Yeah, he went from Benign to Before, since he's a pre-Lore/Data prototype.
...
Sorry, I had to repress the heaves there...
We'll never see Avery Brooks(Sisko) or Robert Beltran (Chakotay) in a movie as long as that moron Rick Berman is the tumor in charge of the Trek franchises. They can't stand Berman and what he's done to Trek.
With Riker, Troi, Crusher, and Data gone, all you have left is Picard, Worf and Geordi still on the Enterprise. That may actually be progress, but you can bet that Berman will fill the spots with even lamer characters. He can't help it, it's just the medication.
Not being funny, but is he really that bad? I know nada about him other than he was the one that orchestrated the death of Capt. Kirk ( I had mixed thoughts one that one: yeah, Shatners' toupee (RUG!) was a bit corny & his time was up, but to have Jim Kirk die in a corny accident like THAT ?? what happened to the 'ol blaze of glory?)
From other things I've heard, Berman is driving away the loyal fan base of Star Trek & intent on shaping it in his own twisted image, doing away with all things Roddenberry.
...on the 8th Day, GOD made the Harley, & it was Good.
Yes, he is that bad. Think about it, is anyone in any of the spinoffs competent to hold their positions in Starfleet? How many plots were resolved by:
a) Technobabble "reconfiguring" of some piece of ship's technology that wasn't built well enough to take care of it in the first place, but the crew can redo the whole thing in ten minutes?
B) Politically correct or maudlin feel-good happy thoughts, despite howlingly bad tactical judgment?
c) Data grows a new power and is annoying about using it?
d) insert your favorite peeve here...
All plot is driven by conflict. Since all the crew have a big group hug and sing Kum Ba Yah when they get off duty, there is nothing left to drive plot among the crew. Remember Spock vs. McCoy? That's how you keep the characters interesting. Next Generation's Enterprise is The Good Ship Wonderbread.
Sound familiar?:
Picard: Prepare a full spread of mayonnaise torpedoes, Mr. Worf.
Worf: Why? They never do any damage any more.
Picard: Prepare to fire on my mark.
Worf: All I have to do is punch this button, why don't you save the dramatic pauses for sometime when hesitating won't get us killed?
Picard: Wait for it.....Fire!
Worf: You were supposed to say "mark!"
Picard: Wesley, get out of that airlock!
Wesley: Hey, this isn't a holodeck...(whoosh)
Worf: Full spread of mayo torpedoes hit! But were totally ineffective against their (insert buzzword here) defense.
Picard: Perhaps they just need a hug. Counsellor Troi, shake your boobs at them.
quote: is anyone in any of the spinoffs competent to hold their positions in Starfleet?
MAYBE, MAYBE Janeway (I had high hopes for her after she dumped that grandma beehive hairdo). I had hope that Sisko would get a ship command but he was swept away to the White Fog Room; IMO, the stupidest series ending since Rosanne!!!! How the hell can you end a series with a vague cliffhanger!!! Was this the "genius" of Berman?
And yes, TNG was full of PC, feel-good, non-offensive, bland thoughts. Spock and McCoy on 1701-D would have been bored to suicide. And Troi...was she designated the bridge T/A after Denise Crosby left (the dropping neckline of her uniform in the fourth season...I'll never forget Adm. Jellico telling her to put on something "more official").
The technical thing...I don't know. Remember Scotty was always tinkering this or discombobulating that to get 1701 ("No bloody A,B,C, or D" ) through something.
...on the 8th Day, GOD made the Harley, & it was Good.
I like the production team for TNG better than when Gene Roddenberry was steering things.
Characters had more depth and were less cardboard than TOS. I understand the complaints about Berman, but? He has made a salable commodity, and whether you liked the spinoffs or not, they weren't cancelled. They were ended.
Speaking of endings--I hated, detested, abhorred, was disgusted by the ending of Voyager. Thought it was lame.
Kay: To each, his own. I just never got into Voyager or DS9, and I gave up on Enterprise 3/4 of the way through Season 1. (Wish those parodies I wrote of the first few episodes were still up here...oh well.)
Hey, I really like Patrick Stewart. He's a fine actor that I've always enjoyed. The sappy scripts he was given just killed Picard for me, though.
Say what you like about Bill Shatner, but you have to admit that no one chews scenery like he does. Fictional heroes need to be larger than life to give the audience an ideal to aspire to. Picard as a Captain was just too bland, too stilted. I think Stewart played Picard more like an Admiral who would have been quite at home in all the political machinations of the upper echelons. Courtly Shakespearean themes of the 23rd Century, that sort of thing. Kirk was more of a heroic captain who never hesitated to get his hands dirty. I'm surprised they didn't show Picard getting a manicure!
If you want a good insight into the line between commanders and just officers, check out the Bill Paxton/Matthew McConaughey characters in U-571. Gold braid does not a leader make--remember Commodore Stocker in TOS' "The Deadly Years"?
Or, if you want to see the right way to make characters interesting and interwoven with the right amount of conflict and camaraderie, watch the first four seasons of Babylon 5. (Well, to be fair, Sinclair did have a major stick up his arse the first season, but viewed as a whole, the series is still a masterpiece.) It's a shame it took so long to get going, but in hindsight, all the clues were there, built up piece by piece. I didn't watch B5 when it was originally on, I only caught the reruns on TNT. Turned out to be better that way, seeing the incredible 3rd and 4th seasons one day at a time instead of a week was fantastic.
The only other halfway-decent sci-fi series of the past few years (barring X-Files) is the surprising Stargate SG-1. They took a forgettable B-movie, added some great non-stereotypical characters, and revived the alien-of-the-week genre. For some strange reason, it does not suck. (Unlike all the other Showtime original SF series...)
Star Trek (the original series) - cheesy, cheaply done show that had enough good interaction between some of the characters to make it interesting. They were also controversial during their time by introducing a black woman on TV in a normal role, which gets a plus for being ballsy. Captain Kirk was ok before his ego exploded. The movies were mostly circle-jerks of the veterans of the TV show, in my opinion.
Star Trek TNG - Cheesy, but had better special effects than TOS. Some characters were good, but everyone was a little too tame. Troi was attractive, but only in that vague 1940's era way.
Star Trek DS9 - Mostly boring until close to the end, but by then I didn't care enough to watch enough to understand what was going on. The biggest mistake they made at first with this series is that a space station just stays in one place, so the action has to come to them. ST needs new worlds and all that stuff.
Star Trek Voyager - It had potential to be interesting, but something about it just sucked.
Enterprise - A "Quantam Leap" reunion at best, otherwise it's mostly rednecks in space. I watch it mostly because of the shower scenes with Hoshi in it.
Now for some non-ST shows and my opinions on them.
X-files - Some episodes were great, and some of the best things ever on TV. However, it went on too long and the series got to be very lame. They could probably fit all the good stuff into one season and it would be my favorite TV series, but there was too much stupid stuff.
Stargate SG-1 - Great show, started out on Showtime years ago. I think it would have been better to stay on Showtime, because to play it on TV they had to edit out nudity, cursing, and violence.
Farscape - I didn't see much of this, but it had a pretty interesting plot. I just didn't like the space muppets aspect of it.
Lexx - This is probably the most realistic space show I've ever seen. To sum it up, it's about horny people in a spaceship. Unfortunately, it's not as entertaining as it sounds.
Taken - I had to throw this in just because I'm really liking it. Sure, it's a mix between Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Independance Day, and the X-files, but Stephen Spielburg did a good job with this one. As someone else noted in the thread about it, it's like watching a new Stephen Spielburg movie every night.
Babylon 5 - I've heard how great this show is, and I've caught enough to like it some, but it never really caught on with me. I do realize that it has a huge cult following though.
