Today the postman brought your most wonderful gift. Just imagine - two turtle doves! I'm delighted at your very sweet gift. They are just adorable. I will have to get a cage for them.
Oh! Your third gift arrived! You really went too far, I think. I don't deserve such generosity - three French hens. They are just lovely, but I must protest - you've been way too kind.
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now, really, they're quite nice, but now I have 10 birds and nowhere to put any more....so please, no more birds!! But, thanks.
What a surprise! Another present....and not a bird this time! Wow! Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for each finger. You're just too extravagant, but I love it! Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves, but the rings are wonderful...and so quiet!!
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge! And it was bird poop that they were laying..complete with a large count of coloform bacteria. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining. The police came by with a formal complaint, and I can't sleep through all the racket. I guess I have my own noise-makers for the new years eve celebration tonight.
Happy New Year...to some people. It hasn't been so happy with me. What's with you and those dumb birds? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of practical joke is this? There's bird guana all over the house and they never stop squawking. I could not sleep all night and I'm a nervous wreck. You have gone too far, bird brain. STOP SENDING BIRDS. NO MORE BIRDS!! GOT IT?
I think I prefer the birds over this. What am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their cows. Have you ever smelled a yard full of cow patties? Their piles are all over the lawn, and I can't move in my own house. Leave me alone. NO MORE OF YOUR "GIFTS".
What are you? Some kind of freak? Now there's nine ladies dancing...right in the smelly you-know-what and tracking it all over my house. The way they've been bickering with the milk maids, I hesitate to even call them ladies. You'll get yours, buddy.
What's with the ten lords a-leaping? I have threatened to break their legs so that they can never leap again. All 23 of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death by the leapers, the dancers, and the cows. At least, I don't have to worry about them any more. However, the cows are mooing all night having gotten diarrhea. My living room is a sewer! The City Commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause why my house shouldn't be condemned.
Now there's eleven pipers piping. And they never stop piping...except when they're chasing those maids or dancing girls. The cows are getting very upset and are sounding worse than the birds ever did. What am I going to do? There is a petition going around to evict me from the neigborhood.
I hope you're satisfied, you rotten, vicious swine.
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Sara Truelove. The damage, of course, was total. She was found beating her head against the wall to the beat of the twelve drums. If you should attempt to reach Miss Truelove at Happy Glen Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Unfortunately (or fortunately ;)), Snopes doesn't blow this one out of the water like Kit's previous post re: the 12 Days of Christmas.
Hope this made your day. I know that your post has made mine.
Garth,
If you actually were to read the Snopes account, it is sort of equivicable (for Snopes). I would hardly call it "blow out of the water."
It stated,
There is no substantive evidence to demonstrate that the song "The Twelve Days of Christmas" was created or used as a secret means of preserving tenets of the Catholic faith, or that this claim is anything but a fanciful modern day speculation, similar to the many apocryphal "hidden meanings" of various nursery rhymes.
As its alternate theory, Snopes states:
It is possible that "The Twelve Days of Christmas" has been confused with (or is a transformation of) a song called "A New Dial"
But the lyrics of "a new dial" are hardly encrypted theological concepts...in fact, in my mind, "a new dial" actually provides a somewhat compelling linkage to the English "12 days," the lyrics are a little too similar for my taste. And, as I am familiar with the Elizabethan Penal Laws that were in force...
So, considering Snopes never conclusively proved the story false (by showing, in a definitive fashion, the actual origin of the song), giving the story a "false" rating is overstepping a bit. Giving it a "unconfirmed" rating with doubtful comments would be a little more appropriate, in my book.
(Pretty bad considering before Wordwolf posted the Snopes link, I had always just considered the song to be a fanciful depiction of the old custom of giving presents between the Feast of the Nativity and the Feast of the Epiphany and never assigned any catechetical meaning to it)
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WordWolf
I agree.
However, this e-mail, however well-intentioned,
is incorrect.
http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/12days.asp
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markomalley
Of course, we have the results of the gifts in the Twelve Days of Christmas. I wonder if Snopes has a section on this, as well:
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GarthP2000
Mark,
Unfortunately (or fortunately ;)), Snopes doesn't blow this one out of the water like Kit's previous post re: the 12 Days of Christmas.
Hope this made your day. I know that your post has made mine.
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markomalley
Garth,
If you actually were to read the Snopes account, it is sort of equivicable (for Snopes). I would hardly call it "blow out of the water."
