I Love Bagpipes

chuckle!!!!!!! Oh but CM, no one ever stated that you can't change your mind! Neurogenesis (I think that is the right term..or brain plasticity?) is a real thing...and there is evidence now to support it. Don't ask me what evidence; because I can't remember where I read it or what it is. :)

:blink: (Well, shoot. I typed a very nicely written response to this Tbone...and it got lost (I guess) in cyberville somewhere :blink:. So I'm gonna try again. Oh I do hope I can be eloquent... and I figured out the quotey thing! :) ) I tried journaling in the Corps as well (78 - 83)...and the entries were always "nice". Plus I never saw its relevance. I journaled a few times since then, but alas, did not see the relevance. In 1998 I was watching a PBS show about the diary of a midwife from the 1700s. It is one of the few personal written records regarding women of that time. It was simple...what she wrote. I thought to myself that I can do that. At the time I was watching this show I was in the throws of a severe asthma attack (ended up in the hospital AGAIN that night). I hated where I was; I was trapped in my own body. I took a pen and thrashed across a page the rage and self hate I felt. That was the beginning of my road on journaling. And I've journaled ever since. BTW, my last asthma attack was January, 1999. Since then I have been healed of many various chronic illnesses with which I suffered. I KNOW journaling was a major catalyst for these changes. I thank God and applaud it all.... Thank you very much! PS: I hope this isn't a duplicate post...like the one in cyberville suddenly appears.

Sirguess stated: "well...i hafta say, that "meditation" is HUGE umbrella of a topic, that spans many many cultures, many millenia, and is naturally suffering from the same kinds of post-modern shallownesses as too many other old and old old and old old old things. some of the meditative traditions are so deep and sophisticated as to be "buried" in alien language-sets, that the depth and details are pretty much out-of-reach of westerners, who quite naturally lack the decades it would take to study, practice and grasp but a narrow slice of what has actually been expressed in those traditions...and this could be said of the world's traditions...north, east, west, south and in between some of the eastern disciplines have mapped and compared the various layers of the vast upper atmospheres of consciousness in such fine fine detail, that they have developed dozens of classifications for what we in the west typically narrow down to a few. so, perhaps it's not a greater overall depth that heartmath provides, but a language-set and processes that speak more directly to the modern life btw...not saying heartmath does not go deep, or that it does not have an especially potent leverage for contemporary western minds, but that it naturally lacks the centuries upon centuries that the lineage-holders have spent in all the many various forms...heartmath (and the like) seems more of a post-post-modern synthesis...and a damn good and highly relevent one...which is very good news, imo" (I still have trouble with the quote thingy...sorry.) :blink: Duh on me!! You are so right! Thanks for expressing that so well. I guess..it has been depth for MOI! And the timing upon which I found heartmath work was so needed that it struck a very deep chord. And I confess that much of the attraction for me is the post modern synthesis and relevancy. Sirguess wrote: "and btw..i love EVERYTHING you have written here...thanks for such soulful nudity, truly" Big chuckle. Your welcome...and right back atcha. However, in all honesty, I have only bared my shoulders. Sirguess wrote: "oh...and another btw....have you ever heard of the game "Journey to the Wild Divine?" A beautifully interactive game world that responds mostly to biofeedback. I bought it when it first came out a few years ago." I have put it on my favorites to look at and play with when I am inclined. I will definitely play around with it. I have not tried HMs freezeframe puter interactive game. Not likely to spend $$ on stuff like that at this time....but love to play with the samples. :) BTW: I adore "kidlike"....I sing and dance with preschoolers as my occupation. Hope I always keep the kid in me. Another note along these sidelines....Are you familiar with Enery Medicine by Donna Eden? Next post (perhaps) will be contemplations regarding the heart and the Bible.....with a twist of course.

