I thought a little about that. It would be funny if they were "cursed" and HAD to tell the truth for a day.. reminds me of Jim Carey in "Liar, Liar", the bathroom scene where he's trying to fabricate an excuse for having a continuance. "What are you doing?" "I'm beating the he** out of myself."
But I think that is what the half bottle of tranquilzers is for. Helps them say anything.
Wayfer Not, I think you are right.. I think they kept the cussing to a minimum so kids could watch it.
Steve, I think you have a real point. I will revise it, "if you are Rosie, consider using a minimum of makeup. That's gotta make somebody feel sorry for you".
Would not want to scare the jury too much. They might vote to lock em up and throw away the key just on instinct for survival.
How about, number 7!
7. If you find it difficult or next to impossible to tell the truth (pretty likely scenario), and by some stroke of stupidity you find your self on the stand under cross examination, answer incriminating questions with a double negative. "truly, at no time did I never support abuse of any kind". Keep saying this while keeping the mistaken notion that "da jury" is gonna buy it.
It's would be advisable to practice actually answering questions since you will not be able to answer a question with a question or question the motive and heart behind the questions of the prosecuting attorney. (p.s. his motive is to bring you down and we hope he succeeds!)
Belle, holy cow! I think even with an army of lawyers on the prosecution side, they would find it next to impossible to get an answer of "yes" or "No".
OK Belle, you get the dubious honor of presenting Nr. 8..
How about for nr. 9, and I hope "Mr." Linder is still taking good notes:
9. Another good strategy would be to shave your head, eyebrows, in short all visible hair on your body. When things become even more tense for you in the courtroom, start chanting. Not really loud, but loud enough that you know you are noticed.
Continue chanting at various times, acting as if you cannot hear the judges instructions for you to do otherwise.
This can often times help if you choose to enter an insanity plea.
This may be helpful,not only at trials, but during pesky, uncomfortable depositions.
At one time, I did not have a very high regard for lawyers, or the legal system. From what they have to go through with these kind of numbnuts, I now think they earn every penney they get.
10. A glazed look in your eyes will have a important contribution confirming insanity when mixed with chanting. This can easily be achieved by consuming a corpulent amount of tequila. The key then is to keep your eyes open. Indeed, you may not hear the judge instructing you regarding the chanting. A safer substitute is often practiced, sitting in a closed dark room, listening to "Beautiful Ohio" or "Earl the Christmas Squirrel" for several hours before the trial.
12. Remove all sharp objects from your pockets. This includes knives, sharpened pencils, pens etc. Carefully place them in the supplied pouch. Sit on the floor beneath the evidence table. Curl up as tight as you can, kiss your a** goodbye.
quote:9. Another good strategy would be to shave your head, eyebrows, in short all visible hair on your body. When things become even more tense for you in the courtroom, start chanting. Not really loud, but loud enough that you know you are noticed.
Continue chanting at various times, acting as if you cannot hear the judges instructions for you to do otherwise.
This can often times help if you choose to enter an insanity plea.
Instead of chanting, Speak In Tounges at inappropriate times (1 Cor 14:23). That coupled with your statements telling everyone that it's God speaking through you is sure fire to get you declared insane! :D-->
Recommended Posts
Nomad888
I'd say learn to lie like hell and keep a straight face, but they already have that one perfected.
My 2 cents...
Nomad888
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
I thought a little about that. It would be funny if they were "cursed" and HAD to tell the truth for a day.. reminds me of Jim Carey in "Liar, Liar", the bathroom scene where he's trying to fabricate an excuse for having a continuance. "What are you doing?" "I'm beating the he** out of myself."
But I think that is what the half bottle of tranquilzers is for. Helps them say anything.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nottawayfer
Didn't he say "I'm kicking my foot" too?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Steve Swenton
Quote: "4. If you're Rosie, consider not wearing make up. That's gotta make somebody feel sorry for you."
Ya might wanna reconcider the makeup there. After all, you don't wanna freighten the jury either!
:)--> 
:D--> 
:)-->
Just a thought...
Steve.
¥
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
Wayfer Not, I think you are right.. I think they kept the cussing to a minimum so kids could watch it.
Steve, I think you have a real point. I will revise it, "if you are Rosie, consider using a minimum of makeup. That's gotta make somebody feel sorry for you".
Would not want to scare the jury too much. They might vote to lock em up and throw away the key just on instinct for survival.
How about, number 7!
7. If you find it difficult or next to impossible to tell the truth (pretty likely scenario), and by some stroke of stupidity you find your self on the stand under cross examination, answer incriminating questions with a double negative. "truly, at no time did I never support abuse of any kind". Keep saying this while keeping the mistaken notion that "da jury" is gonna buy it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
It's would be advisable to practice actually answering questions since you will not be able to answer a question with a question or question the motive and heart behind the questions of the prosecuting attorney. (p.s. his motive is to bring you down and we hope he succeeds!)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
Belle, holy cow! I think even with an army of lawyers on the prosecution side, they would find it next to impossible to get an answer of "yes" or "No".
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
Well, they have had a little experience in giving depositions to plaintiff's lawyers. I don't think the lawyers were paid enough.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
OK Belle, you get the dubious honor of presenting Nr. 8..
How about for nr. 9, and I hope "Mr." Linder is still taking good notes:
9. Another good strategy would be to shave your head, eyebrows, in short all visible hair on your body. When things become even more tense for you in the courtroom, start chanting. Not really loud, but loud enough that you know you are noticed.
Continue chanting at various times, acting as if you cannot hear the judges instructions for you to do otherwise.
This can often times help if you choose to enter an insanity plea.
This may be helpful,not only at trials, but during pesky, uncomfortable depositions.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
At one time, I did not have a very high regard for lawyers, or the legal system. From what they have to go through with these kind of numbnuts, I now think they earn every penney they get.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
10. A glazed look in your eyes will have a important contribution confirming insanity when mixed with chanting. This can easily be achieved by consuming a corpulent amount of tequila. The key then is to keep your eyes open. Indeed, you may not hear the judge instructing you regarding the chanting. A safer substitute is often practiced, sitting in a closed dark room, listening to "Beautiful Ohio" or "Earl the Christmas Squirrel" for several hours before the trial.
Edited by Mr. HammeroniLink to comment
Share on other sites
Steve!
*shudder!* You've got a mean streak in you, you have!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
Heh heh heh.. kinda like Santa's evil helper I am..
Link to comment
Share on other sites
krys
They should just thank their lucky stars if they get an impartial judge. A jury would be an absolute luxury!
When we were - - confronted - - most of us were ripped an additional opening and some of us had no idea what we had done wrong, or why it was wrong.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
Since they don't believe in lucky stars, krys, can I ask mine to give them a judge who abhors religious cults and superficial people?
;)-->
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
11. Don't hire a good lawyer, save your money. Hire a bumbling idiot, or try to represent yourself. Da judge may feel sorry for you..
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
12. Remove all sharp objects from your pockets. This includes knives, sharpened pencils, pens etc. Carefully place them in the supplied pouch. Sit on the floor beneath the evidence table. Curl up as tight as you can, kiss your a** goodbye.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Technobyte
Instead of chanting, Speak In Tounges at inappropriate times (1 Cor 14:23). That coupled with your statements telling everyone that it's God speaking through you is sure fire to get you declared insane!
:D-->
Technobyte
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.