Jump to content
GreaseSpot Cafe

Ron G.

Members
  • Posts

    3,060
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    11

Everything posted by Ron G.

  1. Ron G.

    JOTD

    This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way back I stopped at the gas station to get some gas, and this drop dead gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump. She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?" I thought it over for a few seconds and responded......"Well, just what kind of ammo you got to trade?"
  2. Ron G.

    Happy birthday, Kit

    Yeah, what Twinky said...Happy Birthday, dear Kit!!!
  3. Ron G.

    Arrivederci Pope

    The Pope is resigning! I guess he took that Notre Dame loss to Alabama a lot harder than people thought. The Pope said he was stepping down at age 85 because he could no longer handle the job physically. To which Lance Armstrong said, "I've got some stuff that can help you with that." The Pope said that at age 85 he cannot physically go on. Meanwhile, Hugh Hefner is going to be 87 and he just married a 26-year-old. So much for that celibate lifestyle!
  4. Ron G.

    Arrivederci Pope

    Does he get a gold watch and a pension?
  5. You may take me land and you can take me life, but ye'll nae touch me haggis!!
  6. The was the worst apocalypse yet...Y2K wasn't much better. It seems the older I get, the more dissapointing they become.
  7. If the Mayans were so smart, how come there's no more Mayans?
  8. I think (but not sure) British mincemeat and American mincemeat pie are to different things. What most Americans call micemeat is really just a kind of raisin pie. Send me some (maybe three or 4) and I'll let you know for sure. :D
  9. 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas! 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. 8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!" Have a great Christmas season!!!
  10. Ron G.

    Mongo gone :(

    I just read Alex Karras, football player and actor passed away this week due to kidney failure. <IMG SRC="http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/561512_4671392227155_1246051564_n.jpg">
  11. Ron G.

    The War Prayer

    The War Prayer Mark Twain It was a time of great and exalting excitement. The country was up in arms, the war was on, in every breast burned the holy fire of patriotism; the drums were beating, the bands playing, the toy pistols popping, the bunched firecrackers hissing and sputtering; on every hand and far down the receding and fading spreads of roofs and balconies a fluttering wilderness of flags flashed in the sun; daily the young volunteers marched down the wide avenue gay and fine in their new uniforms, the proud fathers and mothers and sisters and sweethearts cheering them with voices choked with happy emotion as they swung by; nightly the packed mass meetings listened, panting, to patriot oratory which stirred the deepest deeps of their hearts and which they interrupted at briefest intervals with cyclones of applause, the tears running down their cheeks the while; in the churches the pastors preached devotion to flag and country and invoked the God of Battles, beseeching His aid in our good cause in outpouring of fervid eloquence which moved every listener. It was indeed a glad and gracious time, and the half dozen rash spirits that ventured to disapprove of the war and cast a doubt upon its righteousness straightway got such a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety's sake they quickly shrank out of sight and offended no more in that way. Sunday morning came – next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their faces alight with material dreams – visions of a stern advance, the gathering momentum, the rushing charge, the flashing sabers, the flight of the foe, the tumult, the enveloping smoke, the fierce pursuit, the surrender! – then home from the war, bronzed heros, welcomed, adored, submerged in golden seas of glory! With the volunteers sat their dear ones, proud, happy, and envied by the neighbors and friends who had no sons and brothers to send forth to the field of honor, there to win for the flag or, failing, die the noblest of noble deaths. The service proceeded; a war chapter from the Old Testament was read; the first prayer was said; it was followed by an organ burst that shook the building, and with one impulse the house rose, with glowing eyes and beating hearts, and poured out that tremendous invocation – "God the all-terrible! Thou who ordainest, Thunder thy clarion and lightning thy sword!" Then came the "long" prayer. None could remember the like of it for passionate pleading and moving and beautiful language. The burden of its supplication was that an ever-merciful and benignant Father of us all would watch over our noble young soldiers and aid, comfort, and encourage them in their patriotic work; bless them, shield them in His mighty hand, make them strong and confident, invincible in the bloody onset; help them to crush the foe, grant to them and to their flag and country imperishable honor and glory. An aged stranger entered and moved with slow and noiseless step up the main aisle, his eyes fixed upon the minister, his long body clothed in a robe that reached to his feet, his head bare, his white hair descending in a frothy cataract to his shoulders, his seamy face unnaturally pale, pale even to ghastliness. With all eyes following him and wondering, he made his silent way; without pausing, he ascended to the preacher's side and stood there, waiting. With shut lids the preacher, unconscious of his presence, continued his moving prayer, and at last finished it with the words, uttered in fervent appeal," Bless our arms, grant us the victory, O Lord our God, Father and Protector of our land and flag!" The stranger touched his arm, motioned him to step aside – which the startled minister did – and took his place. During some moments he surveyed the spellbound audience with solemn eyes in which burned an uncanny light; then in a deep voice he said "I come from the Throne – bearing a message from Almighty God!" The words smote the house with a shock; if the stranger perceived it he gave no attention. "He has heard the prayer of His servant your shepherd and grant it if such shall be your desire after I, His messenger, shall have explained to you its import – that is to say, its full import. For it is like unto many of the prayers of men, in that it asks for more than he who utters it is aware of – except he pause and think. "God's servant and yours has prayed his prayer. Has he paused and taken thought? Is it one prayer? No, it is two – one uttered, the other not. Both have reached the ear of His Who hearth all supplications, the spoken and the unspoken. Ponder this – keep it in mind. If you beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. If you pray for the blessing of rain upon your crop which needs it, by that act you are possibly praying for a curse upon some neighbor's crop which may not need rain and can be injured by it. "You have heard your servant's prayer – the uttered part of it. I am commissioned by God to put into words the other part of it – that part which the pastor, and also you in your hearts, fervently prayed silently. And ignorantly and unthinkingly? God grant that it was so! You heard these words: 'Grant us the victory, O Lord our God!' That is sufficient. The whole of the uttered prayer is compact into those pregnant words. Elaborations were not necessary. When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory – must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God the Father fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen! "O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle – be Thou near them! With them, in spirit, we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it – for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen. (After a pause) "Ye have prayed it; if ye still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits." It was believed afterward that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said. Note: Twain wrote The War Prayer during the US war on the Philippines. It was submitted for publication, but on March 22, 1905, Harper's Bazaar rejected it as "not quite suited to a woman's magazine." Eight days later, Twain wrote to his friend Dan Beard, to whom he had read the story, "I don't think the prayer will be published in my time. None but the dead are permitted to tell the truth." Because he had an exclusive contract with Harper & Brothers, Mark Twain could not publish "The War Prayer" elsewhere and it remained unpublished until 1923.
  12. Ron G.

