I Love Bagpipes

I'm thankful to be a thread in this tapestry. Thank you Dooj

Thanks for the introduction Nowgrown. I'm still sorting so much out, I don't have much direction to give you. I do know God will answer your heart's desire as you make them known... And that the folks/connections of this here Cafe have been a HUGE factor in God answering my prayers and desires. I'm sure all will agree that we look forward to hearing more from you..if that is how you're so led. :) Enjoy the dance, and the beverage of your choice!!

WOW FreeAtLast!! What a story...and thank you. What you stated will help me through this process/pondering regarding that dirty word "blame." It'd be interesting to learn how many folks suffered illnesses due to misguidance fostered by TWI (or like organizations). Ironically it was teaching from TWI that kept me seeking help, the teaching that God wants me well. I know that might offend some here...but it is what it is. Then again, I would have learned that (God wants me well) outside the confines of the "walls of Zion." On the flip side the teaching that "God wants me well" was also a source of condemnation...a double edged sword at times. Perhaps it wasn't the knowledge that God wants me well that was the source of the condemnation, but the teaching/inuendos of "what are you doing/not doing that God won't answer your prayer." Again the word "duplicity" (from another thread) stands out to me. Hmmmmmmmmm....I'm starting to ramble again.

oooooooohhhhhhhh....I'd love to hear AG on Mr. Ex10's sax. Can almost hear it now! Groucho I don't play the bagpipes. But their long, far away drone is like a "call of the wild" for me. Fiddles and penny whistles put me in similar state (depending on which state I am in ). Must be my native Applachain Highlands genes.

Thank you all for the kind words. And for the prayers too!! What a nice side benefit! I really hesitated to post the story, but in light of some things I've struggled with the past few weeks, the sense of loss some days has felt overwhelming. I realized that part of that sense of loss is directly tied into decisions made prior to my cascade of illness. How much of that cascade was due to TWI? I don't know and it may not be worth much of my time thinking about it. For me to admit that some of these years of illness were effected deeply by TWI, well.....that's a step for me. "That the ministry be not blamed".....was something I kept in my heart for so many years and that thinking (ministry be not blamed) kept me from seeing the emotional abuse/supression prevalent in TWI teaching/practice. Again I don't blame TWI for the illnesses...I don't think (?). Some of the illnesses would be there anyway...but I do believe the intensity/severity would have been less. Plus I know folks sicker that I was who have never been in TWI. Everyone has a story, and every story is valid and worthwhile. It's nice to have a place where those stories can be acknowledged and (as Watersedge stated on another thread)...relevant. TWI was/is(?) a master at making an individual's suffering nonrelevant.

YAY!! YAY!! YAY!! What a gorgeous photo! (Actually it is the gal that makes it gorgeous. ) And thank you dear Belle for being a gem to God and to the GSC diners. Love that southern hospitality!!

Great pics Ron G.! Dittos on all the comments. Precious and wonderful memories being made that will be cherished a lifetime.

