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Hotel Humor


topoftheworld
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If you’ve every traveled a lot on business, you’ll appreciate this. Supposedly this is a true occurrence in a London hotel-more likely an urban myth-but still funny.

Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you, S. Berman

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid,

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camay’s to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camay’s which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wednesday, so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid. Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen Housekeeper

Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me? S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you, Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder, My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets. S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman, I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience. Martin L. Kensedder Assistant Manager

Dear Mrs. Carmen, Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial. S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman, You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them moved. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camay’s which had been taken and the 3 Camay’s you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camay’s plus the 3 daily Camay’s. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room. Elaine Carmen Housekeeper

Dear Mrs. Carmen, Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.

As of today I possess: - On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3. - On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, - 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4. - Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2. - In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist. - On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used. - On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camay’s in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item- I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings. Sincerely, S. Berman

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Raf, I love your logical mind, but sometimes humor doesn't have to be logical. Come on, give me credit for trying to make you smile!

Laughter through tears helps me.

Ok, how about an airline joke?

An exhibitionist was preparing to board a flight to Chicago. When he approached the gate, he saw that a very attractive attendant was collecting boarding passes. As she reached toward him for his boarding pass, he opened his raincoat and exposed himself.

"I'm sorry, sir", she said politely, "but you have to show your ticket here, not your stub."

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preface: I am on travel about once a month for a week at a time and stay in hotel room at the Casino where I am performing the audit work.

1. This is really true story.

2. Raf I wouldn't throw out the soaps because that is wasteful. (It wouldn't be a happy meeting with my mother in heaven.)

3. I just pile the soaps, coffee and other stuff they keep leaving in the ice bucket, with hope that they will reuse it when I leave.

4. My to-this-day unsolveable dilemma: When housekeeping cleans the toilet, they leave the toilet seat up for room inspection. I have taped notes to the seat, etc. And, after almost 5 years of this have given up. I just return to my room after they have cleaned and put the toilet seat down. My two sons and husband could learn to put the toilet seat down, but not the Peppermill housecleaning staff. (They even leave the toilet seats up in the women's bathroom.) It's a hopeless dilemma I fear.

Kit

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Add to that the paper strip they leave across the seat, like a Ms Toilet banner. Can't tell how many times I've checked in late at night in a hotel and had to deal with that unexpected joy in the dark.

Plus: coldest days traveling in north-the heat would never be on in the room. After trudging through the snow in the parking lot and getting to the room, only to find one of those waist high heaters that deliver more humidity than heat! I have to run a hot bath and stick my feet in just to prevent frostbite.

One more: I went to Neuburg, New York for a week. Being a good company person, knowing that I had an especially tough week ahead, I fly out on a Sunday. Planes were delayed: got to the hotel around 7 Pm, and the room wasn't ready. Ate dinner and got the room around 8. Started to run a bath and unpacked while the tub was filling. Went to check on the tub and the water was-well somewhere between deep yellow and dark brown.

I was horrified! I called the desk to ask, "What the hell...!" They said that the water filtration system in the city had been operating poorly for years! Oh, the water was safe, just yucky looking. Really!

I said, "Well, is the water safe to use for morning coffee? (I know, I know-but I have to have my coffee in the morning". They say, "Well, no, but we offer bottled water". I said, "Well, when were you going to tell anybody". They said, "Well, we had a sign but somebody must have taken it down".

I called another hotel: no surprise-their water was fine: but no rooms available.

I had sponge baths from cold bottled water the whole frigging week.

I had the same problem in Ft. Lauderdale: their water is a urine yellow. At least they have signs in the bathroom warning you.

Traveling-where's the glamour part?

Edited by topoftheworld
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Kit - that's so the seats can 'drip dry' - I'd rather put a seat down than sit on wet cleaner - it's a yucky feeling, especially when you stand up again and it runs down the backs of your legs... :blink:

(But my guys - the ones outta diapers - are trained to put the seat back down when they're done - and they do!)

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3 women were in a hotel restaurant, for breakfast. One was a German, one was Japanese, and the third was a hillbilly lady from Kentucky.

A ringing sound was heard -- and the German lady said *excuse me*, as she lifted her hand to her ear. After *talking* to her hand, she explained to the others, that she had a micro-chip imbedded there, and it was a cell phone for her.

A minute or two later -- the same thing happened for the Japanese woman, and she offered the same explanation, about the micro-chip in her hand.

Well the poor ole hillbilly woman from Kentucky, was feeling upstaged, and decided to leave the scene, and visit the lady's room, in order to excape the scene. She thought she stayed there long enough for the others to leave the breakfast table, but they were still there when she came out.

Sadly -- there was a trail of toilet paper following her, caught in the the rear of her pants. As the other two snickered, she said -- *Oh My! I must have a fax coming in.*

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