the things i don't think about (much) anymore

[brainfixed]

i don't think about what the way international stole from me. i don't think about the bible according to the way international or even other religions according to the way international. i don't think about speaking in tongues or how many were crucified with jesus or where the commas and the wherefores and therefores go or any of the myopic mind numbing senseless things the way international got me to focus upon to make sure i didn't look at the real picture of the way international being nothing more and nothing less than an organization using religion to feed the perversions of dirty old men. i don't think about what route i take to and from anyplace. i don't think about what jewelry i'm wearing beyond if it looks good and feels good. i don't think about what i'm going to do with my free time to "bless" somebody. i don't think about "blessing" anybody. i don't think about hiding my real feelings. i don't think about how wrong everybody else is and how right i am. i don't think in terms of "believer" and "unbeliever".

the truth is that something broke through in my therapy after being here and being able to show my therapist the thinking of the way international in action so that she could see what i needed help with. once she saw it, she knew how to help me and she did. i have never been so free. i have never been so whole. i have never been so happy. i have never been so healthy. i have never been so at peace.

it is not a big huge secret to have a good life! that was a lie! that is a lie! our lives are ours to do with whatever we want and there's no "adversary" out to stop us except ourselves and those we allow to stop us, but it really is only ourselves in the end.

if anybody "out there in internet world" finds themselves constantly fighting off an "adversary" or having to "stand against the wiles of the devil", please get some good abuse therapy and find out inside of yourself that you are your own worst enemy, but that you are also your own best friend when you finally choose to be. yes, people did bad things to you. yes, people did horrible things to you. yes, you got a raw deal from the beginning of your life on until now. i was a little child when these things started happening to me and i carried that sense of helplessness way into adulthood and until very recently. but you see, i'm a grown up now and i can take care of me. even the little child me. and you can, too, if you can get to someone that can help you learn how. and religion isn't going to show you how. religion teaches you not to grow up. religion teaches you to stay a little child led about by every flim flam con artist that comes along. you don't have to give up your beliefs. but you can learn to have your beliefs as an adult fully responsible for your wonderful new life that is free and peaceful and whole and healed and happy. i know because i'm doing it. give yourself a chance! it's really worth it!

[Human without the bean]

Brainfixed. I'm happy to hear you're at a place where you have inner peace in your life. Enjoy it! Hold onto it. But try not (my advice, not trying to imply how you should live) to stay too focused upon being grown up. ;) It's still fun to be a child even as an adult.

[excathedra]

awesome post brainfixed thank you

[brainfixed]

it is a new day every day for me and i am pleasantly surprised every morning. yes i will enjoy it and hold on to it! oh, i don't mean that i'm grown up in the way that i forget to play and laugh, but in the way that i am no longer helpless and cannot make my own choices and am a victim of fate decided by others for me. thank you excathedra.

[excathedra]

you're so welcome !

i feel very much like you do

i LOVE not having to obey anyone trying to guilt me

i LOVE just feeling okay about myself

i'm still screwy (sp?), but i'm not so scared anymore

it feels really good

i talk to myself a lot and to god and jesus christ (those are the 3 people who listen) -- plus my mom lol

but it's nice

i used to wake up in the morning years ago and feel that if i wasn't reading the bible i was a no-good you know

not any longer

i could share more but i find myself boring :)

[brainfixed]

you're so welcome !

i feel very much like you do

i LOVE not having to obey anyone trying to guilt me

i LOVE just feeling okay about myself

i'm still screwy (sp?), but i'm not so scared anymore

it feels really good

i talk to myself a lot and to god and jesus christ (those are the 3 people who listen) -- plus my mom lol

but it's nice

i used to wake up in the morning years ago and feel that if i wasn't reading the bible i was a no-good you know

not any longer

i could share more but i find myself boring :)

you haven't bored me and you always say in a few words what others take many words to try to convey, so that's a pretty good gift you've got there, and you make it funnier than chit, too, so that's another pretty good gift you've got, so i'm like jealous of you! :)

[Belle]

Great post, Brainfixed!