P-Mosh: I was the same way about B5 at first. Catching it here and there, I just didn't see what the fuss was about. My friend Chris nearly had to put a gun to my head to make me watch the whole thing, because it's hard to realize all the little bits of backstory being fed to you piece by piece during the first season especially. It really starts to pick up in season 2, and Seasons 3 and 4 are, in my opinion, the best television sci-fi yet filmed. Season 5 sucked, because they were forced to wrap up the 5-year storyline in season 4 due to impending cancellation. Warner Brothers is releasing the whole series on DVD now, with Season 1 on the shelves. If you can find the time, push your way through the whole thing. You'll be hooked soon enough. Humans and Minbari, Narn and Centauri, Vorlons and Shadows...so much going on, and yet it all fits.
Look, sir! My new set of Time-Life Space Mysteries cards came in the mail today!
ARCHER
How'd the mail get here if we're the fastest ship in the Fleet?
MAYWEATHER
Who cares? Wow, I sure am glad we're headed towards a planet where everyone has mysteriously vanished. Maybe I can get a cool skull or something to hang from the rear-view mirror...
T'POL
[rolling her eyes]
And if everyone has VANISHED, Ensign, exactly from where are you going to get this "cool" skull?
ARCHER
Shut up, T'Pol. Nobody likes a know-it-all.
T'POL
Sigh.
ROLL TITLES
INT. BRIDGE
ARCHER
Who wants to exposit the plot this week? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
MAYWEATHER
[raises hand frantically]
Ooh! Me! MEE!
ARCHER
[ignores him]
Anyone at all? Ok, I'll do it then. A long time ago, some colonists came here, settled down, then rudely put out a Do Not Disturb sign when Earth tried to ship more of its street-people out here. The nerve! The only other habitable piece of real estate we found in 20 light years (overlooking Vulcan, Alpha Centauri, Tellar, Andor, and all the other planets mentioned in that Kirk show, established to be within 20 light years of Earth) and the first set of colonists go all snobby on us. So, of course we sent a classified mission to drop an asteroid on them...oops! Forget that last bit everybody...
T'POL raises an eyebrow, or an earlobe.
MAYWEATHER
Screw the exposition! Let's go see some dead guys!
REED
Whee! Oh, yes, LET'S!!!
EXT. PLANET SURFACE, A MEADOW - DAY
ARCHER
Huh. Nobody home.
REED
Being the Tactical Officer, I suggest we split up and search the place so no two people are together at any time.
ARCHER
Agreed. Everybody run in random directions until something happens.
EXT. A FOREST - DAY
REED
T'Pol said there were no life forms on this planet...Aaah! GHOST TREES! No, wait, get a hold of yourself. What are the odds of TWO planets filled with space-crack flowers? I know! I'll ask that scruffy-looking guy over there... HEY! You're not a life-form by any chance, are you?
THUNDERDOME REJECT
Who, me? Life-form, shmife-form, I'm just the guy with the gun!...BLAM, BLAM, BLAM!
EXT. SHANTY TOWN - DAY
ARCHER
Gunshots! Quick! Everybody save yourself, this is no time for teamwork!
Enter MAYWEATHER, running.
MAYWEATHER
The bad guys got Mr. Reed! Last one in the shuttle pod's next week's plot device!
ARCHER and T'POL stumble over each other trying to beat each other into the door. ARCHER wins.
T'POL
.....
INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE
TUCKER
So you heard shots...was this before or after y'all ran like a bunch of yellow-bellied varmints?
ARCHER
Before.
TUCKER
Ok, I'm with you so far. Oh, look, there's Mr. Reed, in our curiously-now-more-efficient Life-scanner-thingy.
ARCHER
And you know it's him because...?
TUCKER
Aliens give off different, uh, whatever-this-thing-detects through solid rock.
ARCHER
And when we find out that these aliens are actually descendants of the human crew, just with mud splattered on their faces, we'll just all conveniently forget this continuity glitch?
TUCKER
[shrugs]
It seems to have worked for us so far, Cap'n...
ARCHER
Works for me. Ok, why don't I leave my gun here, but load Dr. Phlox up with his Junior Iron Chef kit and go down and try to charisma Mr. Reed away from the aliens, er, humans, er, mudboys?
T'POL
That's a stupid plan. Therefore, logically, it will succeed, given our track record on this show. Please, someone shoot me.
ARCHER
No way, you're signed to a fat contract. Phlox! Grab your picnic basket!
T'POL
Sigh.
EXT. PLANET'S SURFACE - DAY
PHLOX
...And that's why the French are too stringy to make a good roast, Captain.
ARCHER
Fascinating. Ok, time to go to work. [shouts] HELLO? HEY, YOU GUYS FROM THE ROAD CAST OF MAD MAX? WE'RE UNARMED AND BEGGING TO BE CAPTURED OVER HERE!!!!
BALD THUG
Tag, you're it!
INT. CAVERN
REED
Thank God you've returned! I've got this awful rug burn...
ARCHER
Oh, do shut up, Reed. One more word and I will leave you down here to eat bad cave-sushi with these aliens.
REED
But...
ARCHER
Right, I did warn you, didn't I? You're staying here.
MUDWOMAN
Cough, cough.
PHLOX
Two coughs, eh? That's lung cancer, I bet. Have you ever considered donating your liver to science? How about your onions?
ARCHER
[turns to MUDWOMAN]
You, on the other hand, are coming with us.
BALD THUG
Sez who?
ARCHER
Me. You're coming too! Plenty of room!
BALD THUG
Now see here, my good man! If you estimate for one minuscule moment that I'm going to allow you to abandon your useless subalterns here in my subterranean troglodytic abode, you have quite another rumination coming, I assure you!
MUDWOMAN
Cough, cough...mind your language!
BALD THUG
A thousand apologies, Mater... Ahem. [to Archer] Tarzan ride sky-bird with mud-mother to trade for more cigarettes and firewater.
MUDWOMAN
Cough, cough. That's better.
INT. SICKBAY
BALD THUG
Open that door and let my mother out!
PHLOX
Don't be stupid. If we take her out now, she'll still be raw in the middle!
ARCHER
You know, you guys aren't aliens at all. You're actually humans, and I've got the pictures of you to prove it.
BALD THUG
Sez you. We're leaving. Open a window and let us jump out. I've got some mold to scrape for dinner. Coming, Mater?
MUDWOMAN
Mmmphglmph! [apple pops out of her mouth] That's better. Bald Thug, I've got something to tell you...your grandparents weren't the Slithering Mole People after all, I just told you that so you wouldn't freak out when you found out you're...from Belgium.
BALD THUG
Excuse me while I come up with some bizarre word for "lie".
MUDWOMAN
Stop trying to deny it, son. You and I are as Belgian as waffles. Face it like a mud-man.
PHLOX
Oh, by the way, you are all dying anyway, so can I have your liver? You won't have any more use for it in about a month.
BALD THUG
More prevarications!
MUDWOMAN
Oh, just say "lies", for mud's sake...
T'POL
We could stun them and take them back to Earth...handcuff the ones who freak out.
ARCHER
What? And admit I can't talk my way out of a situation? With a bunch of freakin' MUD PEOPLE?
BALD THUG
Hey! We're still in the ROOM, you know...
ARCHER
What would Capt. Kirk think of me in the future?!?
T'POL
What's your brilliant idea, then?
ARCHER
That does it, we're going to stun your asses and take you back to Earth and make you live in condos, because WE Know What's Best For You Pathetic Mudpeople.
T'POL
That's exactly what I said!
ARCHER
Yes, but I made the FedEx Vertical Hand Gesture when I said it.
T'POL
Sigh. Why don't you just let them die? It's what I'd do.
ARCHER
Condos aren't so bad...although they won't let them in the swimming pool with all that mud on them...
T'POL
Move them to another part of the planet, imbecile.
