I Love Bagpipes

Neat stuff...this is...to moi. :) I may have to bring up Heartmath again T-bone. Did you ever check it out? Okay if you didn't, but maybe sometime before you turn 97 you might look into it. By then I'm sure there will be much more scientific data explaining vibes, intuition, energy fields, etc. (Potato if you have interest in this stuff: www.heartmath.org You have to register, but it is free. Lots of cool research in the field of "vibes", so to speak.) Okay, now to finish the laborious journaling exercise I've been typing out. This is going somewhere. Following are words to describe various emotions. One of the steps I listed previously is to pinpoint what one is experiencing/feeling. Identifying (for me) what one is feeling takes away some of the "power" (if need be) that a particular emotion might exert. Not to suppress and not to necessarily act on it; but to identify it, sit with it, perhaps let it soak....and then release it/change it/regulate it/ whatever.... (Hope that makes some sort of sense. :blink: ) I become AWARE of what I am feeling in my body, gut, head, heart, etc.; AWARE of my autonomic/automatic responses. Once aware I can then decide whether or not to direct/change/act/idle/etc. (Or maybe just go drink a marguerita. ) This list is like an emotional thesaurus. Since I can't get columns on this here screen, I'm putting this in a list form. Please excuse any typos. This is from a handout "Emotional Regulation: Ways to Describe Emotions": Love Words: love, adoration, affection, arousal, attraction, caring, charmed, compassion, desire, enchantment, fondness, infatuation, kindness, liking, longing, lust, passion, sentimentality, sympathy, tenderness, warm Joy Words: joy, amusement, bliss, cheerfulness, contentment, delight, eagerness, ecstasy, elation, enjoyment, enthrallment, enthusiasm, euphoria, excitement, exhilaration, gaiety, gladness, glee, happiness, hope, jolliness, joviality, jubilation, optimism, pleasure, pride rapture, relief, satisfaction, thrill, triumph, zaniness, zest, zeal Sadness Words: sadness, agony, alienation, anguish, crushed, defeat, dejection, depression, despair, disappointment, discontentment, dismay, displeasure, distraught, gloom, glumness, grief, homesickness, hopelessness, hurt, insecurity, isolation, loneliness, melancholy, misery, neglect, pity, rejection, sorrow, suffering, unhappiness, woe Anger Words: anger, aggravation, agitation, annoyance, bitterness, contempt, cruelty, destructiveness, disgust, dislike, envy, exasperation, ferocity, frustration, fury, grouchiness, grumpiness, hate, hostility, irritation, jealousy, loathing, mean-spiritedness, outrage, rage, resentment, revulsion, scorn, spite, torment, vengefulness, wrath Fear Words: fear, apprehension, anxiety, distress, dread, edginess, fright, horror, hysteria, jumpiness, nervousness, overwhelmed, panic, shock, tenseness, terror, uneasiness, worry Shame Words: shame, contrition, culpability, discomposure, embarrassment, guilt, humilation, insult, invalidation, mortification, regret, remorse Other Important Emotion Words: Interest, excitement, curiosity, pique, intrigue. Weariness, dissatisfaction, disinclination. Shyness, fragility, reserve, bashfulness, coyness, reticence. Cautiousness, reluctance, suspiciousness, caginess, wariness. Surprise, amazement, astonishment, awe, startle, wonder. Boldness, bravery, courage, determination. Powerfulness, a sense of competence, capability, mastery. Dubiousness, skepticism, doubtfulness. Apathy, boredom, dullness, ennui, fidgetiness, impatience, indifference, listlessness.

