WordWolf

They may have a few betamax machines. Most were supposed to be bought locally. All expenses were paid for out-of-pocket by everyone on the field. All vcrs were bought and maintained locally. All classes were held in places rented by, or owned by, locals. So, locals everywhere were SOL when the decision to go betamax yielded the result of a dead-end system that nobody else used. That decision was made by someone who had a 50/50 chance of making the right decision, and supposedly heard from God Almighty before making any decisions, or, indeed, opening his mouth.

"Is that a drip I hear?" "Yeah." "Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?" "So?" "Well, did you use the faucet?" "Yeah." "Why didn't you turn it off?" "I did turn it off." "Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it?" "Did it ever occur to you that it could be turned off and drip at the same time?" "No, because if you turned it off, it wouldn't drip." "Maybe it's broken." "Is that what you're sayin’? It's broken?" "Yeah, that's it; it's broken." "You sure?" "I'm positive." "Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough." "I twisted it just right." "How can you be so sure?" "If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10-16 foot-pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage." "How can you be sure you used 16 foot-pounds of torque?" "Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory edition, signature series torque wrench. The kind used by Cal Tech High Energy physicists, and NASA engineers." "In that case, how can you be sure that's accurate?" "Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal Departments of Weights and Measures, to be dead-on balls accurate. Here's the certificate of validation." "Dead-on balls accurate"?" "It's an industry term." "I guess the f*in’ thing is broken." ================================ "No. They didn't have enough time." "Well, how much time was they in the store?" "Five minutes." "Five minutes? Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?" "No." "Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier that the boys went into the store, and you had just begun to make breakfast. You were just ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot. That's right. I'm sorry. So obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast." "That's right." "So you knew that. Uh, do you remember what ya had?" "Eggs and grits." "Eggs and grits. I like grits too. How do you like your grits? You like 'em regular, creamy or al dente?" "Just regular, I guess." "Regular. Instant grits?" "No self-respectin’ Southerner uses instant grits. I take pride in my grits." "So, Mr. Tipton. How could it take you five minutes to cook your grits, when it takes the entire grit-eating world twenty minutes?" "I dunno. I'm a fast cook, I guess." "I'm sorry, I was all the way over here. I couldn't hear you. Did you just say you're a fast cook, that’s it!? Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit... faster in your kitchen... than on any place on the face of the Earth!?" "I don't know." "Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove! Were these magic grits? I mean, did you buy them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans!?"

"When I come home, baby, my house is dark and my pots are cold."

In this show, someone once claimed to be in the CIA. Actually, he was in the CID, but if he said that, people got confused and thought he was with the CIC, so he claimed to be in the CIA, and they accepted that. We also got a passing reference to Sam and Ralph, the sheepdog and coyote in Warner Brothers despite that being unrelated to this show.

Well, then, maybe.. it was right? Ok, my turn, let's see...

Naw, let's just keep this moving.

"Spill the Wine." (I keep thinking it's "Spill the wine and dig that pearl" rather than "take that pearl", which is a lot better than once thinking the line was "Do I take that girl?")

Apparently. I played the odds and wasn't that close.

"Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here. See, Louis bet me that we couldn't both get rich and put y'all in the poor house at the same time. He didn't think we could do it. I won." "I lost. One dollar."

"Is that a drip I hear?" "Yeah." "Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?" "So?" "Well, did you use the faucet?" "Yeah." "Why didn't you turn it off?" "I did turn it off." "Well, if you turned it off, why am I listening to it?" "Did it ever occur to you that it could be turned off and drip at the same time?" "No, because if you turned it off, it wouldn't drip." "Maybe it's broken." "Is that what you're sayin’? It's broken?" "Yeah, that's it; it's broken." "You sure?" "I'm positive." "Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough." "I twisted it just right." "How can you be so sure?" "If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10-16 foot-pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage." "How can you be sure you used 16 foot-pounds of torque?" "Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory edition, signature series torque wrench. The kind used by Cal Tech High Energy physicists, and NASA engineers." "In that case, how can you be sure that's accurate?" "Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal Departments of Weights and Measures, to be dead-on balls accurate. Here's the certificate of validation." "Dead-on balls accurate"?" "It's an industry term." "I guess the f*in’ thing is broken."

