Shellon

Now we just

Way more healthy

HA ! HA !

And Amen !

yeah, good way to go too!

The same day, yesterday, a ran into another miserable comforter in the grocery. She patted my arm and said "how are you?" to which I of course replied "doing very well, thanks" when she said in a syrup dripping voice "reeeeeeeealllllllllyy, are you really doing well, do we need to talk?" She is, as she often reminds me, a Christian woman.

WHAT THE PHUECK

So, in my maturity, I said 'and how are you' to which she of course replied she was fine and dandy thank you. I said "are you sure?" and she was taken aback, replying "well, you don't have to be bi+chy".

I had to say it "yes, in fact I do have to be bi+chy, I'm past sick and tired of your condescention and pompious smirky shi+ to me.

Another thread for another universe, but I sometimes think I have a tattoo on my face that says I'm incompetent and stupid, talk to me thusly.

TWI is just the straw that breaks the thing and the vessel through which they suck.

And no, a little dance is not wrong, it's about time.

Peripheral Artery Disease is his legs issues, RumRunner.

He was to have his legs done at same time as kidneys, but once kidneys done, the assault on his body was such that they decided to wait and spread things out a little bit.

Thanks for offer, I think at this point he's well informed, he's being attended to by a top hospital in our state and I personally did the research on this surgeon. So far, so good.

Lets see, where are we today........

Samantha got out of her house a few times over the weekend; an activity she badly needed and today was running a couple of errands on her own. Doing pretty well, considering.

My dad is having his legs done in March and April; one leg each month. Stent in Kidney check up was friday and all is well.

Kelly, not so much. She's had three more of what she calls "episodes" over the weekend and a few more little ones. Waiting on Doc to give us info on Cardiologist appointment and we go from there. As I understand it, she'll wear an EKG ish monitor for a time while she lives her normal life and hopefully it'll pick up anything during one of her episodes. It's a place to start, at least, I hope. If not, then we start Neurological. Sigh............

Alot of non answers where Kelly is concerned, unfortunately, but she's hanging in there.

Thank so much for prayers; they're very appreciated.

'Tis true, so true.

I guess I'm at a place in life where I'm just vomitus about their shi+, seriously just so sick of it, tired of it and have zero time for any of it.

I like understanding that whatever they want to do, say to me, it's not my problem.

It's still unacceptable to talk about negatives.

Happy Birthday call last night that was a blast from my past and she said "you sound sad, are you sad?"

I said "no, not sad, I'm pizsed off"

She said "negative thoughts and feelings? You know better, we'll be believing for you"

The next thing she heard was "if you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial your number again"

Yeah, that cheered me up

Happy Birthday Willy and Whitney ~!

Chas, Happy Birthday to your sweet boy ~! ~! ~!

I'm sorry for the loss of Theodore, sigh.......

Will keep you in prayers

lol yeah, that is the best one and usually works too huh?

Thanks!

Well of course they aren't talking to you, but that doesn't mean you can't pick up the phone and ask them why they are talking to your children instead of you - that because of your children's ages when your husband's death occurred, that the situation surrounding your husband's death can't be discussed with the level of accuracy that's needed. You could take that time to wonder out loud where their believing was as obviously whatever they were doing failed to cover the household.

Sheesh. The sudden death of your husband and the aftermath was enough of a tragedy without having to deal with this sort of intrusion 13 years later.

Hi Tzaia, while I appreciate your suggestions I am not able to pick up the phone and ask them why. I am already aware, as has been stated; to get to me, to make sure my children "know the truth".

If you want to make a huge mug of something enjoyable and take the time, the entire story of "what happened" is here

http://www.greasespotcafe.com/ipb/topic/20442-expressions-of-freedom/

And not to mention that the situation surrounding my husband's death doesn't need to be discussed as to what my children know, how they know it or who tells them what.

Every disgusting detail, every painful memory, every action taken by doctors, paramedics and their mother has been told my children. This should have never had to be done, had others not approached them and made those kinds of questions necessary.