I just now read your post JL. Somehow I missed it when I posted before. Hmmm...what you stated is what I ended up doing many a time. It was as you stated "confusing," so I'd go back to what was working for ME. Thanks JL, your whole post(s): well and succinctly stated. :)

Now for the "changing self talk" examples...... (I will get to the emotions list T-bone). :) I can't figure out how to set up columns on this here screen, so I'll use abbreviations as thus: ANT = Atomatic negative thought or negative self talk Sp = Species of ANT or distortion KtA = Kill the ANT or better self talk (The book states "postive" self talk, but the word "postive" has a negative connotaion to me, so I seldom use that word. ) For each ANT listed there is a counter KtA. These are simply examples. ANT: You never listen to me. / I will always feel sad, miserable, lonely. / I will never succeed, achieve, be fulfilled. Sp: Always/Never thinking KtA: I get frustrated when you don't listen to me, but I now you have listened to me and will again. / These feelings will pass. / Things can change; many things are possible. ANT: The boss doesn't like me. / S/he, they can perceive my inner tension, anxiety, nervousness. Sp: Mind Reading KtA: I don't know that. Maybe she's just having a bad day. Bosses are people too. / Others rarely notice or concern themselves with with my inner state. ANT: The whole class will laugh at me. Sp: Fortune telling KtA: I don't know that. Maybe they'll really like my speech. ANT: I'm stupid, dumb, a jerk, a loser...etc. Sp: Labeling KtA: Sometime I do things that aren't too smart, but I'm not stupid. ANT: I, he, you should, must....... Sp: Demands/guilt beating KtA: I would like, prefer....... ANT: I can't believe..... I can't understand..... Sp: Denial (which is not listed in the distortions list) KtA: It did happen. I can understand. ANT: This is awful, horrible, unbearable... Sp: Overreacting/magnification (the opposite would be minimization) KtA: This is unforunate. How will it look in 5 years? A little story: About 5 years ago, my pyschologist had me eliminate the word "should" from my vocabulary; I suffered from unrelenting standards and therefore engaged in internal flaggelation regularly. (Hmm...wonder where (at least partly) I learned that? ) I eliminated the word for about 2 or so years; it really helped me. :)

I perused (not fully read) this thread last night. Ex10 and I were discussing (prior to my perusal) health and she asked (not verbatum) how TWI would view someone with a heritary illness. I realized after answering her question I had talked in circles to answer her, and it bugged me. Here I am. I was in TWI 28 freaking years. About 24 years of that time I suffered with chronic illness, at times severe. (I became ill with these chronic conditions after being involved for 3 years. Some of that health story is in "My Story" : "A Snippet..") One would think I would be able to definitively answer Ex10's freaking question!!! I don't think I'm stupid and I am sometimes articulate, even when I speak. :blink: This really bothered me. I sat with pen and paper and started to list stuff. What I listed were contradicitons. I realized I can't definitively answer that question without writing a dissertation!!! (and even then I don't know if I could definitively answer her question)....because practice/viewpoints would change and morph through the years according to leadership at the top and views varied depending on leadership at the local level and the experiences of that leadership. As I perused this thread some of the practices I experienced and some I didn't. It all depends upon when one was involved and what his/her local leadership practiced. I simply cannot emphasize this local leadership aspect enough. As we all know TWI emphasizes the importance to (as much as "available") seek counsel within "the household," and if a person goes to someone for counsel s/he should follow that counsel. (That is one reason spouse and I seldom consulted Way leadership on personal issues; we might disagree with the counsel and not follow it. We would most often make our decision and then maybe inform leadership.) I do notice that what Motherof2 states in the opening is not typical TWI behaviour as of 1 year ago within my context of what was my TWI community/relationships. But, it could be typical where her relatives are involved and depending on her relatives' experiences throughout the years. It all shapes one's perspective, that is her relatives' perspectives would be shaped (of course) by their experiences and leadership through the years.

