to herself, she stuffed strawberries up her nose while I was on the phone with a Coroner deciding the disposal of her fathers remains. Now she's this amazing, beautiful, hysterical teenager and I decided that's what this life is about, we're ok, we're strong and most days are really really good.

Before becoming a widow at 36 years old, I only knew aged widows, you know, grandma. There aren't a lot of resources for young widows and people didn't really know what to do with me, how to speak to me, what direction to place their eyeballs when I was in front of them, what to say.

Sadness, pity, sorrow, fear, confusion, awkward, unsteady, scared, speechless. Those are descriptions of how others behaved with "her and those two daughters".

I felt if I stopped putting them in such uncomfortable situations that I could help them. So I stayed home. There's not much call for a single woman at weddings and somehow worse if she's a young widow. The tables at functions are mostly set for an even number of diners; couples. I was even uncomfortable at funerals ! 'cuz my presence somehow drew from that widow or widower into "oh, you must be in such pain being here". I often felt like I'd worn white to a wedding and distracted from the bride.

Life is so odd.

To me, any time you find genuine friendship, love, it's a gift.

Amen

One example probably shouldn't set the stage for all. Any relationship takes an incredible amount of work, maintenance, communication and willingness to hang in there to do all that.

Having something in common from the beginning isn't a bad thing, even while it does have the potential to make things tougher, it can also have the potential to provide a good base. It's up to the couple.

I might see where Martindale hooking up with a gal who had only had PFAL could cause massive strife, I get that part of your points.

But like any relationship, twi related or not, both have to be 100% aware of the others' "issues" (I'm sick of that word) and deal. There is also the added good of some hearty discussions at the supper table sharing memories of all that stuff. "Remember the time Wierwille said _____ "and some great and necessary laughter to follow or perhaps some healing from being able to have someone that gets it. That's pretty valuable and easier in perhaps another dynamic where the other person just can't relate.

I don't think it's as simple as putting on ones dance card "if you were ever in a cult, I won't do the two step with ya".

Love doesn't come around very often and why not take it if it does, if both are ready for love and willing to do what it takes? And we can't judge a couple from one experience, as well, I don't think.

Hopefully if a couple are rockin it like they're "supposed" to, it's not about twi or any other such prior involvements, but rather about the two of them figuring it out privately and personally and if they do choose to offer something more public, it's done with an amount of tact and respect to each other, before the community with which they share.

Communication.

I remember the brownies Ron grew on his mountain.

.... all we can worry about is our own selves and not try and figure out why stuff happens the way it does and just try to not be the cause of it happening.

For me in my life, my personality, I have to figure it out; it's who I am. That way I can, I hope, understand why, where, when I found myself there to be available to their rape, abuse, control, emotional battering and hopefully, as I said in the first post "learn something".

And God forbid if I'm ever the cause of it happening to anyone else. But yeah, first myself.

I have to understand things, I just do. It's not always pretty, it's often reliving the shi+, but once I do, it's better and the chances of do overs are rare, if ever.

............ it doesn't matter if the abuser is "just" a verbal abuser or if the abuser is a pedophile or if the abuser is a cult leader or if the abuser is a wife beater or if the abuser is a murderer or if the abuser is a rapist or if the abuser is an arsonist or if the abuser is a burglar or whatever. the bottom line is they are thinking ONLY of themselves and what THEY want. so it has NOTHING to do with who/what they choose to perpetrate against. and sickness and misfortune are the same way. $h1t happens because that is what $h1t does.

Yes, Brainfixed, I'd agree; they don't care. And in an organization like The Way International, they had/have every manner of pedophile, rapist, batterer, abuser, arsonist, burgler and whatever, allegedly. (gotta add the allegedly, ick).

And indeed the victimizer will often take any victim s/he can get so long as they get their fix of whatever it is they fixate on or need. For anyone victimized by them, I hope it offeres some solace or comfort that they were NOT at fault, they didn't do anything to attract the attack or the abuse.

Stinks of the rape victim that is raped again in court cuz they were wearing something "wrong" doesn't it?

We do not have to own that which is not ours.

This story takes some twists and turns as I follow a new path of what I hope is self discovery. It's not without pains and, finally, the release of tears, the acceptance of what is mine and what I can give to others. A lot of admitting that I did the best I could, my husband did his best, our children have much to be proud of and it's going to be alright.

Someday.

I have to believe that this will eventually prove to be a good thing and I'll see my way out the other end stronger and better.