ARCHER
[makes Vertical Hand Gesture]
I know, we'll move them to another part of the planet!
T'POL bangs her head against the wall, slowly...
BALD THUG
No way. You just want our tunnels and slime-covered rocks for yourselves.
MAYWEATHER
You know, I still haven't gotten that skull I wanted, Captain...
ARCHER
No, no, this is still prime-time. No merciful beheadings. Say, why are you here at all, Ensign?
MAYWEATHER
So I can make a living on the convention circuit when this show gets canned, sir.
INT. CAVERN
REED
Uh, hello?!?!? Remember I'm still stuck down here?!?!?
INT. ANOTHER CAVERN
Shuttlepod lands in precisely the wrong spot.
ARCHER
What are the odds of that happening?
MAYWEATHER
Dunno, sir. Wanna go show us how the monster works this week?
BALD THUG
[beats on the door]
For a troglodyte, I'm beginning to be bizarrely claustrophobic now!!!
MUDWOMAN
Uh, oh, he's talking all flowery again! Do something, Captain!
ARCHER
Ok, door's open.
BALD THUG
The only thing that will cure my shakes is to hold your pistol, Captain.
ARCHER
I'm not that kind of...oh, you mean this gun here. Sure, what can you possibly do with it, anyways?
BALD THUG
Absolutely nothing, but I'll give it back to you instead of using it on that fake tree that's about to fall on a useless extra.
USELESS EXTRA
Help, help! A fake tree has sort of pinned me to a puddle!
ARCHER
Gimme that gun, mud boy! ZAP!
USELESS EXTRA
I'm saved! I even managed to walk three steps on a broken leg! Aren't I a great actor?
ARCHER
For this show? You're over-qualified!
BALD THUG
[soliloquizes]
Now I see the error of my ways. Let's move to somewhere else for reasons I don't really understand, but since they have zap guns that could braise our spleens, I believe them.
MUDWOMAN
About damn time.
INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE
MAYWEATHER
Just think, now my Time-Life cards are a collector's item now that it contains the useless "Terra Nova" card!
PHLOX
Sorry to disappoint you, Ensign, but it's illegal to artificially inflate the price of a collectible item for personal gain. But I brought you a sandwich to cheer you up.
MAYWEATHER
Mmmm...liverwurst! But this brown mustard tastes a bit, um...
Wow, you put a lot of work into that. I never thought the show was all that bad, but you did expose some big plot holes that I didn't pay attention to when I saw that episode.
Nah, it was actually pretty easy, given the source material. Here's the one that got the most positive response, a take off on "The Andorian Incident".
"The Continuity Patch" parody copyright 2001 by R.T.Watkins, standard disclaimer applies.
FADE IN
INT. MONASTERY - DAY
Hooded aliens pray, while blue-skinned, antennaed aliens come in and sneer menacingly.
INT. ENTERPRISE BRIDGE
TUCKER
Say, these Vulcan star charts don't have that star we ran across last week. Guess they're just dumber than a bag of tribbles.
ARCHER
That'd be my guess. Vulcans wouldn't lie to incredibly-cool space-guys like us.
REED
That's right! Humans RULE! What's a tribble, anyway?
ARCHER
[quickly changing the subject]
Uh, Mr. Reed, if you play extra nice, I'll let you command the ship for 18 minutes, IF we happen to get taken hostage, that is.
TUCKER
[laughs]
What are the odds of that happening? Humans ROCK!
T'POL
Should I even bother sighing?
ARCHER
Hey, look! There's a Vulcan church on that planet. Let's go convert them to our cool human-religion!
T'POL
Someone please phase-pistol me...
ROLL TITLES
INT. ENTERPRISE MESS ROOM
PHLOX
Sucks to be us, doesn't it?
T'POL
Yes.
PHLOX
I mean, all I get to do is eat and fix the results of the humans' stupidity every week. Gimme that celery.
T'POL
Well, it's the only meal I'm allotted this week...
PHLOX
Thanks. [crunch] This is pretty good with brain-paste on it.
T'POL
I'm a vegetarian.
PHLOX
Geez, you just go out of your way to .... off the crew, don't you? [pause] Can I have your liver, then?
T'POL
I told you, I'm a vege...oh. Don't you think the cannibalism jokes are getting a bit old?
PHLOX
They're better than the alternative.
T'POL
Which is?
PHLOX
Terminal acne jokes.
T'POL
Sigh. [long pause] I'll let you know about the liver.
PHLOX
[rubs hands in glee]
Excellent! Pate-t'pol-gras!
INT. ENGINE ROOM
T'POL
Here's the long-winded set of rules, which basically boils down to 1) Don't touch anything, 2) Don't say anything, 3) Take the stupid rock and be quiet for 5 seconds.
TUCKER
That's a bit complicated for me...
T'POL punches TUCKER in the back of the head.
TUCKER
Hey! Why'd you punch me in the head?
T'POL
I didn't. Vulcans are non-violent.
TUCKER
Oh, right! I forgot.
T'POL
[sotto voce]
Note to self: Amend Will to leave liver to Dr. Phlox, and check on suicide clause in insurance policy.
EXT. VULCAN TEMPLE - DAY
ARCHER
Looks like someone tried to break in.
T'POL
No, it's just old.
ARCHER
No, it's just ol....WAIT A SEC! I saw you waving your hand! How many times have I told you not to use the Jedi Mind Trick on me?
T'POL
[waves hand]
I'm not using the Jedi Mind Trick.
ARCHER
[eyes glaze over]
You're not using the Jedi Mind Trick. My mistake.
TUCKER punches T'POL in the back of the head.
TUCKER
There was a bee on you.
T'POL
Really?
TUCKER
No.
INT. VULCAN TEMPLE
OLD VULCAN
[gestures frantically towards the Andorian behind the screen]
Uh, everybody's uh, ASLEEP...for a month. Go away. [winks desperately, nods head towards screen]
ARCHER
Ah, charades! Let's see...six words, rhymes with "There's a Pandorian behind the screen..."
T'POL
Your charade is awful, Old Vulcan. You forgot that Vulcans are telepathic?
OLD VULCAN
Apparently the writers did...
T'POL
Just give him the rock so we can leave. I've got a date with an exhaust pipe.
OLD VULCAN
Here's a rock, Captain.
ARCHER
[takes rock]
One Mississippi...Two Mississippi..., Aw the heck with it. SAY! WHAT'S BEHIND THIS VASE?
ANDORIAN #1 falls over.
TUCKER
Holy ....! An ALIEN! I always wanted a pet that had some sort of antennas! Dibs!
Three more Andorians burst into the room, weapons drawn.
ANDORIAN LEADER
Aar! Avast ye mateys! Lead me to the Vulcan booty!
TUCKER
She's over there, dumbass.
ANDORIAN LEADER
Andorian #1! Punch that lubber in the back of 'is 'ead!
ARCHER
Can't we all just get along?
ANDORIAN LEADER
No. I'll not be splittin' me treasure with the likes of you aliens!
TUCKER
Who're you callin' "alien"? Them's FIGHTIN' WORDS!
ANDORIAN LEADER
Punch Archer in the kidneys, Andorian #1!
ANDORIAN #1
But Cap'n, it was Tucker who said that...Oh, sorry! Aar! Shiver me timbers! [punches Archer in the kidneys]
ARCHER folds like a card table.
TUCKER
Dang, I've heard of glass jaws before, but a glass kidney? Get up, you wuss!
ANDORIAN LEADER
Throw them in the space-brig! I'll have that booty before eight bells!
ANDORIAN #2
[to Andorian #1]
Booty? I think the Captain's been in space too long.
ANDORIAN #1
Once a sailor, always a sailor...
INT. MEDITATION ROOM
OLD VULCAN
What a dilemma. We can either be rogered to death by the blue aliens, or stunk to death by the pink aliens.