Sirguess.. I've practiced writing in different persons a couple times. It helped me mainly with perspective, which results (even if slightly) in transformation. Also (this may sound strange) I've journaled writing in a circle and waves around the page or mind mapping (the bubble or line thing) and i've journaled with the opposite hand (hee). The hand thing really got me thinking and writing about how much our hands know. It was quite revealing...the differences between my left and right...maybe I'll post that sometime. Then I went thru a phase where I started indexing my journals, but I got tired of that. I do put notes at the top of a page to help me find an entry now. (It's hard though to remember which journal it is in.) I sort of cheat with journaling because I know shorthand, so I can pen pretty quickly. One thing so fun/deep about journaling (for me) is that ANYTHING goes. This took awhile for me to develop...to not be afraid. I'm sure some of that fear was because of my TWI mindset. Did you read about Freezeframing and Cut Through on the heartmath site Sir? These are just two of the "mindfulness" exercises heartmath has developed. . one of the "gazillion ways" you mentioned, but with a twist. I was into meditation for a few years before TWI and heartmath does take mindfulness a level deeper(imo)...and heartmath may be more attractive to the Western mindset. I still speak in tongues regularly (duck :) )...it is an intimate part of my life. After practicing some of the heartmath stuff (just a little...simple awareness goes a long way), my prayers no longer come from my head...they REALLY come from the area around my heart. (I'm not exalting me...but that's just what happened.) I first heard of heartmath in two totally unrelated articles. Each intrigued me and "heartmath" stuck in my head. A few months later I needed a new book to read...but wasn't sure what. So I perused the book store shelves and saw a book, The Heartmath Solution. And thus...I've been a heartmath fan ever since. Okay...I'll shut up now about the heartmath stuff. Don't mean to bore you. Funny thing...when I was little I always thought/felt I dreamt (sleep dreaming) in my abdomen. I thought that until in my teens at which time I was taught that I dreamt in my brain. It sounded so cold, but I thought, "Well, I guess THEY are right." After discovering that the mind is in the whole body...and a hosts of it acutally is in my abdomen...I've decided I was right as a kid!!! Tbone, I visited heartmath.org this morning and didn't have any trouble getting in. Maybe you went to heartmath.com which is the business aspect of heartmath. Another note...all this stuff....I am (obviously) no "expert." Shoot the more I learn the more I realize how much I don't know. AND I have deeply considered this stuff about the heart from a biblical perspective...and still do. Still chewing on and endeavoring to understand it. I guess that is a lifelong process. Maybe another post.

Gulp...heart flutter... Thanks for all the comments :wub: ...sort of speechless now....

Tbone.. LOL :) I am not thinking, "wow, he must really be screwed up." I usually have that thought concerning moi. :blink: Posting on GSC is like journaling in a way....except most folks will sensor. (And we all hope we will. ) When you personally journal there is NO sensorship. And if a person keeps at it, the beautiful and the "ugly" will manifest. Another thing journaling has done for me is to help me embrace goals. I used to hate the word "goals" because it was another darned standard that I would fail at. And still I prefer the word "dreams." After about 4 years of journaling I realized I had dreams/goals that were coming to pass. I began to notice that these goals/dreams were some of the thoughts I had been writing for years. It is a nice side benefit. Yet at the same time I realize that not all my dreams will come true (like growing gills and being able to stay under the ocean water for as long as I want..hee)....but there is always room to hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. One can't go wrong with hope. Even if I die, and I die hoping...it makes the process gentler. I found Dare to Win by the Chicken Soup guys to be a simple book on goals and a life mission statement. Have you checked out heartmath.org yet? (I just won't let that die will I? :) )

Showers of hugs/prayers/goodness to you... wish I could give you a rainbow... (((((((((((((rrdiver)))))))))))))

Dittos Tom Strange!!!! I've referred my daughter here to post some of her thoughts/questions regarding her mythology class. Told her she'd get quite a plethora of ideas! I do not feel I have knowledge enough to intelligently comment on all this stuff....but I love intelligently reading about it!!!

