Boy, oh, boy did we ever perfect righteous anger in TWI. I think it was from an elitist, self-defensive motive. We had to be better than everyone else because that's what we were taught, but we also felt so inferior because of what we were taught out of the other side of their mouths. If I'm a jerk and ....ed off at the egg-sucking, idiotic world, then I don't have to think about anything you have to say. I don't have to face reality.
Sometimes the anger does just come from nowhere, it seems. I can be that I'm utterly peeved at that boneheaded driver who cut me off, when really I'm mad myself for falling off my diet the night before. Other times, it's my internal alarm going off.... "Woo Hoo - this person's trying to pull a fast one over on you!" Then again, it could just be anger because a co-worker took credit for my work.
I've begun to see emotions as a type of kaleidescop and life as not really fitting into pigeon hole classifications like TWI tried to do. Life just isn't like that. It's messy, it's more than just a rainbow - it's a painter's palette and certainly not black & white.
Sometimes I just want to be mad. Sometimes I want a good cry. Sometimes I really need a good, hearty belly laugh.
Dunno, Shortfuse. Dunno. :unsure: I do know I love Terri Clark's song about it, though.
Last night we went to bed not talking
Cause we already said to much
I face the wall you faced the window
Bound and determined not to touch
We've been married 7 years now
Some days if feels like 21
I'm still mad at you this morning
Coffee's ready if you want some
I've been up since 5
Thinking about me and you
And I've got to tell you
The conclusion I've come to
I'll never leave, I'll never stray
My love for you will never change
But I ain't ready to make up or get around to that
I think I'm right I think your wrong
I'll probably give in before long
Please don't make me smile
I just want to be mad for awhile
For now you might as well forget it
Don't run your fingers through my hair
Yeah that's right I'm being stubborn
No I don't want to go back upstairs
I'm going to leave for work
Without a goodbye kiss
But as I'm driving off
Just remember this
I'll never leave, I'll never stray
My love for you will never change
But I ain't ready to make up or get around to that
I think I'm right I think your wrong
I'll probably give in before long
Please don't make me smile
I just want to be mad for awhile
I'll never leave, I'll never stray
My love for you will never change
But I ain't ready to make up or get around to that
what i just discovered (and i don't mean to derail your thoughtful post, shortfuse) is that you can use altered characters and get away with it. substitute "î" for "i" or "ü" for "u," and you can get away with just about anything. (on a mac, that means holding down the command key when you hit the letter, and then hitting the same letter again after letting go of the command key.)
no shît, it's that easy!
(stand back, we might've just opened pandora's box!) :lol:
Some with words that shouldn't be said- screaming.
Some with displayed action-jumping- , perhaps hitting an object.
It's not the best but it happens. Think long and hard afterwards and if you are in the wrong tell the person you are sorry and move on.
But where getting angry is real off base is when you verbally abuse and/or physically hurt someone.
Then is where you are no longer IN control but OUT of control. Not a good place to be.
Then is when you really need to get a handle on things or the person you are hurting needs to get as far away from YOU as possible, and YOU better get some help. Yes You. :wub:
That's my thoughts on the subject. And nothing is directed to you personally. But YOU who are reading if applies to you
I think certain types of anger are perfectly fine and healthy.
Righteous anger....I agree, most anger is this way. I'm right and their wrong and that really p!sses me off, or I am p!ssed at myself for doing something so stupid. Like not leaving the twi sooner, not seeing it for what is was/ is earlier, not standing up and saying something when I should have, not getting angery when I should have been mad as hell.
But I think most of the time that "righteous anger" is more about just not being very understanding and loosing control a little..... or a lot. I try to over exagerage my responce usually just so I keep in mind how I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. Like while I am driving and someone does something that ticks me off I might say something like, "Damn it, I hate people!" If my wife and I, or either of us, are perticularly stressed or upset we like to scream as loud as we can but then transition into singing a very melodic harmony all in the same breath. That works wonders and usually makes us laugh.