How much context do I provide for the following? Well.... About 1 year ago one of my counselors asked if I would write my health story to be included in a book, Beyond Survival: A Woman's Guide to Hope, not yet published. She asked a few of her clients this same request. She had specific topics she wanted covered...and thus the content of my story. This story is not about TWI. However...for a little more context: I was in the 10th corps and dropped my interim year. After dropping the 10th, and after a broken love, I plunged into self destructive behaviour. All the while I felt I had to finish the Corps; it was God's calling for my life. I wrote Craig 3 times asking if I could jump again, redo my interim year, and finish that way. Three times the response was no..I had to start over. After about 9 months of the self destructive behaviour, I began my apprentice year fro the 13th Corps. I did not want to do this, but believed it was God's will. Within 6 weeks of beginning that apprentice year, my health plummetted; I had asthma for the first time in my life. I dropped the 13th Corps my interim year again. I lived with the feeling I had let God down until sometime in 97 or 98? And still, it bugs me! What bugs me? That I didn't keep a commitment. I know, I need to move on..and I am. I didn't break my commitment to God; I broke my commitment with a program. Anyway, the following happened in the context of what I just stated. Do I blame TWI for these illnesses? No. Do I wonder now how many of these illnesses were catalyzed by emotional suppression practiced in TWI? Yes. And, the sense of loss I talked about on another thread? Well, the following story is tied up in that sense of loss. Okay...enough context. Here is the story. BTW: I began writing this story while in TWI and finished about 9 months later after leaving TWI. The purpose of writing this is do encourage hope. AND, at least one of my poems will be included in the book. :) NOTE: I got involved in TWI when I was 18 and left when I was 46. I was a runner (5 miles a few times a week) when I develped asthma at age 21. The Story: There are no words to describe the utter exhaustion and depression that are constant companions to anyone suffering with chronic illness. Oftentimes I felt like a complete and utter failure as a mother and a person. Shame coursed through my veins. At times I thought, "If only I had a terminal illness, I could die." My suicide plan was foolproof with a backup system. But I couldn't leave my children with the legacy that their mother had committed suicide. My children were my saving grace, my reason to keep trying. I cannot condense a lifetime of 47 years into a handful of paragraphs. But I hope I can convey a peek into the heart of what it is like to live with mood swings, physical illness, and the sense of hopelessness. And I hope I can inspire hope to embrace whatever life unfolds, to keep moving, to keep reaching. I developed asthma at the age of 21. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 41. Looking back, I was challenged with bipolar probably since childhood having a history of sexual activity at a young age, mood swings, and intense drug involvement. I pick up my story at the age of 39 because it was around this time that I began journaling. Journaling changed my course from death to life, from despair to hope. At 39 years old I was married with 2 children, ages 8 & 10. I was tired, so very tired. For the last 18 years (since I was 21) I had suffered with severe asthma; numerous bouts of pneumonia; multiple sinus surgeries; environmental, chemical, food, and inhalant allergies; hives, whelts, and various skin disorders; systemic candida; depression; mood swings; chronic fatigue; bodyaches; and a myriad of other symptoms that go with an over- responsive/depleted immune system. I had been pumped with intravenous drugs, swallowed or inhaled a host of pharmaceuticals (including 1000's of doses of steroids), been pricked with needles 100's (if not 1000's) of times for various reasons, and received a myriad of allergy antigens. Alongside with conventional treatments, I had utilized alternative therapies including homeopathy, oral & intravenous vitamin/mineral supplementation, strict dietary protocols, acupuncture, herbs, bodywork, and some psychological counseling. It felt too much to continue to try. I was caught in a sticky, mucous-coated, stagnant, thickened, stringy web that felt like it grew in my own cells & corpusals. I felt trapped in my own body. I craved to breathe fully. I craved for fluid energy. I craved to run like a deer graceful & free through the woods. I craved to move without pain. I craved feedom. Alternative treatments had become my mainstay for recovery. Life was not always dreary; I had stretches of hope and improvement. But the improvement came in 1/4 inches; I wanted feet & miles. I had prayed and endeavored to believe God for my healing clinging to the belief and knowledge that God's absolute will for me was healing and that in Him is no darkness at all. But now I was ready to give in; it was time to quit trying. My hope was depleted; it was time to quit hoping. It was time to give up the dream that I could actually get well. I would live my life on steroids & die an early death. What else could I do? At this point, the point that I accepted that death may be the only alternative for release, I took my pen to paper and began to journal. I poured my heart onto the page. I poured out my deepest feelings and yearnings. I detailed the self loathing, the asthma attacks, the pain that racked my body, the exhaustion, the anger, and the murky darkness of it all. I felt such deep, deep shame and self hatred. Day after day I filled the pages. I held nothing back. I did not censor my writings. I poured it all onto the page, including dreams and hopes. I wrote because I had to; I did not know what else to do. I never imagined that by putting my pen to paper, my circumstances would begin to change....but they did in a most powerful way. Within a few months of starting to journal I was hospitalized yet again (October, 1998) and got connected with a doctor that discovered I was suffering with mercury toxicity, a typical cause for immune dysfunction. Around that same time my husband was offered a job in another city. We moved in November, 1998. In the new city I again was hospitalized in January, 1999. I was connected with a different doctor who confirmed the mercury toxicity. That same month I began an intense 2-year detox regimen which included oral chelation therapy, intavenous and oral vitamin and mineral therapy, hydrocolon therapy, low heat saunas, and coffee enemas. I continued to journal profusely and began again to re-educate myself on healing. I began to have hope. My doctors believed I could gain wellness. Unknown to me at that time, I suffered