I pondered which forum to post this under...TWI or Open. Apparently my choice is obvious. Posting on GSC has been a HUGE growth step for me. I have shared my apprehension regarding posting with a few of you. One of you suggested starting a blog, which I considered. But alas I am a GSC addict... In light of growing through this apprehension I may go on a plethora posting spree....and maybe not. A dam is opening inside of me and this is a safe place to let it break.....yes? I don't want to stop it. And perhaps this is a typical/natural decompression process. I know many of you have been here and I believe you will be gentle.....please. :) So I'm gonna post a poem I wrote Septemeber, 2001. (Hmmm...interesting date.) Anyway....it came to my mind this morning for I am currently going through a storm. (And I figured out how to center...saw the tool bar....duh.... ) Restless Sea Sometimes my soul is a restless sea. Thoughts bombard like torrential rain. Emotions struggle like waves that collide. An internal storm, unseen on the external plane. Within me I search for a haven of calm; The place equipped with the compass, The gauge unentangled with the storm, That reveals the truth, the facts; The instrument that guides the way. Then I find it....the gauge to guide. I rivet my focus upon it. What are the facts? What is the truth clearly stated? What direction do I take to safety? I collect this data and plot a course To steer me safely through the storm. I traverse the winds and torrential rain By reading the truth upon the guage. My emotions do not guide me, Nor the bombarding thoughts like rain. Focused on the gauge I find my way. Soon safety and calm replace the pain. I log that success and the steps that were taken To traverse the wind and the rain. I will remember and not forget The truth..the gauge..the course...the steps To guide me to safety again. CILBW

Tbone wrote: "But I LOVE to read! The more complicated the book is [like Gardner's stuff], the more I have to re-read and break out the dictionary…Maybe I need to do that with my feelings. I'd appreciate any ideas along those lines." Idea along these lines: Have you tried journaling? Like I said it changed my life on all levels...and still continues to do so. Website: mindbodymedicine.com might have some starters. I was already journaling when I found it. Through the program offered from this sight I was able to totally rid the pain of a herniated disc (confirmed with an MRI). YES!! Long story..but short is a 30-day specific journaling program. It ain't easy...but it asks pointed questions. One of the goals of the journal is to learn to stop expressing emotions as physical symptoms. BUT it would be a good exercise for ANYONE to do (imo). Anyway, that is one suggestion. (And I have other journal stuff if interested.) The repent stuff....I do not enjoy doctrinal debates and so will not get into one. However I thought some about the repent factor. (And I've thought of it much since leaving TWI in October.) And Sirguess I too thought of nakedness...naked and total surrender. As I stand naked (no cover) before my God and allow surrender, He can change my heart. That scares the biggebees out of TWI mindset because so much is based on CONTROL. And I thought about "as a man thinketh in his heart so is he" and "out of the heart come the issues of life." It doesn't say brain or mind or soul...it says heart. After studying Heartmath stuff, I do not believe that the references in the Bible (and other languages) to the heart are just a figure of speech. Actual "thinking" takes place within our physiological hearts. "Did not our heart burn within us?" We have all experienced it. It is powerful and life changing, but it is not linear. YOU GOT TO LOOK AT THE heartmath.org STUFF. See if it turns you on like it has turned me on. I just rarely have anyone to really discuss it with. :) ( Well, you don't HAVE to look at it...but if you do you might like it. ) I'll shut up now. What a fun thread!!!

