Where to Retire?

[Belle]

As we all know, when we hit retirement age we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to relocate. The big question is: where to? Here are some tips.

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. :-)

2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel.

3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.

5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.

6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads.

7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

You can Live in California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2 The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.

3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

4. You know how to eat an artichoke.

5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You can Live in New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

4 You think Central Park is "nature,"

5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

6. You've worn out a car horn.

7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2."y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from ' round here, are Ya?"

4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

AND You can live in Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

[moony3424]

Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

Belle

You aren't talking about I4 are you? ;)

This is now being passed around at work.

Edited December 22, 2005 by moony3424

[coolchef1248 @adelphia.net]

belle

that was a riot

but let me assure you here in maine we only use tabasco for our shrimp cocktail sauce

[J0nny Ling0]

Belle,

I don't get one of the Florida ones. What does it mean that "cars in front of you are often driven by headless people?" I don't get that one...

[moony3424]

Florida is full of short seniors that can't see over their steering wheel.

[Raf]

[moony3424]

I like that Raf. Where can I get one?

[ex70sHouston]

Ya'll laugh because you talk about retirement.

I live in a small town that keeps coming up as one of the best retirment cities in the country.

Here are some of our problems.

1) People who move here for the beauty and frienliness. They then try and change it to New York City.

2) People who move here for the small town atmosphere and then complain there are only 5 restaurants in town.

3) They love all the deer they see everywhere in town. Then complain when they eat there land scaping.

4) They love to feed the deer so much its hard not to hit a deer on my own street.

5) They can't drive over 25 MPH. Well they get up to 50 on the interstate. They cant stay in one lane.