my last real asthma attack in January, 1999. After 6 months from this last asthma attack, I was able to start addressing more definitively other symptoms. Fatigue was still great and mood swings were exasperating. My skin continued to crawl with hives. Aches and pains surfaced all over my body. My body was continually pushing symptoms to the surface, desparately crying to be released. Yet I was hopeful; the asthma was gone. I had new treatments to try. Maybe my body could get well, if I could learn better how to listen to what it was trying to communicate to me, maybe I could allow it to heal itself. Maybe...just maybe... The next regimen on my agenda was a treatment known as Enzyme Potentiated Desensitization, a complex treatment that approached the reprogramming of miscoded T helper cells. For 1-1/2 years, every 8 weeks, I would go into quarentine; receive a shot to penetrate the miscoded cells; and eat only venison, tapioca flour with water, and sweet potatoes. My health improved with EPD: a "sore spot" in my left lung that had been present since my last bout with pneumonia cleared; some skin conditions improved; my sense of smell was restored after 1 year; allergies and energy improved. Again I was hopeful. Then the FDA abruptly stopped the use of EPD in the United States. My sense of smell was stolen again and some allergy troubles resurfaced. But I remained hopeful that other doors would open for me. I pulled out previous books I had read on healing and reviewed them. I was led to new books about healing and devoured them. During this time I was diagnosed with a herniated disc, confirmed with an MRI. A friend loaned me the book, Healing Back Pain by Dr. John Sarno. Within 6 weeks of applying what I had read, the back spasms were 80% better; after 5 months they were completely gone. This book prompted me to delve more deeply into the relationship between emotions and the body, the affect of the dance between the two. In late 2000, I began weekly psychological counseling. How many of my illnesses/symptoms could be due to suppressed emotion? Was I honest enough to be able to open up enough to see what really lurked in my soul? This excavation was a tedious process at times...but more than worth every tedious bit of work. At times emotions have been explosive and volatile, I've had to go places emotionally uncomfortable. Over the next 4 years I developed a support network/program which consisted of journaling, bibliotherapy, and relationships with a handful of people and professionals that I could call upon. I continued to be led to books which included biographical sketches and stories about hope and healing and connections between energy fields and healing. I sought answers through conventional means (including medications for the bipolar and depression), bodywork, nutrition, homeopathy, and energy medicine. My hope grew. My life was changing. This support network was vital and life saving for me. I had people I could call, and a couple that I could be almost completely soul naked with. I grew in my ability to bare my soul...to peek in and see the ugliness and the beauty. Of course I saw more ugliness than beauty. But I began to understand that even the "ugliness" was okay and understandable. I didn't have to fear it. At one point my paranoia was so intense, I was scared to leave my home. I feared I was ruining my children and that every decision I made would end in complete failure. A dear friend phoned me every day for 3 weeks until a new medication kicked in. During these 4 years my symptoms became less intense; however, the symptoms "plateaued" and I lived managing bipolar flares; hives and sneezing attacks a few times a week; and a horomone dysfunction that would manifest in severe aches, depression, and cognitive impairment at least 5 days per month. To manage these symptoms I took about 50 pills a day in the form of supplements with one medication, homeopathy, bodywork, counseling, and journaling. Yet, this lifestyle was improvement over where I had been. I began to think that this was as well as I could get. In 2004 I was introduced to a nutritional product and company that had more life-changing affects on me. I never imagined that a nutritional shake and these wonderful people that introduced me to it, could change me so profoundly. Within 9 months of consuming this product my hives completely disappeared. The mood swings and debilitating hormone dysfunction were probably 85% better. I was able to get off my daily psychiatric meds and the daily supplements. My energy was more stable and I could exercise more vigorously. I went from being hit by an 18 wheeler at least 5 days a month, to being bumped by a unicycle a few days per month. I was beginning to taste freedom. During this time period the counselor I was seeing stated, "Carol I want you to start thinking like a well person." I had NO concept of what this meant. My life had revolved around sickness; my life had been a science of charts and foods and meds and treatments. It was scarey getting well. I would find myself wanting to break down, but couldn't. I thought I would run free once I was liberated from the tyranny of entrapment. Yet, I was in new territory, unfamiliar, uncomfortable. What was I to do with myself now? It took me 6 to 8 months to become comfortable with being "well." By the end of 2005 I was well enough to make some major religious/spiritual changes in my life. I chose to leave an abusive religious organization I had been with for 28 years; many of the teachings and practices of this group contributed to and intensified the emotional entrapment with which I had been enslaved. This decision was like opening a dungeon where long-lurked prisoners could now run free. Without the wellness God had granted, I do not believe I could have made the break from that organization. Maybe eventually I would have, but it took much resolve and emotional energy that I didn't have prior to 2004. Within 3 months of divorcing the organization I was set on a road of freedom from the deep, deep shame with which I had been plagued for decades. Now, 7 months from that divorce, I am as well as I can remember. I have energy, vitality, and motivation. My relationship with my husband has been restored. I feel joy again. I still have down days, but not the deep depression. Music is an integral part of my life. Day by day I endeavor to stay in touch with my heart and listen to where I am emotionally. I continue to journal, read, pray, exercise, drink the nutritional shakes, eat well, laugh, and make relationships a top priority. Relationships (with myself, God, my environment, and people) are what make life rich and worthwhile. Relationships are the fabric of life and give me (and all of us) hope and encouragement, even when times look dim and dark and when it seems the sun will not rise again.