Mike, a psychologist friend of mine also thinks very highly of Amen, stating that Amen is on the cutting edge especially regarding ADD and learning challenges. (BTW, IMO ADD is greatly over diagnosed....kids are not designed to sit still. Yet I also understand that it is a very real challenge. But perhaps the challenge is not the individual, but our culture's expectations.) AG, I'll have to put The Emotional Brain on my list too. Like t-bone, I just read alot. I have no college degree. But I have worked HARD in the field of emotional management...for my own health and sanity. (Quite literally in fact.) T-bone part of your analytical approach I'm sure is just part of who you are. Male or female? I've heard/read like everyone else that men are more analytical, but then some men are very much in touch with their emotional side. (And the men I know like this are a far cry from homosexuality.) Funny, I was wondering why this thread was in doctrinal...now I understand! :) I have totally stayed away from doctinal; just not into it at this point in my life. TWI and that soul suicide/murder stuff I mentioned? Part of the reason I buried some of my femininity/sensuality is because of TWI conditioning. The sad part is that I am a woman!! That is soul suicide, huh? A woman tuning out her femininity. Of course it wasn't JUST TWI conditioning. Most behaviours/responses result from multifaceted reasons. Thanks for this thread!! Since I have no college degree the initials after my name (instead of phd) are kgbe = knowledge gained by experience. Does that count for something?

We briefly discussed "play" in chat recently. This is from a journal entry. Interestingly it is dated 4/21/03..must have something to do with spring. :) Ya'll are so kind to tolerate my ponderings. "Learning to play again is foundational to experiencing the fullness of life. What is play? Freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom of movement. Freedom of thought. Swings and creeks. Daisies. Bracelets in the sun. Play has no time boundaries. Play has no schedule. Play flows and ripples like a creek with various dips, turns, waterfalls, and rate of flow. Sometimes it flows quickly and then gently slows into a quiet, relaxing swimming hole. Continue down the creek and the flow picks up speed again. Play is not stagnant. Play is open to unlimited possibilities. Play is a child's work, a child's occupation. It is a child's calling and vocation. Play develops neural circuitry within that child's system that is crucial to the mental, emotional, and physical health and wellness of that child. I believe in nuerogenesis. Maybe then...as I learn to play again, my system will respond with the genesis of youthful, exurberent, fresh, joyous, satisfied, stimulating, flexible, intuitive neural circuitry. My....play is a deep subject."

dmiller... I confess...Yes, I have been emotional in tents. Hee

Tbone... Anther book, Change Your Brain Change Your Life by Daniel Amen, hits upon brain damaged areas, behaviour, thinking patterns, etc. In the book Amen has photos using SPECT scans, different from PET scans. It's worth looking at while perusing the bookstore. Amen divides the brain into six sections. He explains symptomatic problems associated with those sections, and then offers practical "prescriptions" to help alter patterns. Of course he includes case studies and his own personal experiences. The research by Heartmath takes this subject to an even deeper level. Heartmath goes beyond lignan/receptor interaction and into research regarding vibrational communication between cells......talk about resonance. If I recollect properly (my book is on loan and I'm too lazy currently to go to the website), the heart registers emotional impact before the brain, THEN the brain is brought into the equation. One of Heartmath's current ongoing studies is learning physiologically/vibrationally how intuition works. (I guess that's been ongoing for 1000's of years..huh?) The Heart's Code by Paul Pearsall, is about cellular memory and includes case studies/interviews with transplant patients and/or their families. I was led to this book after studying some Heartmath stuff. It too looks at energy fields and vibrational components, how we affect each other nonverbally. It ain't just metaphysics...it's real hard science stuff. And I think Carolyn Myss is accurate in stating that science of the future will recognize that man has more than 5 senses. If you are so led to look into any of those books, I'd love to hear your thoughts. And if not, that's great too!! At some point I'll check out The Feeling of What Happens. Currently I'm reading a book on emotions that Ex10 recommended, The Cry of the Soul: How Our Emotions Reveal our Deepest Questions About God. I ain't no expert from the science field, but I do have credentials in my personal life story. I've read/studied other books as well along this subject. All this stuff is relevant on "What does it take to change your mind?' Yes TWI doctrines, or any legalistic promotions, have deeply affected me too. Soul suicide/murder is a good description. (IMO) Fun thread...at least for the emotionally intense like me.

