I find it hard to mesh with most christian men I have met cause they still have battles with old way stuff which I do too. They have not had all the junk thrown at them doctrinaly like I did and it makes me feel so different and misplaced.
I hear that, especially that last statement. Seems to me, *leadership* treated women like door mats, and in their eyes -- were nothing more than second class citizens.
It sounds like the second Christian man had problems before meeting you. You are much better off not living with a drunk. That was a wise choice to leave him.
The first one chose TWI and its leadership over you, so a good choice to have avoided also.
If you feel the problem is with "Christian men", date a man who is of another faith or none at all. See if things work out better for you.
You have not had many opportunities to date, so why not? Is it your location? Do you feel comfortable dating? Do men ask you out?
Trust is something you have to regain if you do want to have a lasting relationship. Have you sought help in dealing with these issues?
This is a post about singleness. I was engagded during my 8 month probation period and of course the leadership said we were not commited to each other and convinced him it was ok before God.he remained in and I departed for good,so then I met another believer 2 yrs later who I got engagded to and he ended up taking his problems to higher form of drinking his heart and life way.I left for many reasons.I still carry a special love for him but you cannot help someone who is in denial.....I have found I feel in a sence very left out of the area I most wanted to have in all life was a very good loving relationship. I find it hard to mesh with most christian men I have met cause they still have battles with old way stuff which I do too. They have not had all the junk thrown at them doctrinaly like I did and it makes me feel so different and misplaced. I havent had many opportunities to date. I find myself not trusting most that I have met. I am very honest and usualy end up being very good friends with most......Its so hard .........Has anyone been challenged like this?..after 5 yrs out of the way it still so hard to trust......
I can't really respond from a "single" mindset since I think I was born married but....
You've such a tender heart. Actually I never told you this but you remind me of the woman my late brother loved. Having nothing to do with this but wanted to mention anyway.
One thing I've found is it is best at times to remain silent when it comes to my beliefs. In doing that I find that I can connect with folks that previously I'd not due to thinking I was "in the know spiritually". I don't know if you've tried that, but let the man have the lead and even if you're way over him in understanding just listen for a spell.
With twi our relationships were to be founded on the Word and nothing more according to their understanding. In life I have learned to enjoy the company of folks who say they don't even believe in this God of mine. And I don't feel I am compromising a thing.
You have so much love to give. As you've done before, do again, hold out in prayer for someone to relax and enjoy the company of. Take the spiritual stuff out of the equation for a bit. It won't compromise your love of God and His Word, you hold that fast, I know that of you. It's not a sin to enjoy people that don't agree with you. He's there dear, I will pray with you that he makes himself known.
Nothing's worse than feeling lonely. I'm not sure where you are located, but I had some great dates from an online dating service. Nothing developed, but it was fun and it got me back in the "dating scene" as well as exposed me to all kinds of men of different beliefs.
What hobbies do you have? Do you play raquetball? ;)--> Do you belong to any clubs or attend activities going on in your area? We have arts festivals in my area every two or three months and it's a great place to wander around, eat "fair" food like funnel cakes and strike up conversations with people.
quote:
I find it hard to mesh with most christian men I have met cause they still have battles with old way stuff which I do too. They have not had all the junk thrown at them doctrinaly like I did and it makes me feel so different and misplaced.
Are you involved with an offshoot of TWI and only around men who used to be involved with TWI? That's what it sounds like. If so, maybe branching out and dating someone who's never even heard of TWI would be better for you.
Regarding trust issues and healing: If you've been trying to handle this on your own then I really suggest visiting a therapist. I've been in therapy since before leaving TWI last year and I know I wouldn't be nearly as healthy mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally if it wasn't for therapy.
Whta things have you tried? We might could offer more suggestions or help.
Congratulations on your 5 year anniversary!! :)-->
Been in relationships that didn't work out for one reason or another. In the relationships that didn't work out since I have been "out", I can honestly say that it was not due to any type of "religious" beliefs or doctrine.
Of course, I was just a lowly "believer" while I was in.