TUCKER
Again with the "alien" cracks? Here, Pops. Pull my finger...
ARCHER
You don't have a secret spy post here, by any chance?
SNEAKY VULCAN
Absolutely not! Nope, unh-huh, nossirree, Bob. No secret underground RX-78 Scan-o-tron Andorian-irritators here! Not a one! Honest! [waves hand too late]
ARCHER
Oh, that's okay then.
ANDORIAN LEADER
Ah-aar! I wants that Vulcan booty NOW! Grab the human!
ANDORIAN #1
Aar, I thought ye were wanting VULCAN booty, Cap'n...
ANDORIAN LEADER
Question me again, and ye'll walk the space-plank, ye scurvy dog!
TUCKER
Saaay...anybody else just notice that all these secluded Vulcans and all these wacky Andorians speak perfect English? Woo-hoo! Humans RULE! We can shove that whiny Hoshi into the airlock now!
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
ARCHER
I don't know where the secret spy room is, I'm just a tourist.
ANDORIAN LEADER
So ye won't talk, eh? Keelhaul him!
ANDORIAN #1
What?
ANDORIAN LEADER
Oh, just punch him in the kidneys again...
INT. MEDITATION ROOM
OLD VULCAN
Class, this is the way of wisdom: Do not pull Mr. Tucker's finger. Ever.
TUCKER
You know, we outnumber them 2 to 1. I say we grab 'em and tie their antennae into knots.
SNEAKY VULCAN
Whatever, just don't throw them into the Secret Spy Room, I mean, the reliquary. That would be super-bombad mojo for our religion, meesa say.
OLD VULCAN
Silence, J'Jar! You know we do not answer violence with violence.
TUCKER
Let me guess...y'all got beat up a lot at recess, didn't you? I bet you all wear thong underwear as a preemptive wedgie.
OLD VULCAN
Never thought of that. Make a note, Vulcan #3...
TUCKER
Another thing. If you folks revere logic so much, why do all your icons look like you got them at a Buddhist rummage sale?
Enter ARCHER, abruptly.
T'POL
You've looked better.
ARCHER
I feel awful.
TUCKER
I'm sure Dr. Phlox will give you some Preparation H when we get back on board.
ARCHER
We outnumber them 2 to 1. If we only had some sort of nerve pinch to the neck to incapacitate them...
TUCKER
Or telepathic powers to lure the guards into the room...
T'POL
[sotto voce]
Note to self: destroy all copies of "Vulcans for Dummies" in the Enterprise library.
TUCKER
Well, Captain, why don't you go distract the Andorians by ramming your kidneys into their gun butts while I go fix the walkie-talkie in the basement?
ARCHER
Oh, let's not...my urine is such a lovely shade of orange as it is...
TUCKER
Wussy.
T'POL
Can we get out of here soon? I have to make sure all of the ship's stores of baked beans, hard boiled eggs and beer are destroyed.
TUCKER
T'Pol?
T'POL
What?
TUCKER
[extends hand]
Pull my finger...
T'POL
I wonder if Dr. Phlox wants my kidneys, too...
TUCKER
Ok, I have the cell phone fixed.
ARCHER
Archer to Enterprise...
REED
[off camera]
There were two portions of strawberries last night, Mr. Christian! I will have no more talk of mutiny! I'M THE CAPTAIN, DO YOU HEAR? ME, ME, ME!!! Oh, hi Captain Archer...how are you?
ARCHER
Geez, I leave you in command for 18 minutes and you're doing "Ensign Pulver Meets The Caine Mutiny On The Bounty?" Never mind, get in the Incredibly-Dangerous-Sparkly-Thingy and beam down.
REED
Can I finally bring the phase-rifles?
ARCHER
No, that would be far too useful.
REED
How silly of me.
ARCHER
But if you do a good job, you can have work outside next week.
REED
Can I have a space suit this time, Captain?
ARCHER
Oh, we'll see...
REED and some REDSHIRTS beam down and start a firefight.
OLD VULCAN
The Andorians are in the catacombs, and we didn't have time to dust before they arrived...we shall die from shame.
ARCHER
Come on, men!
TUCKER
Watch your kidneys, sir!
SNEAKY VULCAN
I'm coming with you!
ARCHER
Do you have any experience?
SNEAKY VULCAN
I have a zap gun.
ARCHER
Okay, we can always use some more mobile cover. Stay in front of me!
INT. RELIQUARY
More gunfighting destroys a tapestry.
ARCHER
Wow! A modern door! But it was completely behind a thin tapestry!
REED
Guess the Vulcans studied the Bill Clinton Tactics Manual...
Archer opens the door, revealing the secret spy room.
ANDORIAN #1
I shot you first! Fall down!
TUCKER
No way! I shot YOU first!
TUCKER
I'm telling Mom!
ANDORIAN #1
Pink-skin!
TUCKER
Worm-head!
ANDORIAN #1,TUCKER
[in unison]
ALIEN!
ARCHER
Hey, guys? Time-out, okay? We found the secret spy room.
ANDORIAN LEADER
Aar! I told ye so!
ARCHER
Who'd have thought that the Vulcans were conniving, underhanded, lying bastards?
Everyone raises a hand, even T'POL, who hastily puts hers back down.
ARCHER
T'Pol, take a picture of me and the Andorian in front of the secret spy room! Say cheese!
SNEAKY VULCAN
I've got a gun to the back of your head!
TUCKER raises an armpit next to SNEAKY VULCAN, who collapses.
TUCKER
Wuss.
ANDORIAN LEADER
Aar, matey! Thanks for yer help. Sorry about the buggery and the kidney punches. Call us when ye wish to plunder more Vulcan booty!
ARCHER
Oh, sure. Any time.
T'POL
[sotto voce]
Note to self: inform Vulcan Death Squad of Capt. Archer's forwarding address.
Well, Zixette and I went to see Nemesis anyway. Fortunately, a lot of the painful Brent Spiner-ego strokes were cut. Also the stupid final "seatbelt" scene was cut. It was still overlong, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the last movie. The bad thing is that the previews tip way too much of what should have been surprises.
It's worth a matinee, but if you pay full price you might feel a little cheated.
Oh yeah, they completely paradoxed the TNG series finale. I guess continuity is just for "lesser" shows... Look carefully when they list the "fleet" (more like a squadron) and you'll see the bone they threw to the latest series, one of the ships is the USS Archer.
I saw "Nemesis" earlier today. It's been said that the even-numbered movies are the good ones...there's a exception to every rule. If this is the swan song of TNG, the genius of Berman, we should take up a collection to have Roddenbery cloned. Yes, the Spiner-stroke scenes were cut, but there was still enough to inflate his already gargantuan ego. And while I would NEVER give a plot away (to those who haven't seen the trailer a thousand times the last two weeks), I do have two points I'd like to bring up;
1) Little Wesley Crusher. In the movie he's in uniform & a Lieutenant. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't he run off with some inter-dimensional traveler in a TNG episode? Or is this a case of money talks & bulls#!t walks?
2) Worf. I KNOW he was last seen in the DS9 finale boarding a shuttle with Chancellor Martok for the Klingon Homeworld after resigning from Starfleet to take the post of Klingon ambassador to the Federation. What, being a diplomat doesn't pay more than a Lt. Commander?
I'm a little curious as to how Slick Rick is gonna twist this timeline.
Also, look for a surprise BEEHIVE !
(that's all I'm saying)
Zix, I thought that USS Archer was weak.
B-4...B-Arrf.
This movie was rather crippled, even at a matinee.
Hell, bring back Kirk. It was done for Spock...
...on the 8th Day, GOD made the Harley, & it was Good.
quote:Oh yeah, they completely paradoxed the TNG series finale. I guess continuity is just for "lesser" shows.
