mj412

I "fixed" my cat when he was eight weeks old. he only pees in the box now. lol he never learned to stand up and pee so he has to be like a girl. sorry kitty but it works. i have a funny story about a bird and a cat. We had a pet bird and a house cat when I was growing up, now this cat ate birds from outside as she was a farm kitty. The bird was a house parakeet , my moms little baby. The bird flew around the house eveyday took baths under the kitchen sink at night when my mom would get done with the dishes. both nice pets who lived together for 8 years. I said eight years. One morning we got up and the cat ate the bird she had a feather sticking out of her mouth and the guilty look . she ate her room mate. I still cant get over it. she ate the moms baby bird after eight years. life is a trip aint it?

do you know what kills me about the ones who think they are special? they can sin and not think a dam thing about it because they are convinced they are far and above any other person on earth due to thier twi experiences...... Well we will see.... when I sin I ask for forgivness i do not take for granted it is because another one of Gods children made me do it.. talk about lack of controling your own mind or life..... talk about inability to trust God not to metion anyone eles. what a pathetic way to live the good life God granted you.

o 88 I know how that goes but now I prefer the company of unbelievers. I do I am sick of thepompous arrogant no life christians who think they are special because they can not fit in the general population God created. Why not? Because they do not know how to love one another that is why. some are so full of judgement towards anyone who isnt in the cult or heading towards the cult they forget loving all together. With God I can do all things and I can sit next to a freaking heathen and know I am ok. and still love. they have so much fear in life they are afraid of anyone who isnt a borg. What if they cant keep the mind and slip up and think for a second they might want a joyous happy life that God inteneded them to have . NO that that... stay away .God may tempt me to worship Him in truth and Love... I may be jealous of seeing some Joy in life.

I do not think I ever left I just do not do fellowships anymore

not to metion the offshoot mess. Are u sure?

un sure but I think i should tell ya. ten years later I went back to twi

I was told to not attend fellowship. i cried and asked why he said I was "Marked". thats all

one phone call

did you guys clone with another poster? I know it is possible, cause I have the believing for it. the world is a scary place without vpw. oh wait no he is still alive in the hearts and deeds of each of us! oohh nooo

better stock up on batteries. and find a secure place to keep it . Wheres the remote when I need it huh? I have missed shows.

I like them . I am a girl, no I am not a lesbian. they make senes to me , beer ,girls fighting, guys loving every minute. sounds normal to me. I am not jealous of pretty girls, I am one!

I have never read them and they are right on the money. You defined GS . thanks

When i worked in day treatment for the disabled I learned about the fact of "No vioce". It isnt just those who are challenged with low IQ. I work with a female bully and a liar. I am quite old and she has topped my list of liars , she will convolute words just to be able to get people upset. she has shut me down . I am praying to God to be quiet , she will see me done. she is the insecure one. she is a rare female in management, and I believe she has to be quiet. so we will pay for it. Woman sometimes keep this look pretty and be silent a man knows best idea when they are out numbered in middle management it is common. It allows the men to keep the positions, call the shots, and the company to look like they are not sexist. These woman are used most of all, know it, and have the most anger. I think it is great you can use this forum to gain confidence. It allows me to think about what I am thinking. I often feel the other poster skip over or do not read mine. The way experience destroyed my ability to trust myself, or even hear myself think. GS helps. I found out I am lonely you know on this forum I never admitted how many relationships those years erased and how friends are hard to find outside of the way. I do now. I find out but I do not know what to do about it.

who are YOU the poster police? concise yourself.

your a very critical man alffakat. who the hell keeps track of anothers posts and why to such a degree? short enough for ya?

