I will, Shell. And that is an excellent lead-in to the next part about the "myth of stranger danger".
Gavin De Becker suggests that not only should you NOT teach your kids not to speak to strangers, but that you should encourage them to do so (while with a parent).
Most cases of child abduction and sexual abuse are NOT perpetrated by strangers, but by someone you know. In most instances the parent and/or child was uncomfortable with the person or had an intuitive feeling that something wasn't right. But in our culture, we teach children, especially girls, that they are to be polite, they they have to kiss Uncle so and so even if they don't want to. This has tuaght us and teaches our children to ignore their personal boundaries and their intuition.
Our brains are constantly processing information, even things we aren't consciously aware of. Nuances in tone of voice, facial expressions, body language. Those pieces of information that we are not necessarily aware of feed our intuition.
The goal is to continue to "train" our intuition. By encouraging our children (under our supervision) to observe and talk to strangers and then discussing what they saw and felt, we can encourage them to develop their intuition and trust it. As you see a man walking down the street, ask your child what they think of the man and why (i.e. maybe he looks friendly because he is holding his head up high and smiling, maybe he looks scary because he is staring down and the sidewalk and frowning. Maybe when you asked the man what time it was, he stepped into your "body space" and that made you uncomfortable.)
None of those things in and of themselves are a guarantee that a person is safe or dangerous, but as you begin to compile information you will find certain groupings of things which will definitely set off warnings.
In addition, it is better to be wrong and think a safe person is dangerous than to be wrong and decide a dangerous person is safe. We need to let our children know that someone scares them or makes them uncomfortable it is ok to walk or run away even if it does seem rude.
In our family we have a code word...no matter who they are or what uniform they wear or what sob story they give about something happening to Mom ... without the code word, my children not only do not go with them...but run SCREAMING to a safe place and dial 911.
Yeah - we do the code word thing as well. Two more things you can teach your kids, which are very simple: 1) Don't just yell for help but yell "help, this is not my parent"; and 2) teach them to say "stop or I'll tell".
Pedophiles don't want children to tell (hence they threaten the child). If the child can be firm and bold about saying "stop or I'll tell" it serves two purposes. It lets the pedophile know that regarldess of what he says, the child is not afraid to tell. It also implies that if the pedophile stops now, the child won't tell, giving him the hope of an out without consequence.
12 things your child should know before they are allowed to go off on their own (beyond address and phone number).
1. How to honor their feelings - if someone makes them uncomfortable, that is an important signal.
2. Your parents are strong enough to hear aboyt any experience you've had, mo matter how unpleasant.
3. It's okay to rebuff and deny adults.
4. It's okay to be assertive.
5. How to ask for help.
6. How to choose WHO to ask for help.
7. How to describe their problem.
8. It is okay to hit and even injur someone if they believe they are in danger and you will support them for it.
9. It's okay to make noise, scream, yell, and run (In fact one of the most dangerous things you can do is allow someone to convince you to leave with them = the pedophile wants you to leave because they can more easily harm you in another location).
10. If someone tries to force them to go somewhere they should scream "this is not my father/mother".
11. If someone says "don't yell" the thing to do IS yell. Likewise if someone says "don't tell" the thing to do is yell.
12. To fully resist ever going anywhere out of the public view with someone they don't know or aren't comfortable with - and particulary to resist going anywhere with someone who is trying to pursuade them to do just that.
** According to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health the average molester of girls will have about 50 victims before being caught and convicted; the average molester of boys will have 150 victims before being caught and convicted.
quote:
** According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics 15% of reported rape victims are younger than 12.
isn't that horrible ? I know the priest who raped my 2 brothers (under 12) was not caught (never convicted) until my brothers were in their 30's
my mom taught me a lot about being aware of strangers but it was her own brother....
my boy is pretty aware as you can imagine since i've been talking to him for a long time
what is 84's thing about lessons repeat.... not sure, but it seems to fit here
ALBANY, N.Y. - Scores of convicted rapists and other high-risk sex offenders in New York have been getting Viagra paid by Medicaid for the last five years, the state's comptroller said Sunday.
