RottieGrrrl Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 (edited) If the GSr's don't hit me for being corny, than Jesus will, for a really BAD joke, but that never stopped me before, here it goes... St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in. After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly." Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!!!" The old man replied, "Pinocchio!!!" ____________________________________________________________________________ please throw me stones of marshmallow. I will forgive you all when the time comes. Edited May 23, 2008 by RottieGrrrl 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waysider Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 I liked that one, Rottie. No stones from this side of the room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RottieGrrrl Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 :P Bless you waysider. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RumRunner Posted May 23, 2008 Share Posted May 23, 2008 Well Rottie as long as you're going down the "Jesus" road...and this comes from long lost memory so forgive me if I get it wrong. Jesus is hanging on the cross. He calls out, "Peter Peter come here." Peter begins fighting his way through the crowd, lashing out at Roman centurions and local on lookers but is slowed down by the crowd. Again Jesus calls out, Peter Peter come here." Peter is close to desperate now and fights harder. As he approaches the base of the cross Jesus says, " Peter Peter." Peter replies with, "yes Lord." Jesus says, "Peter I think I can see the top of your house from here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RottieGrrrl Posted May 23, 2008 Author Share Posted May 23, 2008 Uh oh Rum, That WAS a Groaner! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron G. Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Rottie... I always enjoy your jokes and this one was REALLY, REALLY lame deserving 4 crutches. Rumrunner's joke, however, almost went of the lame scale and deserves a FULL 5 CRUTCHES! Don't let this small defeat stop you from posting your jokes, tho...4 crutches is quite a good accomplishment which few can achieve. Rummy may have just gotten lucky on this 'un. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waysider Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I love a parade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheranne Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 As a kid growing up catholic I always thought Pinnochio was part of the bible (you know being in the whale and all) that made me laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RottieGrrrl Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 Well, thanks for all your comments. I will not be condemned to stoning just yet. I have a few old corny ones up my sleeve. But now you have all unleashed my corniness. Thou shalt be warned.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sudo Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 It was a hot summer's day, and Luke was in the marina, having a few beers aboard his boat, patriotically named the "Fourth of July." He was waiting for his friend, Opie, to arrive so they could go for a cruise. Opie was late, unfortunately, because he had to pick up his wife from her appointment with the obstetrician. Her examinations were cheap because the doctor, a fellow named Juan, was Opie's cousin. Anyway, the appointment went over time, and Opie was late getting to the marina. Luke had been drinking all this time, and was feeling no pain. When he saw Opie finally walking down the pier, he jumped up, staggered to the side of the boat to wave to his friend, and nearly fell in! Opie got there just in time to grab Luke. . . . Thus, it was that O. B. Juan's kin, Opie, saved Luke from falling to the dock side of the Fourth. sudo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstar1 Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 (edited) A drunk walks into a fancy restaurant, and he is stopped by the maitre'd. "I'm sorry, sir, but you must have a necktie to come in here." The drunk says ok and goes out to his car. He takes some jumper cables out of his trunk and wraps them around his neck, and staggers back inside. The maitre'd says, "Ok, but don't start anything." Edited June 28, 2009 by mstar1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffSjo Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 What do you get when you cross a rhinoceros and an elephant? Elephino! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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waysider
I liked that one, Rottie.
No stones from this side of the room.
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RottieGrrrl
:P Bless you waysider. :P
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RumRunner
Well Rottie as long as you're going down the "Jesus" road...and this comes from long lost memory so forgive me if I get it wrong.
Jesus is hanging on the cross. He calls out, "Peter Peter come here."
Peter begins fighting his way through the crowd, lashing out at Roman centurions and local on lookers but is slowed down by the crowd.
Again Jesus calls out, Peter Peter come here."
Peter is close to desperate now and fights harder.
As he approaches the base of the cross Jesus says, " Peter Peter."
Peter replies with, "yes Lord."
Jesus says, "Peter I think I can see the top of your house from here."
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RottieGrrrl
Uh oh Rum, That WAS a Groaner!
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Ron G.
Rottie...
I always enjoy your jokes and this one was REALLY, REALLY lame deserving 4 crutches.
Rumrunner's joke, however, almost went of the lame scale and deserves a FULL 5 CRUTCHES!
Don't let this small defeat stop you from posting your jokes, tho...4 crutches is quite a good accomplishment which few can achieve.
Rummy may have just gotten lucky on this 'un.
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waysider
I love a parade.
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cheranne
As a kid growing up catholic I always thought Pinnochio was part of the bible (you know being in the whale and all)
that made me laugh.
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RottieGrrrl
Well, thanks for all your comments. I will not be condemned to stoning just yet. I have a few old corny ones up my sleeve.
But now you have all unleashed my corniness. Thou shalt be warned..........
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Sudo
It was a hot summer's day, and Luke was in the marina,
having a few beers aboard his boat, patriotically named
the "Fourth of July." He was waiting for his friend, Opie,
to arrive so they could go for a cruise. Opie was late,
unfortunately, because he had to pick up his wife from
her appointment with the obstetrician. Her examinations
were cheap because the doctor, a fellow named Juan, was
Opie's cousin. Anyway, the appointment went over time, and
Opie was late getting to the marina. Luke had been drinking
all this time, and was feeling no pain. When he saw Opie
finally walking down the pier, he jumped up, staggered to
the side of the boat to wave to his friend, and nearly fell
in! Opie got there just in time to grab Luke.
. . . Thus, it was that O. B. Juan's kin, Opie, saved Luke
from falling to the dock side of the Fourth.
sudo
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mstar1
A drunk walks into a fancy restaurant, and he is stopped by the maitre'd.
"I'm sorry, sir, but you must have a necktie to come in here."
The drunk says ok and goes out to his car.
He takes some jumper cables out of his trunk and wraps them around his neck, and staggers back inside.
The maitre'd says, "Ok, but don't start anything."
Edited by mstar1Link to comment
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JeffSjo
What do you get when you cross a rhinoceros and an elephant?
Elephino!
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