sogwap51

Would love to see a pic of you in that winter coat Bowtwi! Bet it melted your heart! This kid actually had designer clothes with his mom...she always "bought him off" with something but the clothes made it look like she was "worth something." Now he will have WalMart clothes...but he doesn't care. He's actually not in a foster home with me. Since DFACs isn't involved it isn't a foster situation. I actually have custody of him like he is legally mine and part of my family. With a foster home, as you probably know, the state stays involved, etc. They aren't involved anymore in my case. The judge gave him to me. The child advocacy lady, Julie, told me today on the phone that she's not going to press to get him and his mom back together because the classes they would require the mom has already had in the past with various situations and apparently it hasn't helped much. Julie thinks he is much better off with me. The child support is what the mom will have to pay me to help defer the cost of supporting him (it's $120 a month...they wanted more) but who cares as long as he is safe and happy which he is. They said the first time she misses, they will pull her back into court. The dust is still settling ... I sure appreciate hearing from you!

The court ordered her to pay child support which she isn't happy about. The judge told me later in his chambers that she doesn't like me much...but she doesn't like him either. So I smiled and said then I must be in good company ;)-->. The judge ordered the puppy went with him. Spent Thursday with probably 30 phone calls from her "sweetly" on the answering machine but when the boy would all her she'd just scream at him. Julie who is Child Advocacy said that the mom called her so much saying what do I need to do to get my son back...and screaming at Julie that Julie's phone battery finally went dead. It was obvious to Julie as the night went on with excuses and such the drunker the mom got. DID get the dog...she insisted on bringing it here but made her drop it at the police department and picked it up there after we knew she was gone. Now she is playing games with giving him his clothes and belongings, etc. Told Julie nothing in the house was his because "she" paid for it to begin with. Julie is fed up with her and said she is going to the judge Monday morning to have ALL parental rights taken from her. The boy talked to Julie tonight and she told him if his mom called whoever answered the phone to tell her that he wasn't allowed to talk to her and to call Julie. It's been extremely stressful because other things are going on with both my kids now (totally unrelated to this) so I'm an OLD WORN OUT LADY at this point.

Off to court again tomorrow. "Mom" thinks he's here for a visit until he decides to come home. The judge, DFACs and Child Adv. is pretty fed up with her they told me. All of us are to meet at 2:00 tomorrow and was told it will get pretty ugly. They want his belongings. They said if she went by their schedule it would take her a minimum of 6 months to petition to get him back. Had him make a list tonight of what he wanted and priortize them. Child Adv. is also requesting she pay child support to me while I have him and that will go over like a total lead balloon with her. Tomorrow will be interesting...and I'm NOT looking forward to it. Thanks for prayers.

Had things explained to me. Technically I have full custody. There is "physical" custody which a foster parent has and there is "temporary" which is what is given to DFACs when they have a child. I have both the temporary and physical custody of the child so from that sense it's full custody. From just a "custody" point, it's temporary because the mom does have a chance to complete programs and evaluations set up by Child Advocacy and if she can meet all the requirements she has an opportunity to get the child back. However, they said in 95% of the cases, the parent never meets the requirements and/or doesn't follow through on the programs. I do have copies (unsigned) of the judges orders now. Am still waiting for the signed copies. His mom called him yesterday and told him she'd moved the night before but wouldn't tell him where. She told him she'd taken all his belongings and his dog and set up a bedroom for him, giving him the biggest room. (She and her boyfriend moved together). She apparently doesn't realize still that it's not an option for him to "just go home" if she can intice him. He was heartbroken that she took all his stuff and wouldn't tell him where it was at. He's wearing my son's pants as he only has 2 pair here and my son is 5'8 and he is 5'2. Can't afford to but going out shopping for him today so he has some clothes and getting some stuff to fix up his room so it feels like "his" own room. Apparently "mom" is also dodging DFACs and the courts and they are trying to locate her. Will let you know more as it happens....KISSES to YA'll!

Some goofy things going on with the judicial system I'm not sure of or understanding. Have a meeting tomorrow at 3:30. DFACs says I have custody, Child Advocacy says I don't and mom can get him back. Need to get somethings clear tomorrow and the judge hasn't signed any papers and it's been over a week. Am documenting! LOL!