Audits by Comptroller Alan Hevesi's office showed that between January 2000 and March 2005, 198 sex offenders in New York received Medicaid-reimbursed Viagra after their convictions. Those included crimes against children as young as 2 years old, he said.
Hevesi asked Michael Leavitt, secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, in a letter Sunday to "take immediate action to ensure that sex offenders do not receive erectile dysfunction medication paid for by taxpayers."
A call to Leavitt's office was not immediately returned Sunday.
According to Hevesi, the problem is an unintended consequence of a 1998 directive from federal officials telling states that Medicaid prescription programs must include Viagra. His office discovered that the state was helping sex offenders pay for Viagra by checking Medicaid pharmacy expenditures against the state's sex offender registry.
New York's two senators said Sunday the problem should be corrected.
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said in a statement that it was "deeply disturbing and runs contrary to the purpose of Medicaid, which is to provide health care coverage for uninsured, low-income individuals." Clinton, a Democrat, urged Leavitt to look into the matter, and said she would explore legislative options.
New York's other senator, Democrat Chuck Schumer, said at a press conference in New York City that he hoped the issue could be resolved without a bill, but he's prepared to offer one if needed.
"While I believe that HHS did not do this intentionally, when the government pays for Viagra for sex offenders, it could well hurt many innocent people," he said.
New York auditors are reviewing whether other prescription drugs for sexual dysfunction are being reimbursed by Medicaid for convicted sex offenders, Hevesi spokesman David Neustadt said.
While the auditors didn't review the situation on Viagra reimbursement by Medicaid in other states, he said they have no indication that the policies are different elsewhere.
This is obviously a big problem. How can doctors, clinics, and pharmacies know if they are giving viagra to a convicted sex offender? Will they now be required to check to see if every viagra perscription they write or fill is going to a violent sexual predator? Will the ACLU become involved and defend these child molestors because they are being denied their constitutional rights?
How about the guy they just arrested that had journals about the 36,000 boys he molested over the years. In and out of prison, but the operative word is "out", why was he continually let "out" to abuse again.
I just read a news article where a 12 year old girl accidently transposed the cell phone # of her father and instead got a wrong number. The gentleman on the other end (total stranger) somehow was able to talk her into meeting him three times and having sex. The mother found an sexually explicit letter from the daughter to this man in the daughters room and this is how the mother found out - then went after the man. Instead of the 75 years he was facing for raping this young girl three times he plea bargained and received only 10 years. So 10 years from now he will be out molesting another little girl. Seems our lawmakers still aren't learning and hearing what the public wants.
I think there is enough evidence that these guys don't change their ways, so we need to keep them in prison for life.
Amen to that! I just had this very conversation with someone else. Label it a mental disorder, or whatever, doesn't matter. If they are hurting children and we obviously cannot "cure" them - then they need to be locked away for good.
A scalpel will provide a good, permanent cure for what ails them. They can stay in society and pay their own way instead of being locked away, getting three squares a day and cable teevee on my dime.
A scalpel will provide a good, permanent cure for what ails them. They can stay in society and pay their own way instead of being locked away, getting three squares a day and cable teevee on my dime.
From what I understand, a scalpel won't work after puberty...and it just makes them meaner.
Some guy recently was sentenced to 99 years of prison for stealing a cell phone.
Stealing babies is ok tho.
I read somewhere a statement made by an official about how we can track our vehicles, and we can know almost anything about a person, but we can't keep track of perverts.
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Abigail
I will, Shell. And that is an excellent lead-in to the next part about the "myth of stranger danger".
Gavin De Becker suggests that not only should you NOT teach your kids not to speak to strangers, but that you should encourage them to do so (while with a parent).