Zix, the TNG series finale only showed one possible future. The moment Picard came back and told everyone what he knew about the future, that future became only one possibility among many. In fact, we KNOW that future cannot come to pass because in it, Admiral Riker commanded the Enterprise-D, which was destroyed in Generations.
I am SUCH a geek!
So anyway, once Picard came back and started blabbing about the future, he polluted the timeline, so the future of the characters was no longer "set," so to speak.
I know, I know, "this is no time to argue about time. We don't have the time."
Well, I went and saw the flick, and frankly, that is the *last* time I listen to the critics. I don't believe that the critics have ever liked Star Trek, and I don't believe they ever will. Plus they act like ever movie the public sees must be at the so-called 'sophistication' level of some of those French Film Festivals. Well, e-x-c-u-u-u-s-s-e me, but maybe we like seeing flicks that aren't so, ... whats the word I'm looking for, .... Oh yes, preppie.
Me? I liked it, tho' the character development definitely needed more work, particularly the 'Picard-turns-punk-angry-at-the-universe' villian. I mean, the Borg Queen had more depth than that.
I never saw Wesley in there at all, unless the camera panned over him quickly at the party at the beginning.
The one part in there that I'm surprised that many Trekkies here have missed entirely was the section where Data dies, then later on Picard is trying to teach B-4 about what Data and humanity was all about. Is it me, or does anybody else here see a comparison to what happened when Spock died in ST II, and then was ressurected in ST III? To me, that seems to be the similarity here, tho Data doesn't literally come back from the dead. But in a manner of speaking, he does (or will) thru B-4. Anywho, thats my take on that.
Plus, contrary to what some think was the Enterprises 'final voyage', it looked to me that rebuilding the ship implies otherwise. Even tho' it isn't exactly for another flick.
Anyway, thats my review, and I give it a tentative thumbs up. If they had a better villian, then I would call it a great flick.
P.S., tho, I know it isn't going to be as good as the upcoming Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
Garth: Wesley was sitting beside his mother while Picard was giving his toast. (gag, barf, retch) "Have you considered what you're doing to ME?" Oh, puh-leeze!
The previews should not have given so much away, but then again, how else would you sell this to the non-geek masses?
The highlight of the evening? Purchasing advance tix to The Two Towers.
I hate Star Trek. Always have, always will. Thought it was stupid in the late sixties when I was in fifth grade. Had a friend named Bob Cooke in fifth grade who went around with a petition to try and get whatever network to keep Star Trek on the air when it was made known that they were taking it off the air. I'll bet he's a closet Spock Ear wearin kinda of a guy to this day. Or, maybe he's been outa the closet for years!
Ya know, I have not even read the details of this thread because I have always disliked Star Trek so much. Don't even know what you all are talkin about on this thread. Why bother? It's about "Star Trek"....But since it has sompin ta do with "Star Trek", I probably don't like it a bit.
An ya know, I have gone and watched a few of the "Next Generation" shows, just to give it a chance ya know, and it confirmed to me the damned ridiculosity of the whole thing. "The "chrystaline entity", the "Borg", "mind melding", and the "holodeck for gawds sake.
Why, this is great! An opportunity to vent my feelings about "Star Trek". Shoot, how could anyone entertain the possibilities of a bunch of "crinkle faced, ear pointed, moronic buncha Klingons, Vulcans, Ferringees, and The Borg (plural or singulars?) anyway?
What a crock. And when I was kid and friends of mine were at home watching "Star Trek", I was camping out in the woods, night fishin for catfish, or chasin' coons with my dog Mickey. Hell, 'ol Mickey even saved me from a rabid coon one time, and that was alot cooler than fantasizing about being saved by the Starship Enterprize while it was busy "wiping off the Klingons"! And hell, I lived in the suburbs just out side ' Washington DC. Wasn't like I grew up in the country and didn't have access to "Star Trek" or something...
Star Trek, why, I always thought it was pretty damned weird for people to flock to all that...
And ya know, some of my very best friends are Trekkies, and we have had some really great arguments about the stupidity/ingeniousness of it. ...."Created" by Gene Dingleberry or whatever you call his holiness. Shoot, he's dead and is a worm farm somewhere, and he never created a damned thing in his whole life. Only God can create...
Gee, thanks for this opportunity you folks. I been sippin' a little Jim Beam this fine wintry evening, an I have liked this here opportunity to say something about "Star Trek"...
Aliens my naked butt.....
Harrumph....
[This message was edited by Buck on December 15, 2002 at 20:43.]
Hey there dad burn it! Y'alls pokin fun at me aintcha! Why I jes knowed you all'd be comin' after me after I done took an went an wrote what I done wrote, but I had no idea you all'd be so, so, sarcasmic, er however ya say that word..
But ya know, after I went to bed last night, I had a mysteeriousss dream, an it seemed so real, that when i was woke by my wife, she said that there was sumpin weird out there in the yard! An when I looked, sure enuff, there was this weird glow comin from the woodline separatin our two hog pastures! As I was grabbin old Betsy (after puttin' my close on) and as I was headin toward the door, a sound that was strange yet wunnerful came to my ears! At first I thought I was back in that dream again it was so wunnerful, but when I looked at my wife (in the eyes) before I went out the door, she said with tears in her eyes; "It's Him" An I knew right then and there, that it was true. It was Elvis and he was singin'! He was singin' Glory Glory Hallalewyah!
So, I tole Earlene (that's my waff) to whip up a whole great big pile a double bacon cheeseburgers and get the kids up cause we may just be goin for a ride! An I run out the door...
An when I got to the space ship I could see that it was actually an "alien modafied" 1957 Chevrolet! Unbeeleevable! An them big speakers on the side were pumpin out the sweet sound of Elvis Presley singing Glory Hallelewya! It was just plain strange and wunnerful all at the same time...
An then, an then, the music stopped, an then, this big old ramp like door opened an all of this steam and vapor and smoke began a emanatin' and when the door dropped down on the ground (hit some pig ....-sorry Elvis) there at the top of the ramp with his mirror shades and white cape an white pants stood the King his Ownself! An he wuzn't fat no more neither. He was jest a standin' there without a smile but rather a seriousness about him, and he only spoke when Earlene run up with that bag o cheeseburgers and handed Him one. At that moment he spoke! He said;"Why thank you little mama, thank you very much" and he took a chomp. Got a little mayonaise on his face but that's ok, he's Elvis...
An right then an there Earlene swooned and dropped like a sack potatos, ceptin' that Elvis, catlike, scooped her up just before she hit the ground..
Next thing I know that huge flyin' 57 Chevy set to makin' a hummin and a whinin sound an the lights started a blinkin and Elvis then went and spoke to me too! He said; "well, Earl (Buck's my nickname see but Elvis knew my real name yet I had never told no one but Earlene!), you just gonna stand there? Or are ya gonna join me an Earline for a little cruise around the galaxy? I couldn't believe it! Elvis had REQUESTED my presence on an intergalactic ride in his dad burned space ship! Un-bee-leev-able! An of course I said why sure ye Highness, I'm a comin rat now! But then Earlene opens one eye (she was still in Elvis's arms ya know, fakin bein passed out) and said with a hiss kinda snake-like; "Earl, you git the HELL offa this ramp rat now and don't you come near till we git back! That is iffn we ever DO come back as she smiled sweetly into Elvis's eyes...
An then Elvis looked at me and said to me; "Thank you very much" as he stepped back in the the Chevy ship. Then all of that steam and vapor and smoke started up agin as the ramp closed up, and then the durn thing took off straight into the heavens! Left me an the kids right there in the pig.... gawkin towards the heavens..
An as I looked into that sparklin night sky, I thought I could hear ever so faintly, the words an music of Elvis singin "In The Ghetto" which just HAPPENS to be my favorite song...