This necessitated my answering their questions honestly. Some of the details surrounding his death are still quite painful to even me. Not specifics that children need to have in their heads.

Now, on the other hand, my children and I are straight up about everything; there isn't a subject that is off limits in our house as far as questions and honest answers. So, this one need not be either if they have questions.

And surely one can understand how painful it is for two smart young women to have to reconcile how those that find it necessary to hurt them with information, hurt their momther and obviously cause pain, can still profess to love them.

These intrusions have been a constant dull throb for the 13 years since his death and it's required conversation WAY past what should have been healthy exchanges for me and my girls. But........we'll keep doing it if my girls have questions or need comfort.

I know why they're doing it, I know what their goal is, I understand their pain too, even and I have the utmost trust and surety in my daughters as to their handling of such intrusions; hell, they encourage me often more than I them.

I can understand if you've not read our story or not had the blessing of knowing my children. Amazing women, they. If they weren't my kids, I would sure want them to be my friends. They are the best parts of their father, the better parts of who I am.

I'm a realist, I know that any relations in or out of TWI are potentially violatile; I accept what is. I made the decisions I did in leaving TWI fully aware of the consequences and ramifications therein. This issue was one I spent significant thought time on and knew I was ready. That end doesn't necessarily make what I knew would happen less painful when it happened; just kept the shock at bay.

I agree on the old wounds being ours, Jeff. What rips my guts is that people know the best way to get to someone; through their children.

So much of TWI, for me, has been and continues to be how NOT to treat people.

In 1982 I first too PFAL and speedily understood I'd fallen in some pretty serious sewage that required me to figure out how to play the game(s).

I'm not shocked by anything they do, I'm not even necessarily hurt by anything they do. Unless they mess with my kids.

I'm preaching to the Choir, I get that.

During one of our "sessions" my wife handed him our son and asked that he minister to him. He took him, looked at him for a minute and handed him back w/o even praying for him.

I'm on a tear, can't get this one off my brain today. I want to provide those who would continue to involve my children in their shi+, or here's the latest one; actually blame my children, with mirrors. Let 'em look in the reflection, let 'em smash them, I couldn't care less today.

WTF?

This mornings accusations are that if I'd taken my eldest to doctors sooner, she'd not have had the severe Endometriosis that has required the Hysterectomy she just had three days ago. Additionally, I should have seen that my youngest had the health problems that are making the quality of her life right now less than the "best". Finally, had I not dropped the ball on my believing where their dad was concerned that brought about his death, he'd be here to handle our children's health issues "right".

Are my kids still involved? Yes.

I'm sorry for your losses, Bramble and thankful, too, that you didn't have to hear their crap. For me when my husband died while we were still encased in their silliness it was a fantastic excuse, yes, to blame me, blame a dead man, blame anything/anyone. The reality is that he died, the end. Nothing else. The other reality is that he was responsible for his own death.

My children were told, recently, that I was responsible for their fathers death. I can only imagine how that flew into their brains and yes, the information came from TWI and others.

"Your mom didn't love him didn't take care of him"

"Your mom gave him ________ medicine when he was not feeling good that day"

"Your mom started CPR on your dad before calling 911, wasting precious time"

It goes on......

The fact is that their dad had massive heart problems that he ignored and the damage was such that his death was but a matter of time at the rate and style of life he was living. Of course since I was his primary meal preparer, his diet was my fault. Since I was his helpmate, I failed. Since I was his first prayer partner, I failed to believe God and back up my husband. I failed, the end. He'd still be alive today were it not for me. These are the things my children hear. And worse, now, when my eldest is recovering from major surgery, they dropped more of this stuff on her.

If TWI and others can blame me they don't have to look at their own hand in the death? Yeah, maybe so. But it was with anger and further sorrow that I offered my children the Autopsy results from a Coroner's office. Not that they insisted or even asked, but I needed them to have the counter balance of accusations. What is maddening is that a 14 year old has to be offered her fathers Autopsy report and toxilcology screening results.

