I Love Bagpipes

In my perusings I came across this thread. When you first left TWI, how hard was it to admit you were in a cult? I still don't say I was in "a cult" but I do say I was involved in a "cultish organization." Is it pride that I don't want to or seem unable to call a spade a spade? Or is it because I still have friends who are in TWI that I don't want to call TWI a cult? Maybe I don't believe TWI was a cult? Or is it that I have actually been living on another planet all these years and none of this really happened? :blink: Any insights? Thanks. :) ILB

Hope you had a very, very happy and beautiful day.....:)

Beautiful Eulogy...so honest and heart felt. Thoughts and prayers are with you and the kids too.

BRIGHTENED MY DAY!!!!!!!!!!

hmmmm....found this journal entry from August, 2004. For what it is worth it gives a tiny peek at the difference between depression and anxiety. And when a person experiences both in one day (which can happen with rapid cylcing bipolar), the fear and torment is even more overwhelming. Entry: August, 2004: "Yesterday I was in tears with anxiety. I was on the edge of paranoia....All I could see were all the tasks to be accomplished and all the standards to keep.... My son asked this morning what it was like: Son: "Mom, you were on the verge of paranoia." Me: "I know." Son: "When that happens, do you get afraid you will die?" Me: "No. In fact, death sounds like a welcome friend when paranoid. It is more like a terrible dread of total destitution, that I will become or am a complete failure. It is paralyzing and takes deliberate effort on my part to move forward. But it is different from depression." To describe the difference: Depression is utter despair, despondency. Depression is an extremely heavy state. Depression is like a giant slug that is dying. Flexibility exists but cannot be accessed. It is like a big, thick piece of rubber that if only one had the strength and will and ability to bend the rubber, one would. Yet the strength is not there. There is weakness and a great, indescribable heaviness. Depression is a deep, dark hole. Anxiety and paranoia are quite different from depression. They are like glass: straight, flat glass; a broad endless sheet of glass. There is no flexibility. There is fear; fear that if a wrong move is made the glass will crack and the world will fall apart. It is paralyzing. With depression there seem to be no options. With anxiety there are 1000's of options, but you might choose the wrong one and fatality will result. You can see but all the options seem at a far distance or overwhelmingly close...and there are 1000's of options." End excerpt

(((((((((Seth))))))))))) Oh Seth, I completely understand and my heart hears you and goes out to you. I was diagnosed with bipolar II in 2000; however, it was obvious that I had danced with this illness at least since my teen years. My moods were worse on the depression side and the mania was manifested more as anxiety and paranoia. No words can completely describe the torment. And in my opinion it is torment. I am not giving advice here. Each individual has their own journey. I understand what it is like to have tried "everything" and nothing works. Yet I can say that I am now well. People may scoof at that, stating that one will always have this illness. And I understand that; the propensity may always be there. But I have learned to recognize triggers, learned how to navigate, learned how to embrace and understand these intense and deep emotions. I have learned how to "cocoon" and take care if I foresee syptoms flaring. All I can share is my own story and on that I am an authority. It is a long story and I will not share it here. But you can pm me if you wish. If you are a reader (and I understand if you have trouble slowing your mind down long enough to read) there are some books I have found helpful that you might want to take a gander at. Journaling has been a life changer (literally) and companion for me. Nutrition, some type of "meditation," counseling, and having friends that understand have been my anchors as well. The stigma regarding mental illness sucks (I rarely use that word :)). It sounds like you have sucessfully navigated/are navigating that aspect of your journey. Some books: The Natural Medicine Guide to Bipolar Disorder by Marohn(not the "typical" natural approach), New Hope for People with Bipolar Disorder by Fawcett, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Amen, The HeartMath Solution by Childre, Cry of the Soul by Alleander, Molecules of Emotion by Pert, and if you are a woman (though I know Seth is a male name :)): Women's Moods by Sichel. Much love, CW

Fun topic and wonderful responses! (My we are an intelligent bunch...God told me so! ) Something I've thought about for a few years: If man can make a freaking satellite (floating around in the heavens) that can detect what is wrong with my car (driving around on the earth) and communicate that info via tin and "airwaves", surely God created man intricate enough to communicate non-verbally. I believe God gave humans intuition...we are born with it. However, many folks are so distracted (me included) that we are not attune to it. What some folks call "God" talking to them may be their innate intuition, which God created there to start with. The only thing God has to with it, is that God created people that way....just like He created them with all their other senses. It is a biological, cellular fact. And one day, I think our hard "western" science will bare that out. That being said, I do believe God can communicate any darn way He wants to...and therefore He does and can talk to folks. But like many of you, when folks "announce" it as such I usually think, "I guess we will see." I have had times where I have KNOWN God (or intuition) was at work within me. I usually only tell someone I thought it was God after the fact, and usually only in private conversation.

ROFL!!! :jump:

Thanks dmiller! Revealing to say the least. "A kinder, nicer household"? Which is worse, a wolf in wolf's clothing or a wolf in sheep's skin? So recently left this brought up some heebie jeebies in my gut and heart. NEVER again. NEVER again!!!!!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOWTWI!!!!!!!!!!! Sing it Dolly!!! Shall we all meet at Dollywood and celebrate?

