Hopefull

Happy Birthday Chas! You are as witty as you are pretty, and I hope you have many happy birthdays in which to grace the planet. Love, Hopefull

Thank-you Chas for saying that. John S. was very kind to me when the Way kicked me out in 1998. He gave a total stranger his counsel and resources when asked and did not expect anything in return. His generosity of heart was instrumental in my healing. Even though CFS is not for me- because I know to much about VP now- and because going backwards does not feel right, I would hate to see CFS go the way of twi. The relayed event feels like something is missing.

Potential stowaways for the approaching US Naval ship en route to California.

Happy Birthday, Big Guy. Sorry I'm late.

I read this somewhere-- "Heaven is the place you go where all the dogs you have ever loved run up to greet you". My deepest sympathy on the loss of your beloved Scrappy.

Why don't they just change their name to "The Household of God's Children" instread of followers of the Way? Since this is the order of things, it would be more accurate- the few, the proud, the elite, God's special children- The Household- Creepy.

The mark and avoid policy was a great way to dismantle TWI and special kudos to the self-centered Chris Geer for his POP giving us the "fog years" seriously depleted the ranks of TWI However Mr. P. to compare ole Craiggers to Hitler is beyond my understanding- I wouldn't even put Craig in the same category as Jim Jones and I wouldn’t put Jim Jones in the same category at Hitler- Hitler belongs with Genghis Kahn and Stalin- (Genuine thanks to always to Paul Allen and our Paw for their part- in dismantling and especially in the healing).

There has been much spoken about the apology that TWI- as an organization- owes to its followers. I have thought about the ultimatum twi gave me regarding my husband-to-be and resulting M & I, the extortion of my paycheck as a prerequisite to admission to fellowship, the mind-screw with the anti-christian doctrine under the guise of biblical research- and I wonder- of TWI apologized to me, what would it mean to me? Now in comparision to many accounts at here, the organization would have little to say to me as an I'm sorry- and yet, should the bible be a moral compass- they did do me wrong. It wouldn't mean anything to me. I received validation and healing a long time ago from Waydale and then from GSC. And it's not like TWI's opinion of me means anything to me. So they can keep their apology (which is good because it will never be forthcoming).

Nice try, Mr. Pipes, I commend you for you effort. Your letter was succinct, word-backed, and persuasive. Unfortunately, the word of TWI overshadows Word of the Lord. And TWI has not been a Christian organization for a very long time.

I read all the responses right away and am just now getting back to this- you know how it is. I didn’t expect this much empathy- thank-you- mainly I was just missing the life I used to have, or youth, or normalcy of a sort. Sprawled out, I was on my own at 18 and didn’t marry until I was 38 so I had 20 years of independence- and even when married I was self-sufficient. It is the sudden and unexpected losses that has me missing my old life. Rascal- Long time no chat, how are you and the entire clan? You pretty much nailed it with your story about your friend and you do know where I am coming from. Your post was very right on, thank-you. Tom, and templelady, I have been in 2 widow/widower groups and we have talked about the need for joining groups when we are ready- or taking classes- etc- One of my predicaments is that my lease runs out Sept. 1 and I cannot afford to renew my lease- I am not sure if I am going to stay in the area or not and don’t know how much I want to invest in new friends until I decide- (another reason for feeling in limbo) Coolchef, hugs always appreciated. Belle You are just the nicest lady, have always been so nice to me, thank-you! T-Bone I agree that having GS always here is a great comfort! Mark, thanks- you get it. I know- don’t make any major decisions the first year- takes a while to get to that stable place again where you feel strong and are thinking clearly. Topoftheworld, thanks for the invite to the chat room- I have checked it out a few times and it was unoccupied- it always gets busier in there when re-run season comes! Outandabout, I will keep that in mind- for 4 year from now! Not quite at the age for the red hat society yet! But that is a really great idea- And I don’t have any intention in going to twig!! Groucho- good to hear from you!!!  Yes, I see that in the future--just not ready yet. Thanks for your support! Coolwaters, I will check it out. I always like a good book! (Even though it’s not even close to my situation, LOL) Saravista, I don’t know if I have a lot on my plate or nothing on my plate- thanks for your warm response. excath, you have been there- I am glad that is all in your past. Some day I will look back and say thank God I am not there anymore!! Dmiller, I appreciate it and believe in the power of your prayers. Topoftheworld, I hope it is all behind you. TheHighWay, Thanks for posting. I do love to play games- I didn’t know there were groups for that. Good luck with carving out your new life. And I hope to be a joiner very soon!! (((((((((((((((((((((you guys)))))))))))))))))