Wow Tbone...chewy, meaty stuff here. I think we go with Tom Strange.....$$$$.. LOLOL Upon reading the initial post I, myself, thought the two riveting factors for me (based upon Gardner's work) are research and resonance. Resonance is HUGE for me. I will be pondering...expecting. Quite often God/universe/whatever presents itself (an initial resonance)...and not always in the way I expect. I consider and ponder and read and write (research). I step outside myself to view whatever the contemplation from another's angle. Through this process a deep heart resonance results in change. Mine is not a "brain" thing. Change is at the gut level...real change. A tool for me through this process is journaling. JOURNALING CHANGED MY LIFE...dramatically and on all levels. Heartmath.org presents fascinating research on how emotion, physiology, heart, mind, brain, and energy fields(produced by our own hearts in relation to our attitudes) influences each of us...personally and socially. Mind is not the brain...mind is in my entire body. Another good read, "Molecules of Emotion" demonstrates the deep effect emotion plays....along with a host of other books. :) A oneliner I have kept in mind: "We move forward when our discomfort with the present outweighs the fear of growth." David Schnarach from "Passionate Marriage". Ultimately change (moving forward) is propelled by a source deep within, that often we are afraid to look at closely...and to embrace. (IMHO) Deep subject you have..

Aw shucks....thank ee.. Now you have to share your most treasured places....

Wonderful thread CW! Dittos to all you peeps...the support at GSC overflows...and I am filled with gratitude. Been lurking for 3 years....left TWI 10/05...first post (boy was that scary) 11/05 or there abouts. Now a confirmed addicted chatter.... Wrote a poem the other day with yous folkies in mind. Here it is...gentle.. :) (But doggonit...couldn't figgur out how to center it, etc., on this here machine...) CYBER FRIENDS If we ever meet face to face along our journey here.. I will embrace you and behold your eyes Your heartbeat I'll take time to hear... Its beauty and its essence. I will relish and I will savor the pleasure of your presence. I will grasp your hand and share with you my treasured places: The woods, The hills, The ripple of the creek; Wild ponies, Rocks and dunes, And dancing in the street.... The welcome breeze upon our faces, Songs of birds and waves... The magnificent majesty And beauty of nature's graces. My friend I trust you, I reverence who you are. Please know full well That you are valued... And at anytime, anyplace, anywhere You hold a special recess and honored seat within my heart. ILBCW

Like mother like daughter....it all got started with parking cones!!!! Way to go Ex's gem and the forces that be in the universe!!!

Seriously, I do wonder if these Way Mag paragraphs explain what is being pawned off as allegedly TWI doing research again. I can't find the post, but someone still in stated that he/she had heard that TWI had again opened up research but wasn't sure specifically what kind of research was going on. Mark, I KNOW I heard statements about re-searching VPW's works. Out of the same mouths would come, "But don't take my/our word for it. Make it your own." ....or something like that. (Make it your own as long as it agrees with our doctrine.) Other research books were utilized....but very limited from what I've seen of a couple other church libraries. I am by no means a research Geek...but I used to really enjoy word studies in limited amounts. Maybe TWI could rename it "regurgch."

Yeah, GT. If this is their new "research," it ain't at all....it is just parroting.

