Amazingrace

No problem. I didn't have any trouble following your story. My heart goes out to you for all the pain you've been through. I'm raising kids that have been through some of the emotional pain you've been through (they're adopted) and do hope that their belief in God will be a priority in their life as they mature.

Cowgirl, I agree with you. I hear it. I don't know what it is, but I definitely hear it. Pefect song and picture for the mood I'm in. I'd bet my last beer on David's response. Mandolin.... not being musically inclined (obviously) but have heard it referred to in describing the wind in songs. What is that song? No matter... feeling completely too mellow to try to think of things I can't think of. Summer is definitely here, that for sure, I know. It is good.

Belle, I COMPLETELY agree with you. My mind protested in screams when I found out Hanks would have the leading role. I have to talk myself into even going to see it because Hanks had the lead. (BTW) you have excellent taste in men. I pictured a complete hunk (so sorry to be offending the Hanks supporters) to play the lead. With the roles Hanks played in Big and Forest Gump, I have a hard time picturing him in any serious, professor/romantic relationhip. I'm sure I can name all the times he's played a leading romantic guy, but I didn't see those movies because he had the lead part. DaVinci Code will be the exception.

How cool... ya got to see the show! :) Must be nice to know VIP's. And you were prepared to sit in the lobby.... "Free of charge".... double cool. I'd say that VIP had a little of his own magic.

Talk about the perfect time to eat. I'm praising God no one was hurt badly. Hoping all goes well with the repairs. BTW, the graduation ceremony... wasn't being held at your house, was it? :unsure:

Thank you T-Bone for that clarification. I do agree with you on both points. Recently, I had to spend nine evenings in what you would call a "bad" neighborhod. We were practicing for a play. Our cars were parked in an alley behind the theater and we took precations to make sure the back doors to the theater remained locked all the times. Overall, even with trips being made to my car on a regular basis, I felt safe. However, there were other moms there who didn't feel safe. Not even inside the theater. One was a nervous wreck... always stressed and on edge and continually voicing her complaints about the "bad" neighborhood we were in. If groups of shady characters were in the alley when I needed to go to my car, I took someone with me. I was never afraid... just cautious. It was interesting to experience all the negativity coming from the other moms. They knew the area much better than I. But I did assess the environment... took inventory on how well other buildings were kept up, how much trash was on the street, even window shopped at the local pawn shop. A "depressed" area for sure it was. But I still concluded, for the purpose I was there, I would be safe. Maybe it's just different backgrounds of all the people I was with. Maybe this was the absolute worst neighborhood they had ever been in. I have definitely seen worse. To me, their fear was unjustified. One woman said to me, "You don't understand. I've been robbed at gunpoint!" I told her that I had too, even had to taste the barrel of the gun, but I don't live my life in fear. Probably TMI for anyone, but I guess my point is, sometimes the FEAR acronym takes over and wins unless we assess the situation correctly.

Zixar, Thank you for the great suggestion. We are always looking for fun games and find that there just aren't that many out there! And how many times have we bought a game that needs an access code which isn't included! What IS that all about anyway. I know very little about any of the games except I don't want violent ones. I'm going to make it a point to get this one tomorrow. :) Will let ya know how it goes. Thanks again!!!

Dot, My mom-in-law had the exact same experience as you did. She was sore for over a year. I have to think it was not done correctly. It shouldn't be unbearably painful. Please reconsider at a different location. Abigail, thank you for the reminder. I'm long overdue and needed the kick.

T-Bone, Didn't mean to make you think I have no "forethought" on relevant matters. Some questions I would have to answer "I don't know" would be, for example, will I travel to Russia to do missionary work in the summer, will I take a job I've been thinking about in September, will the church I'm attending be the "one" for me... I'm in the process of evaluating all circumstances surrounding each event. Only time can answer these question. Time will allow me to "assess the situation realistically"... figure out if what I'm thinking in some instances is a product of the F.E.A.R. acronym or, if it's a realistic negative. Once the situation is assessed from all perspectives, I'll have an answer, but at present, the best answer I can give anyone about such issues is, "I don't know." Thank you for providing excellent scripture sources to make your point and thank you for your concern.

I know it's completely politically incorrect to edit your own post. Call me what you will. Meaning, other people's physical illnesses are more important than my weight. And I'll add, I've never been pregnant but have been accused often, even by doctors upon first seeing me, several times. I sometimes forget those days, but I do myself a disservice by doing so. I've had a few surgeries to remove the growths in my body that didn't belong there. I sometimes forget those days also. Allow me to remember; for rememberance validates all that I have overcome. The journey was painful. I must not ever forget overcoming the pain. The triumph brought me to the place I'm at today; a good place. "When I see myself in light of the ailments I've overcome, weight is less significant." Here's to overcoming ailments... whatever they may be.

LOL on the 60. Me 47.

