"You'd make such a great father. You, like, never yell. And you never do that thing parents do when they're pretending to listen, but really they're just noticing you have a lot of wax in your ear."
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"You can't tell me what to do."
"Oh yes I can, read the guardianship agreement."
"Oh, would you shut up about that already, ...? A piece of paper does NOT make you a parent."