My world has been rocked. Because of a slowdown in business, I lost my position at work (job of 17 years) in July, then the biggie- lost my husband to cancer in September, then in March I lost my employment at the aforementioned office- Feeling the need for assistance in starting over, I began seeing a therapist and last week talked about my Way experience. I got “in” when I was 17 and out a month before I turned 38. Today I am 46 and single and belong to nothing. Ms. L., a CSW and my gentle listener, validated for me that in the past, I had either the Way or my husband to help me go through. (Now I know way brain responses were often idiotic, but you did have support and affection from those in your twig). I am melancholy for not having that feeling of belonging and the feeling like you were a part of something bigger than yourself. You parents probably have that through raising your kids. I don’t want to go back to twig and yet, I found myself missing it. Not the way per se and certainly not PFAL but the twig. A little singing, bible teaching, and coffee. Hanging out. Camaraderie- the kind that caused us to scream out each others names at the Rock and rush into each others arms. Or at least see others do it. I met my husband through the way and we had all the same friends. At a place in limbo before starting over, I am constantly mindful that love only is of any importance and even though the Way did not teach kindness in its latter years, I did find it there. My twig leaders especially were wonderful people and good friends. I look at my past and I had a life. I look to the future and know that I will have a life. But for now, I am in more clearly in-between the past and the future than I ever have been. I don't know the point in writing this- just felt like it.

Thank-you so much for the birthday wishes! :D I appreciate it more than I can say, just..thanks!!! :)

I totally missed it! Happy Birthday Radar dear, you are the greatest and I hope your life keeps getting sweeter- I am happy for you! Love, Hope

Justloafing- Thanks for your prayers- Lifted Up/ Uppity- You have many others who depend on you- as for me, sometimes I look at my kitty cats and say to them- “it’s lucky for me that I still have to take care of you” -does that count? Sometimes I feel a little despair but then I have to say to myself that this is temporary and God really has a good plan for the second half of my life! topoftheworld- I have been procrastinating on the resume update- I know the future will get clearer for us soon- Clearwaters- you said “Why the hell does life have to up and change just when I got used to things the way they were? That's what I'd really like to know, ya know? I mean, seriously, crap can't just keep happening and the universe expect me to stay sane. Frick the universe, I'm going insane for awhile! Yes that is it exactly! Belle- I remember reading your posts about a lot of that- what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? your suggestions were great, thanks. I did sleep a lot of the past weekend- of course I was snowed in on Sunday- and nothing else broke! Ron, I feel your pain with the truck- fortunately my car is still running so not Everything is breaking- it just feels like it! I always have cried when the family car was traded in or when my time with my cars ended- Thanks Excath, I hope the next life is the place we really want to be and life is just one big school of hard knocks- - but who is the mail guy? Pond- I spent most of my life never crying and now I cry many times a day- a bald spot on one of my kitties would put me over the edge too- it is just when stresses happen on TOP of stresses that is seems unbearable- yes better times are coming. George- you may not mean to but you make me laugh. LG- I am sorry for your health troubles- stuff breaking is nothing compared to us breaking- I am praying for your physical strength. Wacky- Hi!! Kit Sober, I always love your posts- thanks. I do have some things I am looking forward to- a trip to see a good friend out west, a family wedding in the Midwest, and a week long gathering of family in July- I am very lucky to have these events in my future! WhiteDove- sorry about your washer- I don’t own one of those- I didn’t know that had transmissions that could break! Bliss, Mama told me there’d be days like this, there’d be days like this my mama said! I guess the fact that my husband was the “fixer”- as he was a mechanical technician- and things breaking- is just another reminder that he is gone- and I really liked being married- and I really miss him- it is just one of those many secondary losses that happen- Thanks ((((((((((((((all))))))))))))) for your posts.

