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My Complaint About The Way


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Most people probably think they already know all they need to know about The Way, but I have some new information to bring to light. To start, this is a free country, and I insist we ought to keep it that way. It's one thing to let us know exactly what our attitudes should be towards various types of people and behavior, but wanting to tap into the national resurgence of overt barbarism is going too far. Let's try to understand what handing over our rights to The Way will really mean. It certainly won't mean that we'll be able to freely straighten out its thinking. No, it will mean witchcraft, beastliness, rape, and murder will become omnipresent in our society. It will mean a descent back into the jungle. The Way once tried to commit acts of immorality, dishonesty, and treason. If you consider this an exception to the rule then you unquestionably don't understand how The Way operates. I hope, however, that you at least understand that its "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude is horny, because it leaves no room for compromise.

When The Way first announced that it wanted to produce culturally degenerate films and tapes, I nearly choked on my own stomach bile. The sole point of agreement between myself and overbearing, soulless dorks is that even if one is opposed to unregenerate Stalinism (and I am), then surely, in order to tell The Way what we all think of it -- and boy, do I have some choice words I'd like to use -- we must study the problem and recommend corrective action. And that's just the first step. Remember, in asserting that might makes right, it demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. So who's crazy? I, or all the lewd geeks who assert that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements? Before you answer, let me point out that you don't have to say anything specifically about The Way for it to start attacking you. All you have to do is dare to imply that we should think outside the box.

Let me relate to you the most incontrovertibly true statement I've ever heard: "The primary weapons of The Way's prolix, vexatious henchmen are lies and deception." Whoever said that clearly understood that The Way wants to undermine the current world order. It gets better: It actually believes that bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by The Way itself). I guess no one's ever told The Way that when The Way says that the most abysmal nose-in-the-air snobs you'll ever see are easily housebroken, in its mind, that's supposed to end the argument. It's like it believes it has said something very profound. When people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And The Way is to blame. Because "tetraiodophenolphthalein" is a word that can be interpreted in many ways, we must make it clear that any rational argument must acknowledge this. The Way's antisocial personal attacks, naturally, do not.

It may be helpful to take a step back and present another paradigm in opposition to The Way's insensitive perceptions. From this anecdotal evidence, I would argue that if this letter did nothing else but serve as a beacon of truth, it would be worthy of reading by all right-thinking people. However, this letter's role is much greater than just to debunk the nonsense spouted by its cohorts. For reasons which I will adumbrate presently, The Way thinks we want it to support international crime while purporting to oppose it. Excuse me, but maybe its beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments) have created a violent universe devoid of logic and evidence. Only within this universe does it make sense to say that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to take a condescending cheap shot at a person that most litigious New Age ochlocrats will never be in a position to condescend to. Only within this universe does it make sense to trivialize the entire issue. And, only if we champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of The Way can we destroy this myopic universe of its and present a noble vision of who we were, who we are, and who we can potentially be. I respect The Way's intimations, although its behavior might be different if it were told that life is too short to have to put up with it. Of course, as far as The Way's concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, "My mind is made up; don't confuse me with the facts." That's why I'm telling you that it is not news that nothing would make it happier than to see me suffer the pain of its wrath. What speaks volumes, though, is that The Way's strictures are based on prejudices and preconceived notions, and everyone with half a brain understands that.

The Way plans to monopolize the press. It has instructed its deputies not to discuss this or even admit to its plan's existence. Obviously, The Way knows it has something to hide. I might be able to forgive The Way, but only if it promises never again to numb the public to the alcoholism and injustice in mainstream politics. When The Way's reprehensible utterances are translated into plain, words-mean-things English, it appears to be saying that dastardly personæ non gratæ (especially the bloody-minded type) are more deserving of honor than our nation's war heroes. For me, this pernicious moonshine serves only to emphasize how I, hardheaded cynic that I am, can't possibly believe The Way's claim that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups. If someone can convince me otherwise, I'll eat my hat. Heck, I'll eat a whole closetful of hats. That's a pretty safe bet because The Way insists that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. In the long run, however, it's only fooling itself. The Way would be better off if it just admitted to itself that if we don't remove the The Way threat now, it will bite us in our backside sometime soon. In such a brief letter as this, I certainly cannot refute all the sound bites of the worst classes of rapacious yokels there are, but perhaps I can brush away some of their most deliberate and flagrant crusades. The Way's subordinates have learned their scripts well and the rhetoric comes gushing forth with little provocation. The Way has it all wrong; we have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being, or is it sufficient to expand people's understanding of its disdainful inclinations? Unfortunately, I can't give a complete answer to that question in this limited space. But I can tell you that it is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore!

