Leaderboard

Because I know people can be sensitive - this is not about anyone but me and how I see myself in a "group" and individually. My use of the word "you" and "we" is just in conversation to make my points about me and not meant to judge, incorporate, indite or diagnose anyone other than myself. It is my journey and how I broke free. As in the song “Wait I can do better than this…” And we can do better than a lunatic old man with a small dinky and a huge ego. That is and was not God. Some of what he spoke had the ring of truth because he “borrowed” it from people who really did research and who genuinely wanted to help God’s people. And that was the big fat worm on the hook. The hook hidden behind the antics and wiggling of the “stuff we were looking for” then after we took the bait behind the worm was the revealed “hook”. To remove a hook it hurts like helll. But ripping it out is the only way to be free. The saddest thing is there are fish who will just never try to “eat a worm again” - they have walked away from God. And others, who thankfully do not blame God, but will investigate things first next time. We (I spk in general) were seeking something. A better life, sense in a world devoted to nonsense, kindness after we had been beaten, a sense of belonging if we came from abusive or dysfunctional families and the worm danced and sang of all the answers like a carnival barker claiming if you knock over the three bottles you will get the prize. Only they do not show you the nails holding the bottles together or the many of the other deceptions to “get you.” Life is filled with carnival barkers calling out their deceit in wonderful packaging and I am sure we have been taken more than once. I know I have been. But I am determine to NOT give up on God – I am determined to discover WHY I get deceived by the worm and swallow the hook. IS it because I am too lazy to search things out? Is it because I am too afraid that what I see will be wrong and I trust stranger’s views more than my own? Is it in desperation to find the “nice people” I am sure are out there? What is it in ME that has this repeat itself in “cults” “marriages” places of business and or work relationships? What prevents me from seeing the evil behind the mask and how do I obtain sound judgment, discernment and wisdom? How do I repair me so I do not invite the food- seeking lions in seeing me as “food.” It has nothing to do with if I am a good girl, I get good grades, or I helped my mother do the dishes… Lions do not differentiate when they are hungry… They do not say leave the good little girl and eat the mean one. They EAT whomever they can. And therein laid my problem. I was someone they could eat because when I “felt” funny about the worm I still ate it, after I saw the hook I stayed. and when the blatant atrocities happened I tried to “fix” things so I could go back to the “blissful” days (albeit an illusion) Rape is different. But even as a victim of rape one must decide if they will live in the horror of the rape for the rest of their lives or rise up, wash off the residue of evil and declare – perhaps with a shaken fist – you will NOT defeat me. Some of us allowed TWI to help us choose our spouses, our clothes, our thoughts and behavior, some spread their legs willingly – others learned to “use people” by emotional solicitation and sex. All of it, IMO, no matter which side you (or I) came from was wrong. Once we saw the seduction away from healthy morals and sound thinking – we each sold something in ourselves in an effort to stay. If you did not involve yourself in the sexual things but allowed them to push your kids around – there was a price you paid to “keep the relationship” going. Some sold their homes to please leadership, even though they “felt” it was not the correct thing to do, because we allowed these “people” to think for us on some level because “they were in the know” and we wanted God’s love. Were we used? Helll yes. I do not dispute that but why did so many of us let this happen to ourselves is the question and why so many of us have bucked “recovery” to glom onto the victim role as a life code is what I questioned in my own life. There is healthy interaction with people and there is codependent interaction. With the family cracks laid in me, and slogans such as “God first, OTHERS second, and myself third” I was restructured into considering others before making a sound decision on my own. Blind obedience became a mantra and my own innate sense of right and wrong was thwarted because I was to be LAST in this litany of unhealthy people I allowed in my life. This is NOT biblical and set me up for the narcissist to bully me, the con-artist to use me, the emotional pedophile to deceive me and play with my emotions and for those who have not had my best interest at heart to hold positions of authority and power over me. But like Dorothy in the wizard of Oz I had the power “in me” all along to change things. I could leave, say “no”, study the Bible myself and take control of my own life instead of signing up for “lemming” registration --- I had the power all along. And when it all boils down it is all about “me”. Just like it is all about “you”. Not your abuse, not the tricks, not TWI but what did you do in your life? My part? Well from my eyes I was loyal, trusting, giving and in “their” corner, committed and would not abandon anyone. From their perspective – the con They would say something like, “Everyone always hurts me, uses me and runs out on me.” I then say, “I won’t do that. I will be here for you.” I make a covenant pack WAY too early in a relationship. Then, they feel me out by telling me about a “need” they have… i.e., when I moved here I lost the trunk with my dress clothes and I don’t even have a suit. I, putting their needs before my own, go out and buy them a suit. My perspective: I will love them the way I would want to be loved. I will believe in them and give them an opportunity at their job interview to shine with the “new suit.” Their perspective: What an idiot. I have one on the hook, I wonder what else I can get her to do for me. After I see that the person then goes out drinking and having a great time and had the money to BUY THEIR OWN SUIT while I have to count pennies as I “gave” beyond what I should have given… I get mad but I do not leave as I gave my word, my bond, my oath – “I will not leave”… The red flags be dammmmed after all, he just needed to be believed in -- its only a suit. Their perspective, Wow, I can run around drink and do whatever I want and she ain’t going no place. Awesome. Maybe I can give her a sob story and have her fix my car. Oh Dot, thanks for always being there for me and when I get back into my financial pace I am taking you out for a great dinner and movie or whatever you want.” I forgive their slight over sight in using their money to dally at the bars and once he “makes it” he will see who has been in his corner. But he does need his car fixed to “get” to the interview. I will offer half the money until he gets on his feet then he can pay me back or whatever… Their perspective: Shoot, I do not have to pay her back, I will just come up with another sob story… Meanwhile, I am going to ask “Betsy” out as she has confidence and is a challenge… I have done the same thing over and over. On the WOW field, in the ministry, at work, in relationships over and over and over same story line different people and situations. I had to remove myself from my “life” and stand still for a minute and LOOK at myself. I had begged God for people to stop doing this to me and to BLESS me – but I stayed on the same hamster wheel… Giving, being used and asking God to bless me. First, I had to get off the wheel. Then, I had to dissect why the wheel appealed to me. Next, WHAT I DID to invite these kinds of people and situations into my life repeatedly. I established boundaries. I began to heed red flags. I addressed “past” issues, which taught me vulnerability and “looser” behaviors and all the layered stuff that happened as a result of it. Then, I had to be willing to change. If I wanted a NEW life I had to incorporate NEW behaviors. And that is where I am currently. Investigating a “new” me who can make better decisions and recognize red flags from the “get go” and WALK AWAY. I cannot fix another person. I cannot make someone love me who doesn’t. I cannot fix a ministry. I cannot make someone stop drinking. I cannot change others. But what I can change is ME. And I take responsibility for “inviting” these situations to myself – for after I saw the hook behind the worm I convinced myself what I saw was wrong or “fixable”. “I must be doing something wrong. And I needed to try harder be nicer/smarted/prettier/more compliant… I can fix this….” There are predators and they do target people. I walked around with a target on my head. I was targeted because I "lived" as a perpetual target. Nothing I can do will make a predator STOP being a predator or will stop a person from drowning if they will not get out of the water and into the lifeboat but I can stop being a target and an enabler. They never change and if they do it will be by their own hand. All I did was waste the energy that could have moved me to knowing MY dreams and waste it on someone else, or a cult or a whatever else distracted me. I do not make “lasting vows” too early anymore. I do not ask TOO many people their opinions. I get quiet, go to God and move forward with the things I can DO, I can CHANGE and I can HANDLE. It has left me lean in the area of friends and activities. But I realized to surround myself with unhealthy people was not having a group of friends but rather being a part of the tribe that walked around the desert for 40 years. I wanted OUT of the desert and before I could show anyone the way out (if asked) I had to break free and find my own way out. I am responsible for me. Thank God!