That's why I asked her, Zshot. ;)--> Thinking of you and a possible beginning of a beautiful friendship for the two of you, if nothing else. Sounds like likeaeagle could use some time with a perfect gentleman like you. :)-->
I moved to Va a year and half ago and im losing my midwestern accent and gettin a southern twang!! ha.
D- second class......yep, the balance was way off..also. 5yrs. and more to come..hurray!
Stayed2long- I have had several dates from scouting the singles sights......A local Dr. who recently was divorced and yelped and was fried after his 2 yr. seperation cause she wanted all his moolah....moving on....the second who wanted to take me to his mountain retreat.......sorry, not a retreat..he actualy lived in a one room cabin......a real griz....yikes..lol.........I have considered therapy.....It could be a good thing. I drive 3 hrs a day to and from work.......The thought of diverting my route is scary. these are the original indian trails from moons ago that were devoloped into highways...commuting here is the worst..Chatty, not like Chicago at all.
Chatty- Sorry about your brother. I lost a sister. Its difficult at times. I have quested so hard to hold on to the good I have learned. It's been a challenge tho. I have learned to listen carefuly to people (believers or not)
It has helped me to come into my own. I still enjoy helping those who have troubled spots. The IN THE KNOW is not me...I think I have resolved to keep quiet so I dont foolishy embarrass myself..which I still do at times..I think that how we stuart our lives in any fashion is what we have at the end of the day and that includes how we handle people....The void is hard to fill and sometimes its just OK..know what I mean?
Chatty thank you for the loving care, you brought tears to my eyes..
Don't know if I can offer much (if any) advice here. I was married in 1975 - that lasted 10 years until 1985, and I've been single ever since.
I had a few dates here and there, had a couple serious relationships where marriage was discussed, but inevitably it got dismissed (by both of us) as *unworkable*.
At first I needed to seek out those women that had *like thoughts* when it came to religion, spirituality, etc. -- but as time passed -- that became less important when I started realizing that not all thought like I did, and didn't come from the cult *experience* like I did.
Certainly, everyone has their own *core beliefs* that they are not willing to give up or budge from -- and after a while -- I was able to distinguish what my *core beliefs* were, as opposed to what I could (or would) accept as *acceptable* in a partner for life.
I failed in marriage once, and was not (am not) willing to repeat that experience. I (like you) have met some folks that I thought to be *marriage material*, but after a closer look at the situation (I guess "caution" is the key-word here), either she, or I, or both of us decided against it.
Lots of good advice offered here already. Heeding it would be to your advantage. :)-->
Seems like you already know not to get involved with an addict of any sort (be it religion, or drugs, or alcohol), because they will think of that entity first, and not you.
Caution is cool. What seems good at first, may not be. And what may not look good at first, could be the best thing that ever happened.
Good luck in your love life. You sound like you know what you want, and what it is right for you. :)-->
That's why I asked her, Zshot. ;)--> Thinking of you and a possible beginning of a beautiful friendship for the two of you, if nothing else. Sounds like likeaeagle could use some time with a perfect gentleman like you. :)-->
I met my love of my life through the internet. He told me he didn't believe in church or anything. I thought he meant that he didn't believe at all. Come to find out he knows more of the bible than most of us put together and he doesn't have all the baggage of twi...
I didn't find this wonderful man until I sought out counseling and worked through a bunch of baggage. When I was ready he was there... :)-->
This man of mine is the most thoughtful, caring, loving, and good father than any man I had ever dated. If I would have turned away when I thought he wasn't a christian I would have missed the most precious relationship ever.
likeaeagle - 3 Hour Commute??? Girlfriend, that's no way to live!! You probably only have time to eat dinner and get ready for bed once you get home. I used to commute 2 - 2 1/2 hours a day and it was miserable! No wonder your social life is suffering. I didn't mind too much because it gave me a good excuse to miss TWI stuff sometimes, but would rather have had a life. I took a pay cut to work closer to home and fewer hours. The salary I lost is more than made up for in the gas I don't have to buy, the wear and tear I'm not getting on my car, the toll roads I'm not using and the peace of mind and less stress I have. Just some food for thought...... :)-->
Regarding dating.....here's a thread from a while back that has some really good information on it. Way v NBW Dating
Also, since I'm so full of myself this morning... I'd like to say "don't discount starting a long distance relationship". I've found that I actually am more at ease getting to know someone over the phone because you don't have the distractions that exist when you're meeting in person right off the bat. You also have to talk and so it's easier to get to know someone and talk about things you might not otherwise if you were going to movies and such.