Now you Star Trek boys, jes where in tarnation do you think Elvis went with my Earlene?
[This message was edited by Buck on December 16, 2002 at 9:57.]
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Zixar
Yeah, he went from Benign to Before, since he's a pre-Lore/Data prototype.
...
Sorry, I had to repress the heaves there...
We'll never see Avery Brooks(Sisko) or Robert Beltran (Chakotay) in a movie as long as that moron Rick Berman is the tumor in charge of the Trek franchises. They can't stand Berman and what he's done to Trek.
With Riker, Troi, Crusher, and Data gone, all you have left is Picard, Worf and Geordi still on the Enterprise. That may actually be progress, but you can bet that Berman will fill the spots with even lamer characters. He can't help it, it's just the medication.
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Weout1200
Not being funny, but is he really that bad? I know nada about him other than he was the one that orchestrated the death of Capt. Kirk ( I had mixed thoughts one that one: yeah, Shatners' toupee (RUG!) was a bit corny & his time was up, but to have Jim Kirk die in a corny accident like THAT ?? what happened to the 'ol blaze of glory?)
From other things I've heard, Berman is driving away the loyal fan base of Star Trek & intent on shaping it in his own twisted image, doing away with all things Roddenberry.
...on the 8th Day, GOD made the Harley, & it was Good.
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Zixar
Yes, he is that bad. Think about it, is anyone in any of the spinoffs competent to hold their positions in Starfleet? How many plots were resolved by:
a) Technobabble "reconfiguring" of some piece of ship's technology that wasn't built well enough to take care of it in the first place, but the crew can redo the whole thing in ten minutes?
B) Politically correct or maudlin feel-good happy thoughts, despite howlingly bad tactical judgment?
c) Data grows a new power and is annoying about using it?
d) insert your favorite peeve here...
All plot is driven by conflict. Since all the crew have a big group hug and sing Kum Ba Yah when they get off duty, there is nothing left to drive plot among the crew. Remember Spock vs. McCoy? That's how you keep the characters interesting. Next Generation's Enterprise is The Good Ship Wonderbread.
Sound familiar?:
Picard: Prepare a full spread of mayonnaise torpedoes, Mr. Worf.
Worf: Why? They never do any damage any more.
Picard: Prepare to fire on my mark.
Worf: All I have to do is punch this button, why don't you save the dramatic pauses for sometime when hesitating won't get us killed?
Picard: Wait for it.....Fire!
Worf: You were supposed to say "mark!"
Picard: Wesley, get out of that airlock!
Wesley: Hey, this isn't a holodeck...(whoosh)
Worf: Full spread of mayo torpedoes hit! But were totally ineffective against their (insert buzzword here) defense.
Picard: Perhaps they just need a hug. Counsellor Troi, shake your boobs at them.
Riker: Ooh, ENGAGE!
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Weout1200
MAYBE, MAYBE Janeway (I had high hopes for her after she dumped that grandma beehive hairdo). I had hope that Sisko would get a ship command but he was swept away to the White Fog Room; IMO, the stupidest series ending since Rosanne!!!! How the hell can you end a series with a vague cliffhanger!!! Was this the "genius" of Berman?
And yes, TNG was full of PC, feel-good, non-offensive, bland thoughts. Spock and McCoy on 1701-D would have been bored to suicide. And Troi...was she designated the bridge T/A after Denise Crosby left (the dropping neckline of her uniform in the fourth season...I'll never forget Adm. Jellico telling her to put on something "more official").
The technical thing...I don't know. Remember Scotty was always tinkering this or discombobulating that to get 1701 ("No bloody A,B,C, or D" ) through something.
...on the 8th Day, GOD made the Harley, & it was Good.
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Kay1952
gack, gag, emesis, urp, bluck, ewwww, upchuck,
William Shatner/James T.(tiresome)Kirk!
I was HAPPY when the bumped Kirk off!
I like the production team for TNG better than when Gene Roddenberry was steering things.
Characters had more depth and were less cardboard than TOS. I understand the complaints about Berman, but? He has made a salable commodity, and whether you liked the spinoffs or not, they weren't cancelled. They were ended.
Speaking of endings--I hated, detested, abhorred, was disgusted by the ending of Voyager. Thought it was lame.
On the other hand, I loved the ending of DS9.
Kay
Kay1952
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Zixar
Kay: To each, his own. I just never got into Voyager or DS9, and I gave up on Enterprise 3/4 of the way through Season 1. (Wish those parodies I wrote of the first few episodes were still up here...oh well.)
Hey, I really like Patrick Stewart. He's a fine actor that I've always enjoyed. The sappy scripts he was given just killed Picard for me, though.
Say what you like about Bill Shatner, but you have to admit that no one chews scenery like he does. Fictional heroes need to be larger than life to give the audience an ideal to aspire to. Picard as a Captain was just too bland, too stilted. I think Stewart played Picard more like an Admiral who would have been quite at home in all the political machinations of the upper echelons. Courtly Shakespearean themes of the 23rd Century, that sort of thing. Kirk was more of a heroic captain who never hesitated to get his hands dirty. I'm surprised they didn't show Picard getting a manicure!
If you want a good insight into the line between commanders and just officers, check out the Bill Paxton/Matthew McConaughey characters in U-571. Gold braid does not a leader make--remember Commodore Stocker in TOS' "The Deadly Years"?
Or, if you want to see the right way to make characters interesting and interwoven with the right amount of conflict and camaraderie, watch the first four seasons of Babylon 5. (Well, to be fair, Sinclair did have a major stick up his arse the first season, but viewed as a whole, the series is still a masterpiece.) It's a shame it took so long to get going, but in hindsight, all the clues were there, built up piece by piece. I didn't watch B5 when it was originally on, I only caught the reruns on TNT. Turned out to be better that way, seeing the incredible 3rd and 4th seasons one day at a time instead of a week was fantastic.
The only other halfway-decent sci-fi series of the past few years (barring X-Files) is the surprising Stargate SG-1. They took a forgettable B-movie, added some great non-stereotypical characters, and revived the alien-of-the-week genre. For some strange reason, it does not suck. (Unlike all the other Showtime original SF series...)
But, like I said, to each, his own.
God bless!
Zix
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Mister P-Mosh
Star Trek (the original series) - cheesy, cheaply done show that had enough good interaction between some of the characters to make it interesting. They were also controversial during their time by introducing a black woman on TV in a normal role, which gets a plus for being ballsy. Captain Kirk was ok before his ego exploded. The movies were mostly circle-jerks of the veterans of the TV show, in my opinion.
Star Trek TNG - Cheesy, but had better special effects than TOS. Some characters were good, but everyone was a little too tame. Troi was attractive, but only in that vague 1940's era way.
Star Trek DS9 - Mostly boring until close to the end, but by then I didn't care enough to watch enough to understand what was going on. The biggest mistake they made at first with this series is that a space station just stays in one place, so the action has to come to them. ST needs new worlds and all that stuff.
Star Trek Voyager - It had potential to be interesting, but something about it just sucked.
Enterprise - A "Quantam Leap" reunion at best, otherwise it's mostly rednecks in space. I watch it mostly because of the shower scenes with Hoshi in it.
Now for some non-ST shows and my opinions on them.
X-files - Some episodes were great, and some of the best things ever on TV. However, it went on too long and the series got to be very lame. They could probably fit all the good stuff into one season and it would be my favorite TV series, but there was too much stupid stuff.
Stargate SG-1 - Great show, started out on Showtime years ago. I think it would have been better to stay on Showtime, because to play it on TV they had to edit out nudity, cursing, and violence.
Farscape - I didn't see much of this, but it had a pretty interesting plot. I just didn't like the space muppets aspect of it.
