I Love Bagpipes

Oh Lordy!!!

YW gracious Dot. I had them written in the back of one of my journals, so it was easy for me to find them. Dot stated: "Nobody held a gun to my head, but I was forced to meet those requirements if I wanted to stay in the programs." Well stated....and in that context "force" is an apt word (imho).

Ain't it so Tonto? Tbone has the book: Cry of the Soul. The above quote is on pp. 257 and 258.

Tbone: LOL Happy B-day Medic and dittos to all the above. Thanks to you and all our folks who serve.

Along the line of Markomalley's post: My last year in TWI I read Isaiah a couple times through. The abuse scrpitures in Isaiah rang very clearly to my ears. Following are a few of those scriptures. Note that this first one is addressed to the followers. "...O my people, your leaders cause you to err, and they confuse (destroy & swallow up) the course of your paths." Is. 3:12b "The Lord enters into judgment with the elders of His people and their princes: For (by your exactions and oppressions you have robbed the people and ruined the country) you have devoured the vineyard; the spoil of the poor is in your houses. What do you mean by crushing my people and grinding the faces of the poor? says the Lord God of hosts." Is. 3:14 , 15 "For they who lead this people cause them to err, and they who are led (astray) by them are swallowed up (destroyed)." Is. 9:16 "Woe to those (judges) who issue unrighteous decress, and to the magistrates who keep causing unjust & oppressive decisions to be recorded. To turn aside the needy from justice & to make plunder of the rightful claims of the poor of my people.." Is. 10:1, 2a It is clear from the scriptures in Isaiah that the leaders caused the people to err, yet God also addresses the followers. The decision to continue to follow lies with the followers. As with slavery (which imo was FAR WORSE than anything we experienced in TWI; just read a bio of Frederick Douglass), certain people get to the point where death is a better alternative than lifestyle. It is always a decision that is weighed regarding various circumstances, which includes the individual's background, experiences (even outside TWI), personality, etc. Usually an individual is aware of the abuse (yes?), but because of coercion, etc., leaving feels impossible. The victim is not to blame for the abuse. At some point, hopefully, the victim can see through the forest and recognize what is happening. But while in the "frying pan" one may not feel the effects of the rising temperature; yet, others do feel it. Why? Who the hell knows!!!!!!!! (I know there are reasons, but it is not a black/white circumstance.) I know we all know all this. Whitedove I always respect your posts/opinions. I do not know you, but from what I have read and our few communications you seem an empathic, deep, Godly man. Your posts at the beginning of this thread do come across harsh. It could be the nature of cyber communication and perhaps the issue is Rascal's usage of the word "forced" as lindyhopper noted. As I stated earlier, I do not agree with the usage of the word "forced" in my case. Coerced, manipulated, deceived - yes. And I guess I can add "caused" (from Isaiah) to my list. Some reasons I stayed for 28 years? (not in order of priority) 1) My family: I didn't want to cause division. 2) I didn't have the emotional energy to carry out the decision. 3) Fear of other's opinions in the household and possible consequences to my family. 4) I had taken a salt covenant to stand with God's Ministry, vowing I would never leave again. 5) Indoctrination that TWI was the true household of God....and I wanted to please God. Why as a follower did I decide to leave? 1) The main reason was because of my family: The effects of wrong practice/doctrine were causing hurt. 2) My utter emptiness, lack of joy, and feeling of hypocrisy to continue to stay. Though this wasn't enough reason for me to leave. It took reason 1 to boost my conviction to action. 3) What I read on GSC. BTW: I had good experiences the two summers I spent in residence at RC (80? and 83?). I do not recall seeing the happenings of what was written in the "abuse thread," but I believe those incidents happened to those people. In later years (90's) there was definite abuse of children (imo)....emotionally and physically. That stated, the same happens outside TWI as well and perhaps statistically in the same measure and also in the name of God. PS: Waysider, thank you for the sweet words on your posts at the top of page 2. (I was posting while a few others were too.)