On the other hand, I know folks including some in my family who seem very angery about a lot of things..."ungodly" things. I think that is partially about making yourself feel better and partially about blocking any other thought to the contrary into their heads. I think that was one of those things that twi helped us out with. Their whole persona could change at just the mention of something homosexual or something trinitarian or some "spiritualist" terminology. That type of thing is obviously very bad and perhaps damaging to someone.
anger defines who we are, just like any other feeling, what makes you happy, sad, worried? Anger defines who we are.
When we love somone and show anger they know who we are what will ".... us off" on the relationship.
anger is normal , like any other feeling we can have, it helps us set boundaries with another, I feel angry when you ... helps us understand and have a more intimate relationship with others.
it is whan a person can NOT be angry they run into serious problems... depression is hugely linked to being angry.
In our culture if a women speaks her opinion and it disagrees with men or the status power structure she is titled an angry women.. which still brings on a stigama of not be alady or proper or somwhow less feminine.
that is a cultural bias and a huge reason women have struggled with issues of self esteem and power .
In contrast to
An angry man is somhow empowered for change .
I assume the anger your talking about is without destruction to self or another of course and if that is the case professional help is needed.
If I can add my 2 cents. My wife is a counselor and she said anger comes from two things. Either you are sad or afraid. I agree it is a self defense we have within us. I have learned to find a resolution and get closer on what set me off but by asking myself am I sad or afraid usually gives me a direction to work with.
I don't know if I can agree that we do have a choice on whether or not we are angry, or how long we stay angry. I know we were taught in TWI to "renew our minds" and in secular self help books we're taught we can choose how we think about a situation. I think its all baloney. If someone does something to hurt me, whether real or imagined, I'm going to be angry. However, how I choose to respond to, and act upon, my anger is up to me.
I don't know if I can agree that we do have a choice on whether or not we are angry, or how long we stay angry. I know we were taught in TWI to "renew our minds" and in secular self help books we're taught we can choose how we think about a situation. I think its all baloney. If someone does something to hurt me, whether real or imagined, I'm going to be angry. However, how I choose to respond to, and act upon, my anger is up to me.
I hear you Vegan, I'm still sorting out that subject of choice. If I was stabbed in the abdomen, it would hurt. I could not choose for it not to hurt, the nervous system is there to insure that it will. I'm not sure if emotions work the same way or not.
it's ok to be mad i don't like to be but it is ok in my world as long as you don't hold it for ever just get rid of the anger it ain't worth holding on to
Getting a hold on anger is a good practice. Not that I'm always the best at it.... I'm not one that flies off the handle. I stew and regurgitate the situation and wonder what I could have done or said differently.
My only study on anger showed that one should stop that reliving of the situation - easier said than done.
Ironic: a thread on anger started by a poster named 'shortfuse'.
quote: My only study on anger showed that one should stop that reliving of the situation
Many times GSC is a reliving of the situation.
I think anger is like humor. You can't just become angry or start laughing like flipping on a light switch. There has to be something that triggers each one; a momentum kind of thing.
Everybody will get angry, but normally it will run its course eventually. It's what you do with anger that can become destructive, not simply being angry.
I also think it should be pointed out that there's a difference between anger and wrath. Anger is being upset; wrath is going off on someone, an outburst of anger. Eph 4 says not to let the sun go down on your wrath. It doesn't say not to let the sun go down on your anger. Sometimes you just can't help it.
Hmmm, JohnUB, I never read Eph. that way. I always read it as anger or something that is really upsetting you. If you and your spouce or a friend have a fight....resolve it before you go to bed, that sort of thing.
So are you saying Eph is saying that it is ok to scream and yell and not get it resolved and wake up angry the next day as long as you are not still "going off" on them? What is going off to you?