I believe that my step brother's wife killed him and I shall not be convinced otherwise; there were no remains to autopsy, no blood work done since she had him cremated within 24 hours of his death. I know what that feels like to wonder and question. I get it, is my point.

What pizses me off in our case is that they didn't have the courage to confront me, directly, as to my husbands death; to ask me their pained questions that anyone might normally have when a seemingly healthy young man of 35 suddenly drops dead. They told my children what they were so sure was true. I would have welcomed their questions, their need to know, their curiosity and concern that would have been expected even.

What they didn't understand, and assumingly never will, is that my kids are strong women, smart women and they don't fall under the stupidity of such insults to their mama. TWI can not get to my babies, no matter how many times they have tried, and continue to try.

We're 13 years out of TWI almost now and even in the last 2 days the accusations have continued. It is a part of our lives and I guess it shall be. My children are not involved, no, but they have to deal with it, still.

What a shame.

Maybe my children are still involved............I just know that I am no longer responsible for it. Maybe that's enough. Maybe it's not.

I thought it said Belching and moaning, so I thought it was in referance to....umm well, something else.

Betching, moaning, screaming, hollaring, denying, complaining, accusing, bemoaning, bi+ching, lying.

Yeah, I recall.

If someone is having sex, the twi folks are having better sex.

If someone is having a meal, the twi folks are eating better.

If someone is excreting, twi folks have a gold seat on which to put their snobby azs.

If someone is driving a red truck, the twi folks' truck is redder.

The world sucks, we have to live in it and we have to tolerate the worlds crap.

Blah puke

Kelly's pediatrician, after looking at a battery of tests from ER over weekend, wants to do Cardiac testing.

Answers soon, I hope..............

Thanks Bramble, yup, sad isn't it? And of course my children's father died and was held up as an example of unbelief after he died. See people, this is what we mean, ya believe us now?

It's tough enough when our babies are sick without their bullshi+, guilt, condemnation and the added stress of them just freakin breathing near us.

A few health issues have come up since we got the heck outa there and I've remained so thankful that I didn't have to jump through their hoops, answering their questions, acting on their suggestions and revelations and discernations and confusion while knowing that I, as the mom, already know what to do.

Absolutely, for them and their mama too!

WG

Thanks, WG, it's most appreciated.

Samantha is going home from hospital today after one more post surgical test, her fiance' will be caring for her, as well as shifts of a couple of friends for the first few days.

Kelly has a doctors appointment this afternoon for us, hopefully, to get some straight answers; it remains.

Since my oldest is in the hospital after having major surgery yesterday and my youngest is ill with something intestinal as well as something we're not completely sure of yet, I'm reminded of dealing with medical issues in TWI.

So much easier, now, to just take care of things and not have to just believe God or TWI's guilt laden bullshi+ and never know for sure if I'm doing what's right for my child; taking a shot and hoping, then of course facing the consequences of my inaction, bad choices cuz I listened to the wrong person, or faced my self in the mirror when my child was still sick after I'd wasted days following silliness. For me that nonsense started off quickly when my oldest was a year old; my inaction almost killed her and you think TWI would have backed me up or visited me in prison?

I know my child, period, amen, the end.

Now I can act accordingly, freely, confidently. And I don't have to wait for some one's permission or stupid opinion about a kid they've never met, don't know like I do or has lumped into some pile of "my kid had that and.........."

While in TWI, that was always my biggest pain. I'm the mom and it's my job and my responsibility to know what she needs. And I do.

Samantha's hysterectomy went very well; she's in a room, resting with a morphine pump. She always could find the best drugs.

Hopefully home tomorrow.

Kelly has been quite ill so I had to make a choice on which kid to take care of, so I'm not going to Samantha's at this point; we'll see. Her fiance' and a friend will do the job just fine.

A prayer for Kelly is appreciated.

He he . . . That is the right course. . . . Only recently did I hear how common this is. It's hard cause you're always the bad guy. Oh well.

Yeah, Bolshevik, I did (and often still do where family/twi is concerned) most quickly become the bad guy.... ummm girl.