Here is the "what's next." About 1 year ago (while still in TWI) one of my counselors asked me if I would write out my "health" story. She is in process of putting a book together and asked a few of her clients to share their stories. She asked for specific information to be included. I finished this task sometime in May (I think). I have debated whether or not to post it. After starting this thread, I've decided to post it over in "My Story." It may explain some of the loss I deal with. Geezz......here I go :blink: ......... JUMP!!!

Oh my!! I'm sort of proud of myself...I actually caused a little stir.....or spin....dizzy, dizzy, dizzy. Of course that was not my intent. However, I enjoy the dialogue...differences of opinions are refeshing to me....and I am not offended easily. Thanks to all again for the responses: Tbone: Gosh! I take that as a compliment...I can aritculate what you feel! You are a master with words. Sportsfan: Thank you. I'll say a pray for you and yours from time to time. We may sort of be on the same page, having recently left after so many years. Likeaneagle: YES YES! Soon we will have to get together. Let's pm and figure a time. :) Highway: You hit the nail on the head and brought tears to my eyes. You said it exactly. Thank you for putting what I feel/trying to sort through into words. And I know it won't last forever (see below). OM: Well, when I read your first response I thought, "Well..this seems to maybe a lighthearted response noticing the emoticons....maybe it is a critical response. Dunno...maybe a mix of the two. I'll lean toward the lighthearted side." It also confronted me some...shaking off the pity party. And, just so you know...I have been busy. :) Is this post a complaint? Hmmmm...that wasn't in my thinking. It is more processing. I do not want to bury what I feel. I did that in TWI, with high-priced consequences. Neither do I want to stay stuck in the "loss." Therefore, I don't think I'm complaining....and maybe I am....but I know I am processing. Sunny Fla and Rascal and I'll invite dmiller and WN too: I'm sipping Borders Blend with hazelnut and a little caramel. Hmm..is that still considered coffee? WG: "Slowly and irregularly"....good descriptions. I thought this morning about physical healing...the body will retrace symptoms. This is called a healing crisis or response and some call it detoxing. Either way, old symptoms arise, are pushed out, and are gone...once and for all. So I thought these "episodes" will come in waves. I'll ride it out. And another page is turned. Tom Strange: I KNOW you have a sense of humor. And I think you know how much I appreciate all your input and insight and compassion and empathy. Thanks for the sites. I perused a few way back when and think I might revisit. Okay...are you ready for what's next?