Most cases of child abduction and sexual abuse are NOT perpetrated by strangers, but by someone you know. In most instances the parent and/or child was uncomfortable with the person or had an intuitive feeling that something wasn't right. But in our culture, we teach children, especially girls, that they are to be polite, they they have to kiss Uncle so and so even if they don't want to. This has tuaght us and teaches our children to ignore their personal boundaries and their intuition.
Our brains are constantly processing information, even things we aren't consciously aware of. Nuances in tone of voice, facial expressions, body language. Those pieces of information that we are not necessarily aware of feed our intuition.
The goal is to continue to "train" our intuition. By encouraging our children (under our supervision) to observe and talk to strangers and then discussing what they saw and felt, we can encourage them to develop their intuition and trust it. As you see a man walking down the street, ask your child what they think of the man and why (i.e. maybe he looks friendly because he is holding his head up high and smiling, maybe he looks scary because he is staring down and the sidewalk and frowning. Maybe when you asked the man what time it was, he stepped into your "body space" and that made you uncomfortable.)
None of those things in and of themselves are a guarantee that a person is safe or dangerous, but as you begin to compile information you will find certain groupings of things which will definitely set off warnings.
In addition, it is better to be wrong and think a safe person is dangerous than to be wrong and decide a dangerous person is safe. We need to let our children know that someone scares them or makes them uncomfortable it is ok to walk or run away even if it does seem rude.
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Cindy!
A pretty good idea, Abi.
In our family we have a code word...no matter who they are or what uniform they wear or what sob story they give about something happening to Mom ... without the code word, my children not only do not go with them...but run SCREAMING to a safe place and dial 911.
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Abigail
Yeah - we do the code word thing as well. Two more things you can teach your kids, which are very simple: 1) Don't just yell for help but yell "help, this is not my parent"; and 2) teach them to say "stop or I'll tell".
Pedophiles don't want children to tell (hence they threaten the child). If the child can be firm and bold about saying "stop or I'll tell" it serves two purposes. It lets the pedophile know that regarldess of what he says, the child is not afraid to tell. It also implies that if the pedophile stops now, the child won't tell, giving him the hope of an out without consequence.
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Abigail
12 things your child should know before they are allowed to go off on their own (beyond address and phone number).
1. How to honor their feelings - if someone makes them uncomfortable, that is an important signal.
2. Your parents are strong enough to hear aboyt any experience you've had, mo matter how unpleasant.
3. It's okay to rebuff and deny adults.
4. It's okay to be assertive.
5. How to ask for help.
6. How to choose WHO to ask for help.
7. How to describe their problem.
8. It is okay to hit and even injur someone if they believe they are in danger and you will support them for it.
9. It's okay to make noise, scream, yell, and run (In fact one of the most dangerous things you can do is allow someone to convince you to leave with them = the pedophile wants you to leave because they can more easily harm you in another location).
10. If someone tries to force them to go somewhere they should scream "this is not my father/mother".
11. If someone says "don't yell" the thing to do IS yell. Likewise if someone says "don't tell" the thing to do is yell.
12. To fully resist ever going anywhere out of the public view with someone they don't know or aren't comfortable with - and particulary to resist going anywhere with someone who is trying to pursuade them to do just that.
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excathedra
my mom taught me a lot about being aware of strangers but it was her own brother....
my boy is pretty aware as you can imagine since i've been talking to him for a long time
what is 84's thing about lessons repeat.... not sure, but it seems to fit here
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Stayed Too Long
Viagra For Sex Offenders
ALBANY, N.Y. - Scores of convicted rapists and other high-risk sex offenders in New York have been getting Viagra paid by Medicaid for the last five years, the state's comptroller said Sunday.
Audits by Comptroller Alan Hevesi's office showed that between January 2000 and March 2005, 198 sex offenders in New York received Medicaid-reimbursed Viagra after their convictions. Those included crimes against children as young as 2 years old, he said.
Hevesi asked Michael Leavitt, secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, in a letter Sunday to "take immediate action to ensure that sex offenders do not receive erectile dysfunction medication paid for by taxpayers."