The perhaps easier part of wearing that particular title, crown and sash included, no batteries required, was that I knew full well going with my decision and actions, that I would be that particular winner.

I think that helped, at least in part, as it aleviated most of the shock and surprise factor as things unfolded and the fecal matter hit the air conditioner which was, of course, set on turbo in short order.

I would, as I said, do it mostly the same way again. The toughest was and remains my daughters and the great loss to their lives as they lost their father, then his entire family, my 17 year old lost friends and the little stability we'd been struggling to find foot on after her dad's death. No good mom wants to purposely turn her children's worlds upside down, especially after it's just been tipped, spilled and most of it was still gone.

As nearly 12 years has come and gone now I can't help but continue to amaze at that same young woman, my 28 year old daughter and see the strengths and wealth of love and good in her and it sufficiently serves to remind me that I made the right choice. Her 14 year old sister, who has no memory of TWI save for "singing was fun" and has almost as little memory of her dad's family save for an uncle chasing lizards with her the afternoon of their dad's memorial service; she was 23 months old. The latter I'd prefer was fuller in her memory, but they, too, made their choices. I was asked, recently, if their dad would be proud of "what I did" in leaving TWI, would he be proud of us, how would he feel about my care of his children given the circumstances faced. My answer was and remains a resounding YES he would. And would he be angry with the choices others made and directed at us because I chose to protect his children. An even bigger YES!

I am a blessed woman to have my family intact and strong and to have the joy to continue to learn from my daughters, to continue to be the mom they need, to continue to grow in my strength, to have never lost God and His infinite goodness and love in my life. Jeff and I are building our lives under that same incredibly fortunate umbrella of love, communication, understanding, passion and it's such a source of pride for me that he, having lost so much himself, and I can remain with enough of what is needed to put it all together into even more solid love than we each experienced while in TWI and he in River Road Fellowship.

Finally, I'd add that our children are involved with us, with our experiences and our joy and our love and I can not contemplate a better way to teach them understanding of family and love and doing what they have to do with a given situation and doing their damn best to keep their heads up in pride of knowing that, even if their actions might be most painful and it's going to be a pretty tough trek because of some decision, they'll not lose family, they'll not lose support of us or each other, they'll not lose laughter, they'll not lose that unconditional good that their parents had to endure.

I just don't think it gets better than that in this life for kids involved in any thing.

Thanks you, Box, my fantastic friend. My 50's have started off very interesting and never boring. hmmmmmm....

I am glad I can go to Samantha's and do the mom things she'll need after her surgery too! I need to ya know, cuz it's what we mama's do.

I'll be mostly without internet connection (gasp) during my stay, so will check in as can.

Everybody still okay?

WG

Thanks WG for asking. I've not heard any current on my dad's next surgery, although I think it's soon; they'll do the roto rooter things on his legs.

My mom's eye surgery was very minor and she was home and back to normal activity by that afternoon and has noted improvement in her sight.

Samantha has to have a hysterectomy and in fact is having that done this tuesday Feb 9, 2010. The last one was another procedure that turned into more of an exploritory thing and they found that, at 28, she has to have all of her reproductive stuff removed. Prayers for that certainly appreciated. I'll be going down the day after to do mama stuff for her for a few days.

So much I don't miss. I don't miss the lies, the lying, the twisting of EVERthing.

I don't miss dancing their dance and never knowing the steps.

I don't miss having to be in so many places at once to cover so many things at once.

I don't miss listening to their bullshi+ dressed up as something else like no one could figure out it was shi+.

I don't miss worrying every damn day if tomorrow was going to show up.

I don't miss wondering if my marriage was going to sustain the stress.

I don't miss the questions that never got answered or the answers that never even had a question to begin with.

I don't miss the people the look straight at me and told me they loved me when they didn't.

I don't miss the concern of knowing at any moment I might lose everything, including my children.

I don't miss having information in my head that I couldn't tell anyone.

I don't miss The Way International; at all.