Scout Finch02

Lefty's sister passed away yesterday at 8 a.m. He went back to Boston to be with his dad and help make funeral arrangements. Thanks for keeping him and his family in your prayers. This has been very hard for them.

I hope those guys are wearing sun screen..

I was disappointed that the chickens in choppers didn't show up.

I took sociology about thirty years ago in my early college life. I found it very confusing. But then I am a science, math, engineer type.... very strong ISTJ on the Meyers Briggs scale. I think I would need a definition of what you consider a "me" to begin to understand your essay. Glad you are finding your class useful and enjoyable. Learning is such an adventure.

My friend Lefty called me Sunday morning and told me that they had disconnected his sister from all life support equipment Saturday morning at 10 am. The docs expected her to expire within a few hours. As of Sunday night, she was still alive, but they expect her to pass in the next day or so. Ironically, because she was so healthy and in good physical shape, she will take longer to expire. Thanks for all of your prayers. Lefty is sad, but doing OK. Thankfully, everyone in the family agreed to let her go and not do the indefinite life support route. Coincidentally, I was revising my will and asked my lawyer to add a health care directive to the list. I don't know that my family would agree as harmoniously as Lefty's did, so I want to save them the agony of having to decide by letting them know in very specific terms what my wishes are. Please consider preparing some sort of health care directive or declaration to save your family the agony and turmoil of making that decision. You may think that talking it over with a spouse or others is enough, but having it in writing with very specific language is much, much better when your loved ones may be too emotional to be rational.

To me it doesn't seem like this has to be an either or question. Why not enjoy life now and in retirement? I live frugally, and find ways to enjoy life on a budget. When I vacation, I go with family or friends, get good deals and pay cash for everything. There are a few places I am still planning on going, but will plan and save well in advance to do them. I have saved religiously for retirement since I was thirty and don't have concerns about retirement whether or not social security is around. A big key for me is making my own decisions about what I want and need. Many of my coworkers live in homes worth half a million or more in prestigious zip codes, drive Lexus, BMWs, Mercedes, etc. I live in a working class neighborhood, in my little ramber/ranch type home built in 1950s that I have been remodeling myself over the last few years. It is not glamorous, but it is quaint and suits me. (and my pets or furkids as I like to call them) It is 75% paid for and will be fully paid off when I am 55. I drive a Toyota Corolla that is paid for. I use coupons at the grocery store, restaurants, for haircuts, and anything else that offers a coupon. I have budgets on Excel spreadsheets for at least the next six months and don't spend money without checking my spreadsheet. Yes, my friends tease me because I am very anal about money, saving, etc. Occasionally my $9.99 haircut is less than perfect, but it just matches my many other imperfections. I'll probably live the same way in retirement as I live now - spend money on what's important to me, cut corners on what is not, and enjoy the heck out of life. I think it does boil down to what others have already said about deciding for yourself. And I just hope this insomnia passes.....since I am writing this at 2:20 am.....

Thanks for your help. My friend, Lefty, said it may not be an issue. His sister is totally on life support - machines are doing everything for her - food, breathing, etc. The family is going to make a decision this week and right now it seems like the majority believe she would have wanted to have the life support discontinued and be allowed to pass. Please keep Lefty and his family in your prayers. Thanks.

My best friend's sister suffered a massive stroke. She is only 51. She lives alone and no one found her for two days so that made matters worse. She is in intensive care and is not responding to anything. My best friend, Lefty, is trying to be practical and figure out what needs to be done as the rest of the family is in shock. His sister's docs say that she suffered extensive damage and will never recover beyond a vegetative state. Her brain is very damaged, but her body is very healthy as she was in good shape and took care of herself so she could live quite awhile and needs care. The kind of info I am looking for is: Information on transporting her from where she lives in Atlanta, GA to where the majority of her family lives in Massachusetts. Does anyone know how a family that is not wealthy can transport an unconscious person in need of round the clock care a long distance? If she were in Massachusetts, family could visit and help care for her. I was wondering if anyone knows of charitable groups that will help with this at a cost that an average person can afford. Lefty's sister has paid into social security and medicare since she was a teenager. She has worked her entire life. Is it possible to get social security benefits and medicare even though she is only 51? Neither Lefty or I have had any experience with social security and medicare (other than seeing it taken out of our paychecks) so we don't even know where to start. Any websites, personal experience, etc would be appreciated.

My lawn was more quack grass (or crab grass??? not sure which is which) than blue grass when I bought my house seven years ago and has gotten worse over the years. I have always kept it mowed, but would like to have a nice lawn of blue grass. I was thinking about getting rid of the old grass and having new sod put down. I heard about some tool you could use to kind of scrape off the old sod. Anybody know about this? Anybody got any ideas, opinions? Thanks in advance.