It is about an attitude. The point I was trying to make is just this one . Look at the roles people are playing. I am to sleepy to go tit for tat or point for point yet understand this is what it is like when anyone accused anyone of any wrongdoing in the way. his side, her side, I think ,I knew and I knew when people are not noble when it comes to kissing one another ***. or being honest or even remembering to keep the facts straight. Our personal dealings and thoughts on matters will always have a different perspective and not everyone is right or good. Some I dare say alot of people were so caught up in the cult, pain was not even an option any more personly or anyone eles. Excuse and reproof took the place of reality or truth. Lots of anger was involved . Gee why didnt someone report it? Why wasnt something done? Well if you read this post and how serious people take their positions and then flip and change and then wonder what it is all about. That is/was the way as well. only people. people who had serious emotions and a clear agenda of what purpose was. At the time I thought I had soemthing to lose like olds does now so how could I blame him for clinging to it? I do understand oldesman. I find it ironic it is the same attitude that allowed the abuse to run rapant. not you . I think we are all guitly of it to some degree honestly. lets get well. QC ok you are asking oldesman if he abused woman in the way. well he can answer you but if anyone did do ya think they would confess here? really? That is another trick from hell blame the one who question the status quo with some accusation and the crowd will flock you to hero status. this is just ridiculas. granted your trying to be a valiant man and come to a woman defense I am guessing ex, is strong enough to account for herself. or not, so this is how the game is played and after years of it people truly hated one another in the way. No one wanted to hear anyone eles crap. it is easier to be silent. [This message was edited by mj412 on February 02, 2003 at 20:28.]

We "know" only what we think we "know". That is until we change our mind or learn differently. Many spent years renewing the mind to "what the word says". Alot of this stuff was taught . Listen alot of this stuff is taught...made rational, excused, tolerated and done by example by USING SCRPITURE!!!!! HOW? the bible is holy it must be good. They used stuff from the bible and twisted it to cover sins. to hurt one another. to build an empire. It is very difficult to spend your honest soul studying scripture as "God breathed" I mean the whole world agrees the bible is good right? it cant be wrong . To consider how, I said HOW the scripturs were used to apply behaviours done and not done , to think they actualy teach tolerance for sin and abuse is difficult . and painful, because the bible means so much to so many. Yet the way folks did use the bible as a bullet to destroy , to justify, to allow circumstances far removed from Gods will for His people. That is why is so very difficult for people to hear the truth in situations ,to break away from the group think . the word and nothing but the word people, we got the power, its the grace adminstration. even love one another was twisted to mean love our leaders more. [This message was edited by mj412 on February 02, 2003 at 8:08.]

So if some of them are ok it was part good for you and good enough? Many knew, they freaking knew but the cost was to high to metion it again. I mean you like the guy , he taught you the word changed your life. who is this young pretty girl who just took the class hear tell she is divorced or has been on drugs whatever it took to dismiss a possible gossip or slander against the mog. She is an unbeliever really and why just last year this guy sang in way productions or taught at some limb meeting. He is important to God. You know satan uses a woman to destroy a mans minisrty right? Who is she anyway? I think she has problems and she doesnt know the word for sure, not an advanced class grad. It is ok buddy of mine we do not believe her. You know I am ok right? and I know jack is ok. God bless your stand on the rightly divided word. I must say this tho for all the cover up and cult brain that stuck together it was the women who were the best at denial and covering the sick *** holes. If he molested your child, well I know he didt because he has lived with me before and I have children and well I am NOT going to think about the possible fact it happened to mine. we have a hedge of protection you know. We need a free babysiter and he was always avaiable on a minute notice he served God. Anger at the possible thought.... Or the constant fact a pretty young girl must want their sorry *** husband as a man . Yes, the young girls go to fellowship steal their man, and as a woman with no say at all in the house , no money and several children and battered for years by constant dictate and neglect the enemy was any girl with life left in her, she must be a slut. Those same wifes were lonely for the attention from a man. I saw it over and over they were under to much pressure to be perfect the house the kids everything had to be perfect . Guess who was allowed to keep them company? it wasnt the disconnected husband and father with the cult brain it was the guys who had the silver mouth of helping them, of just being there, sucking up getting in the emotional relationships that was neccesary to blind these wifes. They were the real men of many of these households, they played these woman and the husband was glad to have some one eles help with the kids make sure everything was the way it was suppose to be without the hassle of dealing with such earthly matters. The ministry came first. they were good buddies, thank God he was there when the kid started or to keep her company get her off me..... I have to move the word classes are to be run etc. I saw alot of emotional relationship that were adulterous , and the way encouraged them . the woman needed them ,the men thought God provided all their needs including someone to attend to his wifes emotional and physical needs in the home. no they didnt have sex maybe but everything eles was in place to allow her to truly love him like a husband. So hey if these single girls want to complain about their men whether a leader or not they were God men and she needed him. many times more than one him.... a brother in christ ya know. She would be alone at home at night with the kids , in the shell of being human, never allowed any interests outside the way, and moving next year anyway... she needed him, he would never be capable of that.... he was her friend. Even if he did rape her so what she didnt give to God her entire being , like i have done and he talks to me and understands what this life is like for me... I have to be strong , all the time, husabd doesnt have time or concern anymore the word comes first. . She is a slut anyway . I will tell my husband not to listen to her and make like good bible face in twig for my entire life. God says I have no choice, divorce is not an option, I would have to give up this lifestyle and my husband and people stand up and clap the hands when he enters the room he must be something even if it isnt to my heart anymore. my entire family is in the way and his, where would I go to complain? he is my brother in christ , he understands how it really is with this twi life..I will shut her up... how dare she.?..I love him.... Believe me they knew about the abuse in twi and covered it up they had so much abuse a little child molestation or rape or assult was nothing next to what they had to endure for life..... She better shut up! It was taught in the C f & S class it was the woman responsibility to keep the devil spirts out of her home. Remember that? So denial was needed. the woman got sick to you know.... Well gs people if you read this far. God bless ya [This message was edited by mj412 on February 01, 2003 at 9:57.] [This message was edited by mj412 on February 01, 2003 at 10:37.]