Lexx - This is probably the most realistic space show I've ever seen. To sum it up, it's about horny people in a spaceship. Unfortunately, it's not as entertaining as it sounds.
Taken - I had to throw this in just because I'm really liking it. Sure, it's a mix between Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Independance Day, and the X-files, but Stephen Spielburg did a good job with this one. As someone else noted in the thread about it, it's like watching a new Stephen Spielburg movie every night.
Babylon 5 - I've heard how great this show is, and I've caught enough to like it some, but it never really caught on with me. I do realize that it has a huge cult following though.
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Zixar
P-Mosh: I was the same way about B5 at first. Catching it here and there, I just didn't see what the fuss was about. My friend Chris nearly had to put a gun to my head to make me watch the whole thing, because it's hard to realize all the little bits of backstory being fed to you piece by piece during the first season especially. It really starts to pick up in season 2, and Seasons 3 and 4 are, in my opinion, the best television sci-fi yet filmed. Season 5 sucked, because they were forced to wrap up the 5-year storyline in season 4 due to impending cancellation. Warner Brothers is releasing the whole series on DVD now, with Season 1 on the shelves. If you can find the time, push your way through the whole thing. You'll be hooked soon enough. Humans and Minbari, Narn and Centauri, Vorlons and Shadows...so much going on, and yet it all fits.
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Zixar
Hey, I found them in my archive files! If anyone missed them the first time around and wants to read them, let me know, ok?
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Mister P-Mosh
Are they online somewhere that you can post? I might want to check them out just to see.
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Zixar
P-Mosh: Here's a sample, the one I did for the "Terra Nova" episode.
You have been warned.
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Mister P-Mosh
Wow, you put a lot of work into that. I never thought the show was all that bad, but you did expose some big plot holes that I didn't pay attention to when I saw that episode.
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Zixar
Nah, it was actually pretty easy, given the source material. Here's the one that got the most positive response, a take off on "The Andorian Incident".
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Zixar
Well, Zixette and I went to see Nemesis anyway. Fortunately, a lot of the painful Brent Spiner-ego strokes were cut. Also the stupid final "seatbelt" scene was cut. It was still overlong, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the last movie. The bad thing is that the previews tip way too much of what should have been surprises.
It's worth a matinee, but if you pay full price you might feel a little cheated.
Oh yeah, they completely paradoxed the TNG series finale. I guess continuity is just for "lesser" shows... Look carefully when they list the "fleet" (more like a squadron) and you'll see the bone they threw to the latest series, one of the ships is the USS Archer.
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Weout1200
I saw "Nemesis" earlier today. It's been said that the even-numbered movies are the good ones...there's a exception to every rule. If this is the swan song of TNG, the genius of Berman, we should take up a collection to have Roddenbery cloned. Yes, the Spiner-stroke scenes were cut, but there was still enough to inflate his already gargantuan ego. And while I would NEVER give a plot away (to those who haven't seen the trailer a thousand times the last two weeks), I do have two points I'd like to bring up;
1) Little Wesley Crusher. In the movie he's in uniform & a Lieutenant. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't he run off with some inter-dimensional traveler in a TNG episode? Or is this a case of money talks & bulls#!t walks?
2) Worf. I KNOW he was last seen in the DS9 finale boarding a shuttle with Chancellor Martok for the Klingon Homeworld after resigning from Starfleet to take the post of Klingon ambassador to the Federation. What, being a diplomat doesn't pay more than a Lt. Commander?
I'm a little curious as to how Slick Rick is gonna twist this timeline.
Also, look for a surprise BEEHIVE !
(that's all I'm saying)
Zix, I thought that USS Archer was weak.
B-4...B-Arrf.
This movie was rather crippled, even at a matinee.
Hell, bring back Kirk. It was done for Spock...
...on the 8th Day, GOD made the Harley, & it was Good.
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WordWolf
Thank you so much for that spoof on the
"Andorian incident." (Which I liked.)
--------
Yes, unless Wesley Crusher showed up on Voyager
or DS9, his last ST:TNG appearances established
the following:
He entered the academy, & joined the flight team.
Just before graduation, practicing a forbidden
flight maneuver ("the Colvoid Starburst") killed
off one team member & destroyed their ships.
When this was learned, the team captain was
expelled from the Academy, & the remaining handful
were to repeat their senior year-their last year's
credits were nulled. Rather than graduate a year
later (which at least one of the others did),
Wesley quit the academy & drifted a bit.
He began developing mysterious time-space powers
& went off with the enigmatic "Traveller."
(This was foreshadowed back in the series' second
episode, "Where No One Has Gone Before.)
When Wes was on the Enterprise, he held the ranks
of "field-ensign" and ensign. When in the academy,
he held the rank of cadet (I saw no indication
that his previous rank of ensign entitled him to
any special treatment, although it must have had
some social esteem attached to it. It probably
explained how he got on the team as a lower-
classman, originally.) He was last seen looking
like he was leaving Starfleet for good.
How DID he get his new rank? What happened to
his "powers"?
------------
My 2 cents on the different series...
The original. It was successful in doing
episodes that actually got you to think.
For example, "Let that Be Your Last Battlefield"
successfully showed the stupidity of racism.
Next Generation. A lot of fun. Much better
budget & special effects. Occasionally attempted
to match the original's ability to make you
think, & failed miserably each time. Problems
all got solved in one hour.
DS9. The least "Star Trek" of the shows, it was
probably my favourite for that reason. The
writers put a LOT more effort into the little
details that the old fans would catch. Problems
could come back to haunt you.
Voyager. TV Guide ran an article back when it
was about to premiere-Dilbert rated tv shows.
He had this to say about it...
"Star Trek in an area of space with no Klingons,
no VUlcans, no Romulans & no Cardassians. This
has 'management decision' written all over it."
I think that summed it up.
I don't really have an opinion about Enterprise,
for or against. I DO think they had the right
idea. The series' technology was getting too
advanced to write stories around. Without a
major societal collapse, this was the only way
to fix that.
===========
Thanks for reminding me. Lexx DOES strike one as
what it would REALLY be like, stuck on a ship for
months at a time, doesn't it?
Xenia Seeberg once said she didn't understand why
fans voted Zev as sexier than some of the other
SF women characters. It probably had to do with
them "feeling her pain", so to speak.
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Raf
Zix, the TNG series finale only showed one possible future. The moment Picard came back and told everyone what he knew about the future, that future became only one possibility among many. In fact, we KNOW that future cannot come to pass because in it, Admiral Riker commanded the Enterprise-D, which was destroyed in Generations.
I am SUCH a geek!
So anyway, once Picard came back and started blabbing about the future, he polluted the timeline, so the future of the characters was no longer "set," so to speak.
I know, I know, "this is no time to argue about time. We don't have the time."
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GarthP2000
Well, I went and saw the flick, and frankly, that is the *last* time I listen to the critics. I don't believe that the critics have ever liked Star Trek, and I don't believe they ever will. Plus they act like ever movie the public sees must be at the so-called 'sophistication' level of some of those French Film Festivals. Well, e-x-c-u-u-u-s-s-e me, but maybe we like seeing flicks that aren't so, ... whats the word I'm looking for, .... Oh yes, preppie.
Me? I liked it, tho' the character development definitely needed more work, particularly the 'Picard-turns-punk-angry-at-the-universe' villian. I mean, the Borg Queen had more depth than that.
I never saw Wesley in there at all, unless the camera panned over him quickly at the party at the beginning.
The one part in there that I'm surprised that many Trekkies here have missed entirely was the section where Data dies, then later on Picard is trying to teach B-4 about what Data and humanity was all about. Is it me, or does anybody else here see a comparison to what happened when Spock died in ST II, and then was ressurected in ST III? To me, that seems to be the similarity here, tho Data doesn't literally come back from the dead. But in a manner of speaking, he does (or will) thru B-4. Anywho, thats my take on that.