Thanks for the responses...all thoughtful and greatly appreciated. It may sound like I feel loss for leaving TWI and that I'm not happy. But that is not the case at all. Actually I have more joy, more freedom, deeper friendships, sweeter times with God, sweeter times with everyone. :) The sense of loss is regarding the years in...the loss of time, health, dreams, relationships, and other stuff while in TWI. Some of this is just recently coming to light...the "if onlies" as Highway put it. I was chatting with someone today who stated layers are being peeled back...and recently 25+ years of layers were peeled back dramatically fast. With that a flood of memories came in....I guess that is the overwhelming feeling. (BTW: While this person was sharing with me today, Steve Miller was singing "time keeps on slipping into the future" on the radio. Well okay!!) And I just get in a funk about it sometimes. Yet, at the same time, I recognize how good my life is and has been. I've not been in a war or a concentration camp or slavery...not even close. I've not experienced the trauma many experienced while in TWI. Then I feel "guilty" for feeling loss. So...their loss, my gain. Time will ease the pain. God is the healer. I don't need leadership approval. A 10-fold return. Petals on a rose...and I'm gonna' bloom. (Shoot, I'm already blooming. :) ) Thanks for the kind words and for taking time to read my rambling.

ROFL!!!!!!!!!! Belle, I'm glad you put this out there. I saw it in the mag, but just couldn't bring myself to post it after starting the thread about the planning paragraphs from the Corps article. Maybe some consider this bashing. I consider it a good laugh...sort of like a roast maybe. And I hope that at some point, those still in that decide to leave, can look at this stuff and get a laugh too. Maybe I'm being cynical...but some of these responses are grand. And even though I laugh, at the same time, I feel "pity"...for the folks still in thinking that they have THE inside tips on the RIGHT way to get stuff done. Groucho we have answers for your constant state of emotional turmoil!!!!!!!!!! rofl again!!!

Rambling again. Think I'll change my name from ILB to Rambling. (Allman Bros. anyone? I'd have to change the gender though. :) ) So this deep sense of loss, does it ever go away? I felt it today AGAIN. I greive over certain stuff, important stuff. Then, I think to myself all the good I have in my life, even after 28 years with TWI. I have lots of good in my life...actually...an abundance of blessings. I think of lost dreams, etc. Then, I think of dreams that I can now persue and that are in process of happening. I think and wonder regarding the many illnesses I suffered while in TWI and how much of being stuck in those illnesses might have been due to TWI doctrine/practice. Then, I think that some of these illnesses would have manifested anyway. I don't feel bitterness. I don't feel used. I DO feel a deep sense of loss. At times it is like a damn broken record. Back and forth...back and forth....over and over...over and over. Tonight hubby and I discussed the sense of loss. He had a good analogy, imo. He mentioned that if I had my hand cut off, I'd feel definite loss. Yes, the rest of me is intact...but I definitely had a huge loss...my hand...a very needed part of my body. But eventually I learn to adapt. I brought up phantom pain. The pain is real. The loss is real. But over time, one learns to adapt. We have a friend who lost his arm 30 plus years ago. One really doesn't notice his handicap. He enjoys life to the fullest. He still has phantom pain, but he lives joyfully. My dad was a quad his last 12 years of life...huge loss. Yet he lived joyfully. So the sense of loss/the pain decreases over time. There is still pain, but one learns to live joyfully and to count all the blessings. I guess it is all a part of grieving, and I need to allow that in my life. Just sometimes I think I should get over it quicker...that I'm making a big deal out of the "loss." Now do I dare click "post new topic"? :blink: Hmmmmmmm....

