The "don't condemn yourself" line did very little good in the old days I think. I like my pain- at least I won't touch the stove in the same manner again. After kicking my own a** a couple times, I am starting to calm down a little, heh heh.
The "don't condemn yourself" line did very little good in the old days I think.
In my twig we used to make jokes about this line. We modified it to something like "Hey don't condemn yourself - thats the job of the branch leader or visiting corps. They have forgotten more than you'll ever know about condemning people".
Yeah, 5 years out now for me and the houndog and now and then we see waaybrainednness, but for the most part, having stayed away form any of the off shoots and any other hign maintenance group, it has not been hard.
I have been out for 18 years. 363 days a year I am fine. I always seem to get 1 or 2 days a year that for whatever reason (no rhyme or reason to it) twi just screams at me all day long.
Oh and btw those 1 or 2 days of that screaming. You would never know it looking at me from the outside.
Run away and hide for those 1 or 2 days? If I could I would.
Since I haven't even been out a year there are still many, many phrases, words and things that crawl up my spine like fingernails on a chalkboard. It's especially difficult when it's a situation where there is absolutely no one around with any knowledge of TWI or my involvement with them.
I have an involuntary wince, I think, with some words and phrases and intuitive people pick up on that. Once someone asked if they had offended me or if something was wrong. I shook my head, "no" but it was obvious that something had caused a reaction in me. It's in my head and I couldn't possibly explain it to someone who has never been there.
A la prochaine, This is it in a nutshell. I don't know what brings it on, it just happens. I wake up one morning and just have twi thoughts all day. They just hammer me. I can go on with my day as if nothing is wrong but there is. It is as though nothing phases the thoughts. I relax at night but the thoughts just keep on comming, they don't stop. I go to bed and before I fall asleep they don't stop. I wake up in the morning and all is gone. I wake up in a great mood and reflect on the day before and wonder what brought that on? Like I said it happens one or two days a year, THAT'S IT.This has happened for 18 years, but never less than 1 day a year and never more than 2.
Interesting.. recently I don't seem to have a lot of the thoughts any more, just find myself acting out some of the old garbage once in a while.
What you said about waking up and thinking the stuff- reminds me of something similar. I quit smoking about nineteen years ago. Until last year, I would still smoke in my dreams, fairly often. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, asking what in the H I was trying to do to myself again.
I don't dream about being in the ministry anymore though- those were some REAL strange dreams to wake up from- twig. The last one was about a year and a half ago, and both Rosie and Donna were there- wasn't scary, part of me knew it just couldn't be, heh heh.
HCW, I guess you were asking me.What are twi thoughts? Just that, thoughts about twi.For whatever reason it is all I think about during that day(s). Nothing specific at all. It can be corps,twig it can be about friends it maybe the warning signs I saw that I needed to get out. Some thoughts are ok but most suck.
I am sure you have felt like you have had a dark cloud over your head every once in a while. That can be triggered by anything (an argument with a friend, wife(if your married HCW) or a crappy day at work. The day(s) I have the twi cloud I can't compare to anything else except say it fills my day and by the end of the day of thoughts I am a whipped pup. I don't know if this helps explaine it or not. If not I guess I could try to explaine in a different way but what I wrote up above is about it.
HCW, I guess you were asking me.What are twi thoughts? Just that, thoughts about twi.For whatever reason it is all I think about during that day(s). Nothing specific at all. It can be corps,twig it can be about friends it maybe the warning signs I saw that I needed to get out. Some thoughts are ok but most suck.
I am sure you have felt like you have had a dark cloud over your head every once in a while. That can be triggered by anything (an argument with a friend, wife(if your married HCW) or a crappy day at work. The day(s) I have the twi cloud I can't compare to anything else except say it fills my day and by the end of the day of thoughts I am a whipped pup. I don't know if this helps explaine it or not. If not I guess I could try to explaine in a different way but what I wrote up above is about it.
Depending on how long you were in, that seems pretty normal. Just daily activities exposing you to things that trigger memories. Do you think the TWI memories are beyond your ability to cope? In other words, are they just (sometimes) bad memories? Or is it more than that? That's personal and only you need to know the answer to that.
The reason I ask is that you may want to talk to someone in person about it. A doctor, friend, family member or religious leader. TWI had a bad habit of expecting people to just "believe" (translation: Ignore with a smile on your face) to solvbe serious problems. Oh, sorry, "opportunities." --> Don't let yourself be alone if you need or would like help.
I was in for most of my adult life--college to forties. My habits of daily living were formed in the Way--what I did when I woke up, how I cleaned,how the money was handled, how I disciplined my children,how I thought of neighbors and people I met during my day(as potential Way folk,etc.)