Zshot ... what do you do for a living? You are totally the document person and I love it. I'm the totally organized person. Love your responses and you've boosted me to document more.

I couldn't have done this without the help of all your intercession...thank you so much. You all have a part in this boy's positive life because of your prayers. Love you oodlesssss

I'm with ya in prayer also :)-->

Got to court at 1:45 and DFACs told me that they had the custody hearing in the morning :o !! No one told me. The criminal charges were at 2:00...so I was baffeled. They also told me that sparks were flying from his mom when I showed up at 1:45 and they didn't want things to get out of hand. Told them I wasn't there for a cat fight but for the kid. Waited 2 1/2 hours till his name was called..keeping my distance from the mom. The judge went through the charges, said DFACs had been given custody earlier in the day but wanted to assign a Child Advocate with a guardian to the case. Told DFACs to get together with me. Asked the mom if she had anything to say and it was 'well, I hope he's learned his lesson and stays out of trouble.' The judge read some of his psycological evaluation to the mom (it was pretty ugly). Asked the mom who lived with her and if they were married. Then dismissed all of us. Mom, DFACs, Child Advocate, the kid and myself went out in the lobby. They said "you want him to stay with her right?" And she very sternly said absolutely NOT! I don't want him near her. I just kept quiet and gave them my name and number when they asked me. She was kind of ugly with them and she was informed that the advocate didn't work for DFACs or her and that their interest was strictly the child and the lady took him into another room to speak with him. They said they were done with us so we both left (a football field apart walking). I stopped at the grocery on the way home and my cell phone rang. It was DFACs. They said the Judge came out afterwards and said the child needed to be placed where he was happy, familiar and in a good home and that the problem in this situation was the mom and not the child, and he signed full custody over to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They called to tell me that!!! Said he had also ordered a restraining order on her so she couldn't cause trouble for me. They said the kid just grinned ear to ear! So they brought him here, said they weren't calling her tonight but would tell her tomorrow night that I have full custody of him and they know she is going to try and cause major troubles/problems for me. They aren't too happy about telling her but even though they have to be objective, they wanted to see him here also. AGAIN, thanks soooo much for your prayers. I kept reminding myself while waiting the 2 1/2 hours at the court house that prayers were with me. It's what kept me from getting so nervous when there. Love you all dearly and thankful that we can post and get help like this. Ya'll take credit in this situation big time so pat yourselfs on the backs! I couldn't have done it without ya. Know the days regarding the mom are going to be rough ahead - my kids think she will try to burn down my house or kill me. I think she will try to kidnap the kid but he told me if she did, he'd tell me where he was. She has another court case regarding herself coming up 2/9/04 which she could get locked up at (that would be nice just so I know she couldn't bother us and maybe would give her some quiet time to think ;)--> ). THANKS AGAIN!!!

I so very much appreciate all your prayers. Tomorrow is court...at 2:00 p.m. (gulp). I'm as nervous as can be. I went to visit him tonight. He broke his leg skiing over the weekend and is in a full leg cast. My son and daughter are still with him. The coach he's staying with had a 3-hour meeting tonight so my kids are keeping him company and my daugher fixing his dinner and making him stay still as he keeps trying to do stuff on his own. I left after the visit as I had contacted some kids that previously lived with me and asked them to write a letter stating what type of person I was, what I'd done for them, etc. and bought poloroid film to take their picture and attach it to the letters. Hopefully if "she" pops up with something, I have these to fall back on. The letter from one girl in particular made me cry. She'd moved out, was on drugs, etc., getting ready to drop out of school as she'd repeated so many grades and was failing again, and I let her move in. She lived with me for six months, brought up her grades, skipped a year in school eventually, graduated on time and is getting ready for college. I spent the past weekend moving my bedroom into the back spare room, my daughters into mine and painted it, and made a room for this child so he has his own space. But gulp....still nervous as can be. Will let you know what happens. Love you all so much and so thankful for your prayers.

Sorry my previous post was so long...I got carried away and will try not to do that again. Was ... just like talking to friends when I was excited. I have to be in court the 21st at 2:00 and he told me that his mom has "saved" (3) calls on her cell phone from me that she plans to use against me. Don't know what they are so makes me nervous. She wants to portray me as a terrible person. He told me questions DFACs has asked him and he has been fague with his answers so it hasn't helped anything. Could go either way and am nervous about it.