Okay T-bone, you asked for the "distortions" list. You will recognize some of these from Burns' book. This is a compilation of his work and two other authors and they overlap. Two of the books contain samples of ways to change self talk to help change thinking patterns...which in turn help change neural circuitry...which all helps with self awareness. (Round and round and round we go!!!!!! weee!!!!!!!!!) Excuse any typos. :) Distortions All-or nothing thinking/"alwyas/never" thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and-white categories. Thinking in words like always, never, no one, everyone, every time, everything. Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. Mental Filter/Focusing on the negative: You dwell on the negatives seeing only the bad in the situation, ignoring the positives. Discounting the postive: You insist your accomplishments or positive qualities "don't count." Mind Reading: Believing that you know what others are thinking, even though they haven't told you or you have no evidence of what they are thinking. Fortune Telling: Prediciting the worst possible outcome to a situation, arbitrarily predicting that things will turn out bad. Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importnce inappropriately. Emotional Reasoning/Thinking with your Feelings: Your reason from how you feel, believing negative feelings without ever questioning them: "I feel like an idiot, so I must be one." Guilt beating/"Should Statements"/Demands: You criticize yourself or other people with "shoulds, shouldn'ts, oughts, musts, have tos." Labeling: Attaching a negative label to yourself or someone else. Personalization/Blaming: Investing innocuous events with personal meaning. You blame yourself for something you weren't entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that your own attitudes and behavior might contribute to a problem. I'll post the sample ways to change self talk next....maybe... ;)

((((Doglover)))) Thanks for all those prayers.....and for taking me back with open arms....and for forgiveness. We have got to visit again!!! Maybe over Christmas. I can head your way this time!! Maybe LS could join us again too!!

Is that pic for real? By the guy that does those 3-D sidewalk pics? Regardless, he/she must have dropped too much acid. And listened to too much Pink Floyd. Dang....can you imagine walking into that bathroom tripping? :blink: Shivers.....hee Glad those days are bygone! Thanks for the link dmiller. I have the song on a CD "Twisted Christmas." (My sound on my puter is busted; I must get it fixed.) The CD has other twisted funnies on it.

I'm puter ignorant when it comes to posting songs that one can listen to on their puter. So you will need to know the tune to "Tidings..." to appreciate this. Hear are different words to an old Christmas carol, "Tidings of Comfort and Joy". No offense intended. (I don't know the author.) Thanks to Topoftheworld for finding the words. The restroom door said gentlemen So I just walked inside I took two steps and realized I'd been taken for a ride I heard high voices turned and found The place was occupied By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse What could be worse Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse? The restroom door said gentlemen It must have been a gag As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag She sprayed me with a can of mace And smacked me with her bag I could tell this just wouldn't be my day What can I say? It was just turning out to be a bad day The restroom door said gentlemen And I would like to find The crummy little creep who had the nerve To switch out those the signs 'Cause I got two black eyes And one high heel up my behind Now I can't sit with comfort and joy Boy oh boy No I'll never sit with comfort and joy

LOLOLOL Notta, I like Taco Bell too. Suda, I heard on the news sometime in the past few weeks, that TB is phasing out all(?) trans fats in their foods. There are one or two other fast food places that are going to serve less tf as well; however, McDonalds had no comment. The following is ..... but it is Christmas... The Taco Bell sign reminds me of a Christmas card I sent out a few years ago: On the front was a picture of Santa in his sleigh which his reindeer had landed atop (and crushed) an outhouse. Open the card and the it states: " 'I said Schmidt house!!!!!!' " Had to see it; it was classic. But I could only send it to certain folks who would really appreciate it.

Bringing this up for anyone who wants to peruse it. It is a segway (so to speak) in light of the "Self-awareness" thread in "About the Way."

Sirguess's last post brought "play" to my mind. One activity I enjoy is simply observing kids (ages 2 to around 7) absorbed in unstructured/self structured play. When my children were young, I could sit and watch as long as they could play. It had a deep, calming effect on me. They were creative, fabricating villages around the house/yard and dialoguing back and forth with their dinosaurs or washcloths or whatever thing they decided to animate. Anyway, thoughts of play brought to mind something I posted a while back. It is from my journaling, from April, 2003. It is thoughts about play: "Learning to play again is foundational to experiencing the fullness of life. What is play? Freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom of movement. Freedom of thought. Swings and creeks. Daisies. Bracelets in the sun. Play has no time boundaries. Play has no schedule. Play flows and ripples like a creek with various dips, turns, waterfalls, and rate of flow. Sometimes it flows quickly and then gently slows into a quiet, relaxing swimming hole. Continue down the creek and the flow picks up speed again. Play is not stagnant. Play is open to unlimited possibilities. Play is a child's work, a child's occupation. It is a child's calling and vocation. Play develops neural circuitry within that child's system that is crucial to the mental, emotional, and physical health and wellness of that child. I believe in nuerogenesis. Maybe then...as I learn to play again, my system will respond with the genesis of youthful, exurberent, fresh, joyous, satisfied, stimulating, flexible, intuitive neural circuitry. My....play is a deep subject." End entry. I think I'll bring that thread up. It's in "Open." T-bone, sorry about the typos and lay out of my post about the journaling/thought/self-analysis "exercise." I was in a little mountain town using the library internet. My time ran out and folks were waiting to use the puter. I knew my time was running out so I hit "add reply" and blink!....off went the puter. Alas I wasn't at a puter until the next day and was unable to "clean up" my post. :) I'll post the distortions and emotions lists sometime this week. :)