GREAT pic igotout. I think you should submit for the next Way Mag cover! You could invite everyone for snacks at the Cafe... and let them know they don't need to submit a snack plan.

Quiethinker: The requirements sound right (at least from 2 years ago). Except the AC studies are a lot of work (imo), for full time students. They couldn't start on them until January before the summer class. (They could read all the book before that time though.) The tests were on all collaterals, JCisNG, Are the Dead Alive Now, and ???? The tests were submitted to Corps in the state who would grade them and return them. I allowed my teen open book, which I think was okay by TWI standards. The students were also asked to listen to STS, but I didn't have our teen do that.

One of my teens attended the AC the summer of 2004. She actually had a GRAND time and put her time there on the same level as camp. (My daughter's "2nd home" is camp.) When she told me that I remember thinking and talking to my spouse, "Maybe there is hope. Maybe things at HQ are changing and that change will trickle down through the Ministry out here onto the field." Alas, my hope was in vain...obviously. (We stayed in for over 1-1/2 years after that; it didn't change. Do you think we gave it enough time? ) My daughter said on the trip up to the AC, she started getting nervous about standards being strict. She said it wasn't like that at all and meals were a blast. Most of the table hosts where she sat were teens so they had fun with the whole etiquette thing. It was the fellowship that turned her on, not so much the teachings. She grew up in TWI, so the teachings were not new. She and I had a talk before she left for the AC. (She rode with 2 other teens and 1 fun adult.) I discussed with her about her staying in touch with her thoughts and heart. If anything is taught/said that doesn't sit right with her, don't buy into what is taught/said. And to stay in touch with her emotions...don't put them on a shelf somewhere. Prior to this talk we had had TWI talks regarding mine and hubby's questioning regarding some of the practices/doctrine. So this talk wasn't new to her...just a little more empasized. Interesting note here: My teen did not stay in touch (via computer/phone) with folks from the AC. She does stay in touch with her camp buddies though, via phone and puter. Of course she spends 10 weeks at camp as opposed to 2 weeks at the AC. (If she spent 10 weeks at HQ, she would invaribly have a different experience than a 2-week stay at HQ.)

DITTOS!!! I posted the following on another thread...and thought it appropriate here. The connections/reconnections I've gained through GSC have been life giving, encourging, deep, eye opening. My heart's cries have been answered one way or another via this site. Ironic, because as a lurker while in TWI, I never imagined I would EVER post here or be associated in any way with the posters on this site. Via GSC, I now have some best friends who have chipped away buried emotional crusts out of my heart and head (and some we are still chipping) with me. I have experienced emtional healing. I found joy again. I am reconnecting to my heart again. My marriage relationship is now a dream come true. ......all because of connections on this site. These have been profound cries of my heart and life. God has answered them in (what is to my mind) the most unlikely manner....via this site, the people of the Cafe. Yes!! Thank you God.. and thank you Pawtucket... and thank you to all the connections/reunions.

QT...I remember those days. We were actually hfc's during those days. Gosh! Yup...the hypocrisy I lived shames me at times. :( Thankful I finally saw it. And I remember planning out every moment of my freaking day. :blink: Welcome Sportsfan! I left 9 months ago after 28 years in. I struggle with the same thing...doctrine stuff...and other stuff (mixed emotions.) Just discussed the doctrine dilemma within my soul this week with one of my best friends from GSC. Good folks here Sportsfan...keep hanging around. At 47, I and my husband (he left 4 months ago after 24 years in) are talking dreams again. We (along with many here at the Cafe) genuinely understand and empathize. It will sort itself out. I try to stay open and keep my heart tender. My prayer in December was two things: 1) no more cover and 2) grow through my need for approval. I must have been serious because both those are happening at a fast clip. Glad you're out. Hang on and learn from the ride. Joy is awaiting..and maybe you've tasted it already.