Plus, contrary to what some think was the Enterprises 'final voyage', it looked to me that rebuilding the ship implies otherwise. Even tho' it isn't exactly for another flick.
Anyway, thats my review, and I give it a tentative thumbs up. If they had a better villian, then I would call it a great flick.
P.S., tho, I know it isn't going to be as good as the upcoming Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
Not by a long shot!
Prophet Emeritus of THE,
and Wandering CyberUU Hippie,
Garth P.
www.gapstudioweb.com
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Zixar
Garth: Wesley was sitting beside his mother while Picard was giving his toast. (gag, barf, retch) "Have you considered what you're doing to ME?" Oh, puh-leeze!
The previews should not have given so much away, but then again, how else would you sell this to the non-geek masses?
The highlight of the evening? Purchasing advance tix to The Two Towers.
Hurry, Wednesday!
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Buck
I hate Star Trek. Always have, always will. Thought it was stupid in the late sixties when I was in fifth grade. Had a friend named Bob Cooke in fifth grade who went around with a petition to try and get whatever network to keep Star Trek on the air when it was made known that they were taking it off the air. I'll bet he's a closet Spock Ear wearin kinda of a guy to this day. Or, maybe he's been outa the closet for years!
Ya know, I have not even read the details of this thread because I have always disliked Star Trek so much. Don't even know what you all are talkin about on this thread. Why bother? It's about "Star Trek"....But since it has sompin ta do with "Star Trek", I probably don't like it a bit.
An ya know, I have gone and watched a few of the "Next Generation" shows, just to give it a chance ya know, and it confirmed to me the damned ridiculosity of the whole thing. "The "chrystaline entity", the "Borg", "mind melding", and the "holodeck for gawds sake.
Why, this is great! An opportunity to vent my feelings about "Star Trek". Shoot, how could anyone entertain the possibilities of a bunch of "crinkle faced, ear pointed, moronic buncha Klingons, Vulcans, Ferringees, and The Borg (plural or singulars?) anyway?
What a crock. And when I was kid and friends of mine were at home watching "Star Trek", I was camping out in the woods, night fishin for catfish, or chasin' coons with my dog Mickey. Hell, 'ol Mickey even saved me from a rabid coon one time, and that was alot cooler than fantasizing about being saved by the Starship Enterprize while it was busy "wiping off the Klingons"! And hell, I lived in the suburbs just out side ' Washington DC. Wasn't like I grew up in the country and didn't have access to "Star Trek" or something...
Star Trek, why, I always thought it was pretty damned weird for people to flock to all that...
And ya know, some of my very best friends are Trekkies, and we have had some really great arguments about the stupidity/ingeniousness of it. ...."Created" by Gene Dingleberry or whatever you call his holiness. Shoot, he's dead and is a worm farm somewhere, and he never created a damned thing in his whole life. Only God can create...
Gee, thanks for this opportunity you folks. I been sippin' a little Jim Beam this fine wintry evening, an I have liked this here opportunity to say something about "Star Trek"...
Aliens my naked butt.....
Harrumph....
[This message was edited by Buck on December 15, 2002 at 20:43.]
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GarthP2000
Just then Buck hears a whining noise outside his trailer somewhere in Alabama, so he grabs his shootin' iron, and he goes outside to investigate.
Whereupon he is immediately beamed up into an alien ship, never to be seen again .............
So, whats the point to this post? A question.
Which alien race was it that snatched our good buddy Buck (Starbuck? )?
a. Klingons
b. Romulans
c. Ferengi
d. Borg
e. some real-l-l wormy, icky, unregcognizable alien that you'd see in Men in Black II?
Prophet Emeritus of THE,
and Wandering CyberUU Hippie,
Garth P.
www.gapstudioweb.com
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WordWolf
I was going to say "Romulans."
Klingons would just smack him around.
The borg weren't even IN this quadrant until the
24th century,
(Not counting one-way trips.)
Never trusted those Romulans, never.
However, if it was the Romulans, he would never
have seen/heard it coming.
So, I'd say "E"-something other than them.
Probably something designed by Spielberg-
he just can't get past this idea of alien
abductions he's been pushing since Close
Encounters of the Third Kind.
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Buck
Hey there dad burn it! Y'alls pokin fun at me aintcha! Why I jes knowed you all'd be comin' after me after I done took an went an wrote what I done wrote, but I had no idea you all'd be so, so, sarcasmic, er however ya say that word..
But ya know, after I went to bed last night, I had a mysteeriousss dream, an it seemed so real, that when i was woke by my wife, she said that there was sumpin weird out there in the yard! An when I looked, sure enuff, there was this weird glow comin from the woodline separatin our two hog pastures! As I was grabbin old Betsy (after puttin' my close on) and as I was headin toward the door, a sound that was strange yet wunnerful came to my ears! At first I thought I was back in that dream again it was so wunnerful, but when I looked at my wife (in the eyes) before I went out the door, she said with tears in her eyes; "It's Him" An I knew right then and there, that it was true. It was Elvis and he was singin'! He was singin' Glory Glory Hallalewyah!
So, I tole Earlene (that's my waff) to whip up a whole great big pile a double bacon cheeseburgers and get the kids up cause we may just be goin for a ride! An I run out the door...
An when I got to the space ship I could see that it was actually an "alien modafied" 1957 Chevrolet! Unbeeleevable! An them big speakers on the side were pumpin out the sweet sound of Elvis Presley singing Glory Hallelewya! It was just plain strange and wunnerful all at the same time...
An then, an then, the music stopped, an then, this big old ramp like door opened an all of this steam and vapor and smoke began a emanatin' and when the door dropped down on the ground (hit some pig ....-sorry Elvis) there at the top of the ramp with his mirror shades and white cape an white pants stood the King his Ownself! An he wuzn't fat no more neither. He was jest a standin' there without a smile but rather a seriousness about him, and he only spoke when Earlene run up with that bag o cheeseburgers and handed Him one. At that moment he spoke! He said;"Why thank you little mama, thank you very much" and he took a chomp. Got a little mayonaise on his face but that's ok, he's Elvis...
An right then an there Earlene swooned and dropped like a sack potatos, ceptin' that Elvis, catlike, scooped her up just before she hit the ground..
Next thing I know that huge flyin' 57 Chevy set to makin' a hummin and a whinin sound an the lights started a blinkin and Elvis then went and spoke to me too! He said; "well, Earl (Buck's my nickname see but Elvis knew my real name yet I had never told no one but Earlene!), you just gonna stand there? Or are ya gonna join me an Earline for a little cruise around the galaxy? I couldn't believe it! Elvis had REQUESTED my presence on an intergalactic ride in his dad burned space ship! Un-bee-leev-able! An of course I said why sure ye Highness, I'm a comin rat now! But then Earlene opens one eye (she was still in Elvis's arms ya know, fakin bein passed out) and said with a hiss kinda snake-like; "Earl, you git the HELL offa this ramp rat now and don't you come near till we git back! That is iffn we ever DO come back as she smiled sweetly into Elvis's eyes...
An then Elvis looked at me and said to me; "Thank you very much" as he stepped back in the the Chevy ship. Then all of that steam and vapor and smoke started up agin as the ramp closed up, and then the durn thing took off straight into the heavens! Left me an the kids right there in the pig.... gawkin towards the heavens..
An as I looked into that sparklin night sky, I thought I could hear ever so faintly, the words an music of Elvis singin "In The Ghetto" which just HAPPENS to be my favorite song...
Now you Star Trek boys, jes where in tarnation do you think Elvis went with my Earlene?
[This message was edited by Buck on December 16, 2002 at 9:57.]
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Steve!
He must have taken Earline nigh unto fantasyland . . .
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