It's Been 37 Years...

[Weout1200]

I don't know. Maybe this should be on the Memoriam thread; I don't know.

I remember I was 6, & to this day I can see the Navy personnel in dress whites walking up the steps to my house. Some friends I was playing with told me "Look at those Navy men going in your house". Hell, I was 6...I thought nothing of it...kept playing. Later, I noticed me mudda (always called her that) wasn't her warm self, & her eyes were red as stop signs. Her mother, who lived upstairs, told me to spend the night with her & my aunt. Thought nothing of it...6 years old, & Mama wants to spend time with me.

A couple of days later, we're going to church at night. Weird. Hear the word "wake"...what, sombody's sleep? Let's wake him up. I see family, friends, people usually smilling & happy with somber & long faces...conversation stops as me mudda & I walk by. We sit up front, where the deacons usually sit. The Pastor starts off with talk of the Resurrection...the American flag, which usually stands on the side, is in front of this casket. A hard, gray, functional box. Some people sing some songs, a few more speak, then the Pastor said it was time for the reviewing of the remains. What? What's that?

Then me mudda takes me by the hand & we walk up to the casket.

In it is me fadda. In uniform.

Me, like a dumb s***, asks what happened to fadda.

"He's gone to Heaven", me mudda repiles, in a low voice.

Okay. Hasn't registered yet.

But the next day...

No school. NO SCHOOL!!! My 6 year old brain hears NO SCHOOL & YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

But me mudda still has these stops signs where her eyes were & she tells me to put this suit on.

Black. Okay. Still hasn't kicked in yet.

A limosine is at our front door. A LIMOSINE!!! Rich people ride in limosines; not us. The family gets in...me mudda, aunt, Mama. All eyes are red. I wonder why for a minute, but...a limo.

We ride back to church. More people, somber faces, more uniforms. More words, then the casket is closed.

Wait...

Six men carry the casket outside to a hearse & slide it in. Smartly, with precision.

Flowers are loaded. I see me grandmudda, my fathers mother. A tough, yet loving woman. Drank her Jonnie Walker Red with milk, in tears.

What's going on...

Back in the limo. A ride to a cemetery. The flowers are unloaded & carried to a grave. The six guys pull the casket out of the hearse. In step, they carry it to the grave in place it on top. There are seven guys with rifles. Who are they? Why do they have rifles?

The Pastor steps up, opens a book. More words about the Resurrection.

What's going on...

Then some guy starts playing a horn.

It sounds real sad.

Then somebody yelled something twice...

BLAM!!! The guys with guns shoot up in the air.

Horn guy doesn't miss a beat of his sad song...

BLAM!!! More shots.

I look to me mudda...she's crying. Mama is crying. Me grandmudda is being carried off by some of her friends.

BLAM!!!

Why are those guys folding that flag...where the flag come from

Horn guy is still blowing.

BLAM!!!

Something is not right here...my uncle does not cry. He has tears. So does his wife.

Flag is still being folded.

BLAM!!!

Anybody got a idea what's goin' on here?

BLAM!!!

Horn guy...why are we here?!?!?!

BLAM!!!

Horn guy stops playing. Two more yells...the guys with guns put them down.

Silence.

What just happened here?

Then one guy hands the folded flag to the other, & walks up to me, bends his elbows to hand me the folded flag, & says...

"On behalf of a greatful nation, thank you."

I take the flag. It's folded like a paper football!! Great!! Wait till I show my friends....

Six years old. What the hell did I know.

And time passes. Whoever said time heals all wounds was full of it. Just grows a scab. Either you can let it get thick, or you can deal with it. What happened on today 37 years ago hit me when I was about 9. And no, I didn't turn into one of those " had no father figure in my home" types; too many folk riding my a** to allow that to happen.

What did happen was I started to hate December. Me fadder was killed in December (to add insult to injury we were almost burgularized while we went to bury him...Is it O K to thank God for a sick neighbor with the flu calling the cops?)...I saw Christmas as the commercial time of the year...what was there to be celebrated?

Funny, how some people excersice their demons. Wanted nothing to do with the Navy. I cast mine out at Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, 3rd Cannon Trainning Platoon (yes that went over real big in the family!). My priest was a 5 foot nothing foul-mouthed Staff Sergeant with a Smokey-the-Bear hat who I thought was Satan himself. Taught me a lot about the Army, & life...

But, usually this time of year, when it's quiet, I think, & I wonder why, & I envoke what I call the longest word in the English language...

If.

Me Fadda.

KIA 6Dec 69

RVN

Miss ya.

[HAPe4me]

thanks for sharing, Weout.

~HAP

[notinKansasanymore]

Oh, Weout. What a thing. Your writing of it just floors me; you should be a writer.

But what a thing for you and your mudda to have to go through. God rest his soul, and God bless you.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

love, niKa

((((((Weout))))))

[simonzelotes]

That was very intriguing and very well written...Thanks for sharing that,Weout....

[dmiller]

Weout ---thanks.

SALUTE --to you, your mudda, and especially your fadda.

I don't know what else to say,

except your fadda would have been proud of your tribute.

.

Edited December 7, 2006 by dmiller

[act2]

Weout, wow, I am so sorry for your loss. Time does seem to gloss over the hurt some, to me anyway.

Today, I am going to 'visitation' for my nephew's wife's sister, Cyndie, 39 years old. Married to same man for 22 years, 5 children, and 3 grandchildren. Died of cervical (sp) cancer yesterday.

I am praying for you today along with others who have lost loved ones.

[ChasUFarley]

Your words could be the voice of any 6 year old who just lost a parent and is trying to understand what has happened. I don't think your post should be moved to the memorial forum because it wouldn't be read as much as it is here.

I am very sorry for your loss and for what December now means to you.

But I'm not sorry that you shared your post with us. It was powerful to read - it gets in your heart. It hurts and heals all at once because it's easy to connect to...

Hugs to you.

[Belle]

(((((Weout)))))

[coolchef]

weout thank you a most touching story

my heart cries for you

[Shellon]

I'm sorry for this loss to you and your family 37 years ago. Thank you for sharing it with such poignancy, such heart.

A truer word has not been said.

If

[Kit Sober]