I have no problem with the manifestly obvious statement that this is clear to every knowledgeable observer. I have no problem with the idea that there is no possible justification for the argument that The Way is always being misrepresented and/or persecuted. And I have no problem with the special privileges occasionally granted to coprophagous ratbags. What I do have a problem with are The Way's xenophobic philippics. I stand by what I've written before, that I have frequently criticized The Way's unspoken plan to implement an abhorrent parody of justice called "The Way-ism". The Way usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of voyeurism, heathenism, child molestation, and halitosis. It hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that its calumnies are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that it's okay if its positions initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend. And they promote the mistaken idea that expansionism is the only alternative to wowserism. The Way will indeed damage the debate about this issue, because we will have to spend lots of time correcting misunderstandings that are directly attributable to its hypnopompic insights. More prosaically, The Way is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that we're supposed to shut up and smile when it says daft things. Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how sick The Way is. You can't do it. Not only that, but certain facts are clear. For instance, it has stated that granting it complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. That's just pure jingoism. Well, in The Way's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that given a choice of having The Way stigmatize any and all attempts to provide people the wherewithal to place a high value on honor and self-respect or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. The simple, regrettable truth is that I sometimes ask myself whether the struggle to express my views is worth all of the potential consequences. And I consistently answer by saying that The Way is so vindictive, I could hang myself by the neck until dead. Once we realize that, what do we do? The appropriate thing, in my judgment, is to fight for what is right. I say that because its secret passion is to blame those who have no power to change the current direction of events. For shame!

It is no news that The Way's allegations can be subtle. They can be so subtle that many people never realize they're being influenced by them. That's why we must proactively notify humanity that many of The Way's memoranda are seriously flawed, frequently fail to meet minimal standards of logic, and, on balance, are loathsome. I know you're wondering why I just wrote that. I'll explain shortly, but first, I should state that from secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, The Way's coadjutors have always found a way to siphon off scarce international capital intended for underdeveloped countries. It is therefore reasonable to infer that The Way has never gotten ahead because of its hard work or innovative ideas. Rather, all of The Way's successes are due to kickbacks, bribes, black market double-dealing, outright thuggery, and unsavory political intrigue. In any case, there is something in the way of "natural law" that can be stated awkwardly as follows: "The Way's lackeys have an almost identical mentality, as if they all had been cloned from a single querulous prototype." Please do not quote me on that. Instead, work it into a better natural law and enunciate it in clearer and more concise terms. It is immaterial who is credited with the words; the objective is to halt the destructive process that is carrying our civilization toward extinction.

It is certainly the height of ironies that The Way's superficial dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Revanchism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these inconsiderate, dissolute trends is to invigorate the effort to reach solutions by increasing the scope of the inquiry, rather than by narrowing or abandoning it. To be precise, it wonders why everyone hates it. Apparently, it never stopped to think that maybe it's because it will stop at nothing to portray bitter, pigheaded maniacs as hermits. This may sound outrageous, but if it were fiction I would have thought of something more credible. As it stands, knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that when I was younger, I wanted to protect innocent, little children from deceitful flag burners like The Way. I still want to do that, but now I realize that it wants us to believe that we can solve all of our problems by giving it lots of money. We might as well toss that money down a well, because we'll never see it again. What we will see, however, is that every time The Way gets caught trying to shred the basic compact between the people and their government, it promises it'll never do so again. Subsequently, its intimates always jump in and explain that it really shouldn't be blamed even if it does, because, as they maintain, a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. I plan to break the mold and stray from the path of conventional wisdom. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that if you can go more than a minute without hearing The Way talk about hedonism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial.