A call to Leavitt's office was not immediately returned Sunday.
According to Hevesi, the problem is an unintended consequence of a 1998 directive from federal officials telling states that Medicaid prescription programs must include Viagra. His office discovered that the state was helping sex offenders pay for Viagra by checking Medicaid pharmacy expenditures against the state's sex offender registry.
New York's two senators said Sunday the problem should be corrected.
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said in a statement that it was "deeply disturbing and runs contrary to the purpose of Medicaid, which is to provide health care coverage for uninsured, low-income individuals." Clinton, a Democrat, urged Leavitt to look into the matter, and said she would explore legislative options.
New York's other senator, Democrat Chuck Schumer, said at a press conference in New York City that he hoped the issue could be resolved without a bill, but he's prepared to offer one if needed.
"While I believe that HHS did not do this intentionally, when the government pays for Viagra for sex offenders, it could well hurt many innocent people," he said.
New York auditors are reviewing whether other prescription drugs for sexual dysfunction are being reimbursed by Medicaid for convicted sex offenders, Hevesi spokesman David Neustadt said.
While the auditors didn't review the situation on Viagra reimbursement by Medicaid in other states, he said they have no indication that the policies are different elsewhere.
This is obviously a big problem. How can doctors, clinics, and pharmacies know if they are giving viagra to a convicted sex offender? Will they now be required to check to see if every viagra perscription they write or fill is going to a violent sexual predator? Will the ACLU become involved and defend these child molestors because they are being denied their constitutional rights?
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outofdafog
As of today (a little under 24 hours since the auditor found this info) they have stopped this procedure.
Duh. Finally sanity prevails somewhere.
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Stayed Too Long
Only 17,800 sexual offenders unaccounted for in California. Down from 33,000.
How can there be soooooo many friggin sick puppies? Staggers the mind!!
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outofdafog
How about the guy they just arrested that had journals about the 36,000 boys he molested over the years. In and out of prison, but the operative word is "out", why was he continually let "out" to abuse again.
I just read a news article where a 12 year old girl accidently transposed the cell phone # of her father and instead got a wrong number. The gentleman on the other end (total stranger) somehow was able to talk her into meeting him three times and having sex. The mother found an sexually explicit letter from the daughter to this man in the daughters room and this is how the mother found out - then went after the man. Instead of the 75 years he was facing for raping this young girl three times he plea bargained and received only 10 years. So 10 years from now he will be out molesting another little girl. Seems our lawmakers still aren't learning and hearing what the public wants.
I think there is enough evidence that these guys don't change their ways, so we need to keep them in prison for life.
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Abigail
Amen to that! I just had this very conversation with someone else. Label it a mental disorder, or whatever, doesn't matter. If they are hurting children and we obviously cannot "cure" them - then they need to be locked away for good.
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Ron G.
I just can't understand y'alls logic.
A scalpel will provide a good, permanent cure for what ails them. They can stay in society and pay their own way instead of being locked away, getting three squares a day and cable teevee on my dime.
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CoolWaters
From what I understand, a scalpel won't work after puberty...and it just makes them meaner.
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Abigail
It ain't what's below the waist that is the problem, Ron. It's in the brain. And, a man doesn't need a penis to molest a child.
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outofdafog
It is truly hard to believe that this person was left to his own free will to check in with our legal system.....
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/07/12/idaho.ch...n.ap/index.html
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Shellon
Amazing isn't it?
Some guy recently was sentenced to 99 years of prison for stealing a cell phone.
Stealing babies is ok tho.
I read somewhere a statement made by an official about how we can track our vehicles, and we can know almost anything about a person, but we can't keep track of perverts.
I don't know what it's going to take.
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Kit Sober
John Walsh, who lost a son, Adam, fights publicly and helps others do so as well. America's Most Wanted
Link for children trafficking information: TIPinAsia Info
Parents and others do fight, help others to fight, and help protect others.
We are in this together.
Kit
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