My Mother Taught Me......

[vickles]

. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

[suz]

I wonder if my mom and yours were related?????

tryin to call you girl,

where you be??

xxxooo

flyin

[vickles]

naw, just west coasters....

I'm home....in a snowstorm...

[krys]

Vicles, your mom and my mom had the same mother!

[Zshot]

Sounds like my Mom as well...

I wonder if they/we are related?

[vickles]

LMAO...You guys are so funny...we are all related....I also wonder if my kids see me this way too....hehe I do say you just wait until you have kids that are just like you....haha

My mom says that she always wished that until I had kids like me and then she felt sorry for me...

[krys]

Kids don't come with a User's Manual...but most females have the "Mommy Gene" and while some don't appear to use it, we all have it!

[Belle]

ROFLMAO! Thanks, Vickles!

My uncle was known for telling his parents how awful they were growing up and pointing out every mistake he thought they had made raising him.

When he had his first child, my grandmother stood at the window with him looking at the beautiful baby. She leaned over and said to him, "Now's your chance to fix all those horrible mistakes we made when we were raising you." ;)-->

[Shellon]

More on moms:

> These are very cute....Hope you all enjoy them.

>

>

> The following are different answers given by school-age children

>

> to the given questions:

>

> Why did God make mothers?

>

> 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

>

> 2. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.

>

> 3. Mostly to clean the house.

>

> 4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

>

>

>

> How did God make mothers?

>

> 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

>

> 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

>

> 3. He made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used

> bigger parts.

>

>

>

> Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?

>

> 1. We're related.

>

> 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms

> like me.

>

>

>

> What ingredients are mothers made of?

>

> 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything

>

> nice in the world, and one dab of mean.

>

> 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they

> mostly use string. I think.

>

>

>

> What kind of little girl was your Mom?

>

> 1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.

>

> 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be

> pretty bossy.

>

> 3. They say she used to be nice.

>

>

>

> How did your Mom meet your dad?

>

> 1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.

>

>

>

> What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

>

> 1. His last name.

>

> 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he

> get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO

> to drugs and YES to chores?

>

>

>

>

> Why did your Mom marry your dad?

>

>

> 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

>

> 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

>

> 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

>

>

>

> What makes a real woman?

>

>

> 1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.

>

>

>

> Who's the boss at your house?

>

> 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dads such

> a goofball.

>

> 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff

> under the bed.

>

> 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do

> than dad.

>

>

>

> What's the difference between moms and dads?

>

> 1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work

> at work.

>

> 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

>

> 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real

> power cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your

> friend's.

>

>

>

> What does your Mom do in her spare time?

>

>

> 1. Mothers don't do spare time.

>

> 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

>

>

>

> What's the difference between moms and grandmas?

>

> 1. About 30 years.

>

> 2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes

> moms don't even have bread on them!

>

>

>

> Describe the world's greatest Mom?

>

> 1. She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!

>

> 2. The greatest Mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!

>

> 3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.

>

>

>

> Is anything about your Mom perfect?

>

> 1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.

>

> 2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.

>

> 3. Just her children

>

>

>

> What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

>

>

> 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some

> kind of plastic surgery.

>

> 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.

>

>

>

> If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

>

>

> 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd

> get rid of that.

>

> 2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister

> who did it and not me.

[vickles]

I love it Shell, thanks.. :)-->