Like I said, anger is being upset, wrath is going off on somebody (yelling at them or worse). You're going to have fights with your spouse; just by the time you are done for the day no more yelling. Of course, if the fight starts at midnight, then you might not get much sleep.
I agree with whoever said that certain things in life are just going to make us angry sooner or later, but like I said, it's what you do with anger that makes it potentially destructive.
Case in point: coach Bob Knight. I respect the hell out of the results he's gotten. 3 NCAA championships. But when he gets angry sometimes he loses touch with anyone and anything else. Even Isiah Thomas has mixed feeling about having played for him. In coach Knight's case, anger is whatever he's feeling; wrath is throwing chairs, grabbing people by the throat, swearing at reporters, etc.
On the other hand, he once instantly had a player's scholarship revoked when he found out the player was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. That ties in to anger, too.
Anger is going to come to everybody. To tell yourself you're not angry when you are is destructive as well in a different way. Wrath comes to everybody, too, in different measures. Anger isn't something to be avoided; you can't. It's more like something to juggle, or manage, as they say.
In TWI anger was used to manipulate. We saw leaders throw 'tantrums' and then get their way all the time. Anger got things done your way.
I don't think there is anything wrong with the emotion of anger--isn't it supposed to warn you that something is very wrong? Fight or flight---or for most of us, a dicussion to hammer out an issue...
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sprawled out
yeah--you're really pîssing me off.
(i can't believe you can't say "p-i-s-s" here. THAT really pîsses me off!)
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Belle
Boy, oh, boy did we ever perfect righteous anger in TWI. I think it was from an elitist, self-defensive motive. We had to be better than everyone else because that's what we were taught, but we also felt so inferior because of what we were taught out of the other side of their mouths. If I'm a jerk and ....ed off at the egg-sucking, idiotic world, then I don't have to think about anything you have to say. I don't have to face reality.
Sometimes the anger does just come from nowhere, it seems. I can be that I'm utterly peeved at that boneheaded driver who cut me off, when really I'm mad myself for falling off my diet the night before. Other times, it's my internal alarm going off.... "Woo Hoo - this person's trying to pull a fast one over on you!" Then again, it could just be anger because a co-worker took credit for my work.
I've begun to see emotions as a type of kaleidescop and life as not really fitting into pigeon hole classifications like TWI tried to do. Life just isn't like that. It's messy, it's more than just a rainbow - it's a painter's palette and certainly not black & white.
Sometimes I just want to be mad. Sometimes I want a good cry. Sometimes I really need a good, hearty belly laugh.
Dunno, Shortfuse. Dunno. :unsure: I do know I love Terri Clark's song about it, though.
Last night we went to bed not talking
Cause we already said to much
I face the wall you faced the window
Bound and determined not to touch
We've been married 7 years now
Some days if feels like 21
I'm still mad at you this morning
Coffee's ready if you want some
I've been up since 5
Thinking about me and you
And I've got to tell you
The conclusion I've come to
I'll never leave, I'll never stray
My love for you will never change
But I ain't ready to make up or get around to that
I think I'm right I think your wrong
I'll probably give in before long
Please don't make me smile
I just want to be mad for awhile
For now you might as well forget it
Don't run your fingers through my hair
Yeah that's right I'm being stubborn
No I don't want to go back upstairs
I'm going to leave for work
Without a goodbye kiss
But as I'm driving off
Just remember this
I'll never leave, I'll never stray
My love for you will never change
But I ain't ready to make up or get around to that
I think I'm right I think your wrong
I'll probably give in before long
Please don't make me smile
I just want to be mad for awhile
I'll never leave, I'll never stray
My love for you will never change
But I ain't ready to make up or get around to that
I think I'm right I think your wrong
I'll probably give in before long
Please don't make me smile
I just want to be mad for awhile
I just want to be mad for awhile
I just want to be mad for awhile
I just want to be mad for awhile
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shortfuse
Apparently you just have have to use the right declension. Let's try it!
....
....es
....ed
....eth
....y
....ing
Hey, how come it worked for you?