You're in my prayers Garth. I know how hard it can be...but hang in there. There is light at the end of the tunnel even when the tunnel feels like it's closing in.

Thanks all for your positive response. I'm pretty happy how it's going too...but...still keeping my fingers crossed. The boy asked DFACs Saturday if my son could spend the night with him. They told him YES. :)--> They had told me that his mom couldn't keep him from his friends...but "apparently" even though she has informed him that he's to have no contact with me...that's where it stopped as the person he is staying with wasn't aware of that so...I didn't bring it up. Figured if it was a problem they would have informed him of it. They said it was ok for my son to stay w/him...he'd have to run across me :)-->. Think that must be her "request" but no validity behind it. They can't allow him to spend the night here because she says no...but it apparently doesn't go any further than that. I would think if it did that they would have told the person he's staying with and wouldn't have let my son spend the night there. So the weekend went with him coming by here Saturday. His mom has apparently been calling my son on his cell because I didn't know it till Saturday night. The phone rang and the boy answered it and the mom went balastic because he answered my son's phone so figured he was here. She went on and on talking to a 3rd party ticked cause he was here but...it was being recorded and I saved it. A cell...could have been anyplace when the boy answered it ;)--> but she wasn't happy he was with my son. She started calling here on the cell and house phone and none of us would pick up so she'd hang up. Told my son not to answer any of her calls but let it go to voice mail because I may want to save them for court. The investigator at work said if she left stuff on my home answering machine to let him know and he'd come record it. I think she's partly furious because apparently "my son" knows where her son is. Which also means I know where he is. She doesn't. DFACs takes him daily to speak with her on the phone and a weekly visit but that's it. Her last message was for my son to tell him she really needed to talk to him (she wants him to recant but he's already on tape and told me Saturday he still wants to live with me). Told my son not to have him call her as his number would come up on her phone and then she could harrass him. He's staying in a good place with a teacher that is also a coach...but he still wants to be here. Told him I was still working on it and he said he knew...he had "informants" and I laughed. Guess DFACs is keeping him abreast also as they are on my side but have to be "neutral" when it comes to court. So they've let him know I'm still in the game. He even asked me if I had the "paper" (the one she signed saying he should live with me) and I told him I did and had already shown it to the judge. When he came Saturday night to get my son I was tearing the house apart...told him I was rearranging everything so he could have a room of his own. He said "can't I stay in your son's room?." Said sure...but figured there'd be a point where you need your own space or want your own friend over...and then you have your own space to go to if you want it. So my son spent Saturday night with him. I baked brownies to send with him and he asked if he could take his favorite box of cereal and I said sure and he loves my iced tea so made some and put it in a 2-liter bottle for him to take with him. THEN the coach asked if he could drop him off here while he went to a meeting Sunday and said sure! :)--> So he was here Sunday afternoon into early evening and my daughter cooked dinner for him, the coach, etc. Now the little bugger is trying to play match-maker between the coach and my daughter! LMAO! He is VERY cute though ;)--> and she just broke up with her boyfriend ;)-->. But in all seriousness, I told DFACs if I got custody of him I'd like to see if I could arrange for him to still spend at least a night a week or weekend w/the coach as I think it would be a positive male influence on his life. The coach is going on a skiing trip this weekend and the child doesn't want to go. The coach told him he'd ask DFACs if he could spend the weekend with me. That should be interesting.... The child asked if when he came to live here he could bring his dog. (We already have 3). Told him I'd do my best to aclimitize them all together and if it didn't work, we'd cross that bridge when we came to it. He's had pets but his mom hates animals so has never let him keep one for more than a few months and used it as something to "hold over his head." But if his dog doesn't work out with mine, already have dibs on a pup for him that he'll always be able to keep from beginning to end but haven't told him. My house is the "zoo"...mis-placed kids in and out...and animals. Cockatial landed on my roof, took it in and still here; started out with one dog, my daughter got a pup on her 12th birthday, her x-boyfriend bought a boxer his mom wouldn't let him keep so she is here...and a cat I've had forever. The cat sleeps on top of the bird cage, the dog's don't bother the cat...it's pretty funny. So just have to bring his dog hopefully into the mix. At least I have 1/2 acre fenced in back yard! A book again...I'm soooooo sorry! Thank you all again!!!!!!!!!