Yes, I, too, had to come to a place where I didn't nitpick and strain gnats. I've pretty much come to the place where religion boils down to "love your neighbor as yourself." I don't worry so much about other schtuff. :D Life is much simpler and enjoyable that way!

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~ Plato

[excathedra]

it's taken me the most posts of anywhere here to say something in a few words lol how embarrassing

but i don't have a lot of people to talk to -- i do have a lot of people (my family) who love me and i'm the luckiest person in the world for that

i started on the email and internet beyond help -- that's what i felt

you have come a long way baby, way before me

love,ex

hi belle, i love you

pm me -- i want to call you

[brainfixed]

yah belle, the way international puts a real understanding in the phrase "can't see the forest for the trees" doesn't it? i remember watching an some old tv show and somebody said that a courtroom wasn't about presenting evidence and letting it speak for itself, but it was about how well a lawyer could argue his or her points concerning the evidence, and that made me think of the way international because nobody involved in the way international ever cared about the truth or about reality, but they only cared about how well their particular version of things got "received", so the arguments and nitpicking were neverending and abusive. life is so very much better without it all!

lol excathedra!

[excathedra]

stella stella :wub:

[Ham]

If it makes any difference here..

I think more and more about these things every day..

but they really mean less and less to me..

they were all just little steps of deception along da way..

pun intended..

[Ham]

as I sit and watch the snow.. falling down.. I don't miss you at all..

[waysider]

as I sit and watch the snow.. falling down.. I don't miss you at all..

[Ham]

I don't miss you at all..

I don't miss you at all..

I don't miss you, at all..

Have to read it in the original..

[Ham]

Sunrise, sunrise.. looks like morning in your eyes....

[waysider]

Sunrise, sunrise.. looks like morning in your eyes....

[leafytwiglet]

Hi Brainfixed,,, as always a thoughtful and thought provoking post.

things I don't do anymore

I no longer worry about celebrating Christmas... I no longer worry about if the songs I am hearing on the radio are corrupting my brian.

I no longer worry taht I might not understand every nuance of a word that is in a bible verse or if I understand the verse.

I don't stress that the devil is out there waiting to get me.

I no longer judge people with a superiority born of missinformation

I Do take time to listen to other peoples beliefs and try to understand them

I do take time to enjoy myself every day and find the beauty in everything around me and everyone around me.

I no longer worry that I might be displeasing God, or thinking things the wrong way and thus causing bad fortune to befall me.

[excathedra]

i do find that people are very lovely

of course some drive me insane

so there you have it

i'm relaxed :)

[cheranne]

Freedom!

[brainfixed]

very nice leafytwiglet about the things you do now that weren't "allowed" in the way international. i started this discussion because something crossed my mind about the way international and it hit me how long it had been since i had even thought about those things, but what a nice turn in the conversation to discuss what i do now that i could never have done in the way international!

i revel in my feelings. i think that's one of the things i enjoy the most about being away from the way international. if i cry, i really cry hard and feel the tears deep in my soul and let the tears do their job and wash away the residuals of whatever i am crying about, and afterwards i find myself feeling cleansed and much better than before. (and just saying "residuals" without thinking of leftover devil spirits is fun!} and when i laugh, i laugh out loud and from my belly and sometimes i laugh so hard i snort and tears roll down my cheeks and what a good time i have laughing!

i entertain the "dark" side of myself. if i "think evil" of somebody, i listen to that and think it through and see why i'm thinking that way and usually i am saving myself some real trouble and often some real pain by recognizing behavior patterns that i always did recognize but when in the way international i squelched down as "thinking evil". if i enjoy a good drum solo or a good back-beat i really enjoy it and let my body get into it and give myself over to the music and let my soul travel where the music takes me, but in the way international i would have been "marked" as "out in left field" or "entertaining devil spirits" or something like that. and i study death and things about death and even help people die with comfort and without fear or loneliness. can you imagine what would have happened to me if i even tried something like that in the way international?

the richness of life with the colors and depths added and without it all being black/white/gray and two-dimensional because of fear of the shadows is profound and so much of the time i feel like a tuning fork that's just been tapped and i'm vibrating with life all over. talk about joy unspeakable!