When I first got out very little changed. We left without a support system--all our way friends M&Ad us, were were so trashed in the branch. So all those ties were severed.We explored ex way groups,but felt used--we had resources they could use.
Our first big change was having freetime on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays--wow, that was nice. Then we realized--both of us had good jobs, why were we driving junkers? So we got a car loan. Debt!!! Not only did the world not fall apart, but we had a car that worked great, looked great and my husband(who is mechanical) didn't have to do car repairs all the time(haahaa--bet the branch missed him and his tools! Wonder who did all the car repairs after we left? Who bought all the tools we used to lend?)
With the free time, we took classes and developed hobbies, all things that were not part of the Way lifestyle that we had lived. Eventually we moved and bought a house.Somewhere during that time we quit using Way terminology like 'opportunities' and 'available' except when my husband is being a smart a$$. We also quit doing Bible stuff, that was our choice, but it wss certainly unwaylike.
The hardest things for my whole family was to get over was the wretched attitude toward cleaning, and the huge emphasis on --ohmygod, you made a mistake, horrors! I am the only one who still gets crazed when the house is messy. Everyone else is alot more relaxed. I'm working on it.
JustThinking, Yeah if it was a monthly thing or even once every two months I would worry. Also if I could not cope with it I would go get help.
I am not going to end up like my avatar over it. I was just relating a unpleasent experience since being out and this was a thread about things we think and triggers.
I have talked to a friend about this too. Like everyone else has been hinting around what triggers it that is what my friend asked. Next time it does happen I will really try and figure it out. Thank you for your concearn. :)-->
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ChasUFarley
Yeah...
Sometimes I wish you would go somewhere to hide, too.*
*Just kidding, of course! ((((Mr. H.))))
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Ham
Yep.. at least anymore, seems I have a little more of a conscience.. at least I hope so. Years ago wouldn't give it a second thought.
Its just too easy to damage people with words. Too easy to speak, or to type, for that matter..
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waterbuffalo
Mr. H,
Yep. Sometimes I wonder where those words came from that come out of my mouth, too, but it's happening less and less frequently.
Maybe I'm actually recovering.
Hope so.
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Ham
The "don't condemn yourself" line did very little good in the old days I think. I like my pain- at least I won't touch the stove in the same manner again. After kicking my own a** a couple times, I am starting to calm down a little, heh heh.
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Ham
And thank you to whoever deleted that stupid thread for me..
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diazbro
In my twig we used to make jokes about this line. We modified it to something like "Hey don't condemn yourself - thats the job of the branch leader or visiting corps. They have forgotten more than you'll ever know about condemning people".
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DaddyHoundog
Yeah, 5 years out now for me and the houndog and now and then we see waaybrainednness, but for the most part, having stayed away form any of the off shoots and any other hign maintenance group, it has not been hard.
washingtonweaather
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waterbuffalo
Yeah ww, someone used a twi-term I haven't even thought about for years yesterday and I went yes! (to myself, of course). LOL!
I remember thinking, what are they TALKING about???? They I went, ooooooooooooooo.
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markomalley
Yes, if you're willing to leave it behind.
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oenophile
You will never catch me prefacing a request by..."Would it be available?". I don't refer to problems as "opportunities".
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justloafing
I have been out for 18 years. 363 days a year I am fine. I always seem to get 1 or 2 days a year that for whatever reason (no rhyme or reason to it) twi just screams at me all day long.
Oh and btw those 1 or 2 days of that screaming. You would never know it looking at me from the outside.
Run away and hide for those 1 or 2 days? If I could I would.
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A la prochaine
JL,
Interesting ...
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Belle
Since I haven't even been out a year there are still many, many phrases, words and things that crawl up my spine like fingernails on a chalkboard. It's especially difficult when it's a situation where there is absolutely no one around with any knowledge of TWI or my involvement with them.
I have an involuntary wince, I think, with some words and phrases and intuitive people pick up on that. Once someone asked if they had offended me or if something was wrong. I shook my head, "no" but it was obvious that something had caused a reaction in me. It's in my head and I couldn't possibly explain it to someone who has never been there.
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justloafing
Belle, I have read your posts since I have come back. I have seen what you have said. At times I have said................ check your IM
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justloafing
A la prochaine, This is it in a nutshell. I don't know what brings it on, it just happens. I wake up one morning and just have twi thoughts all day. They just hammer me. I can go on with my day as if nothing is wrong but there is. It is as though nothing phases the thoughts. I relax at night but the thoughts just keep on comming, they don't stop. I go to bed and before I fall asleep they don't stop. I wake up in the morning and all is gone. I wake up in a great mood and reflect on the day before and wonder what brought that on? Like I said it happens one or two days a year, THAT'S IT.This has happened for 18 years, but never less than 1 day a year and never more than 2.
