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monkeyman, monkeyman who's got your back?


Bingo Jones
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I was a monkeyman for the way from the mid 90's until i left in the fall of '03. after i left i found myself divorced, an alchoholic and a drug addict no money, business going down the tubes, health shot, scared, paranoid, bitter and suicidal. i walked over friends and family. ran from help. ranted, raved...and finally was saved

5 years later after narrowly escaping jail and death i have my sanity back. i have become a human again. no longer conditioned by a narrow "god in a box " mentality I have found a new life. i am living my dreams again even though i am old.

greasespot started me on this road back in 2003 and it was a very painful and dangerous journey but worth every hellish mile because i no longer have to be afraid.

the truth set me free.

so thanks to all of you who helped me and a special thanks to pawtucket for keeping this train rolling.

Bingo

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That's an amazing story Bingo. I assume you lurked for a long time. I'm glad you're now joining us to share with us and hang out.

i was not a lurker. i was grasshopper. i remember you well. i wrote many crazy topics and posts. i was very afraid when i left the way, started drinking heavily which actually helped for a while. it took time to realize, really realize that god doesn't give a damn what organization you belong to or don't belong to....or how much bible you know or don't know. greasespot started me on the path and i will be eternally grateful. i have had such an unbelievably good/bad/interesting/real life since 2003. i actually know how to be a friend/father/ex-husband etc. i am no longer afraid, no longer bitter, no longer seeking vengeance. i have become childlike instead of childish and even at the age of 50 i am young again. it's really cool. i certainly paid my dues which was needful, you don't get something for nothing in this world and that's the way it's supposed to be. materially, I have nothing except my guitars and fingers but i'm rich beyond belief.

god had my back the whole time.

i wish this for everyone who has escaped from twi

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...greasespot started me on the path and i will be eternally grateful. i have had such an unbelievably good/bad/interesting/real life since 2003. i actually know how to be a friend/father/ex-husband etc. i am no longer afraid, no longer bitter, no longer seeking vengeance...

god had my back the whole time.

i wish this for everyone who has escaped from twi

Welcome back Bingo. I never knew you in your former self.

Would you care to expound on some of your journey? What are you doing to further your change?

There are so many avenues for this sort of change - I'm wondering which you took.

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  • 2 months later...
I have found a new life. i am living my dreams again even though i am old.

greasespot started me on this road back in 2003 and it was a very painful and dangerous journey but worth every hellish mile because i no longer have to be afraid.

the truth set me free.

It sounds so heavenly... please share your journey with us....

Just wondering... why is it you were not able to answer doojable's questions? I thought they were inciteful and sincere?

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Grasshopper!!! I remember that nick well. Wow, you've been thru quite a lot and I do hope you share some of your stories with us.

I notice it's been a couple months since the first posts were done on this thread. I hope you are still peeking in here every so often and read the newest ones and then reply. :)

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i have become childlike instead of childish and even at the age of 50 i am young again. it's really cool. i certainly paid my dues which was needful, you don't get something for nothing in this world and that's the way it's supposed to be. materially, I have nothing except my guitars and fingers but i'm rich beyond belief. god had my back the whole time. i wish this for everyone who has escaped from twi

You have summed up exactly how I feel. Congratulations on getting where you are!!!

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Welcome back Bingo. I never knew you in your former self.

Would you care to expound on some of your journey? What are you doing to further your change?

There are so many avenues for this sort of change - I'm wondering which you took.

hi doojable:

sorry it took so long to reply.

my life in twi was ruled by fear, even before twi really, and twi helped cover the fear with a rancid infested bandage that futher poisoned my mind. after leaving twi i found alchohol really helped alleviate the fear by eliminating many of those pesky, overactive braincells. unfortunately the alchohol stopped working at which point i started writing this uplifting little song:

death train

i live in a place called hell. every five minutes the devil rings my bell

i'm ridin a big black death train

the engineer's a skeleton and the cowcatcher is bloodstained

my mind is a ball and chain. i look at the sky and see nothing but rain

monkey on my back grinnin like a magpie

daddy's goin to jail

daddy's gonna die

chorus:

death train runnin down the track

death train smokin big and black

death train's gotta be on time

it will not be denied

i'm ridin with a harpy and a shrew. the banshee's wailin, skreechin like a hoodoo

screaming skulls with flaming eyes punched my ticket to ride

on the death train

smokin metal and burnin flesh. i think to myself hell smells like this?

a google-eyed zombie's wavin me on

he tries to take a bite as i scream along

on the death train

not long after this i was arrested and forced to go to rehabilitation and see a counselor and all sorts of fun expensive stuff which i rebelled against by continuing to be a complete idiot. divorce, trial, conviction, suspended sentence, more counseling, forced aa meetings.

somewhere along the line i met a guy who could sing just like johnny cash and merle haggard and waylon jennings and we started a band and were doing very well with it.

but still drinkin and dreamin, puffin and poppin, snorting and chortling, i've got it made now. then my bladder stopped working one night but i recovered and kept being an idiot

and in march of '07 my best friend the johnny cash singer lost his right leg in a motorcycle accident, died, was brought back to life frankenstein style and the words to my song started reverberating through my head again.

the death train was coming for me next

then some old drunk at an aa meeting handed me a pamphlet called "acceptance" and after all the frigging twenty some odd years in twi and placards burned into my brain like freedom from fear, living victoriously, freedom from bondage, power for abundant this and that, advanced class manifestos and the like....... this stupid little pamphlet wriiten by some jesuit in a grotto rang like a neon bell.

it pretty much said: bad stuff happens, good stuff happens, there's not a goddamned thing you can do about most of it so you might as well find something to be thankful about and enjoy what little time you have on this planet and oh by the way the only true way to enjoy living is by not being an idiot and oh yes... stop living solely for yourself and do everything you can to help other people.

they say timing is everything.

the death train is still coming for me. it's coming for all of us but i don't think about it anymore. it's not my problem.

Edited by Bingo Jones
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