AMEN and AMEN!!!!!!! over and over and over AGAIN!!!!!

Regarding journaling....I agree that it can be laborious. But that isn't a bad thing; I labored with childbearing, yet the outcome is new life. I do cheat in journaling because I know shorthand, so the physical act is less laborious. I prefer pen and book to keyboard and screen, but that is just me. So, in light of laborious, the following exercise is just that: laborious. Yet it helped me to be aware of my presence, my gut, my thoughts. THEN hopefully, I made more Godly and honest (or at least somewhat close to it) decisions on whatever I was dealing with. (BTW Oldiesman, self conditioned and self aware are two different things. I figure you know that, but just to clarify.....) I used to have to do the following exercise a few times a week (talk about laborious!!!) I don't know for how many months I did that, but it was many. Some may say, "That sure is a lot of work and is time consuming." However, the exercise might take me and hour or so which was less time than I would spend "looping" in my head had I not done the exercise. Whatever the issue (emotionally charged) I could get it out and balance it. This exercise is a combination from 3 different books and a handout. T-bone, you have probably read about this in Burn's book. 1. Write out the situation: who? what? when? where? If you can't think of the situation simply go to step 2. AS you srite situations may surface. There is no right/wrong way to do this exercise. 2. List any moods or negative feelings. (The emotions list can help identify/put words to any feelings.) Rate each mood or feeling to its intensty (20%, 40%, 100%, etc.). 3. Write down any automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). Notice THOUGHTS, not feelings. If you can trace the feeling/mood from #2 to an incident, try to place yourself mentally back in that situation. What were your THOUGHTS? 4. Label each ANT according to it's distortion(s). (The "distortions" list cna help label these.) 4a: If it helps, identify evidence that supports some of the ANTs and then identify evidence that does not support the ANT. 5. Write a rational, balanced alternative response for each ANT. Rate how much I believe in each rational response. (0% - 100%) 6. Go back to step 2 and rerate each mood. (0% - 100%) That is the exercise. It has worked EVERY time I have done it. Over time I began to need it less and less and became more self aware. I have only needed to do it a handful of times the past couple years. I can post the emotions and distortions lists if you want me to.

T-bone you are such a gem. Tonto is sure blessed to have your around!!! (And equally you are blessed to have her too! :) ) This subject scrambles my brain..many thoughts, many thoughts. There are things that I feel regarding your quote above, that I am unable as of yet to put into words...and may never be able to. Following are a couple subjects that come to mind. There is a lot of thought/experience/biblical contemplation behind the following observations regarding this subject: A perhaps doctrine: Somewhere along the way I remember being taught (or it was insinuated strongly) that there was no such thing as intuition and it was just a cover for devil spirit possession. That pretty much snuffs out self awareness. A practice: Rote memorization of scripture for problem solving, like one size fits all. I'm all for meaningful memorization (if that is what meets the need for that situation for that individual.) Scripture memorization has helped/aided/healed me, but it was because of a heart understanding and God's spirit within showing me how that scripture applied to my circumstance, heart, emotion, etc. TWI did teach to look at the context of the scripture as written in the Bible (well their context), but fell short (supressing, impeding, hindering) in allowing God to work within an individual's context of life...to work out his/her own salvation with reverence, awe, and trembling. I'll have to write the self anlysis to self awareness stuff later, when I have more time. It is sort of lengthy and will probably take a couple posts.

