Ham

"You've been on the internet!!!!!" "Nooooooo.."

How about.. go on vacation- spend time with family on thanksgiving. Casually ask if Donnie and Rosie are still "an item".

I have a friend that gave his cat a slice of okra. The cat goes bonkers over raw hamburger. After four or five pieces of hamburger, he slipped her the okra. The cat coughed and spit, and would not have anything to do with him for about a day and a half after that.

Oh, that's all.. heh heh

I thought this one deserved a place by itself. Here are a few reasons that apparently are insufficient grounds for dismissal, even in executive positions. 1. Have adultery, with as many women as you can garner. 2. Force female EMPLOYEES to undergo the same. 3. Falsely accuse God's people of some of the worst crimes, harming some irrepairably, with no evidence whatsoever. 4. Waste MILLIONS of the organizations dollars on half-baked, obviously flawed schemes and investments. 5. Fire all of the experts, the ones that really bear the brunt of the organizations real day to day business. 6. Follow orders. Blindly. 7. Publically accuse Jesus of being a devil spirit. Wowser.. 8. Attribute others works to your own efforts. Call it "new light". Forget that it has been documented and around for over a hundered years.. I know there is a lot more..

I agree Belle. Enough documentation would help. But I can almost hear the stupid back pedalling and denial- "oh, well, our followers just get a little excited".. "Never really said it, never recommended it, never.." on and on. Makes me wonder- what then do they actually DO? "Well, that's a little more complicated.."

Just wonder. What does it take anymore to get tossed out on your rear end? With the mass exodus, you would think they would be lowering their "standards" of who can or who cannot attend their precious "events". Just a couple of years ago, here are some of the reasons: 1. Get a loan. Any kind of loan, for house, car, education, etc. May have not been universal, but loads of people were harrassed and put out because of this. 2. Have a real problem. Especially mental or emotional. Sure quick ticket to the curb. 3. Disagree with the MOG/WOG. Doesn't make any difference if you are right or wrong. 4. Offer a few real useful suggestions, like maybe we oughta take advantage of using the internet. Score one for Igotout. 5. Work at a job that schedules you for work when you should be at "fellowship". It has happened.. 6. Get sick during a meeting, and have to get up during said meeting. I personally know of one account that the person was told to leave and not come back because of it. 7. Be under ANY suspicion of being a homosexual. False suspicion, or otherwise. Don't have a dog, and don't like to go hunting or fishing? You're a prime candidate. 8. Refuse to discuss your finances with your beloved "coordinator". I could think of lots more. Won't spoil all of the fun.. personally, I and my beloved coordinator came at an impasse when I would not "come clean" with whatever evil I was supposed to be, or have done. At that point, I finally realized that he was "nuts". If I would have told him anything at that point, he would have believed it.. shoulda told him something that would have scared the pants off of him.. but I'm too nice of a guy I guess. So, from your experience, what did it take to get tossed out? Does anybody know what it is like now? I wouldn't be suprised to find it much different.

Shaz, wouldn't take a lot I would think. Just get up during a meeting, look REAL excited and jump around saying "glory, hallelujah" or something like that. I think you'd last the most of thirty seconds..

I ran over a seagull once- no, it was dead already. But the squishing sound- disgusting.

But the contrast.. remember the poor guy that allegedly did not check the weather before taking ole craigers for a ride? Oh well. I guess Craigers couldn't believe for his own rear end, no less find it on a clear day either. Maybe that's it! "we check the weather before outside events now".

I dunno. I've met a few mindless individuals through the years.

"We only have half of the friggin idiots that we had before". Garsh, it can't get better than that..

If they cannot have raincoats, maybe we could give suggestions as to what could be used to protect clothes from flying spittle.. I remember that ROA- veins bulging out, puffed out cheeks- us rank and file believers were somehow a thorn in the side of his beloved camping supply thingie. I actually thought, "He's an idiot, unless they are just giving that stuff away".

"Free spittle-guards will be provided at every major function. Raincoats can be purchased in da bookstore".

"We insist that our "experts" warm their hands before applying the thumbscrews".

Hey, maybe we can visit "headquarters". Oh, Doug has already tried that.

"We have no scheduled purges at this time".

Exie, you should be thankful that unbeliever cows cannot fly.

Wowser. All this warmth makes me want to crawl back on my hands and knees!

"Unlike our predecessors, no longer do we maintain a WORKING dungeon. Thumbscrews are now only available to the BOD, trunk, region, and various appointed limb officials".

"Our old jalopie only leaks two quarts of oil a day, unlike the old one that leaked two and a half". I'm convinced. Where do I sign?

"You don't need family counseling when you know how to build and maintain a strong family, daily winning the spiritual competition by defeating your personal adversary." A reasonable person may actually agree with this. The problem is, where is the claim that their class will really give this to you? I find this omission disturbing. True, if you know everything, you obviously would not need counselling. But the big disclaimer is already posted on this "wonderful for da believers" web site- "not owned or operated by da vey international".

Or, when you have REAL bad problems, they have a little "exit interview"- tell you to "go figure it out yourself". Unbelievable. They claim that they are looking for people that are looking for answers. Why then are they not really providing them? You know, lasting answers. Apparently they cannot.

I think that thing was crafted VERY carefully. Probably had to pass the bar in front of a TEAM of lawyers. I still see no results guaranteed. Only that our class "can" teach you how to get anything good that you could possibly want. Doesn't work? Your fault. Some secret sin or other such nonsense. Maybe you shoulda tried those "expensive" counselors to begin with.

"unlike more expensive methods, our snake oil actually will perform as snake oil". "as an added benefit, it is cheap"- ha.