sogwap51

Thumbs up CW!!

Cool Waters, NEVER be ashamed of who you are or what you look like. It takes all sizes and shapes to make the world go around. If your health is affected, there has to be something that you can do to achieve the results you want that will be a blessing to you in the process. Don't ever ever ever get tricked into thinking you are less of a person because of the way you look. You are beautiful in the eyes of God whether you are 90 pounds or 900 pounds. It's the heart that counts. These old bodies are disposable one anyways! Focus on your health, knowing you have folks praying for you also, and everything else will fall together for you. Believe in yourself. We do. God does tremendously so!

Forgot to add... I haven't had the FIRST phone call from child advocacy or probation since he left...although they "promised" to keep me informed. Yea...right.

Regretfully, I'm not too fond of the system either. With all the kids I've helped outside of the system I had a 99% average in helping. With the one kid, Ryan, inside the system, it was a failure in the end and has made me totally gun-shy to ever do it again inside the system. It's really a very sad thing because I THINK that child agency's started out on the right track with the right purpose but the pendalin has swung SO far to the extreme that it doesn't allow the adults to control much of anything because they are so scrutinized and gives more open control to the children which is sad. Partly I believe because it only takes a "few" foster parents to screw it up for all others that are good foster parents and partly because it is so government controlled. The schools have also gone to such an extreme also. Here, if you take nail clippers to school you go to the youth detention center. How rediculous! The focus has changed so dramatically to "what kind I look for and find that is wrong and evil" instead of "what good is being done in this situation and what is being taught." I know things differ state to state to a degree, but even when I had Ryan with custody, child advocacy and probation were for a time on the "band wagon" for me, even when I had to have him leave in the end. They were to call me after his next morning call to the probation and advocacy. He never called. They haven't heard from him in two weeks. They said he'd immediately go to the detention center if he didn't check in...yea...right. I think they all "talk a good talk" and that's about it. They often complain that they don't have time because so many kids are "in the system." However...ALL the kids in the system don't NEED to be in the system. They are in the system because an idiot called someone when they were disciplined in public. Like...don't spank that child because he pee'd in public...BUT had he pee'd in that person's yard ... heaven forbid! It's a catch 22 situation. I think you're doing a GREAT job with those kids Galen and my hat is off to you big time!

Galen....haven't forgotten you....pondering your situation.....and praying of course.....drawing in the sand with your situation in mind.....

Galen, I know you said therapy had stopped on these kids because of the state finances, etc., but are they on any type of medication? They almost seem autistic.

Galen...I certainly did not mean to offend you with my post. I apologize if I did.

Galen, I would never have tolerated destruction of property that long. They haven't learned to appreciate a bike, I wouldn't get them a bike all summer. If foster care supplies a bike, I'd put it up for a later occasion, or let them know until they started showing some responsibility for property (their beds, etc.) the bikes stay locked up. If you have one especially that gets the thrill out of riding out in front of cars, I'd buy that one a pogo stick! All the kids I've had in and out of my house (except for Ryan) were not in the system. I haven't been too impressed with the "system" so far... Ryan never checked in Monday morning at 9:00 as he was supposed to. His probation officer stopped by work today on another case and said she hasn't heard from him. Tomorrow here is juvenile court...don't know if he's scheduled. Child Advocacy was to tell me what transpired...haven't heard from them. Haven't heard from the kid since he went back to his mom but heard she bought him a cool dirt-bike so he's apparently busy with that. Hasn't even called my son (his "best friend"...right...when convenient). Apparently Ryan has been telling me one story, both child advocacys different stories, his mom another story and another for probation. Sad because he never used to be this way...but the older you get the better you play the game. I still think deep-down he's a good kid...just highly messed up right now. To top it off, me, my son and daughther all got subpoenas today for her child abuse case on the 14th of April. Not much I can do in his defense since I sent him away.... Galen, I got no financial help because I'm not a foster parent folk...but ... I wouldn't tolerate what your kids are doing. My son is ADHD ... and that's no excuse for destroying anything. I bought my son two bikes that he wrecked/destroyed. When he wanted another I told him he was on his own. He ended up wanting it so much he worked for one and bought it. Messed it up and I still wouldn't get him one. The next one he wanted so bad he had to chose what he wanted to sell from his room or take to the pawn shop and get money for to buy it again on his own. He is again without a bike (Ryan and he took it apart for other things)...and he will stay without one until he buys the next one. We live 1 1/2 miles from town and that was his "transportation" most times into his friends. He's not allowed to walk the distance (people too crazy these days driving)...so unless it's convenient for me to take him, he has the local distance only. If I were in your shoes, I would not give those kids another bike. As for the beds, I wouldn't fix or replace them. When they get splinters up their ***...I'd remind them of why.