I'm mostly happy and proud to announce a book being written telling the story of how two people wandered into an abusive, manipulative, oppresive religious organization and only one of them made it out and what it cost. And what it still costs today, every day.

I've been considering that price recently and it's been mostly brutal and painful as I look at the heart and realize (or admit) that.

The support of a few who hang in there no matter how rough the road gets or how many times they have to hear the story has been priceless and there will never be thanks proper.

With tears I can only say that it's not been on purpose that I journey that trail, but of necessity, for life, to get to the place of understanding that continued breath is the right thing. God knows I'd rather do something else.

My 14 year old, who didn't know I was listening : "It's been almost 13 years daddy"

Oh Amazing, Amazing Grace

Thank you for suggestions, Rejoice; they're appreciated.

Kelly is doing quite well and after some prescription/insurance dances, she's on what we hope will help her stomach.

I still want her to see an Endocrinologist but have to play the referral game with docs and insurance before that can happen; soon I hope.

Bottom line is that she's been wonderful, trying new things and figuring it out. I think it's going to be a life long issue that she has to manage and I have total belief in her ability to do so.

Samantha is recovering fine enough from her Hysterectomy but now has Pneumonia.

It's been a ride for this mama........................prayers must be helping, thank you.

I guess that's my point. If someone falls off a 10 story building, The Way would offer that if s/he was paying attention to God, s/he would have seen the dumb edge of the building. Never mind that they have eyeballs in their heads, right?

The illogic is so much the point too, isn't it?

My argument today is that if someone falls off the building, I have to wonder what Way Leadership told them it was ok to stand so close to that edge.

lol no, that's my youngest daughter; she's 14 now.

Yeah, she used to say "this is America, I have rights" when I was scolding her about something.......hahaha, I'd forgotten about that.

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I've spend much time lately thinking about the standards of The Way International and their one liners that were coined for whatever reason, no reason at all or using The Bible as their excuse and the sheer DAMAGE caused and still rippling in lives.

My daughters and my grand daughter teach me so much more than I ever might them, actually, as I but listen and really hear what they say. My grandpa said "listen to old people and kids, they'll both tell you the truth". So true huh?

I'm blessed, I'm thankful, I'm learning and understanding more and more daily as I deal with this stuff and take it on; painful and no. I'm at a really fantastic place of gleaning from those who truly seek to enrich my life, add to it's emotional well being and consider my value.

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=mBL8vop4Cb0

My dad used to ask me, when I was in some trouble with him and at the end of his lecture "Shellon, did you learn anything?" I learned to anticipate that question and depending on what my current infraction was and the azs chewing that came with it, I'd prepare my answer accordingly to get out of there the quickest.

Where did you let the Adversary in? My theory, plan, idea or stategy that had never let me down with my dad never worked for that one. I mostly always knew to expect it, but it never made sense to me and I never knew at which point in the current infraction I had done such a horrid thing as let the devil into my lives, my marriage, the lives of my children.

I always learned something though!

If something was amiss in my marriage, who the he!! knew when it started; all I knew was that it was current and we were in some deep fecal matter, shouldn't that really be the point at the time?

If one of my children was sick, for me to spend time in my memory, which was very sharp then, going over and over things, places, actions, people, etc and blah and geeze.....to figure out where I opened the door for the adversary to try to kill my baby, was 1) a time waster when I really needed to be taking care of my child 2) silly and 3) still a time waster.

When I couldn't seem to conceive our second child, surely I'd allowed the devil in somewhere, one day, somehow. My answer was the wrong one: why was this all my fault?

I don't recommend that, by the way. Like holding of breath; not recommended.

The story of my husband dying and TWI blaming the dead man and then turning their accusations and questions onto me seemed to fall into all of the "where did you let the adversary in' and then spilled over into every other thing. How about something like he had a rotten organ beating in his chest that he didn't take care of and it failed as expected. What did he learn? Nothing. What did I learn? That it wasn't the devil, it was a man who was an adult and had the free will to do whatever he wanted in regards to his health; his wife nagging him notwithstanding. I refuse to accept fault for that and I also refuse to give the devil due for it.

If my life is in the toilet, yes, maybe I did "fail" somewhere, maybe I did miss a beat when I was marching to a different one, maybe I ought to accept responsibility for what I did, didn't do, should have done, could have done, maybe it serves well to answer "did you learn anything?"

I eventually do get to those realities and painful truths. I just prefer to consider things like the human body isn't always cranking along as it should or we would like it to. If I lose a job, maybe it's because the job suckedasshugely; nothing to do with the devil. If one of my kids is ill, maybe they simply got sneezed on at school and caught the most recent crud.