    Song of the moment

    Some fiddle music from Arkansas... <img>
  13. Ron G.

    Happy Pi Day

    Phi (golden ratio)=1.618 didn't get a date :(
  14. Posting political stuff again, are we?
  15. I wonder if it was the aroma of Drambui?
  16. <IMG SRC=http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/386651_2865187678547_1525428385_32852437_73513554_n.jpg">
  17. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was AWESOME! Happy Thanksgiving!!
  18. If he was referring to keeping his wallet/cash in his pants, he certainly did that.
  19. Ron G.

    Tornadoes

    We had two tornadoes pass thru Marshall on Easter Sunday. Fortunately, there was no one hurt and minimal property damage. We also missed the bullet Monday and Tuesday. Here is the view within the local hidey hole AKA storm shelter. It's no way to spend Easter. <IMG SRC="http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb91/arkieron/_DSC0061s.jpg"> <IMG SRC="http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb91/arkieron/_DSC0062s.jpg"> <IMG SRC="http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb91/arkieron/_DSC0060s.jpg"> <IMG SRC="http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb91/arkieron/_DSC0050s.jpg"> <IMG SRC="http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb91/arkieron/_DSC0057s.jpg"> <IMG SRC="http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb91/arkieron/Clipboard03s.jpg">
  20. My mother chose my handle. I was named for an actor who was prominent at the time (Coleman, not Reagan). My dad provided the last initial. I gave up the ArkieRon moniker because I'm originally from Texas and subsequently resided in Florida, California and Arkansas, so no place really has a hold on me.
  21. Here's a 6 year old singing the National Anthem for the Houston Astro's. She got the words right. <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/X3XpiRPWXNA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
  22. <IMG SRC="http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c43/BrianInOregon/Misc/Oops.jpg">
  23. Ron G.

    Caption Contest

    <IMG SRC="http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c43/BrianInOregon/Wildlife/cat-eagle.jpg">
  24. I met Paula a few years back and she's a wonderful lady. I met Groucho in Houston, or so I've been told, but I don't recall... All I know it's truly wonderful and I'm very happy for both of you! It's all good!!!!!
  25. Ron G.

    Caption Contest

    <IMG SRC="http://www.9news.com/genthumb/genthumb.ashx?e=3&h=204&w=320&i=/assetpool/images/101210112122_MYSTERY-PIC.jpg"> <A HREF="http://www.9news.com/news/watercooler/article.aspx?storyid=169137&catid=337">link to story</A>
×
×
  • Create New...