It stated,
As its alternate theory, Snopes states:
But the lyrics of "a new dial" are hardly encrypted theological concepts...in fact, in my mind, "a new dial" actually provides a somewhat compelling linkage to the English "12 days," the lyrics are a little too similar for my taste. And, as I am familiar with the Elizabethan Penal Laws that were in force...
So, considering Snopes never conclusively proved the story false (by showing, in a definitive fashion, the actual origin of the song), giving the story a "false" rating is overstepping a bit. Giving it a "unconfirmed" rating with doubtful comments would be a little more appropriate, in my book.
(Pretty bad considering before Wordwolf posted the Snopes link, I had always just considered the song to be a fanciful depiction of the old custom of giving presents between the Feast of the Nativity and the Feast of the Epiphany and never assigned any catechetical meaning to it)
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Raf
The "seven gifts" of the Holy Spirit should have been enough to persuade anyone that the provided origin is untrue.
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Kit Sober
What is the real song title? Following are traditional Christmas songs defined by an unusual phrase. See if you can figure them out. Here is a clue.
CHALKY FESTIVAL --- Answer: WHITE CHRISTMAS
US TRIPLET RULERS --- Answer:
K.O. THE CORRIDORS --- Answer:
ZERO HOLIDAY CONIFER --- Answer:
CATCHY ALARMS --- Answer:
ZERO-DECIBEL DARKNESS --- Answer:
A MINUSCULE METROPOLIS OF STEEL --- Answer:
WEE TAPPING TOT --- Answer:
HEY-MAN, THE TRIBUNE PIXIES HARMONIZE --- Answer:
A DOZEN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS OF THE FESTIVAL --- Answer:
#1 ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ --- Answer:
DETERGENT IN THE GALAXY --- Answer:
POSSESSING ID WEDS A TINY NOEL --- Answer:
THE ARRIVAL WAS AT THE STROKE OF 12 NATURALLY --- Answer:
FAR OFF IN THE FEED BIN --- Answer:
ARE WE BOTH GETTING THE SAME VIBES? --- Answer:
NO SWISS CHEESE MOONTIME --- Answer:
A SIGH BECKONS EVERY BELIEVER --- Answer:
MANY ASPIRE ONE A GLEEFUL EVENT --- Answer:
BRIDGING THE GAP AND TUNNELING THE TREES --- Answer:
You will find the answers by clicking on the link and Choosing Option 6 www.ccm4us.org
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dmiller
I will try this without peeking at the answers. :)
US TRIPLET RULERS --- Answer: we three kings
K.O. THE CORRIDORS --- Answer: deck the halls
ZERO HOLIDAY CONIFER --- Answer: o christmas tree
CATCHY ALARMS --- Answer: jingle bells
ZERO-DECIBEL DARKNESS --- Answer: Silent night
A MINUSCULE METROPOLIS OF STEEL --- Answer: o little town of Bethlehem
WEE TAPPING TOT --- Answer: Little drummer boy
HEY-MAN, THE TRIBUNE PIXIES HARMONIZE --- Answer: ????
A DOZEN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS OF THE FESTIVAL --- Answer: the 12 days of christmas
#1 ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ --- Answer: The first no *L*
DETERGENT IN THE GALAXY --- Answer: Joy to the world
POSSESSING ID WEDS A TINY NOEL --- Answer: ?????
THE ARRIVAL WAS AT THE STROKE OF 12 NATURALLY --- Answer: It came upon a midnight clear
FAR OFF IN THE FEED BIN --- Answer: away in the manger
ARE WE BOTH GETTING THE SAME VIBES? --- Answer: Do you hear what I hear?
NO SWISS CHEESE MOONTIME --- Answer: oh holy night (???)
A SIGH BECKONS EVERY BELIEVER --- Answer: ????
MANY ASPIRE ONE A GLEEFUL EVENT --- Answer: ????
BRIDGING THE GAP AND TUNNELING THE TREES --- Answer: Over the river, and through the woods
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GarthP2000
HEY-MAN, THE TRIBUNE PIXIES HARMONIZE --- Answer: Hark, the Herald Angels Sing.
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Raf
POSSESSING ID WEDS A TINY NOEL --- Answer: ?????
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
A SIGH BECKONS EVERY BELIEVER --- Answer: ????
O Come All Ye Faithful
MANY ASPIRE ONE A GLEEFUL EVENT --- Answer: ????
We Wish You a Merry Christmas
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