"one of the good eggs"....hee...Thanks Groucho. :) Thanks QT...for the response...and for reading with interest. (Does that mean we all will get $$..interest on our posts?!? )

Too close to home!!!!!!! Ever seen "The Trailer Park Boys?" (I think that's their name.)

LOL Doglover!! Hubby and I were talking about that yesterday. Okay...1978 I go WOW. What are there? 3000 WOWs that year? Most of us meet for the first time at the end of the ROA. And within a day or so (?) we are all caravaning (28 folks and maybe 12 cars/trailers) in unknown territory at night with no cell phones or walkie talkies. (I mean how many times has TWI traveled from Gunnison to HQ?!?!?!?!?!) Well, on the trek cross country, we lost 1 of the cars/trailers. The rest of us stopped at a rest area. And who shows up? The one car. If I recollect, she actually passed the rest area and had the thought to take the next exit and come back. Uh...maybe God can work it out!! That's a good plan!! (BTW: It was MK Pr*d*.) I have quite a few travel stories where God worked his deeds. Here's one: I had been summer outreach on my way home alone (on a Sunday..nothing opened) and my car screws up. I pull off the interstate on an exit out in the middle of nowhere. I coast into a deserted gas station and start to cry, "God!! I've spent the summer working for you and now I'm stranded here...alone. Where the "H" are you?" Well, within a few minutes a car pulls up. Big smile...it was J*hn B*rr. He said, "I passed this exit and had the thought to turn around and come back. You need some help?" Just so happened the P*t*ers*ns lived a couple miles from that exit. J*hn took me to their house and I spent the night and was fed. :) They knew a mechanic and the next day...my car was fixed. That's a good plan too!

Thanks Pond and Groucho. More rambling here: I guess duplicity is good for me currently because of the confusion I feel at times due to the TWI dichotomy....the promoted godliness in the midst of evil. I had wonderful times in TWI...real God times. And I had turmoil times as well, but always blamed myself for those....couldn't connect the deceptive doctrine as as a root agent of that turmoil, and never wanted "the ministry to be blamed." (Boy, what a bunch of hock and control that promoted.."that the ministry be not blamed." I used that against myself, and others, countless times. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!! ) Too, I think, part of my wrestling stems from the good people I know still involved, loyal, and committed to TWI. And these are wonderful people, morally good folks....yet they still support TWI. The ones I know aware of the abuses simply state something like "that was in the past" or "folks just need to get over it and move on with their lives." I know, because that is what I said at one time. Thinking, regarding, investigating the abuses is equivalent to thinking evil. Another point of dichotomy for me....an honest look/investigation being equivalent to thinking evil. Glad I'm free and have tossed the glasses... ... and discovering myself.... ..., God, and Jesus Christ again.

Thanks dmiller. Dittos here Sogwap....:) Well, dmiller, just pipe the speakers to the back of the pick up and hubby and I will both ride back there. Bowtwi could ride in the front....since she is a Hartford fan (and single..if I recollect properly :) ).

Sogwap..no bashing intended, simply a current observation. No one called anyone an foot. I was in the Corps in the late 70's and early 80's. And I just left TWI in late 2005. So I am very aware of the different TWI's. Hope folks still in can read this one day and learn to laugh a little at the absurdity of it all. Yet..it is sad..as noted by Ex10 and others. Heck, I lived it too. Glad I'm out and unraveling the web!! Oakspear...maybe you need to travel with Rhino some!! Dmiller I'll go with you with all that music!!