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Belle
You also can't say:
!#@##
......
@**$*&^
!@(**^%
*^$#@@!
But put spaces or "-" between the letters and you can say anything you want. ^_^
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shortfuse
Ditto. (and not just when I hear country music).
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sprawled out
what i just discovered (and i don't mean to derail your thoughtful post, shortfuse) is that you can use altered characters and get away with it. substitute "î" for "i" or "ü" for "u," and you can get away with just about anything. (on a mac, that means holding down the command key when you hit the letter, and then hitting the same letter again after letting go of the command key.)
no shît, it's that easy!
(stand back, we might've just opened pandora's box!) :lol:
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shortfuse
Thanks for the tip!
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Ca_dreaming
Every one deals with anger in different ways;
Some with words that shouldn't be said-
screaming.
Some with displayed action-jumping-
, perhaps hitting an object.
It's not the best but it happens. Think long and hard afterwards and if you are in the wrong tell the person you are sorry and move on.
But where getting angry is real off base is when you verbally abuse and/or physically hurt someone.
Then is where you are no longer IN control but OUT of control. Not a good place to be.
Then is when you really need to get a handle on things or the person you are hurting needs to get as far away from YOU as possible, and YOU better get some help.
Yes You. :wub:
That's my thoughts on the subject. And nothing is directed to you personally. But YOU who are reading if applies to you
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Belle
Sprawled, Your foot is gonna be in deep sh!t when Paw finds out about this! He's gonna really be p1ssed!! :P
But I"m not tellin'...
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lindyhopper
I think certain types of anger are perfectly fine and healthy.
Righteous anger....I agree, most anger is this way. I'm right and their wrong and that really p!sses me off, or I am p!ssed at myself for doing something so stupid. Like not leaving the twi sooner, not seeing it for what is was/ is earlier, not standing up and saying something when I should have, not getting angery when I should have been mad as hell.
But I think most of the time that "righteous anger" is more about just not being very understanding and loosing control a little..... or a lot. I try to over exagerage my responce usually just so I keep in mind how I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. Like while I am driving and someone does something that ticks me off I might say something like, "Damn it, I hate people!" If my wife and I, or either of us, are perticularly stressed or upset we like to scream as loud as we can but then transition into singing a very melodic harmony all in the same breath. That works wonders and usually makes us laugh.
On the other hand, I know folks including some in my family who seem very angery about a lot of things..."ungodly" things. I think that is partially about making yourself feel better and partially about blocking any other thought to the contrary into their heads. I think that was one of those things that twi helped us out with. Their whole persona could change at just the mention of something homosexual or something trinitarian or some "spiritualist" terminology. That type of thing is obviously very bad and perhaps damaging to someone.
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pond
anger defines who we are, just like any other feeling, what makes you happy, sad, worried? Anger defines who we are.
When we love somone and show anger they know who we are what will ".... us off" on the relationship.
anger is normal , like any other feeling we can have, it helps us set boundaries with another, I feel angry when you ... helps us understand and have a more intimate relationship with others.
it is whan a person can NOT be angry they run into serious problems... depression is hugely linked to being angry.
In our culture if a women speaks her opinion and it disagrees with men or the status power structure she is titled an angry women.. which still brings on a stigama of not be alady or proper or somwhow less feminine.
that is a cultural bias and a huge reason women have struggled with issues of self esteem and power .
In contrast to
An angry man is somhow empowered for change .
I assume the anger your talking about is without destruction to self or another of course and if that is the case professional help is needed.
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fellowshipper
If I can add my 2 cents. My wife is a counselor and she said anger comes from two things. Either you are sad or afraid. I agree it is a self defense we have within us. I have learned to find a resolution and get closer on what set me off but by asking myself am I sad or afraid usually gives me a direction to work with.