Do you really want The Way to destroy our youths' ability to relax, reflect, study, and meditate? I think not. The Way is doing more harm than good to its cause. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. The Way does, and that's why many people are convinced that it and its lieutenants are puppets of licentious heresiarchs. I can't comment on that, but I can say that on the issue of philistinism, The Way is wrong again. Sure, this is what its operatives try to prevent us from hearing about on radio and television or reading about in popular magazines and large-circulation papers. But we can all have daydreams about Happy Fuzzy Purple Bunny Land, where everyone is caring, loving, and nice. Not only will those daydreams not come true, but The Way constantly insists that a book of its writings would be a good addition to the Bible. But it contradicts itself when it says that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem. I have a soft spot for grotesque caitiffs: a bog not too far from here. There are three fairly obvious problems with The Way's viewpoints, each of which needs to be addressed by any letter that attempts to get the facts out in the hope that somebody will do something to solve the problem. First, I don't want my community tainted with such blatant commercialism. Second, The Way is an uncivilized tadpole swimming in a lethargic pond. And third, I have a dream, a mission, a set path that I would like to travel down. Specifically, my goal is to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. Of course, I can say one thing about it. It understands better than any of us that psychological impact is paramount -- not facts, not anybody's principles, not right and wrong. I'm not suggesting that we behave likewise. I'm suggesting only that if The Way succeeds in its attempt to suck up to morally repugnant spongers, it'll have to be over my dead body.

Whatever else may be the case, it is certain that The Way keeps trying to trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all. And if we don't remain eternally vigilant, it will undoubtedly succeed. No one that I speak with or correspond with is happy about this situation. Of course, I don't speak or correspond with amateurish, despicable liars and cheats, The Way's confreres, or anyone else who fails to realize that The Way has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to initiate meaningful change. The Way's revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, it should clarify its point so people like you and me can tell what the heck it's talking about. Without clarification, its vituperations sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don't really seem to make any sense. Just look at the bill of fare served up in recent movies and television programs, and you will hardly be able to deny that The Way has been doing "in-depth research" (whatever it thinks that means) to prove that its opinions represent the opinions of the majority -- or even a plurality. I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've "discovered" that I've known some party animals who were impressively mischievous. However, The Way is smarmy, and that trumps mischievous every time. It's unfortunate that The Way has no real morals. It's impossible to debate important topics with organizations that are so ethically handicapped. As a parting thought, remember that I don't much care to share the same planet as The Way.

LOL complaint

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Most people probably think they already know all they need to know about The Way, but I have some new information to bring to light. To start, this is a free country, and I insist we ought to keep it that way. It's one thing to let us know exactly what our attitudes should be towards various types of people and behavior, but wanting to tap into the national resurgence of overt barbarism is going too far.

Let's try to understand what handing over our rights to The Way will really mean. It certainly won't mean that we'll be able to freely straighten out its thinking. No, it will mean witchcraft, beastliness, rape, and murder will become omnipresent in our society. It will mean a descent back into the jungle. The Way once tried to commit acts of immorality, dishonesty, and treason.

If you consider this an exception to the rule then you unquestionably don't understand how The Way operates. I hope, however, that you at least understand that its "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude is horny, because it leaves no room for compromise.

When The Way first announced that it wanted to produce culturally degenerate films and tapes, I nearly choked on my own stomach bile. The sole point of agreement between myself and overbearing, soulless dorks is that even if one is opposed to unregenerate Stalinism (and I am), then surely, in order to tell The Way what we all think of it -- and boy, do I have some choice words I'd like to use -- we must study the problem and recommend corrective action.

And that's just the first step. Remember, in asserting that might makes right, it demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. So who's crazy? I, or all the lewd geeks who assert that human beings should be appraised by the number of things and the amount of money they possess instead of by their internal value and achievements? Before you answer, let me point out that you don't have to say anything specifically about The Way for it to start attacking you. All you have to do is dare to imply that we should think outside the box.

Let me relate to you the most incontrovertibly true statement I've ever heard: "The primary weapons of The Way's prolix, vexatious henchmen are lies and deception." Whoever said that clearly understood that The Way wants to undermine the current world order. It gets better: It actually believes that bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by The Way itself).

I guess no one's ever told The Way that when The Way says that the most abysmal nose-in-the-air snobs you'll ever see are easily housebroken, in its mind, that's supposed to end the argument. It's like it believes it has said something very profound. When people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right.

And The Way is to blame. Because "tetraiodophenolphthalein" is a word that can be interpreted in many ways, we must make it clear that any rational argument must acknowledge this. The Way's antisocial personal attacks, naturally, do not.

It may be helpful to take a step back and present another paradigm in opposition to The Way's insensitive perceptions. From this anecdotal evidence, I would argue that if this letter did nothing else but serve as a beacon of truth, it would be worthy of reading by all right-thinking people.

However, this letter's role is much greater than just to debunk the nonsense spouted by its cohorts. For reasons which I will adumbrate presently, The Way thinks we want it to support international crime while purporting to oppose it.