So very true how medication will effect your weight. Most steroids are known to cause weight gain. If steroids are medically necessary, the weight is sometimes a side-effect. There's not much of a choice here. My friends who have taken steroids in the past all gained a lot with useage. But, they all lost the weight when they were weaned off of the steroids. I'm no doctor, but I would think that once steroids are stopped, weight returns to normal. But what about anti-depressants. Some of my friends started taking them and gained a ton of weight. It's sad. Now they seemed to be more depressed about how over-weight they are than whatever it was they were depressed about it the first place. Society places extreme pressure for women to live up to fashion model image. It's unrealistic. Extreme measures are often pursued to keep middle-age weight at bay. Another friend I know nearly died from clotting during liposuction. She spent four months in the hospital afterwards from infection. Another person I know did die from a weight reduction suregery (clotting also). I'd say that some people take extreme measures to be thin from the pressure society puts on us. Look at the ad now running for Dove soap... the women are a bit overweight, but the problem with the ads are that they still look great. These women are still young. None of the weight has turned to quarter-sized cottage cheese dimples on their thighs! (sorry if I'm being too graphic, but until they put a woman in an ad with "real" fat on her, I'm not buying, and, of course no one else will buy if they do!) People who make comments about other people's weight are rude, even though they think they are well-meaning. It's hurtful and just shouldn't be done. Strangers and sometimes even family, don't know, nor do they need to know why one has put on weight. We have to be happy no matter where we are with our weight. Sure, it feels great to lose a few pounds or more, does a lot for the ego and overall well being, but face it, a slowing metabolism, along with (you fill in the blank) factors, make losing weight difficult. In Renisance (sp) Times, us over-weight women were the models. Plump was pleasing to the eye. How is it that society has changed that? How is it that society has turned us against ourselves by making us feel less for having more? The fact is, the average person gains 10 pounds for every 10 years that go by without changing diet. I'd say our bodies are designed this way. We have little control over the design. Some of you know I've been dieting like crazy for a while. I've seen very little results. I'm past the point of discouragement and coming to a point of acceptance. It's not meant for me to starve. It's not meant for me to exhaust myself with exercise all day. I'm on my way to acceptance and thankfulness... thankfulness because out of all the problems I could have in life right now about my phsycial self, the only one is weight. When I see myself in the light of other people's physical ailments, my weight is insignifcant. Think I'll have a drink now.... To all the Ladies of GSC, here's to contentment in who you are today. posted by Grace who doesn't much care if her bacon is a shakin'

Belle, Thank you kindly for helping me change this "plain Jane" into something beautiful. :) Grace

OHHHH NO! :( I'm sorry for you. But why am I not surprised (probably because it's not my church)... but even in my own church... the pastor and his wife, instead of teaching a biblical sermon on Palm Sunday, got up and said they were basically "at the end of theirselves" that they needed a lot of prayers, that they weren't leaving the ministry, but that they were tired of saying "yes, go God!" and not feeling it in the "inside". It came across as though they were totally burned out although they made it clear they love what they do. As strange as this testiony was, I wasn't surprised either. He gave statistics that 10,000 ministers leave the ministry every year. I dont' know where he got his numbers from and haven't checked the accuracy. He reieterated that pastoring is one of the hardest jobs in the world. I feel really bad about your pastor leaving... was plagering something he did every week, was it a one-time thing? Do you know more about it? Gosh darn... a church without a pastor is a tough situation, but maybe something better is to come. BTW, good people are reason enough for me to stick around anything. Keep us posted.

Belle, Thanks for the references. Please keep in mind that we were all blinded at one time. It's impossible to see clearly when blinded. I don't know about the "Six-Million" stuff (can imagine though), but, hey, don't be embarassed now. You're in the light.

T-Bone I'm kind of reminded of the saying "People won't care about how much you know until they know how much you care." I used to let my emotions rule me. God's Word changed that for me.... changed it so much that now, some people think there is something wrong with me. They see me as someone who supresses emotion. Nothing could be further from the truth. Being a spiritual person has allowed me to be in control of my emotions and has enabled me to deal with extremely stressful situations with a level head about me. Before I became spiritual, this was not always the case. But at present, with all situations in my life that involve emotions, I let the fruits of the spirt rule. I don't call it "renewing my mind". I dislike any wording from twi days. I just remind myself that I need to have patience, meekness.... and then, like a miracle, calmness rules. When calm, thoughts flow and stress takes a hike. I have lots of friends but I have some enemies also. I don't much care about my enemies. They are truly evil people and don't deserve space in my brain except I do ask God to change their heart . I love my friends. They make me feel appreciated for who I am. They make it known that they would like to have the patience I have. This tells me I have sparked an interest in them regarding the merits of my methodolgy (is that a word?). It gives me an opportunity to let them know what I know, and an opportunity to be a living example for the God I serve. On spiritual matters that I do not understand (and there are many), I've only changed my mind to know that it's ok not to have all the answers. I freely admit to being a former brainwashed believe in twi, however, my experience was mostly signs, miracles and wonders. (I left when LCM became pres). I don't have to feel guilt about things I don't undersand. I serve a loving God who will give me the time I need to figure things out.

When I search the web for avatars, I end up on a other message boards... boards talking about avatars. The avatars I have found only appear as a number when I upload them, even though they give me specific directions for doing it right. I must be doing something wrong. Can anyone help me find a site for avatars and then guide me thru the process of putting one with my name. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Double ouch.