As a separate post, I'm going to guess whoever he was, the smallest US President was about 5'6" and between 120-135 lbs.

I know Ulysses S. Grant wasn't that big a dude, but I know neither his height nor weight. (It's the reason he didn't have to drink much to get buzzed, which helped fuel rumors he was a boozer.)

Well, you knew I had a secret identity, at any rate.... That may have been the first time we joined up, but it wasn't the most interesting time, let me tell you....

The script sounds funnier than it looked from a distance.

"Dragnet???"

How about "ZOOLANDER?????"

Well, in the cinema, she was introduced in The Lego Movie "Superman v Batman".

"Blue Jay Way", the Beatles?????

Ok..... How about "The Hangover???"

Was this from "Wonder Woman 1985"????

It rings a bell, but it might even if I've never seen that moment.

"WIN Ben Stein's Money." Whenever someone answered in the form of a question, Ben would look shocked, and shout "No! This isn't 'Jeopardy'!" There's a dunce cap in the props, sitting on a bust that's also wearing sunglasses. That's the dunce cap that's taken and put on the answerer. When Jimmy Kimmel co-hosted, he occasionally warned that contestant that, if they did it again, they'd put the pointed hat somewhere else.

They were thinking of making it the official state song. Robert Wuhl had some fun mulling that over, considering the lyrics. "In the day, we sweat it out on the streets Of a runaway American dream At night, we ride through mansions of glory In suicide machines." He talked about how few anthems contained the word "suicide." "*hums La Marseillaise* su-i-cide..."

OK, game shows again. Name any to take the round, name more than one for bragging rights. A) WIth one game show, the key was to find connections between one word and another, and get from one word to a completely unrelated word- by going through all the unrelated words in-between, with each word connected both to the word preceding it and the word following it. B) One of the features of this game show was, if you accidentally answered a trivia question in the form of a question, they passed you a dunce-cap to wear for the rest of the round. In the final round, one of the hosts usually offered the contestant the hope that he'd beat his opponent thoroughly in the final "best of 10". That's because his opponent was not another contestant, it was the other host! C) I've now put three shows up for guessing. At least 2 game shows took place in supermarkets. Concerning this one, it's primarily a cooking competition. (What are you waiting for? The clock started!) This one starts with 4 cooks, either amateur or professional, who have a timed cooking challenge. Generally, there's a theme they have to adhere to for the round, as well as limitations on what can be used. In each case, the contestant begins by moving through the supermarket to get their ingredients before they can start cooking. All of that's on the same timer, and ingredients are subject to availability, so a popular ingredient that round could actually run out. Challenges could include a limited number of ingredients, a limited number of aisles to get ingredients, or a limited budget for the prices (that round included a cashier and a handout of sales.) This show was hosted by the same host as "Triple-D" , that is, "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives." Despite the title, it took place in a full-sized supermarket, not something smaller. D) This show has been described as being like having "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" take place in the back of a taxi. It was usually hosted by comedian Ben Bailey. Once you requested a destination in the taxi, he revealed you were on a game show. He would ask questions all the way to your destination. If you answered them all, you won the money. If you got stuck, you could use two shout-outs, pulling over and asking a single pedestrian, or phoning a single person. If you missed three questions, he pulled over wherever he was and let you out without the money (but not having paid for the partial ride in a yellow taxi.) Finally, if you made it to your destination without striking out, he offered you the chance to go double-or-nothing on a single question with a video clip. If you got it right, you doubled your winnings, if you got it wrong, you only won the free ride. (It was optional and not everyone took it.) If you had a long ride, you could potentially make a lot of money on one taxi ride... which probably inspired the show's name. (This show has had more than 1 version, including one that took place in another city.)