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DrtyDzn
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VeganXTC
I don't know if I can agree that we do have a choice on whether or not we are angry, or how long we stay angry. I know we were taught in TWI to "renew our minds" and in secular self help books we're taught we can choose how we think about a situation. I think its all baloney. If someone does something to hurt me, whether real or imagined, I'm going to be angry. However, how I choose to respond to, and act upon, my anger is up to me.
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shortfuse
I hear you Vegan, I'm still sorting out that subject of choice. If I was stabbed in the abdomen, it would hurt. I could not choose for it not to hurt, the nervous system is there to insure that it will. I'm not sure if emotions work the same way or not.
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coolchef
it's ok to be mad i don't like to be but it is ok in my world as long as you don't hold it for ever just get rid of the anger it ain't worth holding on to
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doojable
Getting a hold on anger is a good practice. Not that I'm always the best at it.... I'm not one that flies off the handle. I stew and regurgitate the situation and wonder what I could have done or said differently.
My only study on anger showed that one should stop that reliving of the situation - easier said than done.
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DrtyDzn
Pond:
Are you talking about clinical depression or just the run of the mill type?Jerry
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Lori
I'll speak for myself....If I'm angry, I try to get to the bottom of it.....Why am I angry?
I try to get an understanding of what's going on before I act...or speak....No, I'm not a perfect person, and yes I've blown it!
I try to look at things from the other person's perspective....
I think the sooner the issues are resolved, the better, if that's what needs to happen.
It's when anger is held in for long periods of time that it's detrimental and has negative effects on a person's mind and body.....
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johniam
Ironic: a thread on anger started by a poster named 'shortfuse'.
quote: My only study on anger showed that one should stop that reliving of the situation
Many times GSC is a reliving of the situation.
I think anger is like humor. You can't just become angry or start laughing like flipping on a light switch. There has to be something that triggers each one; a momentum kind of thing.
Everybody will get angry, but normally it will run its course eventually. It's what you do with anger that can become destructive, not simply being angry.
I also think it should be pointed out that there's a difference between anger and wrath. Anger is being upset; wrath is going off on someone, an outburst of anger. Eph 4 says not to let the sun go down on your wrath. It doesn't say not to let the sun go down on your anger. Sometimes you just can't help it.
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lindyhopper
Hmmm, JohnUB, I never read Eph. that way. I always read it as anger or something that is really upsetting you. If you and your spouce or a friend have a fight....resolve it before you go to bed, that sort of thing.
So are you saying Eph is saying that it is ok to scream and yell and not get it resolved and wake up angry the next day as long as you are not still "going off" on them? What is going off to you?
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johniam
Like I said, anger is being upset, wrath is going off on somebody (yelling at them or worse). You're going to have fights with your spouse; just by the time you are done for the day no more yelling. Of course, if the fight starts at midnight, then you might not get much sleep.
I agree with whoever said that certain things in life are just going to make us angry sooner or later, but like I said, it's what you do with anger that makes it potentially destructive.
Case in point: coach Bob Knight. I respect the hell out of the results he's gotten. 3 NCAA championships. But when he gets angry sometimes he loses touch with anyone and anything else. Even Isiah Thomas has mixed feeling about having played for him. In coach Knight's case, anger is whatever he's feeling; wrath is throwing chairs, grabbing people by the throat, swearing at reporters, etc.
On the other hand, he once instantly had a player's scholarship revoked when he found out the player was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. That ties in to anger, too.
Anger is going to come to everybody. To tell yourself you're not angry when you are is destructive as well in a different way. Wrath comes to everybody, too, in different measures. Anger isn't something to be avoided; you can't. It's more like something to juggle, or manage, as they say.
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sprawled out
say no more.
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Bramble
In TWI anger was used to manipulate. We saw leaders throw 'tantrums' and then get their way all the time. Anger got things done your way.
I don't think there is anything wrong with the emotion of anger--isn't it supposed to warn you that something is very wrong? Fight or flight---or for most of us, a dicussion to hammer out an issue...
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