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RottieGrrrl
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If the GSr's don't hit me for being corny, than Jesus will, for a really BAD joke, but that never stopped me before, here it goes...

St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.

After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."

Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!!!"

The old man replied, "Pinocchio!!!"

____________________________________________________________________________

please throw me stones of marshmallow. I will forgive you all when the time comes.

Edited by RottieGrrrl
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Well Rottie as long as you're going down the "Jesus" road...and this comes from long lost memory so forgive me if I get it wrong.

Jesus is hanging on the cross. He calls out, "Peter Peter come here."

Peter begins fighting his way through the crowd, lashing out at Roman centurions and local on lookers but is slowed down by the crowd.

Again Jesus calls out, Peter Peter come here."

Peter is close to desperate now and fights harder.

As he approaches the base of the cross Jesus says, " Peter Peter."

Peter replies with, "yes Lord."

Jesus says, "Peter I think I can see the top of your house from here."

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Rottie...

I always enjoy your jokes and this one was REALLY, REALLY lame deserving 4 crutches.

Rumrunner's joke, however, almost went of the lame scale and deserves a FULL 5 CRUTCHES!

Don't let this small defeat stop you from posting your jokes, tho...4 crutches is quite a good accomplishment which few can achieve.

Rummy may have just gotten lucky on this 'un.

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  • 1 year later...

It was a hot summer's day, and Luke was in the marina,

having a few beers aboard his boat, patriotically named

the "Fourth of July." He was waiting for his friend, Opie,

to arrive so they could go for a cruise. Opie was late,

unfortunately, because he had to pick up his wife from

her appointment with the obstetrician. Her examinations

were cheap because the doctor, a fellow named Juan, was

Opie's cousin. Anyway, the appointment went over time, and

Opie was late getting to the marina. Luke had been drinking

all this time, and was feeling no pain. When he saw Opie

finally walking down the pier, he jumped up, staggered to

the side of the boat to wave to his friend, and nearly fell

in! Opie got there just in time to grab Luke.

. . . Thus, it was that O. B. Juan's kin, Opie, saved Luke

from falling to the dock side of the Fourth.

sudo

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A drunk walks into a fancy restaurant, and he is stopped by the maitre'd.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you must have a necktie to come in here."

The drunk says ok and goes out to his car.

He takes some jumper cables out of his trunk and wraps them around his neck, and staggers back inside.

The maitre'd says, "Ok, but don't start anything."

Edited by mstar1
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