I have no desire to get into a banter, but do want to add to Rascal's original post. I was thinking about this subject this morning in regards to being in fellowship with God. I would consistently wonder about my "state" if/when in my heart/mind I disagreed with leadership, especially clergy. If I wasn't in agreement, my thinking must be screwed up....I must be the problem. I wasn't real adept at voicing a disagreement. Guess I was scared, doubtful, wanting to be accepted, weak, whatever. I prefer to think that I loved God and wanted to do right. The scripture about the ministry not be blamed was a "biggie" for me. Also the one in Philemon about Philemon doing more than Paul said which was taught (if I recollect correctly) that a request was equivalent to a command. Oh...the account of David's mighty men getting David water when David stated he was thirsty is another one. If I did less than these, my heart wasn't committed enough. Was that taught vebatim? I don't think so....but I do think it was implied. Yeah...those are a few that come to mind in regard to this for me. If I did less than the "best," I wasn't good enough. Had to keep working, ya' know....so I could stay in God's good graces. GGGRRRRRR (Sorry...don't mean to derail the topic here.) Emotional manipulation was at work. Was I prone to such? Obviously. I don't consider myself "forced", but do see myself manipulated. Am I responsible for my actions/inactions? Yes. Do I get confused about it? Yes.

Thank you Bliss. :) I have shared recently that Jesus Christ is no longer a concept to me, but He is becoming a real LIVING person. Do you journal too? Interesting what you share about the "whiney" to thankfulness and praise. A book I've read the past months speaks of the Psalms...going from lament to thanksgiving to praise. In fact I read this morning: "These three form a triad: the lament leading to the thanksgiving song and culminating in the hymn. The first is the voice of one...out of relationship with God...afraid... The second is sung in the voice of astonished gratitude: the relationship has been reconciled. The third is sung in a voice of joy for continued fellowship with God; the worshiper feels no obstatcles in his relationship with God.... It is crucial for us to remember that although the Psalms begin with our internal world, they don't allow us to dwell there, fixated on our problems and dark emotions.....The Psalter is a book of worship, driving us to God by insisting that we look to Him in the midst of our pain. When we do so, we find ourselves and our problems absorbed into His bright glory."

((((((((Ron G.))))))))) Happy Birthday and MANY hugs to you!!!

Since taking the scary step and exiting TWI, God opened door after door and quite literally brought people to me.....mainly to my computer screen....and then the phone....and then face to face. I am no longer empty. Oh how glorious!!!! NO LONGER EMPTY. The past months have not all been filled with joy. In fact I have experienced deep grief that had been buried for decades that I never allowed myself access to. But the emptiness is gone...the void is gone. I am learning about grace and becoming free from works-based Christianity. So it intrigued me the order of these prose in my journal. Of course there is much context in between the writings of these three prose. This last one was written after reunions started happening and (via these reunions) God was/is teaching me (via the books and relationships) about His Son, my Lord, as a real living person. I was (and am) experiencing the Body of Christ at work. This was written in February, 2006. I first posted on GSC in December 2005. Prose Three of Three He lived His life an obedient one. He loved and foresaw what was to come. It was this love, this vision, this purpose that spurred Him to do. His life was THE sacrifice for me and for you. What am I to do, one so weak and small? How am I to respond to this most magnificent call? He simply says, "Come.......... and relish in the work that I have done." "Take it. Accept it. I did it for You. Embrace it. Hold it. For it is all true. Hide it within and take it to heart. This is the reason I gave my all. For you my child, my friend, for you." "Once you embrace it please step aside. Allow me entree to work within. As you cast all your care upon me... all the guilt.... all the shame..... all the sickness... all the pain... You shall find freedom and bask in the love... Love so deep beyond what you have known." "Step aside and allow me access to work within. Listen.... Listen.... Trust that I know what is best. Then take the step... the step of me working within." "I will guide and transform your heart. But my child, you first must start. By simply accepting all I have done. To make you righteous as God's daughter, God's son."