Update....DFACs told me that he asks daily if he can come here, even if it's just to spend the night and they tell him his mom has to ok it and of course she says no. HOWEVER, I was "quietly" informed that there was a hearing this morning at 9:45. To make a long story short...I went in my work clothes ;)--> (I work as a dispatcher in the police dept so went in uniform). I went early, parked in a different parking lot so she wouldn't see my car, asked to speak to the judge and explained that she would go balastic if she saw me in court. They sequestered me in another area until she was in and out. The judge isn't fond of her to begin with because of past actions she's neglected that were court appointed regarding the child. He met with me afterwards. I had written him a letter and, Shellon, I have documented everything. I can tell you when he missed school and why, when he slept on a park bench, when he was left alone and for how many hours until morning, when he had a fever of 104 and she declined taking him to the doctors even if I drove him, etc. Previously I had given copies of all that to DFACs. But...my brain works better with a keyboard...always has. So I'd written a letter to the judge. I revised it this morn as it was actually written for his criminal hearing before this custody hearing ball started in motion Monday night. The Judge read it and smiled. He said "I hear you have another paper for me." I have a paper she'd previously signed and Ryan said he wanted to sign too that is noterized that says if anything should ever happen to her or there was a conflict in a spouse relationship that Ryan was to live with me. :)--> AND she, herself, had signed it. The Judge grinned, winked at me. He said the custody hearing would be in two weeks. He said how about if I supbonea you and then you can get paid for being off work. (Plus she can't argue about my presence there because I'm required to be there by law, not just showing up.) I asked if he wanted the letter and paper for his file and he said "No, I want you to bring them with you to court in 2 weeks." Winked again, and walked away. I was also asked to tell his case worker that he needed to come to the station today to do a verbal statement on tape. DFACs "conveniently" brought him when it was my shift to work. :)--> I went out to the lobby to hug him and when I opened the door he was standing there with a goofy grin on his face and his arms outstretched like "what took ya so long? Ya, ya ya, here's your hug". I APPRECIATE SO MUCH ALL OF YA'LLS PRAYERS. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!!!! I know this is long and I'm sorry for taking up your time to read it but I thank you and wanted to keep you posted. It's still in God's wonderful, loving hands.

I have a friend at work at is a DFACs investigator and he was out sick when this happened. He was on call and he told them to send the child home with me but the mother wouldn't allow it (he knows the history). He came back to work today and when I went in I asked if he was on duty or still sick. They told me he was there but had left to get a warrant. I wanted to know because today I had been told was the boy's court date and I'd written a letter to the judge. It happened that the warrant was for his mom. He came back and told me (he absolutely won't tolerate kid's being hurt) and he asked where she worked and told him. She called on the phone at the same time and got a BIG attitude with the other dispatcher and him. He went to where she worked and arrested her for child battery. He took verbal statements from my kids and my daughter's boyfriend that picked him up last night when he "ran away from her" after she punched him. DFACs was called in (again) and they told her they were removing him from her. She said she didn't care where he went except he could not go with me and have no contact with me. But...that can be ok. At least he's not with her. I made a promise to him last year...told him if this all came down that it may take some time and they might put him in a foster home because she disliked me so much...but to remember that I would still be fighting for him and he just had to be patient until I could get him. So prepared him previously for this (hope he remembers it). When they arrested her she got him on the phone and told him that he had to come to the police dept and tell them he'd lied...I held my breath...he never showed up. I've explained previously to him that when this came down if it did it was his one shot in life...he could go for it or not. (Like the kid that calls wolf). My heart is aching to comfort him, but I know he is safe and that is what is most important. When they arrested her and ran her criminal history I was shocked (I'm still pretty nieve I guess). She had an FBI number and her past record was as long as my arm. The only one that didn't show up was the one I knew about 2 years ago December that I was involved in because I housed her again. Told the investigator and he had me call the county and I got a fax of it. It was for disordly condect that was because of domestic violance and the statement in it said that he told her not to leave because she'd been drinking for 12+ hours and he knocked him down, scratched and bruised him getting him out of her way. (That night they took her away in cuffs and my son was there). So...that is where things stand but also, he never had a court case today like she said...it's not till the 20th. Everyone has told me I need to get an attorny and there's no way I can afford that. My daughter even asked if she pooled her money with mine if we could (bless her heart...my kids love him)...but this has to be in God's hands because I don't know anyone on that end and I don't have the finances. So...thanks again for your prayers and I will keep you posted. Thank you soooo much.