Dovey, I too pray for you and a total recovery. I know the feeling also of having no friends but those on-line, and the feeling of things not going as dreamed and planned. But hold tight to the dreams because sometimes that is what helps overcome the pain of the present while the Lord goes to work on us.

Thanks vickles. I appreciate hearing that. I keep questionning myself now on where I missed it or if I over-reacted, etc. Child Adv. called yesterday to check and make sure I was ok and my son was doing ok because they know this was hard on my son also. They seem to feel with all the kids they've dealt with in the past that this one will just end up in and out of the detention center until he is an adult and then in and out of jail. They said it was a shame I couldn't have gotten him earlier. Only time will tell. He's still angry at me but had a blast going to the races yesterday with his mom and boyfriend, etc. and looking for a 4-wheeler and/or dirt bike his mom is buying him. She always does stuff like that and then yanks it from him at her convenience. It's her way of controlling him. The judge though is asking her to produce the $10,000 medical settlement she got on him so the court can put it in trust for him (she doesn't know that yet and I'm sure that's what the 4-wheeler and big screen tv and her court fines are being paid with). But, tomorrow morning he may be meeting with the Judge and the Judge is not happen that he caused such a disruption here. Advocacy said they would let me know what happens tomorrow.

This is probably the end of the story. The last 48 hours have been hell. Ryan has tried to turn my son against my daughter and then my son against me. Then he tried to verbally attack me big time last night. I removed myself 3 times from the situation and he followed to fight. Today he wanted to make a joke out of me. Had my fill...last night he crossed the line in situations. I put up with a lot and have a great tollerance, but when you cross the line, you're done. Since his visitations with his mom he's been suspended, and his attitude stinks and he wants to "take me on." Well...he did...and he's gone. Enough was enough because I don't play his games. Had him removed tonight...the judge put him back with his mom for the weekend (now he can run all he wants). But he has to check in Monday morning with the Judge and at that point he will be going to the detention center for 90 days. Ryan has informed me how much he hates me, (fine), and how much he doesn't trust me (fine). The Judge feels he's had a "honeymoon" here compared to his life and has abused it greatly. Regretfully, I'm done. I put myself out for this child, he chose not to change but get more and more obnoxious. His choice. Another child might have been grateful for the chance and done something with it. Still love him dearly, just not playing his games. Think it was a serious rude-awakening to him when he had to leave tonight. Hopefully, in the long run, it will be a wake up call. Was very spiritual also. Actually, soon as he left the premises of my driveway, the "dust" settled back to normal here and my son was back to himself. Almost like...duh...what happened. So this could be the end of the story. Thank you all again for you prayers and support. I couldn't have done it without you. But people only change if they want to when they have the chance. Again, thank you.

Tribunnel did not go well as I expected. He is long-term suspended. Have talked to Julie and he will have to go before the Judge (probably next Wednesday) as being suspended is a probation violation for him. His consequence will be 90 days in the detention center. He's not aware of this and I'm not offering the info to him as I don't want him to "run" and end up in more trouble. I have asked and requested, asked and requested, pushed and requested...and he will be getting constant established anger counseling and other counseling on a daily basis in the detention center (least that's what I've been told and will follow up on it to make sure it is done). So far Julie said he would be returned to me when he got out (it will be right before his 14th birthday)...but probation said "we'll cross that road when we come to it." Will let you know what happens when we see the Judge.

Julie and Probation both said they think he will go to the detention center Wednesday. His hearing is at 10:30 a.m. so will have to take off work to attend it. Talked to him about it tonight and I think he knows what will pretty much happen. He asked if they sent him if I would visit him and I told him absolutely. I'll be there every visiting day. In a way, this might be the best thing for him on one hand. Might make him appreciate what he had here. You never realize what you have...until you lose it. He hasn't even told his mom yet but I imagine he will tonight. Maybe, maybe not. Will keep you informed.