Last week my VCR made a grinding sound then ate a few tapes. I used it constantly so it was no surprise- but still…it will be missed. Bye-bye VCR. A few days later I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave, set the time and pressed the button, and…no nuke power there. Adios microwave, Yesterday I came home from work to find the litter-maid electric litter box full of cat poop when it should have looked like the sandy zen garden in the commercials so I called customer service and followed the trouble-shooting instructions to no avail. Of course the warranty just expired so…so long, litter-maid, time to get you replaced. We won’t even get into the subject of my 12 year old automobile. These may sound like little things but…the few friends I have called the past two weeks have been unavailable and I spent the last 2 weekends completely alone-which is something I am not used to. My job- which used to be hectic and give me a nice distraction from any personal troubles- no longer does because my office has become so slow that we all are in fear for our jobs and I keep running out of work. Not only that, but we were recently taken over and jobs reallocated and I lost my position of 18 years and now am working under the guy who was the mail room clerk 9 years ago. I guess I was so busy planning my husband’s memorial service that I didn’t notice co-workers playing up to the new boss and scrambling for position. I really would like to feel normal for a bit but then a big part of life does seem to be maintenance. Have you ever come to a place in your life where it seems like everything is breaking?

1. What time is it: 3:20 PM 2. Name: Hope 3. Nickname: Hopie 4. Piercings: ears 2 times each 5. Recent Movie you've seen: Capote, Good Night and Good Luck, Crash 6. Eye color: Green 7. Place of birth: Connecticut 8. Favorite food: I like too many things! Seafood or a good steak, also love Chinese, Mexican, and Italian 9. Ever been toilet papering? Yes, Hell Night when I was a li’l sis rushing a fraternity at Bowling Green, they made me do it 10. Love someone so much it made you cry? yes ever hate someone so much it made you cry? Maybe, not that I recall- been angry enough to cry several times 11. Been in a car accident: yes 12. Favorite day of the week: Sunday 13. Favorite restaurants: Local: Babylon Fish and Clam; Chain- Outback 14. Favorite Flower: I love all flowers except lily’s 15. Favorite sport to watch: figure skating 16. Favorite Drink: non liquour : any diet soda with splenda or flavored seltzer: Liquor: Amstel light, Pino Grigot, or Ketel One and ginger ale 17. Favorite ice cream: Chocolate with peanut butter, or almonds, or brownies 18. Disney or Warner Brothers: Warner Brothers definitely 19. Favorite fast food restaurant: Nathans, but hey this is NY 20. What color is your bedroom carpet: light brown 21. How many times you failed your driver's test? 0 22. Winter, summer, spring or fall: Spring and Fall 23. Which store would you choose to Max out your credit card: I wouldn’t but if I had to- is QVC a store? 24. What do you like to do when you are most bored: read 25. Bedtime: usually 11 pm unless I am really tired, then 10 26. Favorite TV shows: 24 rules, also any Law and Order, House 27. Last person you went to dinner with: my Dad and step-mom 28. Ford or Chevy: Chevy over Ford, but I would like a Honda 29. What are you listening to right now? George Thorogood in the background 30. How many tattoos do you have: zero 31. How many pets do you own: 2 cats, Max and Simon, and I think they own me 32. Which came first the chicken or the chicken egg? In my life, I recall eggs before chicken- who cares what happened before that?

Happy Birthday Shell! I wish for you a happy day filled with the love of family and friends- thanks for being a friend to me- Love, Hope

This is the most wonderful news!! Well big guy you finally did it- and I am very happy for you both, but especially for you Sushi- I would wonder if Abi was intoxicated when she agreed if not that you have been together for lo these many years. I wish you both all the love and happiness that you can stand and a long life to enjoy each other!! Love, Hope :)

I am visiting my dad and step-mom in Tucson and had a bittersweet Christmas- sad because it is the first Christmas without my husband but nice because I am with family. Friends theirs came over and with my step-moms mom there were 6 of us for prime rib dinner. I also recieved a call or two from friends- to wish me a Merry Christmas and ask how I was doing and that was nice. The best present I received was from my dad- it was my idea since I could use a tune-up and I am not materially minded lately- before I head back to cold and gray New York I will spend a few hours at a spa with my step mom. Dad even gave us tip money today. YAY! I am sorry for anyone who had sadness on Christmas- I think I know how you feel, I had some of that too.