Only among (ex) Way believers could there be such a huge discussion about the (possible) meanings of two words meaning receive. Not what the average church goer spends a lot of time thinking about. They'd rather just "receive" and "do" (or not) than spend time wondering what somebody 2000 years ago did (or not).

In this group I have no intention of hurting the "PEOPLE" who are or once were in The Way International,the PEOPLE are wonderful(....hmmmm well most of them are)but the message is twisted and deception especially for someone that has never even opened a bible!

Now Martindale took this to a whole different level with his teaching on the Book of Acts. In it, James was a traitor, Peter and Barnabus were nice guys but they were "softees". Pretty soon the church became pretty much milktoast and made compromises in the face of persecution. Both Wierwille and Martindale taught that early Christians were martyred because of their weakness of believing. All was lost until God talked to Wierwille. Once Wierwille passed, LCM was the man. I didn't hang around long after he took the reigns, but I remember how he was prior to becoming President. He was a zealot. He gave unflinching, unquestioning obedience to Wierwille and taught others to do the same. When he took over, he expected the same type of commitment to him. Someone else will have to speak about how he walked this stuff out. I've often felt that LCM missed his true calling. He would have done well as one of Hitler's "Brown Shirts", or as an officer in the SS. These teachings in Acts had a huge impact on how TWI governed their "congregation" as it were. Much of the brokeness and pain many of us experienced from TWI have their roots in these "unique" teachings from Acts by Wierwille and Martindale. I have concluded, personally, that life in The Way International was not a Christian experience. In my opinion, TWI wasn't an organization that was well-intended in the beginning and just went astray due to human frailty even though I believe there were individuals that were genuine. I also believe some people were Christians and wanted to do God's will. As far as the organization of TWI, I believe they were in error from the moment they were conceived and that the lifestyle they teach is not the same as what Jesus taught.

well...It is ok spy,maybe it can help him understand how The Way International LIES and is based NOT on The Word of God is The Will of God but that it is from A decietful man who twisted the bible around,took money from people,and OH don't forget using women for his selfish purposes! (for those not familiar and just coming here,google LOSING THE WAY! THE SMOKE SCREEN WAS PRETTY thick in The Way International it takes people sometimes YEARS to get out of the Fog. I hope the best for everyone infected by the PFAL parasite...it gets under the skin and hides. Don't let it consume you with disease. Freedom Awaits............just WALK OUT.