Thanks so much Bowtwi. I needed that :)-->. Actually Ryan won't go back to his mom yet and has been told that. If he leaves here he will go into foster care because the judge isn't even considering putting him back with her until she completes all her programs and he doubts that she will. Part of his problem, I believe, is that he's never had rules to go by long-term. He always did what he wanted, when he wanted and no one really cared. Here he has more rules than just during a "visit." My daughter is almost 19 and she still checks in when she is out and about. If she doesn't she looses the car. It's simple. He was suspended Friday but I haven't told him yet. I'm not sure what the outcome (on the other end) will be regarding that. He was originally told if he was suspended again that he would go to the detention center. The principal told me I would be getting a letter by mid-week regarding the tribunnel. The principal was informing his probation officer Friday regarding the suspension. He also got his cast off Friday which was one thing holding the judge back regarding the detention center--him being in a cast. Guess this week will tell, probably Monday is my guess. Talked to child advocacy yesterday as Ryan made the initial call cause he wanted to stay the night at his mom's. Julie asked to talk to me regarding his request. However, Ryan would only go if my son went and I said no to my son going. He exploded with me and with Julie. He was allowed to go for the night but not with my son. He didn't want to go if that was the condition. Finally, with an attitude he called his mom and she said Julie couldn't give him permission it had to be the other child advocate, Patty. (Not so. They are working together now.) But then, it was Saturday night and I'm sure she had plans...if you know what I mean. So he stayed here last night. My son talked to me and it wasn't the fact he even missed his mom and wanted to spend the time with her. He found out the people behind her and four-wheelers and dirt bikes and he wanted to go do that for the evening. The "ploy" was staying the night with his mom. But it didn't work anyways. Julie is considering asking the judge to put him in a foster home because she feels he's taken advantage here and it's beginning to affect my kids. I've asked her to hold off on that but don't know if she will or not. I've requested to her counceling be set up for him and am waiting to hear on that also. I was also informed at the doctor's Friday that his medicade is no longer in affect and will be responsible for the bill so need to go to DFACs after work tomorrow to get that straightened out. It was supposed to just switch from them to me. Your prayers sure are appreciated, along with the advice I get from everyone. He helps me see different angles and I sure am thankful for that.

Yes, Jen-o, he should be in counseling. "Everyone" brings it up and I say "YES" but nothing is done. His vist with his mom was great of course because she played with him, etc., but of course that's not how it is when he lives with her but he's not seeing the forest past the trees. I'm extremely discouraged right now. He informed me yesterday evening that I haven't fought or stood behind him at all....duh..... Today there was a meeting at school regarding him and he is again suspended and I will be informed of when the tribunal is. Think maybe I'm NOT the best thing for this kid......

You got mine too! :)-->

Things are a bit strained still between Ryan and myself. He has his first visit with his mom tonight from 6-8. I know she will "shower" him with love and affection (but that's not how it is when he lives there). My son has told me he's being told that she "greaves" for him daily and cries herself to sleep nightly. So she is just playing the emotional card. He will either...buy it...or take her for all she'll give him financially. Seen it before (nothing new under the sun). Pattie told him if he doesn't want to live here he'll go to foster care and not back to her yet. He told my son he'd be back with her before school was out (45 days). Pattie was going to go to the judge and petition for him to be removed and put in foster care because she is not happy with his lack of appreciation here but I asked her not to. She is waiting to hear from me before she makes a move. I'm just biding my time seeing what this visit does. I can understand him being homesick to a degree (his pat answer to Pattie is always "she's my mom" and I know he's always had to take care of her and feels responsible, etc) so I'm just going to wait. Maybe he and I can talk in the days ahead and maybe this daily visit will do him some good in the aspect of the homesickness and knowing she's not really ill. When DFACs had him he visited her (controlled), so maybe this is all it will take. Time should tell shortly....

My prayers are with you too kid-o!

Hey Bow...if I win the lotto before you, I'll buy you a couch! Course I guess that means I gotta buy a ticket first....duh

Interesting things going on now....mom is "sick" (cough cough cough) a trump card ... but $$$ is starting to raise it's ugly head (card used before also). BUT...he's starting to play the "games" and I'm not playing them with him. Julie is back on the case:)-->. She and Patti are working together and in total agreement. First visitation is Wednesday from 6-8. Julie said she's calling tonight to ask Ryan where he wants to live. He's starting to play games like kids putting mom and dad against each other and I'm not going that route. He's also acting like the "spoiled" kid now too (he's an only child...but....). It's not like he hasn't been here for eons before... Got the child support check...made out to him again. I can either reject it because of that and make a statement on my end...or...I can accept it and not have to count it towards taxes next year because "I'm" not receiving extra income. Pondering... Talked to Julie tonight and both of us are seeing the game he's playing and neither of us are going for it. I think the next 7-10 days are going to make a big statement in his life one way or another. But it will be the path he chooses. Julie is going to ask him if he wants to go back and live with his mom. If he chooses to, the door is closed here permanently. He knows I told him he had the one shot with me this way...guess we'll see if it made any impression. Tides could turn shortly.