Anyone else want to admit how your haunted?
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Ham
Interesting.. recently I don't seem to have a lot of the thoughts any more, just find myself acting out some of the old garbage once in a while.
What you said about waking up and thinking the stuff- reminds me of something similar. I quit smoking about nineteen years ago. Until last year, I would still smoke in my dreams, fairly often. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, asking what in the H I was trying to do to myself again.
I don't dream about being in the ministry anymore though- those were some REAL strange dreams to wake up from- twig. The last one was about a year and a half ago, and both Rosie and Donna were there- wasn't scary, part of me knew it just couldn't be, heh heh.
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HCW
I am honestly curious.
What is a "TWI thought?" What is it about having been 'in' twi that haunts you?
Just wondering....
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TheSongRemainsTheSame
HCW
are you the~~~ "like a grandfather to me" "heavy hitter"?
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justloafing
HCW, I guess you were asking me.What are twi thoughts? Just that, thoughts about twi.For whatever reason it is all I think about during that day(s). Nothing specific at all. It can be corps,twig it can be about friends it maybe the warning signs I saw that I needed to get out. Some thoughts are ok but most suck.
I am sure you have felt like you have had a dark cloud over your head every once in a while. That can be triggered by anything (an argument with a friend, wife(if your married HCW) or a crappy day at work. The day(s) I have the twi cloud I can't compare to anything else except say it fills my day and by the end of the day of thoughts I am a whipped pup. I don't know if this helps explaine it or not. If not I guess I could try to explaine in a different way but what I wrote up above is about it.
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justloafing
Maybe I should also stress that these day(s) have happened before either Waydale or GSC. It is not comming here and reading that triggers anything.
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JustThinking
Depending on how long you were in, that seems pretty normal. Just daily activities exposing you to things that trigger memories. Do you think the TWI memories are beyond your ability to cope? In other words, are they just (sometimes) bad memories? Or is it more than that? That's personal and only you need to know the answer to that.
The reason I ask is that you may want to talk to someone in person about it. A doctor, friend, family member or religious leader. TWI had a bad habit of expecting people to just "believe" (translation: Ignore with a smile on your face) to solvbe serious problems. Oh, sorry, "opportunities."
--> Don't let yourself be alone if you need or would like help.
JT
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Bramble
I was in for most of my adult life--college to forties. My habits of daily living were formed in the Way--what I did when I woke up, how I cleaned,how the money was handled, how I disciplined my children,how I thought of neighbors and people I met during my day(as potential Way folk,etc.)
When I first got out very little changed. We left without a support system--all our way friends M&Ad us, were were so trashed in the branch. So all those ties were severed.We explored ex way groups,but felt used--we had resources they could use.
Our first big change was having freetime on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays--wow, that was nice. Then we realized--both of us had good jobs, why were we driving junkers? So we got a car loan. Debt!!! Not only did the world not fall apart, but we had a car that worked great, looked great and my husband(who is mechanical) didn't have to do car repairs all the time(haahaa--bet the branch missed him and his tools! Wonder who did all the car repairs after we left? Who bought all the tools we used to lend?)
With the free time, we took classes and developed hobbies, all things that were not part of the Way lifestyle that we had lived. Eventually we moved and bought a house.Somewhere during that time we quit using Way terminology like 'opportunities' and 'available' except when my husband is being a smart a$$. We also quit doing Bible stuff, that was our choice, but it wss certainly unwaylike.
The hardest things for my whole family was to get over was the wretched attitude toward cleaning, and the huge emphasis on --ohmygod, you made a mistake, horrors! I am the only one who still gets crazed when the house is messy. Everyone else is alot more relaxed. I'm working on it.
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Belle
You, people who have trucks and people with huge living rooms are probably missed the most when they leave! LOL!
I'll really feel sorry for my area when/if the AV guy pulls out.
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justloafing
JustThinking, Yeah if it was a monthly thing or even once every two months I would worry. Also if I could not cope with it I would go get help.
I am not going to end up like my avatar over it. I was just relating a unpleasent experience since being out and this was a thread about things we think and triggers.
I have talked to a friend about this too. Like everyone else has been hinting around what triggers it that is what my friend asked. Next time it does happen I will really try and figure it out. Thank you for your concearn.
:)-->
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