You penned the following poem. I'd like to regift it right backatcha: The distance between us, spans years, spans time and place. But the distance between us, is only a breath, only a trace. The distance between us, is nothing when we embrace, once again. The distance between us, melts into time and space. And the distance between us, brings us together, joining us in His grace. I am thankful beyond measure Ex10 that we have embraced....and now more than ever we fully share in His ever-abiding, magnificent, as-far-as-the-east-is-from-the-west GRACE!!!! Happiest of birthdays to you dear friend.

I know this thread is more about self awareness than journaling, but the two are related for me. Self awareness is part of dreams, yes?....knowing/deciding what one wants? being aware of that individuality? Here are a couple things I posted regarding journaling from another thread: Post 1: Posting on GSC is like journaling in a way....except most folks will sensor. (And we all hope we will. ) When you personally journal there is NO sensorship. And if a person keeps at it, the beautiful and the "ugly" will manifest. Another thing journaling has done for me is to help me embrace goals. I used to hate the word "goals" because it was another darned standard that I would fail at. And still I prefer the word "dreams." After about 4 years of journaling I realized I had dreams/goals that were coming to pass. I began to notice that these goals/dreams were some of the thoughts I had been writing for years. It is a nice side benefit. Yet at the same time I realize that not all my dreams will come true (like growing gills and being able to stay under the ocean water for as long as I want..hee)....but there is always room to hope. Hope. Hope. Hope. One can't go wrong with hope. Even if I die, and I die hoping...it makes the process gentler. One thing so fun/deep about journaling (for me) is that ANYTHING goes. This took awhile for me to develop...to not be afraid. I'm sure some of that fear was because of my TWI mindset.

Oh T-bone!!!! Three of my favorite subjects: Journaling, TWI, and self awareness. :) I confess.....I am an addicted Journaler. :) I eyed a picture some years ago. Instead of a "Gone Fishing" sign, the picture had a "Gone Journaling" sign. Wierd....I know. Nothing new for me (the wierd). I have not time at the moment to post the many thoughts in my head regarding this subject. However, this is a refreshing thread to me and I might post a bit over the next week or so. Sometimes I think people think of journaling as just writing about problems. Sort of like some folks think the really legitimate time to pray is about problems. (Not saying anyone hear has implied that.) Yet, I have some of my most joyful times in journaling. Yeah..wierd again. hee I'm differeent from Ex, in that journaling many times helped/helps me get to the point of working out a relationship with someone. (But I understand what she is saying, in that a person can get "stuck" in his/her pages. Yet I believe if he/she keeps writing, action will result.) I am able to see more clearly before I approach the person, able to be less judgmental (toward myself and them). I have shared from my journals publically. It isn't easy and can be scarey. But I'd like to think it has helped someone somewhere along the way. Waterbuffalo, I read that book! :) Did yout ever see Breathnach's scrapbook journal? Really cool. I gave a few away as gifts some Christmases ago. Maybe our next face to face I can show it to you, since you are a Breathnach fan. Did you ever read Cameron's The Artist's Way? T-bone I want to dialogue on this thread about the relationship about self analysis and self awareness, 2 different things...but how (for me) jounaling led to self analysis which led to self awareness. (I even have a technique/exercise I used to do it. I'm not a formula person, but the exercise helped me.) And I want to bring up some stuff from Watchman Nee's The Normal Christian Life regarding this topic, and perhaps some stuff from something W**n* Cl*pp taught on "Hidden Chambers" regarding the heart. But like I said time is prohibitive at the moment.

WOW Socks....that's beautiful. Thank you very much; I needed that. :)

Deep ouch ........ :( :blink: :( WW, you did it again. Thanks for articulating something I've felt but have been unable to specificaly identify/articulate.