Maybe the problem is in the assumption that all men want the same thing in women. Or am I misunderstanding the question? Or should the question be more specific. Such as what does the stereotypical man want in the stereotypical woman he intends to: a. Have sex without strings (or training wheels) attached b. Marry, cohabit and reproduce with Just wondering. Have no idea anyway.

Twinky and Twinkle, So glad to hear you are back together again.

Thanks, WG. Just keep telling women to get there mammograms. And anyone else in Greaseland who knows women who need mammograms but aren't getting them, beg, bribe, or whatever it takes to persuade them to get it done. Greaseland....sounds kind of like Graceland...like Elvis' place.

And back to the regularly scheduled topic...maybe.... or not... I stayed home from work today because I woke up with a fever, chills and earache this morning. I slept most of the day but woke up this afternoon feeling better, but hungry. My best friend Lefty, who lives just down the street, called me. He was on his way home from work and wanted to know if I needed anything. I told him I had stayed home because I was sick, but that I felt better and was hungry now. He asked if I wanted "my sandwich" from my local favorite sandwich shop. All I had to say was yes. Fifteen minutes later he was at my house with my sandwich with the usual notes all over the wrapper for the exact way I like my sandwich, my favorite soda from a different store because I don't like the soda at my favorite sandwich shop, and treats for my dogs and cat (of course their favorites). The short of the long story is that he has paid attention over the 10+ years we have known each other. He is kind and considerate and has figured out lots of things about me that I don't even totally understand. We are best friends, live separately and probably always will (We tried the couple thing for about a month but that didn't work for us. No chemistry or fireworks. He does these nice things knowing that there won't be sex. He is genuinely a nice guy) So what I have learned over the years is that all it takes from a man to make me a happy is to be kind and considerate. The common interests etc will work themselves out when you like being around a person. Lefty never thought he'd know what the favorite treats of two dogs and cat are, but he does. Or that he'd cry as hard as me when an old dog had to be put down. I never thought I'd enjoy handguns and target shooting, but do now. Maybe the "what women want in men" topic only applies to people who intend to marry and cohabit so maybe I am off topic after all, but I don't think so. I think the reason that Lefty and I remain best friends who live apart is because we do recognize that we are not "fixer uppers" -love that analogy. I know that Lefty could never live my lifestyle of letting my animals run my house and leave hair and slobber on everything. He knows I wouldn't be myself if I lived in his house of coasters on the furniture, no feet on the coffee table and polished chrome in the kitchen and bathroom. He loves to travel the half a mile to my house and take a break from his life of perfect order and quiet. I love to go to his house sometimes to experience perfect order and quiet. Our lifestyles are mutually exclusive but also mutually cherished and respected. There are lots of other differences, opposites, things that I find annoying in other people but find amusing and endearing in Lefty. So if I am off topic, Mr. Ham will just have to send one of his hit squirrels with the squirrel sized Beretta through the computer to shoot holes in my dog hair covered keyboard. Peace.

Mr. Ham, Regarding: "Give a Squirrel a nut, and he'll eat for a day. Give him a Beretta, and he won't have much of a problem rustling up a few nuts." I have seen the Lady Smith and Wesson. Is there a squirrel sized Beretta? Please post a picture. I would love to see it. Proceed with the encore.

I get mine every year. Left work for an hour and got it done last month. My mom died of breast cancer. She always said she didn't have time to go to the doctor. No amount of begging, offering rides, nice lunches, dinners, gifts, etc would get her to go. Money was never the issue. She always had good insurance and children willing to pay for anything she needed or wanted. She had issues with people touching her. We suspect she was molested when she was young. But that's a whole other sad talk show. If you won't get this done for yourself, get it done for your loved ones. I would rather give Mom the flowers in person that I have been putting on her grave for the last two years.

I am a very conservative saver/iinvestor as most females are, so the burps of the stock market have a pretty small effect on my 401k, Roths and other investments. I never have big earnings to brag about, but I sleep better not worrying about big losses. My favorite fund in my 401k is the one geared towards the year I plan to retire. It keeps the mix balanced in relation to my ability to withstand market fluctuations as I near retirement. I do keep an eye on all my investments, but don't try to time them. Since I am conservative in my investing/saving habits, I recognize that I need to save a larger percentage of my income which means I need to be frugal in other areas of my life. I accept my responsibility to save as well as invest for retirement. At present, 20% of my paycheck goes into my 401k and my employer adds a minimum of 6%. I also save the max allowed in the Roth IRAs for each year. But I also know that I can't base my whole future on dollars available to me. Who knows? We may have huge inflation that will make my many dollars worthless. I think being kind to people, maintaining a support network of good friends and family and being satisfied to live a simple life is still a good retirement strategy. I joke with my sisters and close friends that we can live together like the golden girls (and one golden boy) if we need to at retirement. One cooks, one does home repairs, one fixes our cars, one plans our parties and we'll figure out the others when we get there. I know, but I think it is important to mention.