I understand and remember TWI's other lecture of "not only did you let the adversary in, you locked the door on God". Black/White/The End.

I sure don't miss giving the adversary, the devil, lucifer, call it whatcha want, they did, so much credit for what's going on in my life and the lives of my kids.

My almost 5 year old grand daughter was telling me a story about some kids throwing sand on her head, taunting her with words of "Tell the teacher, Cry, Go ahead you baby" and after we talked about it a little bit she said "Nama I know they are just meany poopheads, I iggynore them"

I think I get it.

Oh yeah, and I also believe that we human beings have no idea of what we are really capable toward our better good until our feet are in the fire, the gun is pointed at our head or it's the final hour.

Then I believe we rise above the bullshi+, we stand up a little taller and we stop being afraid.

This is applicable whether it's our lives, our marriages, a cult or other organization or what's in that annoying mirror.

Doc appt today was mostly a closure thing. Every test says there is nothing wrong with our girl, save for acid reflux, which will be treated with med and observed.

The other more alarming symptoms are controlled so long as Kelly maintains a healthy diet as treating Hypoglycemic episodes and she's doing well there.

So, we're done with tests unless it all returns and perhaps with your prayers it won't.

Thank you

Samantha is 2 weeks past her Hysterectomy and healing very well; caught a really bad upper resp. something, but is already resting alot, so beyond the frustration....she's alot better, will be back to work full time in 2 weeks and has already returned to her second job. Her fiance has taken fantastic care of her; I'm so proud of him.

Again, thanks for prayers; things are looking up for our girls.

Ok, I'll take a stab at it. What I believe........

I believe in the general goodness of people when all the circumstances are lined up in the right directions.

I also believe people lie and manipulate if it serves their cause and they'll do so without a shred of remorse or even concern.

Since this is a site About The Way I believe that The Way was a good idea in the Weirwille's basement with a few fellars sitting around the fireplace yaking about the Bible and it got sorely out of hand in a manner too fast for anyone to try to or want to stop.

I believe the children should respect and revere their parents but the parents gotta earn that stuff.

I believe that in this journey we do the best we can to get up in the morning and climb through the day. Sometimes it's an easy adventure, other times it sux beyond our stamina, but at the end of the day before we put head to pillow, we ought assess that day and be damn sure we did our level best. If we didn't, pray for tomorrow to get here sooner in order that we might remedy, apologize, repair and/or otherwise fix what might be fixed.

I believe that people who harm children should combust immediately once proven.

I believe in love and I believe in the giving and recieving of same when and only when two people are willing to communicate in every possible manner and not be afraid.

I believe that I am on this earth for more than my kids or my man, although those fill a great place and, in fact, come first. I believe I also serve a purpose to humankind in general but have no clue what that might be.

I believe that tomorrow might arrive and if it does, it will probably close in the usual fashion with the hopes of another one.

I believe that the tongue is the most powerful weapon and should be brandished with the most extreme care.

I believe that life is good, God had it figured out and somewhere along the line something horrid fu cked it up.

I used to believe I could fly, now I know I can walk, even if some days I have to literally grab my pant leg to do so.

I believe in the power of the human condition to do as much harm as it does good in equal speed.

I believe that if we don't open our eyes, ears and mouth, we'll soon be blind, deaf and mute.

Roy

I relate to the orginal story as my oldest was present at her sisters home birth when she was 13 and her sister was then present when she gave birth 10 years later.

Thankfully neither of them had to assist in the births

anybody whose private considerations runs counter to the schtick that he uses to fatten his own belly. And by fatten his own belly I include things like, stroking his ego and/or bursting his bubbles.

oh yeah, and......

I, too, know John and this is still a fantastic statement

Cardiac tests today showed Kelly has a normal healthy heart that doesn't seem to be contributing to her current health problems. This is good, but the original questions remain.

Well give the old bastard my phone number just in case darling. Just tell him I am mean and crusty and understand when they cut you open;

Thanks, but will leave out the old bastard part.

If he wants to yak with someone who has been there done that and has a tshirt or seven, he'll have your number, I think I have it...........do I?

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Prayers for Kelly, she sees a Pediatric Cardiologist tomorrow Feb 17 in Grand Rapids Michigan; the one I wanted her to see but was hoping he'd come closer to us.

I'd travel across the country if someone will tell me what's wrong with my girl.

So, alot of testing tomorrow, hopefully with answers at the end of that journey