Happy Bday! Hope you had wonderful weather!! I've enjoyed meeting you in chat. (29?!? Get outta here!! :) )

This brings to mind Hebrews 10:23 -24a: "And let us consider and give attentive, continuous care to watching over one another, studying how we may stir up (stimulate and incite) to love and helpful deeds and nobel activities. Not forsaking or nelecting to assemble together..." It is a Godly desire and hunger. As Evan stated many churches now have home meetings or cell groups. I left TWI last year after 28 years. I first turned to a "splinter group" and received great help there. Since then other people (non-Way and exWay) have all contributed. I have endeavored to remain open to people God has put in my path, regardless of their demoninational/splinter group/etc. affiliation. I even had a long conversation a few weeks ago with someone still in TWI, someone dear to me with whom I haven't spoken in 7 years. Even he had things to say that I had to ponder and decide where in my heart to put. (Hopefully, he will ponder the things I said to him as well.) Within 5 months of my leaving TWI my husband left. Within a few months of him leaving, our home became a "landing place" for other folks leaving TWI. None of us have a desire to "lead" anything. We now meet once a week, have had guest teachers, endeavor to have open and honest dialogue, etc. We do not subscribe to any one organization and some of us are even going to a Christmas Eve service at a local church. We do not have an appointed "leader", but rather decide month by month/week by week how to proceed. Granted most of us left TWI just this past year so we are unlearning/learning. A few of us left 5 years ago. My experience with GSC is different from Stub1; I have received help here, in spite of the varying viewpoints and the TWI "bashing" that goes on. (I admit that I too have done a little "bashing.") My situation/circumstance is quite different than yours (of course). Regardless, God will get the two of you where your need can be met; of that I have no doubt. As you have stated, just continue to take some action when something tugs on your heart. BTW: How did I miss Stub1's post? :blink: Was it here all along?

My response will be different from George Aar's. Yet I like and very much respect George....from the few communications he & I have had. I assume you mean you have "no idea what is going on.." (Not nit picking; I totally understand typos. :) )From reading the "Fellowship/Friends..." thread you started, no, you two wouldn't fit in the current TWI (imo). As far as this thread and your request: a bullet point for me from TWI is not a TWI phrase, but a scripture: I John 1:5: "...God is light and in Him is no darkness at all." I guess that isn't just the 80's, but it was in the 80's that I began to cling to that truth. Regardless of the darkness that lurked/abounded in TWI (of which for the most part I was blinded/shielded to/from), I clung to that scripture for personal reasons, and it helped me to keep looking to Him for answers and healing. It helped me to not blame God for the pain in my life. I could have learned it outside of TWI; none-the-less, TWI was where I was and that is where that scripture was driven home for me. (Maybe this thread should be in "About the Way" instead of "Doctrinal"?)

Hello P & S :) I've read this post a few times and have wanted to respond, but don't really know what to say. I guess the title caught my attention. It sounds like you are searching for a group of folks with whom to openly share, not necessarily a fellowship "meeting." Is that correct? I don't know who is in New Mexico, but I'm sure someone around GSC must know someone with whom you can hook up with. I left TWI in the last 13 months after 28 years and have found old and new friends, many via GSC. And the connections have been/are beyond anything I imagined; they really have been. When you say "outcasts" do you mean what TWI called a "stick?" In other words were you involved with a splinter group? I have no quick solutions, but I know God hears the cry of the heart and He knows where you are and how to connect you. I suggest to be open to the tugs on your heart and act on them. (Hope that makes sense.) I hope you find what you are looking for.....because I (and many of us) know the "lost" feeling/emptiness...if that is where the two of you are. Perhaps you could visit chat some night. We have fun there and I have had at least two surprising old friend reunions. Best to you!

:) :) :) :) For some reason I always enjoy meeting fellow journalers. I too like looking back every so often to the previous year(s). At one point I started to index my journals. Got so far and then burned out. Oh well... Writer's Digest used to have a cool magazine, "Personal Journanling" (I think). Haven't seen it on the shelves for some time. Haven't investigated what happened to it. Once I was talking with a friend who collected sports paraphenalia (sp?). I said, "Geez, I don't collect anything." He knew I journaled and I would share with him from my journal at times. (Not real easy to do, especially in person.) And he responded, "You collect thoughts.......and solutions." Oh my!!! I had never thought about it like that. He made me feel like I was accomplishing something! hee