I truly recall this as a moment of deliverence. I asked a guy why he wast attending fellowship with full glory of how I a better and he was wrong for not going. He smiled at me and said "I have to wash my hair" and fluffed up his five or six left on his bald head. I laughed out loud and admired him I truly did. it had never ever crossed my mind of having a choice till that day. He had never taken pfal just had some friends that did a fellowship, they always protrayed him as a lesser human you know not a real believer and as wise as us ..... but he was ok with not going he was not afraid of breaking the silent rules he smiled and he was happy. oooh I wanted that for my life. a choice without guilt to wash my hair or go to fellowship. without feeling like crap, or coming up wth a excuse. I got it. hahaha

I couldnt do it not now. A few weeks ago a very very rude man was in my line , he was rude, short tempered, checking every price , calling the manger to make sure and counting every penny in his pocket ... bad vibes screamed at me dealing with him. Then when he was to go he hit this little kid maybe 3 or four years old and said "Do it"the baby was frightened to death,as he handed me a paper track. I gave him an evil glare of my own and that man knew I was serious, use a baby like that what ball less wonder of a man. We looked at each other and all I saw was hate the child wanted to leave , he said to the kid. "Stay here till she says thank you". and he stood with his hands on his hips waiting . I wanted to choke the bastard. I did say "go away" to him and threw it in the garbage. He would not move. I finaly looked at the little child and said thank you just to make him less frightened of what will happen next . It makes me sick to think of people selling God.

It seems to be either people pleasing, or bible worship that comes from the way internationl mind- set. The people and how we love them or not; and/or to define words seems to be the focus . This is not normal. ok? It is a ingrained mind set from a cult. Yesterday my boss said it was "how I saw things" "How I approached things". NO ONE ELES FEELS THIS WAY! Well I knew I was genuine and this is how I felt. I wasnt lying. But no one eles has the deep set feeling of not being good enough, or the fear of beng yelled at because your whole life will be destroyed by God or an enemy take your pick. We learned the world was and is a bad bad place in twi. We learned about forces out to get ya , (I am still paranoid) We learned we are special or different from everyone eles. Some turned it into arrogance, some turned it into being a forever victim, Some just do not think about who they are at all. I suggest no one is "normal". We are different we have a mindset that s wacked. We were in a cult, we are capable of some bazzare thinking because of it. that is why I like GS , where eles would people even remotely understanding of why we are so serious about the most "not normal" thoughts? We are all trying to recover, the passion to continue in the mind set is strong we do not know what eles to think yet, so when it is also laced with trigger names and words that have a recall in our mind we react like it is a loaded gun in our face. The "normal" people, the entire population at large God created or didnt wouldnt even think about most of the stuff that comes to our mind. We have way brain. Our focus in life is messed up. We are all doing what we know to do to get well. fighting about how to do it, helps us learn we still have the ability. It is a life long thing, this God delievers in a moment idea is fine, yet how we think, how we react, what we do is a minute by minute adventure of years of conditioning being erased. WE carry the past with us, sorry to blow that twi theory of the past is the past do not dwell on it. We can move forward but bring our lessons with us or we are doomed to repeat the same again and again and allow others to chose our decisions for us(which is an easier route by far) because it isnt our problem if it is wrong then it is someone eles. We really know how to accept this pattern as normal IT ISNT NORMAL!!!! OR We rise up to be the Leader of all as we aspired to be. NOT NORMAL AGAIN. Well I am sick of paying for someone eles thinkng for my life. I am sick of those who think they have arrived at that greater place to tell eveyone eles how to be. Both were taught by a cult. Gods love isnt conditional, but our thinking patterns certainly are from the training and education we got in twi, whether we liked it or not it is still in our brain and a part of how we think. CULT [This message was edited by mj412 on January 30, 2003 at 7:37.]