Excuse me, but maybe its beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments) have created a violent universe devoid of logic and evidence. Only within this universe does it make sense to say that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to take a condescending cheap shot at a person that most litigious New Age ochlocrats will never be in a position to condescend to.

Only within this universe does it make sense to trivialize the entire issue. And, only if we champion the poor and oppressed against the evil of The Way can we destroy this myopic universe of its and present a noble vision of who we were, who we are, and who we can potentially be.

I respect The Way's intimations, although its behavior might be different if it were told that life is too short to have to put up with it. Of course, as far as The Way's concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, "My mind is made up; don't confuse me with the facts."

That's why I'm telling you that it is not news that nothing would make it happier than to see me suffer the pain of its wrath. What speaks volumes, though, is that The Way's strictures are based on prejudices and preconceived notions, and everyone with half a brain understands that.

The Way plans to monopolize the press. It has instructed its deputies not to discuss this or even admit to its plan's existence. Obviously, The Way knows it has something to hide. I might be able to forgive The Way, but only if it promises never again to numb the public to the alcoholism and injustice in mainstream politics.

When The Way's reprehensible utterances are translated into plain, words-mean-things English, it appears to be saying that dastardly personæ non gratæ (especially the bloody-minded type) are more deserving of honor than our nation's war heroes. For me, this pernicious moonshine serves only to emphasize how I, hardheaded cynic that I am, can't possibly believe The Way's claim that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups. If someone can convince me otherwise, I'll eat my hat.

Heck, I'll eat a whole closetful of hats. That's a pretty safe bet because The Way insists that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. In the long run, however, it's only fooling itself. The Way would be better off if it just admitted to itself that if we don't remove the The Way threat now, it will bite us in our backside sometime soon.

In such a brief letter as this, I certainly cannot refute all the sound bites of the worst classes of rapacious yokels there are, but perhaps I can brush away some of their most deliberate and flagrant crusades. The Way's subordinates have learned their scripts well and the rhetoric comes gushing forth with little provocation.

The Way has it all wrong; we have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we enlighten the mind of Man and improve him as a rational, moral, and social being, or is it sufficient to expand people's understanding of its disdainful inclinations? Unfortunately, I can't give a complete answer to that question in this limited space. But I can tell you that it is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore!

I have no problem with the manifestly obvious statement that this is clear to every knowledgeable observer. I have no problem with the idea that there is no possible justification for the argument that The Way is always being misrepresented and/or persecuted.

And I have no problem with the special privileges occasionally granted to coprophagous ratbags. What I do have a problem with are The Way's xenophobic philippics. I stand by what I've written before, that I have frequently criticized The Way's unspoken plan to implement an abhorrent parody of justice called "The Way-ism".

The Way usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of voyeurism, heathenism, child molestation, and halitosis. It hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that its calumnies are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that it's okay if its positions initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend.

And they promote the mistaken idea that expansionism is the only alternative to wowserism. The Way will indeed damage the debate about this issue, because we will have to spend lots of time correcting misunderstandings that are directly attributable to its hypnopompic insights. More prosaically, The Way is known for walking into crowded rooms and telling everyone there that we're supposed to shut up and smile when it says daft things.

Try, if you can, to concoct a statement better calculated to show how sick The Way is. You can't do it. Not only that, but certain facts are clear. For instance, it has stated that granting it complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air. That's just pure jingoism.

Well, in The Way's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that given a choice of having The Way stigmatize any and all attempts to provide people the wherewithal to place a high value on honor and self-respect or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. The simple, regrettable truth is that I sometimes ask myself whether the struggle to express my views is worth all of the potential consequences.

And I consistently answer by saying that The Way is so vindictive, I could hang myself by the neck until dead. Once we realize that, what do we do? The appropriate thing, in my judgment, is to fight for what is right. I say that because its secret passion is to blame those who have no power to change the current direction of events. For shame!

It is no news that The Way's allegations can be subtle. They can be so subtle that many people never realize they're being influenced by them. That's why we must proactively notify humanity that many of The Way's memoranda are seriously flawed, frequently fail to meet minimal standards of logic, and, on balance, are loathsome. I know you're wondering why I just wrote that.

I'll explain shortly, but first, I should state that from secret-handshake societies meeting at "the usual place" to back-door admissions committees, The Way's coadjutors have always found a way to siphon off scarce international capital intended for underdeveloped countries. It is therefore reasonable to infer that The Way has never gotten ahead because of its hard work or innovative ideas.

