DRIVING IN ATLANTA

[Ttessa]

DRIVING IN ATLANTA

ATLANTA, GEORGIA (PRONUNCIATION: A LAN UH, JORJAH)

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach, Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree..." and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House...". The only exception is Cobb County where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken...".

Peachtree street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Avenue, Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, Peachtree Station Circle, Old Peachtree, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard.

If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree. Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home.

Atlantans do not believe in turn signals. You will never see a native signal at a stoplight, to change lanes, or to merge. Never!

Atlanta is home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink...unless it's made by Coca Cola. Even then, it's still "Coke".

Gate One at the Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse so wear sneakers and pack a lunch. The doors on the trains in the Airport do not reopen like an elevator if you stick your hand out. They hurt.

It is impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street where you started. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive," and posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost...they're just on a "scenic drive".

The 8:00 am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30am. The 5:00 pm rush hour is from 3:30 to 7:30pm.

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2:00am Saturday. Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody ...especially those of us who live here. Stay out of them unless you are looking for a head-on collision.

"Sir" and "Madam" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are. "Sugar" is a more common form of address than "Miss." So is "Sweetpea". "Honey" is always used by Waffle House waitresses.

Ponce de Leon Avenue can only be pronounced by a native, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. (The Atlanta pronunciation is "pahnss duh LEE-on.)

The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules; so will daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow in the next car, or a flat tire three lanes over.

If a single snowflake falls the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer if there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" Tee shirts.

If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.

It is always Smog Alert Day.

Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts. Construction crews are not doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Atlanta's traffic is rated number one in the country. You will often see people parked beside the road and engaged in lively discussion.

Atlantans are very proud of our racetrack, known as Road Atlanta. It winds through the city on the Intestates, hence the name. Actually, I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta and has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over) is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500". Georgia 400 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn.

You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized-SUV- wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or the tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from the college prep preschool.

The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses, are yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies, you will die.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the International sign of ill will, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.

[Zixar]

As an Atlanta resident, I wish I could say that more than 10% of this is humorous exaggeration.

Well, okay, 11% of it is humorous exaggeration...

All right, all right! 10.5%.

The fool hath said in his heart, "PFAL is the Word of God..."

[WeWereScammed]

The solution for all traffic problems anywhere:

Ban pickup trucks, SUV's, and vans.

"The closer you get - the slower I go"

[Pirate1974]

I-285 around Atlanta is the only place I've ever been where it scared me to drive. Bumper to bumper at 80 miles an hour.

Lewis Grizzard's advice to Atlanta residents in the event of a nuclear attack:

"If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live on the North side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on I-285."

[Zixar]

Unfortunately, I-285 is bumper-to-bumper, but only at 8mph, not 80... Traffic is HORRIBLE.

The fool hath said in his heart, "PFAL is the Word of God..."

[Mister P-Mosh]

I've driven both in Atlanta and Los Angeles during morning rush hour traffic. I think that Atlanta has more nascar wannabes who get ....ed off too quickly and drive recklessly and cause accidents. In Los Angeles, the traffic sucks but you have less idiots driving crazy.

Of course, I think the worst traffic is in semi-rural cities like Amarillo, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, etc. Those places are full of people who would normally drive a tractor in a 400 acre field, so they have no idea how to drive on a road, especially with other people there. They go 20 under the speed limit in the fast lane on the interstate, and refuse to get over when you come up behind them. They weave into other lanes like they've been drinking, but the truth is that they're just too stupid to drive within the lines.

[Tom Strange]

Driving in Atlanta.... sucks! it's worse than Dallas...

... confusion will be my epitath...

[vickles]

chicago has to be the absolute worse, except driving the pennsyvania turnpike. Now that is terror if you have a big mac tailing ya.

Ok!! I will not try to be a nice person...ok? I will not!!

[Shellon]

I have not DRIVEN in Atlanta, but I got a ride through it this weekend. whoa!

All I can say is I'm glad I was a passenger.