Couple other folks I'm wondering about: Laura Hammil (sp?) Gold....last I spoke with her she was in Florida. Kitten Dunham (sp?): (later changed her first name to something else, I think) Thanks!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a wonderful and beautiful celebration. (Actually you have 4 sixes....the 2sixth on 6/06/06. )

I've been thinking lately about Veda Calabrese Ibarra. Anyone know her whereabouts? Last I spoke with her (in the 80's) she was in Mexico. Thanks!!!

Okay Gals!!! It is now summer, 2006. If ya'll go west...let me know!!! Mr. Pipes' mom lives a little over an hour from Gatlinburg. I feel sure she'd let us stay at her place. And it is a gorgeous drive over Newfound Gap. We could stop at Clingman's Dome too. So........maybe a trip to Dollywood too?

Edawn... Dittos with Penguin. I left about 7 months ago. Mark and avoid is not taught as such, but is still observed. As of a few weeks ago, I was told by someone who just left, that they were instructed to not have contact with someone in the fellowship who could not attend at this time until he/she gets their "stuff" together. So mark and avoid is still in practice, but no stated as such. This command was given by Corps. As DJS stated, much depends on local leadership. Commendations to you and prayers for your involvement in the situation you are dealing with. Much love..ILB PS: We are still receiving the Way Mag, but I haven't perused it well. (Interesting Shell, about the use of code words for communication. I think that is clever between parent and child so the child can communicate if in trouble.)

Gorgeous pics!!! Shell...who is who in the photos? Everyone is beautiful!!!

Beautiful, lae....I'll carry that with me this afternoon. Tears...oh yes....tears of joy. Thank you!!!

Thanks for the update Shaz. All this continues in my thoughts and prayers. Wow....bet the rally was a tearjerker, huh? Glad to hear folks are rallying.....things happen at the grassroots. You all ARE making an impact and a difference for the future. Much love..

Beautiful pic Kit Sober!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our lives ride many roller coasters..yes? I am not alone I don't think. The thing about coasters..... sometimes you hold your hands high and scream on the ride. Sometimes you close your eyes, grit your teeth, and hold on tight. Either way, eventually ends the ride. WHEW!!! :) (BTW: This poem is not about coasters...but that gives me an idea. :) ) Meadow Dance What is this intrusion into my life? What is it that tries to steal my joy? Why does my heart fill empty and sore? Where is the fullness that I have known? Oh God, I feel so very alone. My heart fills cold...and that I don't like. My mind is a jumble with walls of selfish pride. Wrestle I do with these torments inside. Do I beat them and kill them? Or let them prove which is right? Perhaps I should view them from a distance aside. Perhaps they should struggle until they all die. What are their names, these damnable gates? Pride and resentment and anger and hate... Loneliness, selfishness, pity and fate. I put them all in a hard dirt corral. "Battle it out," I say with a scowl. So I sit and watch with a scowl on my heart, But my eye's corner is caught with a start. To my right I look and what do I see? A meadow with breezes gently calling to me. In the meadow dancing lightly and free Are love, peace, gratitude, joy, and ecstasy. But the scowl in my heart turns my eyes to the corral. "You don't deserve the meadow," whispers a growl. Then a fragrance so sweet arouses my senses. The warm gentle breeze relaxes my tenseness. My gaze is shifted...the meadow now filled With flowers, butterflies and soil fresh tilled. Corral or meadow? Which do I choose? I breathe deeply and tiptoe..barefoot, no shoes. I enter the meadow warm and inviting. The grass feels like down and the flowers inticing. The fresh soil tilled is soft and cool to my feet. The noise of the fight in the corral grows faint. I breathe in the fragrance and the scowl starts to shrink. It withers and melts with this meadow's fresh drink. Shall I dance in this meadow with love, peace, and joy, Gratitude, ecstasy, butterflies, and soft soil? Surely I shall; it feels so good to my feet!!! I shall jump and dance with arms open wide Leaping with the rhythm of this holy beat. Will you come join...oh please...and dance with me In this meadow so sweet? Of love, peace, gratitude, joy, and ecstasy? 5/06 CILBW

A Joyous Belated Birthday to you!!!!!!!!!! I hope it was filled with sweetness and melody!

Hello Good Friend!! Trust you had a grand b-day! Until next time....

1977 thru 2005 = 28 years. Some sweet memories and some not. Dang, I won't get that 30-year certificate! NOT!!!!

Can we roast marshmallows too?? This thread brought me down at first (apparently it was successful at its intial attempt .) But now I'm having a great laugh!! Thank ee very much!!!

Perspective...ain't it great. I just edited my signature. It's about success....Fred Rogers style. And I like my daughter's definition. She just graduated high school. A camp director asked Sarah, "What is your definition of success?" Sarah thought momentarily and answered, "Whenever I go into a situation..when I walk away, if I have learned one thing, I have been successful."