Sorry for no update...things have been kind of in limbo with some side-tracks and I've had limited time to be able to get on line. His mom is still furious he is here and I have had a great relationship with child advocacy. "Mom" pitched a fit in court last Wednesday and demanded the advocacy person be dismissed and another appointed. The Judge complied BECAUSE advocacy was sick of her calling constantly and so was probation as she just calls and cusses them out. She "wants her son back" but has yet to ask what she needs to do to get him or even asked how he is. The court appointed another advocacy which I met tonight. She came to the house after court to meet me and Ryan. (Now you have a name :)-->) Patti the new child advocacy agrees totally with Julie (the old one)'s report and has no plan to place Ryan back with his mom in the immediate future. Julie had me make a chart of Ryan's past and some stuff came up I didn't even know about...duck taping him to a wall, broken collar bone, injecting his pets with drugs and they died, etc. The "new" child advocacy is a good friend of Julie's and said she is much harder and that in about two weeks his mom will be begging for Julie back. Patti asked Ryan if he was comfortable here and why. Ryan said he was and that he could talk to me and my son about anything and that I would always discuss things with him and give him different perspectives on things that he hadn't thought of. He told them (and I showed them--document, document, document...lol) that his grades have improved, he has comments from teachers on how impressed they are with him, they have said he is like a different child and has a wonderful attitude. It's like black and white/with her and with me. His mom is trying to play on Ryan's sympathy now (he's always stood up for her before no matter what because she was his mom) so she is playing that card with him. I've explained the trickery of it, etc. He is still digesting it. She bought him a pair of pants last week and was to drop them off in the drive. I told him to go out to the car and see her face-to-face (because he was getting bugged with the emotional-sympathy pull). He spent 2 minutes with her and was cool from then on. The point was he "saw" her and she was ok. I'm not trying to close him off from his mom, I'm just trying to protect him from her. Advocacy knows that and they are on my side. She called and chewed him out on the phone because he told her he was doing good in school. She berated him for "trying NOW". Least the kid's trying! He's bringing up all his grades and hits the books the minute he comes home and has asked the teachers for extra work to bring his grades up further. The Judge told me to start taping her calls. Ryan told her so now she's "nice" on the phone. I was saving to buy a new couch and we went last weekend and spent the money on things for his room to make it "his". From his mom he got a few things of clothes when his belongings were brought over that weekend, his tv and radio. So we went and got a wolf blanket (he collects wolves) and knick-nacks and posters, etc. and put up shelves and stuff and decorated his room. Another day I'll get a couch :)-->. He has "his" room and my son has "his" room...and there's only one night they've spent apart because I separated them. They either sleep in my son's room or his room so it's pretty funny. They've always been inseperatable but I still figure he needs his own space. Cool thing too is Patti is a Christian and we spent time talking about that. So all seemed to go well...and then DFACs showed their ugly head today for me to sign papers I refused to sign until they re-worded them. But that's another story. :)-->...thanks for asking about an update. Thought maybe you were getting tired of me!

Am praying for you also. Just focus on all the ice cream you'll probably get to eat instead of the surgery itself ;)-->

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels. When my dad passed he was actually my step-father but the father I'd always known. Time does heal some but I still reminise and wish he were around...but I know our paths will cross again. If you question that with your dad, only God knows for sure and your path will probably cross his again. If you don't question it, there is comfort that you will see each other again. The physical loss is very mind boggeling in many ways and only time can heal.

Go figure...the mom called DFACs on ME. Said I pulled a gun on the boys and the one I just got had to distract me while my son took the gun and shells and hid them in the tree house..and that my daughter runs around nude and has men in and out of her room sleeping with them..and my house is filthy. SO they had to come here because there was a report. Geez...this gets old. My daughter was furious, the boys laughed their butts off when asked about the gun...but the SAD part was...my husband asked...did you pull a gun on them? I was so furious at him I could have smacked him into tomorrow. To THINK he would even ask that! I just looked at him dumbfounded. (He's only home 3 days every 4 week...but still....). DFACs said they had to follow up on all complaints and apologized for having to be here when they could be someplace merited. They also told me that after 3 bogus complaints I can charge her for false calls. Does this ever end? Told them if I didn't care so much about the kid, I'd tell them to place him and stick it...but I won't do that to him. How ridiculous all this is. But now I have an "open" case against me. Duh.

My thoughts and prayers are there also for her and for Jim to have to strength he needs right now.