Relationships

[Shellon]

Relationship: A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other

That's what we have here at greasespot, but I got to thinking recently at a stop light about how many relationships we must take part in every day. How much we have to trust whether we want to or not. I definately don't want to.

Like it or not.

We have to enter into a relationship with the salesperson at any store and trust that they'll charge us properly for our purpose. Often the relationship doesn't end there if the product sucks or some other rectification is necessary.

We have to enter into a relationship with our children's teachers, bus driver, other school employees and trust them. I struggle with this one.

At a stop light, we have to trust that the cars around us will obey whatever color is given and everyone has to work together to keep moving in an orderly fashion. I have to enter into a relationship with the driver behind me to trust that s/he'll stop and not take out my asterick.

I like this one even less than the school one.

I ended my relationship with the bank because they didn't hold to their end of the partnership regarding my monies. But at some point I'm going to have to enter into another one with some sort of financial institution.

Relationships are everywhere, we can't avoid them. My children's father's family is still in twi and won't speak to me. Do they realize that they are forever in a relationship with me, like it or not, because of my girls?

When I drive on an interstate, I have to trust that the car I'm passing will not fail to see me and cross in front of me. S/he has to have the same relationship with me.

I take my daughter to a very very good Learning Center sometimes. My relationship with them is that they'll take excellent care of her.

Heck I have to have a relationship with the folks that process the food that we eat, trusting that they've done it right and we don't get sick.

As I prefaced, we have relationships here at GS all day every day. Some are stronger than others, some appear to suck. There is an amount of trust we have to give.

It's everywhere in our lives.

Relationships.

Edited August 10, 2005 by Shellon Fockler-North

[Tom Strange]

hehe, she said "rectification" hehe

[Shellon]

--> Tom

[Zshot]

Shell,

Does this mean that we are envolved in a relationshil with each other :o--> :D-->

[krys]

.....wheat and tares together sewn....

from a Thanksgiving Hymn (second verse)

All the world is God's own field

Fruit unto his praise to yield;

Wheat and tares together sown

Unto joy or sorrow grown;

First the blade, and then the ear,

Then the full corn shall appear;

Lord of the harvest! grant that we

Wholesome grain and pure may be

[Belle]

Sucks, don't it, Shell? :)-->

Road rage is so common here and I frequently see crashes where someone has gotten rear-ended because some fool was in a hurry to get to the red light. --> Makes me mad when someone gets on my asterisk because, even if they're paying attention if the dude behind them isn't, I get taken out too.

I found this year how much I need my neighbors and how important it is to have people you can trust to help take care of you. I've needed them desperately on more than one occasion and they love to be the ones I call 'cause they love to help people. I'd much prefer to be entirely self-sufficient, but life just isn't like that.

No man is an island, much as we may want to be....

Thanks for the thoughts! :)-->

[Abigail]

Interesting timing Shell, given the trust that was just broken at my job.

And here's what happened today. When I went to our Michigan gathering, I had one of the neighbor's teenagers take care of the dog. I trusted him with a little known secret - I don't usually lock my back door. I've always figured, with neighbors around, latched gates on front and back, and THREE dogs, there wasn't much to worry about.

For the past week or two I've come home 3 or 4 times and found the back gate unlached. I figured either Sushi came home for breakfast or I simply forgot to latch it when I left. Today I came home a couple minutes early for lunch and caught the neighbor boy and one of his friends coming out my back door with a bag of pretzels (mine). [And here I thought sushi was eating all the junk food!]

I confronted him nicely (as is my way when I am caught off guard) and he said he was hungry and there wasn't any food at his house. So I asked him if he wanted some cheese to go with the pretzels. .

I'm waiting now for Sushi to get home to discuss this with him.

Another trust broken. Now, what to do about it.....

[Shellon]

Dang! Here's what I'd do:

Go through your pantry and fridge and get a few cans of stuff you know you can do without, maybe a loaf of bread, simple stuff.

Take this bag of stuff over to his mama and tell her to keep her child outa your house.

Then next you see the child, teach him a manner or three about trespassing, theft.

[Abigail]

well, my initial thought was to tell his mom and make the kid do some work around my house to pay for the food he took and the use of my space.

But then I heard that he stole his sister's van, has been stealing money from his mom, and has basically been out of controll since his father moved out.