Some post somewhere mentioned that TWI is starting to do research again. I couldn't find the post..so thus a new thread. I wonder if the following (Ministry Resources Studies) is the "research" opening again that is being propounded. I guess technically it is researching....researching TWI materials. I remember LCM hollaring about most people "wouldn't know an original thought if it fell on them!", or something like that. I have also included a paragraph that states there is a study hall time as well. This quote is from Way Mag, March/April, 2006 form "The Prevailing Word Report: The In-Residence Way Corps - Preparing for a Lifetime of Christian Service". "In the fall the students focused on series of study times called Ministry Resources Studies. The Way Ministry provides resources such as oral teachings and written publications that contain Biblical research and teaching. This research and teaching of God's Word helps people to understand and apply it. During these study times, the in-resident Way Corps learn to adeptly utilize these resources to help themselves and others. The students were presented with hypothetical but common situations in which a Way Corps minister may be called upon to serve--situations such as someone requesting counsel concerning family, health, or prosperity. In searching out Word-based solutions, they utilized the Word taught in current Sunday Teaching Services and Way Magazine articles, on The Way International's Web site(www.theway.org), and in our ministry books, publications, and other oral teachings. One student in the final year of training shares, "The Ministry Resources study times are not only inspiring me to dig deeper into the truths we have available right at our fingertips, but thery're also building my confidence in becoming a minister....." For me to be fair, the following is a couple paragraphs later: "Study hall is also a focused time in God's Word that helps the students build strong study habits. One recent Way Corps graduate writes, "Working in the Way Publications Department at The Way International allows me to use many of the things that I learned in study hall. Each day I believe to help make each publicaiton the best before it goes to print....I am thankful for the training that showed me how to build hours of disciplined study into my life in that wonderful Household Comons Library..."

Okay Dave... Hows bout: "Dmiller was of the finest fiddlers to ever bow the Ben" Now you have got to except that one. I've never heard you play and we've never met face to face...but I know in my soul that this man who has fiddled over 27 years, who "wows" Natalie's tunes, who has strings in his soul, who hates to miss the Merlfest of Indiana (I forget what its called...sorry :( ), and who has a heart of love for folks (seen in your posts and chats...obviously and between the lines) is absolutely at the top of the finest fiddlers to ever grace Sir Bens.

Fun!! Fun!! Fun!!! Sounds sort of like some of the coffee houses springing up again around here. Music...the universal language. What a great story David. Fond memories you have in Sir Bens. Someone could write a song: "Curtis Lowe was the finest picker to ever play the blues." "Dmiller was the finest fiddler to every play Sir Bens."

Dittos Belle! What an awesome story. Thanks for sharing this corner of your life with us dmiller! And Geo used to frequent the place...makes the history even more colorful!