Things are not going well now. He spent 3 days with her. He and my son had an attitude about wanting to stay there for the weekend and wouldn't listen to me. He ended up at the police department tonight with scratches from her and bruises where she'd punched him. DFACs was called and...turned him over to HER best friend who is her bar buddy and gives him beer. The lady's two sons have been in and out of rehab for drugs...and that's who he was turned over to. I don't know what she told DFACs on the phone but they were very rude to me in the end. Guess I'm good enough to keep him for two months + now...until he ends up punched. Go figure....

Vickles, the sw dropped the ball again...read a posting above. Since he's in a "safe place", they never followed through. Plan to call her though....

My prayers are with you! Hope the days to come bring better and brighter news.

Thanks bunches. His court date is January 7. I'm not sure how I am going to handle that to be able to be a "voice" in it. I'm considering writing a letter to the judge...dunno yet. Still pondering.... Being a juvenile I don't think they will let me in the room as I'm not related. Still gathering info and weighing things to make a decision....

Let us know what happens :)--> !!

You go girl! Thumbs up!

I made my decision on how to handle it. I told him since he tested positive for weed that I had thought of either removing him from the house or giving him a second chance. I decided that he need to write me a letter convincing me why I should give him a second chance. Depending on what he wrote would determine my decision. He wrote four lines, gave it to me, read it and told him it wasn't acceptable. I wanted heart and a reason why I should continue to fight for him and give him a second chance. Sent him off on his own for no distractions...he wrote me a letter and I accepted it. However, I will test him periodically and if he comes up positive again, he knows he'll be out with no turning back here. So...that is how I decided to handle it.

Thanks Kry...it's not Bowtwi having the problem with the foster child but me, Sogwap. And he did test positive this morning. I haven't been able to test my son yet as he took a tablespoon of vinegar day before yesterday and again today as (he said) a laxative because he was constipated...(old remedy). However, that throws off the test because of the ph balance in the urine. So now I have to wait 2 more days to test him (and removing all vinegar from the house). Don't know if he knows it throws the test or if he IS constipated as he says. So won't be till Friday when I test him. Haven't made up my mind yet on the other boy. Either "hit the road"...or convince me why I should let you stay and fight for you. He knows I'm really upset with him right now and I told him he didn't pass the test but that I would let him know my decision in 48 hours because I don't want to make a "rash" one which was my first instinct. Still thinking.....

Thanks for the input Bowtwi. I have been documenting things since September and even gave a copy to DFACs. HOWEVER, right now I'm at a bit of a crossroads and any advice will be appreciated. In the last 24 hours, I have caught the child in megga lies to me and think he's turned my son onto drugs. Because of where I work I have access to drug tests. I'd planned to test him tonight and am testing my son also, but they were "conveniently" asleep when I got home from work at midnight. However, I will test him in the morning. I'm 99.99% positive he's not going to pass and neither is my son. This has all transpired over the weekend. Not sure how to handle the child if he flunks the test..... Know how I will handle my son (I think). Any thoughts? I sat them both down this morning and told them it was a pretty crappy way for them to "thank me" for providing both of them (son included) with a home, food, love, stand behind them, fight for them. Told them both it was a damn shame when I felt like I had to pat them down before going to work. I'd had an irate parent call at 2 a.m. Sunday morning. Both boys were spending the night with their friend and I DROVE over to check on them at 10:30 and thought something was up but had no proof at the time. Then the parent called because they'd snuck in to her trailer to see her daughters. I got dressed, went and got their butts and jerked them home. They both have consequences where the one boy isn't used to. But I think he's teaching my son how to "play me". And that ain't gonna fly. My initial reaction is that his little behind will be out the door if he tests positive....but is that a smart move on my part?

Don't worry about it. I did a similar thing. I left about 15 years ago and when I'd run into anyone from the Way I'd approach them. If they got real uncomfortable, I continued to walk their way and talk to them. Some responded to me, some didn't. Figured it was THEIR loss if they didn't. I would still do that today if I ran into someone.