My nephew lives a few blocks from that bridge. When he called to tell me he was safe, he also told me he and his roommates had gone to the site of the collapse to see if they could help. He said it was horrible to see the destruction, but amazing to see the people on the bank helping the injured and others get to safety. They got there before the rescue and medical workers so they were putting people in their own cars or the back of pick up trucks and taking them to the hospitals. They were going into the river to help people they didn't even know, helping them get out of cars that were in the river, taking off their shirts to use for bandages. The injured got to the hospitals and were treated amazingly quickly and released. I think he said the number of critical patients was 5 or 6 which is amazing for the collapse of a nearly 2000 foot bridge 60+ feet above the river. Private citizens were directing traffic and keeping order on both sides of the bridge so the rescue vehicles could get in quickly. It was an incredibly unified effort to save lives. Shortly after the collapse, private citizens in the neighborhoods were bringing cold drinks and food to the rescue workers. Fire stations from all surrounding suburbs had sent crews to help. People in those neighborhoods took food to the firestations in their neighborhoods. Nephew did see a dead person taken from the river which was a shock to him, but the amazing support of the community seems to have touched him as well.

Dot, Good luck to you in wherever you move. The US seems to work for some and not for others. A generation ago, there seemed to be some predictability about who it would work for and how you could make it work for you. It seems to have lost that predictability. Somehow I ended up in a position to have good healthcare and other luxuries that I should not take for granted. I see others who have worked harder than me and have done everything "right", but who do not have healthcare access, safe housing, etc. I just fumbled along and ended up on a square in the game that is good for now. I am very aware that the tables may turn and I may end up without healthcare, safe living environment, etc. It is frighteningly precarious what tomorrow can bring. My prayers are with you that you have the peace and mental strength to follow the course that will preserve your life and renew your health.

Amazing work, Catcup. Have you seen any information on the the intergenerational effects of this? Do women who have been abused unintentionally pass this on to their daughters? I have never been sexually abused, but I suspected my mother was (not by my father, possibly by her father). She passed away last year, so she can never tell us, but she had many characteristics of someone who had suffered serious long term sexual abuse. The emotions surrounding control you described feel creepily familiar in ways I cannot verbalize. I sense I "inherited" my fears from her based on her reactions and responses to events, conversations, etc. Even though I love children and would have loved to have been a mother, the birth and delivery process seemed like something I could never allow. I skipped many years of annual physicals (even though I had good health insurance) because of those creepy feelings. Now I have a wonderful woman doc and get my exams every year. Keep up your very important work. I hope you write a book someday. I will buy 4 copies - one for each of my mother's daughters. Only one sister managed to overcome the creepiness and had children later in life. They are young enough to be my grandchildren and I spoil them as if they were. Thanks everyone for your honesty and courage.

Thanks for the suggestions. I had thought about the pedestal sink, but wasn't sure about the plumbing. If there is a plumbing problem, how hard is it to access the drain pipe through the pedestal? I do like the looks of some of the pedestal sinks. The other thing I had considered was buying a cabinet door (Rockler will make custom door at reasonable price) and making the vanity myself. The vanity I pulled out of the basement is very basic and would be pretty simple to copy. I have the tools to do it, just didn't feel like taking the time because I am very busy with work and other things. I have not had very good luck with "handymen". The last one I used did a horrible job and was very expensive - and he had references. Guess they had different standards then I do. <_< Since then I have been doing most things myself.

I am remodeling my basement bathroom. It is a small bathroom with a small vanity (18 by 16 inch to support a 17 by 19 inch sink top). I have looked in all of the big box building supply stores and have found only one style in that small size that is very cheap looking. I would like to find something nicer but very plain, just real wood and sturdily built. Do any of you do it yourselfers or professional remodelers have any suggestions? Thanks in advance for any advice.

Congratulations!!!! Very nice ride. Good for you for going after what you want. Trucks are nice to have when you own a home. Got to have something to haul your stuff from Home Depot.

Thank you for being so honest. It raises my level of respect for you because you are so genuine. I am very glad that you are feeling better. I guess because I believe that mental illness has a physical basis, I don't think any differently about you other than feeling concern, compassion and wanting to keep you in my prayers. I'd feel the same if you had been hospitalized for your diabetes. Ditto for the rest of you that have shared.

Ditto on what you guys said. I have been out of TWI for almost twenty years and the people that I will drive across the country to see are mostly folks that I met in TWI. One of my closest friends who I drive 4 hours to see was a WOW with me 27 years ago. Same goes for two other friends I drive about 16 and 20 hours to see every couple of years...and another family in Maine...and .... And no matter how much time passes between visits or phone calls, we pick up right where we left off as if no time at all has passed.