All of theses posts are beautiful and lovely and describe the immense joy from doing the simple things (although I didn't find playing the piano simple. I'll glady listen while you play.) What it comes down to is doing what we love. We moved 3.5 years ago. We love the property our house is on... a creek running thru the front yard... lots of old trees and lots of space to garden. I love to spend sun-up to sun-down planting and nuturing plants. It is my play. It is my therapy. I made a rock garden in the side wall of the creek. It took me nearly a summer to complete. I planted many things to help the creek thrive. I was notified yesterday that the county will be putting in sewers in our area. They want an easment in my playland. They plan to demolish my toys. All big old trees have to go. :( It's no wonder I'm so sad today. They are coming out soon to meet with us. My prayers are that they can find another area to run their pipes. Selfish, I know... but my heart is breaking right now. When my son was small, someone once asked him, "So, young man, what are your jobs around the house?" He replied, "My job is to play." :)

Anything could have everything to do with THE.

Belle, Thank you for all your comments or TWI's comments. Regarding The people I spoke to about my upcoming vacation are in the household of God, but how far "in" remains to be seen. It was many of them who said that they would never fly. Their comments added to my anxiety, however, I later concluded that: I later concluded that I'd be ignorant to let their beliefs take hold of me. I shouldn't be shocked at the negativity of some people. I did tell each "household" person that "anxiety or fear of flying wasn't going to stop me from traveling to a wonderful place to fulfill the goal I had in mind." It was a Godly goal... a goal made out of love. It was an unselfish goal. I kept focused on the goal and relied on God to do the rest. Of course, on hunreds of subjects that are not relevant to my life, I have no opinion. I don't think positively or negatively. On hundreds of things, I have "no formed opinion" unless "I don't know" is a formed opinion. Even on some issues that ARE relevant to my life, I have no formed opinion. I'm in the learning or RE-learning process. However long it takes for a negative or positive vote, is completely ok in most matters.

Bramble, Even though I left TWI in '84, the law of believing ALWAYS applied... that was TWI's teaching. Good things happened because "you believed for it." Bad things happened because "you had unbelief". I KNOW that is really not how the world works. I still try to be an optimistic person. In fact, I think I'm the most optimistic person I know of most of the time...and in control of my emotions. Maybe that's why I freak out when I feel fearful about something. TWI's wrong teachings die hard for some of us, or maybe I'm just realizing the extensive impact they can have on me, even now. When the engine died on the plane, I knew it would be twi's belief that my "fear" caused a malfunction. Even if I was happy when boarding and happy up until the engine failure, twi would still place blame on me. In my heart of hearts, I knew I had nothing to do with the malfunction of that plane, even if I was shaking with anxiety, still wasn't my fault the engine failed. It's a shame I had to sit there and reason with situation and was not able to just "take it for what it was" as it was happening.

Thank you all for your responses. I just need to take each and every situation and analyze it the best I can. TWI probably did have their own agenda for the FEAR teaching. When I started this topic, I had a ton of anxiety in me over taking a flight... sounds stupid to those who fly all the time, but I couldn't get rid of it. I felt that I shouldn't be afraid to fly, but I had a hard time putting it in perspective.... smiling at my kids and telling them how excited I was... how happy I was to be flying away on vacation... but falling apart inside. Statistics show, flying is waaaay safer than driving. I couldn't justify the fear, and eventually it did pass. Eventually, I was peaceful about flying. No anxiety while boarding. My smiles and excitement were real inside and out. On take-off one of the engines failed. Time for concern. I was concerned that the plane would get a quick look over, a quick fix, and we'd be sent on our way, but that didn't happen. After a fair amount of time had passed, we were given another plane. And so, I'll continue to struggle sometimes with fear about things I have no control over. But, hopefully, I'll get throught it. Now.... there's a giant false elephant in the middle of the hotel pool.... (no lie)....coincidence or are you just making fun of me???

T-Bone, Awesome topic. :) But I must confess, I have to do some reading before I can intelligently post. D. Amen's books were referred to me a long time ago, but I had so much going on back then, I never read any. I attended a few seminars on brain development in abused and neglected children... in the hopes of gaining insight on how the brain forms in these kinds of children and to recognize their difference in the "reasoning" process. I'm currently reading "The Emotional Brain" by Joseph LeDoux. Not sure if I'll get any insight as to the topic of this thread, but I've sure picked up a variety of very interesting reads from the thread for the future. Any comments on LeDoux? dmiller and ILB.

Penguin, I've been out of twi since '84. Our experiences are probably very different. You are right in your description of the group... it's just that twi had very little negative effect on me (and you'll be wondering how I could say this when I do finally muster the courage to post about my personal abuse, but I'll explain it when I post it). OK...gotta admit to being confused spiritually also! I'm glad people don't look down on you when you tell them where you've been. I've been asked by church members "how did you get de-programmed?" I let them know very little "programming" took place and just state that I'm in the life-long process of reinventing my spirituality. The outreach ministry of my church is the exact same mission of my heart. I want to be accepted by the members not only to be part of something bigger than myself but also, because I desire to partake in missions around the world which are near and dear to me.