(This is a long post...it includes excerpts from a book regarding one man's experiences with bipolar disorder also know as manic depressive disorder.) I have not read all th posts in this thread, but have read most of them. And I realize the topic of debate has been standards regarding forgiveness. Perhaps what I am posting now should be another thread. But it is related to the topic at hand....LCM's behaviour. (Shoot...what Way topics are not related to that? :blink: ) If someone more experienced on GSC thinks it should be on a thread of its own, feel free to move it. I experienced mental illness growing up in my family and have experienced it personally. It can destroy lives. That being said, a person still must be accountable for his/her actions. However, there are reasons people behave the way they do. Reasons are not excuses. There are rules to living within society. There are boundaries and when not respected there are consequences. I do not want to engage in a tedious comparison of Sol Wachtler with LCM; plus there are too many unknown circumstances. I do not know if LCM has sought help in this area. One of the apparent differences in these accounts is that Wachtler took responsiblity for his actions. He did not view himself as a victim and did not make excuses for his actions. He owned up to them and has paid a high price. And he has sought help to change himself and to reach out to others. An individual in my family growing up has never taken responsiblity for his/her actions; yet I have forgiven that individual. It took me years with counseling and educating myself in order for me to forgive. This individual has since sought help, but has no real recollection of past harms (partly due to shock treatments administered in the 1950's and 1990's). He/she was PARTLY a victim of an illness that society swept under the rug..............hush-sh-sh-sh. Notice I said partly. I am NOT saying LCM is a victim, so please don't take what I stated to mean that. And especially in our day & time there is much help for mental illness. The ubiquitous damn hush has and does destroy so many lives. When I read the following account a few years ago, I thought of LCM. I will not post the entire account, only excerpts. It is from the book "New Hope for People with Bipolar Disorder." Beginning of excerpts: "One such example of a powerful personality who suffered from bipolar disorder is Judge Sol Wachtler. Judge Wachtler began his government career in 1963 when he was first elected to the city council of North Hempstead, New York. Wachtler advanced to the New York State Supreme court in 1968 and, in 1972, was elected to the Court of Appeals, New York's highest court. In 1985, Governor Mario Cuomo appointed Wachtler chief judge of the State of New York and the Court of Appeals. In an editorial piece for the New York Times, Alan Dershowitz wrote, "Sol Wachtler was not a good judge...he was a great judge." .................................................... The story of Sol Wachtler is one of illicit love and clandestine meetings, compulsive behaviour and drug abuse, rejections and deceit, shame and self-reproach, depression with an attempt to self-medicate, and the fear of stigma--of being branded mentally incompetent. Although it was a reckless act of compulsive behaviour that abruptly led to Wachtler's self-destruction and ultimate fall, the root of Sol Wachtler's problem was his bipolar illness. It wasn't until 1992 that Judge Wachtler finally received the diagnosis of bipolar disorder, but by then his unchecked illness had destroyed his professional career and his life. ................................................................................ ........... Five years after his diagnosis with bipolar disorder, Judge Wachtler went public in a book about his experiences, "After the Madness: A Judge's Own Prison Memoir." He maintained his dignity and sense of humor without excusing the actions that resulted in his arrest and conviction. Judge Wachtler's personal story can serve as a deterrant to others, as well as an inspiration. There is no debating the pathological nature of manic-depressive illness. The disorder can unquestionably destroy lives, not to mention relationships. ................................................................................ ..... "Don't misunderstand, " said Wachtler. "Bipolar is not, and should not be , an excuse for criminal conduct. If someone aflficted with the disorder commits a criminal act, that person should be stopped or arrested before more harm is done."............... Wachtler (was) incarcerated for 13 months........ After his release, Wachtler had to contend with the views of others about what he had done. ...."For example," (he said), "as a former chief judge of New York I was invited to attend the presentation of an award to Ruth Ginsburg, a justice of the United States Supreme Court. Before the actual ceremony, recognition was extended to all distinguished former recipients for that award who were in attendance. I listened and waited, but my name was never called. I checked the program, then discovered that it had been omitted from the list." "As if you never existed, " said Deborah. "Yes. Like a blot in history that was simply erased," he replied. .................................................. "How did you view your illness?" inquired Bernie. "Bizarre," said Wachtler. "But at that time I didn't consider my behaviour strange. I thought THEY (others) were bizarre, not me. 'I'm not talking too fast,' I'd say. 'You're listening to slowly.' Looking back, I don't see how I could have entertained that thought pattern. It's incomprehensible." In his memoir, Wachtler sums up manic behaviour, and the unrealistic overconfidence and grandiosity that accompany full-blown mania: "Have a speech to deliver? I don't have to prepare--my head is full of the world's greatest speeches--just give me a platform." ............................................. ...........Wachtler cautioned, "Not to seek help is foolish, stupid, terribly destructive....Had I accepted my wife's advice earlier, today I'd be governor of New York." ........................... "I'm on a maintenance program, but I also self-assess. I measure what I've done and how I've done it. For example, am I speaking too rapidly? I keep a reality checklist."............... Looking back on the behaviour that resulted in his public disgrace, Wachtler sees how out of control he was......................... Since Wachtler's release from prison six years ago (1994), he has waged a crusade to help other people who, like himself, are afflicted with mental disorders. He travels extensively across the country lecturing about his bipolar condition. "Get help," he advocates. Don't be stupid like I was." But, by reaching out to others in the hope of removing the stigma of mental illness he has positioned himself for public attack...... Wachtler still maintains a busy schedule with all his pursuits and, as a mental health advocate, educating others is at the forefront of his concern. Nevertheless, Sol Wachtler has permanently lost "his court." " End of excerpts.