What were you like?

[djs]

I started this topic in response to what Tonto asked in the thread Corrupted Top Leadership?????

He asked me if I had apologized for any wrong that I had caused.

Back in what I call the anal days, I was very different. We were hhf co-or and our fellowship was thriving. Then we started getting beat up by our leadership for not doing things exactly perfect. We were called everything under the sun and yelled at so many times for the stupidist things.

So, thinking that was the Godly thing to do we followed suit. We became jerks and thought everyone was f*cked up.

That lasted for about a year - we didn't want that anymore. So, we decided to move to another state - it had to be better there because it was closer to hq. Surely, the people there would have their &$*# better together there.

No one yelled at us there. Oh no, the leadership had assumed that because we came from "that area" we must be just as evil as what was going on there. He told people and they told people. At our first limb mtg, only two people talked to us out of 150. We felt very lonely at first and defeated.

It turned out to be the best thing for us. We weren't allowed to be on crews, we weren't invited to anything.

We were able to focus on ourselves and observe what was really going on. We found out there was nothing wrong with us. Only made to believe there was, it turned out we really liked who were and that God loves us regardless.

We went back and apologized to so many people that were in our old fellowship ( and others) We had made it a strengh not to let people walk on us. If they spoke rudely, we would say, please don't speak to me that way. I'm your sister in christ and God loves me just as much as you. No matter what I've done (or you think I've done) I deserve respect and you have no right to treat me this way.

Just by doing that, we have helped a quite a few people realze they were as*holes. Later, several of them had apologized to us for believing other people and treating us so crappy.

So, my question to all of you is....... in what way did you get caught up in the hype of legalism, anal, I'm better than you thing that happened in the 90's???

The other questions are ....... have you changed, too? Do you still have way brain in this area?? Maybe when dealing with people on this site? ******or innies*****

I'd really like to hear from you.

Edited February 28, 2006 by djs

[bliss]

oh DJS

I can so relate.

We just left this year, but we handled how badly we treated folks, about 5 or 6 years ago.

Just flat out apologized to our fellowship for ANYTHING we did that made them feel bad or upset or just worthless. We only had a few "specific" apologies, since the treatment in general was bad we couldn't remember the little day to day anal nuonses. But apologized for all none-the-less.

We yelled at everyone, thought we were better than everyone, (believer/non-believer), never looked at our own weaknesses, only others....................so sad.

We quickly changed of course after the apologies, and then some....................that is why we aren't there now. It took 5 more years to figure it out.

The way I see it and "saw" it even up until last year, is that the yelling has stopped,yes, but the heart of the ministry has not changed. People yes, have changed, they have great hearts.....

but the "machine" of the ministry is a whole different animal. The "machine" has not changed. It is only shut off and stored in the hall closet for now. They haven't tried to fix the parts that are broken, or changed the ones that don't work the best, or add some new ones.......................................................................they will just grease it and fire it up when the time comes.

UNDER RUG SWEPT (think that was an album title) :blink: lol

anyway, history will always repeat itself if it is not addressed and dealt with HONESTLY.

To my satisfaction, this has NOT been done.

So yea, I was an @$$hole, try not be now, learned my lesson big and will always endevour to love my neighbor as myself.

[frank123lol]

yes I was a jerk,apologized,moved on,vowing never to be like that again.

[TheHighWay]

Yes, I will have to count myself in with this group. I spent several years trying very hard to "be my best" and show others how to "be their best"... which we all know means beating myself up over every little thing, and being so miserable that I beat everybody else up, too. Everything had to be SO perfect. 24/7

There were times I would feel so bad or guilty for what I had just done or said, but I never told anyone because I thought I was the one who wasn't thinking right. I wasn't tight enough with God; wasn't tough enough on the Word. After all, I was carrying out my leadership's instructions!!

Once I left twi, the FIRST thing I did was look up everyone I could think of and apologize. Most of these wonderful people had left years before. I even wrote letters to a couple of folks who were still fellowshipping. With only one exception, my apologies were gladly accepted. The one exception were folks who were still stuck in the "blame everyone but myself mode" (which was the problem they had all along).

It's just shocking to look back and realize how far I was willing to go, down a path I hated, because I trusted the ones telling me to take that path more than I trusted my own gut instincts.

[johniam]

I've apologized to some but not others. But I left in '94 before the real s*** hit the fan. Even before that though if I hurt somebody and couldn't contact them I'd just ask God to forgive me and ask Him to bless that person and heal them. Not much else to do. I think Tonto's a she.

Edited March 3, 2006 by johniam

[GrouchoMarxJr]

I feel fortunate that I left in 1987 before the legalism got out of hand...

...I always had a hard time with "confrontation"...some folks reveled in it, but it just wasn't my personality...don't get me wrong, I was an a**hole in my own right but the hardassed screaming and yelling at people was not my cup of tea...

...of course, my lack of "aggressiveness" was one of the reasons that I never fit in with my corps brethren...and one of the reasons that they "wrote me off" as being too nice a guy and not fitting in with the twi youth for Hitler movement...I was never considered for anything more than an area coordinator...there were just too many people who were mean spirited that were given the top jobs.

I'm proud of the fact that every person that I talked into the class and the "work of the ministry"...is now OUT!