In my last 5 years or so of TWI, there were years I didn't read my Bible much. It would remind me of standards I couldn't keep. I would read it some, but mainly read other works on healing, mind-body medicine, self help books, and biographies about people who gained/regained wellness. I learned alot and these books helped me tremendously. I also got involved with various groups (music, support, business) outside of TWI. Again I learned and my life was richer because of these acitivities. But they couldn't fill my relationship with God. During my last year in TWI when I was experiencing the deep emptiness I read some books to tried to fill the void. Once I left TWI and looked to Jesus Christ the void began to be filled. I was again finding my first love. I started to see that much of my reading/activities (not all, but much) was an effort to fill a part of me that could only be taken care of by a relationship with my Lord. This next prose was written in December, 2005. I had left in October, 2005. Prose Two of Three My heart cried out to the forces that be. "Where are you? Can you hear me? Do you exists? Dare I believe?" My heart craved and yearned to find its place. In this great big world among the human race. "Where do I fit? Where do I belong? So many choices... What if I'm wrong?" I tried to fit in so many places Among different groups And diverse faces. There were times of elation and times of doubt... Times of exuberance and times of remorse. "Where do I go...where do I stake this life of mine? Upon what course?" For awhile I settled for mediocrity, But then my soul suffered so emptily. I searched and pondered through many books... Philosophers...answers....in so many nooks. Then I came back full circle to Jesus Christ and God's Word. And found myself humbled and small again. Was I the wiser for wandering? Aye? Nay? Of the answer I am uncertain. But humbled I am and I trust that my heart... will stay honest and open upon this new old course.

I was journal perusing this past week and found 3 prose/poems hidden in my pages. I thought about posting these under "About the Way" because I figure folks who are still in TWI lurk there, wondering what to do, if anything, and wondering if there is light outside the "household." However, I decided "My Story" a more appopriate spot for the following posts. Here I share these 3 prose which give a pinhole view of a progressive unfolding regarding my last months in TWI and my first few months out. My last year in TWI my heart was filled with emptiness. Someone may read the following and diagnose it as depression. That may be. I have been treated for depression and am well aquainted with the illness. However, I knew this emptiness was different from depression...and even my counselor agreed at the time. No pill or psychological counseling could fill the emptiness that I felt...the vaccum that occupied my heart. Almost every morning I arose the void was there. I felt so stuck in this void and I didn't know who to trust or where to turn to find again my relationship with God. A few days within writing the following a dear friend who had left TWI 5 years earlier was in touch with me. Two days prior to penning this prose I wrote: "...my heart is so heavy. I feel I don't have a friend...a full-sharing friend." And now 1-1/2 years later I have been lavished with deep and heart-felt connections and friendships. Never in my thoughts did I ever think that I would experience the reunions, renewed friendships, new friendships that have been born/reborn in the last 10 months. This was written in June, 2005. I left TWI in October, 2005. Prose One of Three My heart is so heavy. My heart is so empty. My well of love runs dry. I look inside. I look to God. I look...but my heart remains low. Where has my passion gone? Where has my life been thrown? Where can I find the way? Father, I daily cry within my heart. I daily want to run away. I daily feel a desperation. I know not where to turn. I know not how to find the answers. I know my tears fall continually inside. Will you hold my hand? Will you manifest to me what I am to do? Will you make it clear? I ask almost timidly. I ask with doubt of my every move. My heart is so very heavy. My heart is so very sad. My heart is so very empty. And now the tears pour forth from my soul.....

Happiest of birthdays to you for this year!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi DL... Thanks Polar Bear. I will add that as of September, 05, T & M were around the Raleigh area. I asked M a few years ago the best way to eat a mango thinking with her native heritage she might know a better way than I. You know, mangoes are messy!!! Her answer? "The best way? Over a sink."

Thank you dmiller. This is a very timely post for me. And thanks to Pat (whom I will meet at the return) for succinctly putting these words on the page. They have touched this soul at a contemplative time.

Glad ya'll like it. Thank you Vegan. I have threatened for years to publish something. I probably have about 25(?) or so poems now. Hmm...I have thought of taking certain ones and making one book out of them with illustrations. Then, if the book(s) acutally sold I could put together a collection of poems book. I really enjoy children's literature as well...picture books. About 10 years ago my kids and I adopted a baby squirrel. Our dog found it lying on the ground; the squirrel was probably a few days old. We nursed him, weighed him, photographed him, etc. He even went with us to Washington, DC. Sometimes he rode in my shirt pocket and sometimes in his specail pocket book. Anyway, at about 5 weeks old he got adopted back by a mother squirrel who took him to her nest...really neat story. So, I've thought for years about publishing that into a children's book: Squirrel in my Pocket. Hmmm...maybe someday I'll get around to it...... Thanks for the encouragement. :)