Does anyone eles feel eric and dart etc are super special of some sort? Like they have some type of gift ministry that allows them the abilty to be so much more spiritual than those who disagree? Gods favor must be well earned. Ego and arrogant people "help". Help what? Make me think it isnt about grace and mercy because of shed blood but because you have a special skill to manipulate others by judgement and shaming them? That has been done and taught in the way and by vpw. Your surprized it doesnt work? hahaha Jesus just commands us to love one another. God delivers Eric not you so sorry after all that reading you thought maybe you could be the Saviour , a king someone we adore and worship, listen to a father figure to the hopeless. nice try. been done. didnt work then wont work now. Cult thinking is bashed here . I am not sorry either.

Shock you say? One phone call. I loved the guy ( I still believe he was a good man and loved God and His children)twi and its men of god came first tho.. I would say shocked. cried for a year when I was m/a. Cry for a life time when I walked away. no regrets. thank you for the "bi" info um what was I thinking?

I have been reading this thread trying to learn something because this is THE MAJOR issue with some one I love dearly and me. I do not have meaningful conversations with her anymore because she uses this "I do not know". thing as a true cop out for responsibility and accountability . It is called denial. I do not think it is alright for them (these are family members) to say "I do not know", I am not sure" In the sense of the bible ok then that is like admiting you do not have the table of elements memorized. But people play it like they know what they know till they get to a part that shows them different and then it is all about "not knowing. that is a bible game people play. I am talking about folks who can see the reality and just deny it. for example. "Im sick" "did you go to the doctors?" "I do not know I am not sure?" "oh so you didnt go then?" yes I went to the doctor. Well did you get medicine? I do not know I am not sure What did he say? I do not know I am not sure Now at this point I assume I am not privy to this information and drop the conversation..... then I hear. " I am sick" and this has been going on all my life with these relationships. or like this... "I bought a red car." "oh how great!" Is it a bright red or more like a pink color?" I do not know I am not sure". You can laugh but that is exactly how it is with certain family members and me. I do not enjoy talking to them anymore. It is a passive mind game . Hopeful. If I do not know a fact, true enough I do not know: yet if I want a relationship with someone I exspect a give and take of information to some degree even if it is wrong or not exactly correct. this thread is trippin me, I wish some more poster would speak on this because that one little phrase has nearly destroyed some important relationships. They think I am pushy and bossy and a know it all. NO I do not but I think this excuse of not knowing when they dam well do know and if ....ed off can remember in vivid detail exactly what the story is. I think if someone wanted a relationshipwith me, they would share with me and not truly hurt me by playing this game . I think it is about being accountable for what we think or know in twi alot of people said "I do not know". WHEN THEY KNEW someone had a serious problem . They denied it and covered it up to not get involved to save face to and this is my favorite "Not ruin a mans ministry". I also have trust issues because of the way, I am so honest( probably to a fault , and have been less than diplomatic at times and hurt others.) But to me this "I do not know" statement has caused great harm as well. In a sense it is lying in fact to me it is lying. help. This is about believing something yet saying you do not when the right or wrong person asks you about it. If I believe a verse means this yet if asked by someone what it means to me and say "I do not know". for whatever reason!!!!! It is not being honest with yourself or the other person and a sorry relationship. I want to think relationships are formed by give and take not so much right and wrong and to cop out and play it safe or deny how you really believe is damaging as well. If I lose a friend because we both do not agree on something I do not think it was a relationship that means much to me. But to have a relationship with no integrity or genuine thoughts is stale and not worth much to me anyway. [This message was edited by mj412 on January 25, 2003 at 9:10.]

Bi????? come on now... what does that imlpy? when they tell you not to attend fellowship and hold a meeting telling everyone why. believe me it isnt my choice. but I also didnt have choice leaving on my own cause it was clear to me I didnt want to stay and be a part of something I didnt understand anymore.