"BALLS" said the Queen, "If I had'em I'd be King". and She offered her honor He honored her offer So all night long He was "on her" and "off her"

In my spousel bereavement group, we were discussing how the complexities of grief cannot be understood until experienced, and my fellow widow-in-arms said, “it’s like the old Italian proverb…Only the spoon knows how hot the soup really is.”

I would say- 1. she wanted it 2. Donna

In PFAL, VP says, you tell me what you think about "Jesus" and I'll tell you how far you'll go spiritually- and yet, the year I took the class- 1978- and afterwards- to say "Jesus" without the "Christ" was taboo and to have a "relationship" with Jesus- talk/pray- became akin to chatting up a 5 star general devil spirit. This was a waybrained mind screw that I knew was so Wrong-. and even conflicted with piffle. Alhough I questioned why we could sing about Jesus (i.e. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, sweetest name I know) but not SAY the name - I was comfortable with this way of thinking because I did not have to closely examine the fact that I did NOT have a relationship with Him and had no idea how to get one going. For the last several years I have prayed to Jesus as well as God- If there is a difference; God I tend to (I hope) praise and thank, and Jesus I talk/pray as one human being to another since He was one once- and my prayer life has become much freer and spontaneous. Do you pray/talk to Jesus? I don't know Him as well as I would like but at least He is no longer a total stranger to me. And the name Jesus (and Yeshua) has become sweet to me, and it is about time. For me, anyway.

Shellon, you have hit it all right on the nose. There is no way you would know all that unless you had been through it yourself- the world is a different place, to me- bereft of the one who was my best friend, always on my side, loved me unconditionally, lived all the day to day trivia and personal intimacies that no one else will ever know. I can hardly want to live in a world where George isn’t. There is hardly a moment when I am not thinking of him, missing him. He was a quiet man but he had a lot of presence and I miss talking to him, I miss the security, I miss the bond, I miss looking at him and feeling the familiarity and trust of him. It has been almost a month and I keep forgetting that he is not here anymore. Sometimes I feel so well adjusted and reasonably happy that it makes me wonder if I loved him as much as I know I do when those waves of grief drown me. What I do know is that God and/or Jesus and/or his angels have been working overtime to comfort me and support me through other people and events that have come to my aid. I know it is especially important to try to push myself to live as normally as possible so that the natural grieving process does not become full blown depression. And if there was ever a time to focus on the spiritual that time is now. For example, I have made a commitment to meet someone at her church this Sunday morning for the service. Shell, your post was amazing, you really do understand, thank-you for the time and effort you put into that. Coolchef, I have been wearing his wedding band on a chain around my neck- because he told me to hold on to it before the surgery- and his watch and I sleep in his bathrobe sometimes. I hope your mom is doing better. Krys, I forget he is gone so many times a day and want to call him with some news. I would not be surprised to find myself looking for a valentines day card for him in 3 months- your story is bittersweet and I sure do understand. Thanks for your prayers. Shell- how did you get through holidays and birthdays and valentine's day and whatnot- without your Bob- The counselor at the hospital tells me I will never be the same person I was. At least there is a chance I will be better. I will be in her group in Feb. Yesterday was a terrible day. Today is much better. Tomorrow is as of yet unknown. Bye for now.

I had nightmares early this morning. I dreamt that George drove up in his truck and parked in front of our apartment building. I was so excited to see him- I ran up to greet him but it was only a dummy in his seat. I started yelling, where’s George, where’s George, and then I thought to call him on his cell phone and then realized that I had both my cell and his in my pocketbook. I became hysterical because I was not with his body and kept screaming in my head, where is he, I need to be with his body. Then the heavens opened up and the clouds started forming fast in billows. A giant swarthy man appeared from the clouds and I knew he was akin to the devil and he reached out into the chest of a man standing nearby and plucked out his heart. I was hiding, and I could either confront him and use the Word to make him retreat- or keep hiding and lose the power of the Word the longer I hid. He looked over at me and then my alarm went off and I woke in a shivering sweat… How does anyone get through this???