camoflage cocoons

[cheranne]

I know a lot of us have experienced this,if you have ever walked back into a church...first of all it is really difficult,especially if your mind is so twisted still from twi,but alot of churches i have been too in the past just put you to work as soon as you start going with some pattern,i was put in charge of a teen youth group maybe it was five years after leaving twi ,they seem so blown away at the amount of bible you know(little do they know we are sweeping every word they preach like a soldier seeks land mines,talking back inside our mind about how this clown doesn't know what he is talking about,really deep research..what i am saying they don't have a clue most of the time and of course I never went into a church and said hello...i was in twi and i need to erase everything and start all over again(if that is your choice to go the route of christianity)it took me a long long time to adjust ,my life to how i prefer it to be....but i went to a church basically because i wanted my children to know JESUS ,i went to mostely non denominational churches,and pentecostal churches were fun cause they would get fired up,i like the symbolism of the catholic church which is how i was raised in the first place but never learned enough bible as to why i was so intrested in twi right after high school. i liked bible studies at the army base because all the women were from all differant church homes and i still like to listen to some christian music but,not so much anymore,i stopped going to a church because organized religion just didn't work for me,but i most definatley believe! I prefer listening to audio tapes by the author of women who run with the wolves,and carolyn myss stuff like that. I went to a christian therapist about 7 yrs after my exit from twi and that just ....ed me off and i wanted to fight with him ,so i quit, did okay and later down the road i found i needed a new therapist,the unraveling of these cocoons takes time you know,so finally i found one that helped me just break it down and start from before twi,keep the good and basically what didn't kill me made me stronger...but there were a few attemps to be honest . At disneyland you see all those cute mickey mouse,donald duck etc walking around and everyone loves them hugs them takes pictures with them but on the inside they are hot,sweating and would rather be in a tshirt and cut offs..there is a mask

[waysider]

I suppose I'll rub someone the wrong way for saying this but here goes.

I feel that same "cringe" feeling when I try to listen to modern "Christian Rock".

It's like they are trying to convince themselves(and their audience) that this is what they believe.

I know I could be wrong(and probably am) but it just gives me a creepy feeling to try to listen to it.

And it's not about the actual message or whether or not it's "On The Word".(cough)

When I used to listen to some of the early way stuff that was being independently produced, I never felt like I was trying to make myself buy into something.

Even today, if I put on that first PDST album, it evokes a pleasantness that doesn't force itself on you.

Is any of that similar to what you experience in the various church settings or have I derailed this thread?

edited 'cause I ain't such a goood speller anymore.

Edited January 27, 2008 by waysider

[cheranne]

I suppose I'll rub someone the wrong way for saying this but here goes.

I feel that same "cringe" feeling when I try to listen to modern "Christian Rock".

It's like they are trying to convince themselves(and their audience) that this is what they believe.

I know I could be wrong(and probably am) but it just gives me a creepy feeling to try to listen to it.

And it's not about the actual message or whether or not it's "On The Word".(cough)

When I used to listen to some of the early way stuff that was being independently produced, I never felt like I was trying to make myself buy into something.

Even today, if I put on that first PDST album, it evokes a pleasantness that doesn't force itself on you.

Is any of that similar to what you experience in the various church settings or have I derailed this thread?

edited 'cause I ain't such a goood speller anymore.

yes,surprizingly i play guitar and piano and would write my own music and as a new church member they would let me play quite often ,it had a lot of way stuff in it and they would LOVE it,and just say play more play more,i stopped going to church altogether maybe 8 years ago when my kids became teenagers and i don't play guitar anymore,but i do sometimes listen to twila paris in the car,she was great in concert,the closest i have been to a true annointed concert.

[George Aar]

I tend to look at Christianity in general as being a cocoon. A thumb to suck, a skirt to hide behind, a rabbit's foot to rub.

Funny, you mention the "cringing" feeling Waysider. That's the way I've ALWAYS felt around religious stuff of any sort.

As a 6 year-old boy, walking into the sanctuary of the Lutheran Church in Duluth, MN., I got that cringing, creepy sensation. We'd sing hymns, or pray or have communion, or any of that drippy religious stuff, and I'd get creeped out by it.

And religious music of ANY stripe (Wayfer or non, independant or mainline) is all majorly creepy to me.

I guess it's the phonyness of it all that gets to me. We all know that we have no real proof of any of what we're espousing, but we go on blathering about how much Jesus loves us, or whatever the tenet of the moment may be. It's seems like blatant roll-playing to me. And keeping up the veneer of holiness just gets real tiring. I just can't do it. It requires too much effort to keep the delusion alive after awhile. I don't know how the true believers do it...

[excathedra]

i don't do church

[cheranne]

I was thinking more of the butterfly effect of cocoons and as we grow out of twi we are mature and can fly,no longer camoflauge,in a mask blending and so forth,music is music and if it bothers you change it as with anything else change it,but get ut of the cocoon.

[Jim]

I feel that same "cringe" feeling when I try to listen to modern "Christian Rock".

It's like they are trying to convince themselves(and their audience) that this is what they believe.

I know I could be wrong(and probably am) but it just gives me a creepy feeling to try to listen to it.

"Convince" is putting it lightly. When I listen to it, I get the feeling they are trying to brainwash themselves and others.