Soooo, I decided I'd rather see him in trouble with the law while he was 14 than when he is 19, so I filed a police report and am pressing charges.

[krys]

That's what I would do too...under the circumstances.

I would also look around the whole house to make sure everything is in it's happy home and that nothing sprouted legs while you weren't looking!

[Shellon]

ah ok, I was thinking a young boy of like 8 or something.

[Abigail]

So back to relationships - do you think it is harder to trust post TWI, or was it ALWAYS hard to trust?

[Shellon]

Abi, I think we'd find it's unique for each person. For me, it has been a dual thing.

I was raised to understand that one must never trust totally, so for me to enter into TWI skeptical was natural and my concerns were well founded. By the time I realized I needed to do something it was 'too late' and I chose to keep vows, which I don't regret for a moment. My job then was to play their game well.

Having said that... post twi my trust in people is very scarred and battered. Some of that is from twi, but mostly after as I've given people chance after chance and of course gotten bitten.

I think this came from wanting so badly to have a normal post twi life.

It wasn't to be and it takes more than I could ever tell you for me to trust.

Unfortunately it's cost me alot and that's sad.

[herbiejuan]

I think some philosopher said trust takes along time to earn but can be shattered in an instant. The beginnings of my trust issues started way before my involvment in twi and run deep but I have found that I am not alone in this, I think we are all flawed in this regard and some folks never get past it, unfortunately.

It has taken me awhile to regain trust in my fellow man amd even still I keep one wiser eye open. I deal with politicians, wealth and issues that stir emotions so the chances for deception are high but I have a core group of folks I trust for advice and so far we've done some pretty cool stuff.

I think I have learned to trust the people and the process and am learning to make better choices of which people and what processes I choose to trust.

[Belle]

Maybe I'm a ditz, a dork or just plain stupid, but I've always trusted and opened my heart to people until they've given me a reason not to.

Sure, I've been burned, TWI and my marriage being the worst, but I seem to have bounced back to the same trusting, open-hearted person I was before TWI. I've always shared my life with people and many say I make myself too vulnerable. Others say I have an "extreme" personality and it's all or nothing with me. I don't know which is true or if either one is true. I do know that when I was in TWI I couldn't share my heart with anyone. I couldn't talk to anyone about what I was going through and it was a very difficult, lonely and depressing time for me.

My parents were always taking college kids in and letting them stay in our guest bedroom so they could afford to finish college or go to summer school. I can't remember a time when my parents weren't taking care of someone. As a result we've/they've got a great network of friends all over the US. The kids and their parents are like family to us.

I know it's cliche, but I would rather take the chance of getting burned because the times I don't are so worth it, imo. I like Mr. Strange's signature for that same reason. Thankfully I have a lot to regret. :D-->

** edited for spelling **

[gc]

quote:

Originally posted by herbiejuan:

I think I have learned to trust the people and the process and am learning to make better choices of which people and what processes I choose to trust.

To me that is the key, to "make better choices of which..." to trust. My trust level has always been pretty low, and I didn't even realize it until about 10 years ago. It seemed that, who I was and who I portrayed to others were two different people. Not even my closest friends would I trust with me. When I realized, I started to change things. Its very freeing to have people around you who love you for who you are!

gc

[GeorgeStGeorge]

quote:

Originally posted by Abigail:

Soooo, I decided I'd rather see him in trouble with the law while he was 14 than when he is 19, so I filed a police report and am pressing charges.

Hopefully, you're also now locking your door?

George

[TheManOfa Thousand ScreenNames]

Yes, we are, Belle.

As you may or may not know, I'm from Northern New Jersey. It was second nature to me to lock EVERYTHING up before I left the house (sometimes, with the keys still inside :D-->). However, when I moved here, we lived on a dead end street and knew our neighbors. I got out of the habit.

I'm just concerned if the kid goes off and starts damaging property (either ours or the landlord's)

[Belle]

George asked, but I'll comment anyway.... :D--> Sucks, don't it?? I grew up never locking the doors to our house and even if we did, the whole neighborhood knew where we kept the key outside. :D-->

I've locked myself out of the house a couple of times, but now I've traded keys with a few of my neighbors. :)--> It's a great deal, but it'd be much nicer to be back in the "good ole days" where no one had to lock their houses.