ROFL!!!!!! Greeny needs his eye ministered to. Did he drink too much bourbon or that fine rum or wine and hurt himself with his sword? No...I bet it was the cat food and T. Strange laced it with catnip!!! Ectoplastic...LOL I got 4 little guys, since we had some left over. They stand on my kitchen window seal....along with some other little stuff that brings me good memories. I'm not so creative as you, but now maybe they will talk to me while I do dishes since you have brought them to life. (omg! :blink: ) (With my past life Tbone, you know I could bring those little guys to life!!! And make 'em dance!! )

I'm curious about the other thing(s)? Thank you for the insightful post(s). Your one man's opionion looks good to moi! :) Hubby and I have discussed similar observations to your statement that TWI "will most likely NEVER actually die." Apparently the organization has enough money/assets to be self sustaining. Back to topic now......

:) :) :) :) :)

Ex10, I was gonna wait until I got back to NC to write my thank yous, but alas I'll just send them from your keyboard...where your fingers will tap this week and where you will enjoy that awesome music I hear as I type. :) You know the depth of gratitude I have for our time shared. NEVER in my imagination would I have pictured the past few days. It has been quite surreal. God's grace, mercy, lovingkindness, and spontaneity of circumstance are again manifest to my heart. I will treasure the memories and the very special gift. (Edit here: And thanks to Mr. Pipes for the FF miles to get here and for allowing me the time to go. ) What a pleasure and delight to meet my brothers and sisters most of whom I have only known from behind a keyboard or a headset on a phone. THANK YOU Mr. and Mrs. Ex 10 and Tucker and Fancy and the teenage Ex 10's...for opening your home to everyone!!!!!! And for the laughter!!! My ribs might be sore for a few days. (hee) Mom of Ex10..I know she must be proud of all her kids. And thanks to Ex's mom for playing taxi all weekend. RichnChrispy....we have proof of the 1 degree separation. Ha!! Cleveland!! Lori....thanks for your gentleness, laughter and beautiful smile. Tonto....gosh.....what a heart of gold. Thanks for your ear. Tbone...yup....like meeting a friend. It was great to open the door and look at the two of you and say, "I'm Bagpipes." chuckle George St. George and the Countess....thanks for the stories around the porch. Rush7 and wifey...it was fun to meet you. Keep those kids a laughing Mrs. Rush! Templelady....thank for your inspired gratitude and love. Doojable.....finally!!!!!!! (LOL) I didn't hear you snore!! But then I hardly slept. Thanks for all the food...when are you gonna open a restaraunt? As Mr. Ex said, "Without your presence it would have been a non-event." (hee) My Momma and 'em are fine, btw. Tom Strange...thanks for your generosity and kindness. What a pleasure to meet you face to face. I enjoyed again meeting your mom and the conversation shared. Pawtucket.....this would not have happened if not for you. The connections God has transpired because you had the thought to start a cafe. Thanks for it all (and for the tee shirt.) "One Man Awake"....multiplies.

My vote for cheesecake: I took the blind vote...closed my eyes and Dooj fed me. :) No. 1 on my list is the chocalate (Dooj's). No. 2 is lemon (Dooj's). No. 3 is cherry (Rummy's). Templelady....quite the descriptions you have!!! :)

Okay...I'm gonna try to type! :) Rummy, special hello to you from Chris Duffy....Cleveland...198?? something!!! :) And she (as Chrispy) says "hi" to everyone else!! No cheesecake yet.....but the Makers Mark is fine and the stuffed jalepenos are delicious.

^_^ :P ;)

Too funny dmiller!!!! The barbe hasn't officially started but we were getting warmed up last night. No dancers were here yet; however, Mr. & Mrs. Ex10's absolutely gorgeous home was graced with the presence of 3 fine men. But it wasn't Curly, Mo, and Larry. Uh, then again.....???? BTW, Mr. Ex10 can really cook some fine food. Dooj really makes some fine spaghetti and meatballs. We will find out about cheesecake tonight. And, Jim Beam makes some pretty fine bourbon. :)

Happy Birthday from across the water!! I never found that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down..... Hmmm....maybe chocalate or vanilla flavoring. :)