Rather, all of The Way's successes are due to kickbacks, bribes, black market double-dealing, outright thuggery, and unsavory political intrigue. In any case, there is something in the way of "natural law" that can be stated awkwardly as follows: "The Way's lackeys have an almost identical mentality, as if they all had been cloned from a single querulous prototype."

Please do not quote me on that. Instead, work it into a better natural law and enunciate it in clearer and more concise terms. It is immaterial who is credited with the words; the objective is to halt the destructive process that is carrying our civilization toward extinction.

It is certainly the height of ironies that The Way's superficial dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Revanchism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these inconsiderate, dissolute trends is to invigorate the effort to reach solutions by increasing the scope of the inquiry, rather than by narrowing or abandoning it.

To be precise, it wonders why everyone hates it. Apparently, it never stopped to think that maybe it's because it will stop at nothing to portray bitter, pigheaded maniacs as hermits. This may sound outrageous, but if it were fiction I would have thought of something more credible. As it stands, knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that when I was younger, I wanted to protect innocent, little children from deceitful flag burners like The Way.

I still want to do that, but now I realize that it wants us to believe that we can solve all of our problems by giving it lots of money. We might as well toss that money down a well, because we'll never see it again. What we will see, however, is that every time The Way gets caught trying to shred the basic compact between the people and their government, it promises it'll never do so again.

Subsequently, its intimates always jump in and explain that it really shouldn't be blamed even if it does, because, as they maintain, a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity. I plan to break the mold and stray from the path of conventional wisdom.

This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that if you can go more than a minute without hearing The Way talk about hedonism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial.

Do you really want The Way to destroy our youths' ability to relax, reflect, study, and meditate? I think not. The Way is doing more harm than good to its cause. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. The Way does, and that's why many people are convinced that it and its lieutenants are puppets of licentious heresiarchs.

I can't comment on that, but I can say that on the issue of philistinism, The Way is wrong again. Sure, this is what its operatives try to prevent us from hearing about on radio and television or reading about in popular magazines and large-circulation papers. But we can all have daydreams about Happy Fuzzy Purple Bunny Land, where everyone is caring, loving, and nice. Not only will those daydreams not come true, but The Way constantly insists that a book of its writings would be a good addition to the Bible.

But it contradicts itself when it says that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem. I have a soft spot for grotesque caitiffs: a bog not too far from here. There are three fairly obvious problems with The Way's viewpoints, each of which needs to be addressed by any letter that attempts to get the facts out in the hope that somebody will do something to solve the problem.

First, I don't want my community tainted with such blatant commercialism. Second, The Way is an uncivilized tadpole swimming in a lethargic pond. And third, I have a dream, a mission, a set path that I would like to travel down.

Specifically, my goal is to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. Of course, I can say one thing about it. It understands better than any of us that psychological impact is paramount -- not facts, not anybody's principles, not right and wrong. I'm not suggesting that we behave likewise. I'm suggesting only that if The Way succeeds in its attempt to suck up to morally repugnant spongers, it'll have to be over my dead body.

Whatever else may be the case, it is certain that The Way keeps trying to trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all. And if we don't remain eternally vigilant, it will undoubtedly succeed. No one that I speak with or correspond with is happy about this situation.

Of course, I don't speak or correspond with amateurish, despicable liars and cheats, The Way's confreres, or anyone else who fails to realize that The Way has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to initiate meaningful change. The Way's revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, it should clarify its point so people like you and me can tell what the heck it's talking about.

Without clarification, its vituperations sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don't really seem to make any sense. Just look at the bill of fare served up in recent movies and television programs, and you will hardly be able to deny that The Way has been doing "in-depth research" (whatever it thinks that means) to prove that its opinions represent the opinions of the majority -- or even a plurality.

I should mention that I've been doing some research of my own. So far, I've "discovered" that I've known some party animals who were impressively mischievous. However, The Way is smarmy, and that trumps mischievous every time. It's unfortunate that The Way has no real morals. It's impossible to debate important topics with organizations that are so ethically handicapped. As a parting thought, remember that I don't much care to share the same planet as The Way.

LOL complaint

It's a *tough* read -- but hopefully -- that made it a tad easier to peruse. ;)

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TOO FUNNY!!! :biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh:

The way international's reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only splenetic answers, destructive resolutions to conflicts. We've all heard the way international yammer and whine about how it's being scapegoated again, the poor dear.

Let me close by reminding you that the way international is a shoo-in for this year's awarding of "most scabrous use of alcoholism".

:eusa_clap::biglaugh::dance::biglaugh::eusa_clap:

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