I know quite a few couples who met this way and one of them ended up moving close to the other person taking the relationship to a more committed level. The airlines have good deals rather frequently, so if you're watching, you can fly to see each other pretty frequently without spending and arm and a leg. Southwest Airlines has been a Godsend for Bob and me! ;)-->
Now that I've totally stuck my nose in your business....I'll mosey along now. Just know that you're not alone and many people feel and/or have felt the same way as you. I've been there! I also highly recommend therapy as I know I'd still feel like the defeated, inadequate person TWI taught me to be if I hadn't gone into therapy.
I actualy forgot to say i am moving closer to work next week. Its a complex that all the amenities. I noticed they advertize over 50 parties..could be interesting!!
I am cheewing on what you all have shared. Im so thankful your there. Times can be tough...
I actualy forgot to say i am moving closer to work next week
Cool. The less time you have to drive (to work), the more time it leaves for you and your life.
As much as I like to drive, and be out on the open road, I wouldn't want that 3-hour commute you were speaking of earlier. Too much *wear and tear* on body, soul, and automobile! :D-->
A shorter commute will be sooooo much better! In the meantime, books on tape saved my sanity and I got to hear a lot of books I wouldn't have otherwise read. I recommend Janet Evanovich, Sue Grafton and Stuart Woods. :D--> They're not too long and they are very entertaining and easy to listen to. Most libraries have them on tape/CD so you don't have to buy them.
If you ever want to chat offline or need to vent to someone, please feel free to contact me. :)-->
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dmiller
I hear that, especially that last statement. Seems to me, *leadership* treated women like door mats, and in their eyes -- were nothing more than second class citizens.
David
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dmiller
Btw --- Congrats on your 5 year anniversary!!
David
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Stayed Too Long
It sounds like the second Christian man had problems before meeting you. You are much better off not living with a drunk. That was a wise choice to leave him.
The first one chose TWI and its leadership over you, so a good choice to have avoided also.
If you feel the problem is with "Christian men", date a man who is of another faith or none at all. See if things work out better for you.
You have not had many opportunities to date, so why not? Is it your location? Do you feel comfortable dating? Do men ask you out?
Trust is something you have to regain if you do want to have a lasting relationship. Have you sought help in dealing with these issues?
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ChattyKathy
I can't really respond from a "single" mindset since I think I was born married but....
You've such a tender heart. Actually I never told you this but you remind me of the woman my late brother loved. Having nothing to do with this but wanted to mention anyway.
One thing I've found is it is best at times to remain silent when it comes to my beliefs. In doing that I find that I can connect with folks that previously I'd not due to thinking I was "in the know spiritually". I don't know if you've tried that, but let the man have the lead and even if you're way over him in understanding just listen for a spell.
With twi our relationships were to be founded on the Word and nothing more according to their understanding. In life I have learned to enjoy the company of folks who say they don't even believe in this God of mine. And I don't feel I am compromising a thing.
You have so much love to give. As you've done before, do again, hold out in prayer for someone to relax and enjoy the company of. Take the spiritual stuff out of the equation for a bit. It won't compromise your love of God and His Word, you hold that fast, I know that of you. It's not a sin to enjoy people that don't agree with you. He's there dear, I will pray with you that he makes himself known.
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Belle
(((((likeaeagle)))))
Nothing's worse than feeling lonely. I'm not sure where you are located, but I had some great dates from an online dating service. Nothing developed, but it was fun and it got me back in the "dating scene" as well as exposed me to all kinds of men of different beliefs.
What hobbies do you have? Do you play raquetball?
;)--> Do you belong to any clubs or attend activities going on in your area? We have arts festivals in my area every two or three months and it's a great place to wander around, eat "fair" food like funnel cakes and strike up conversations with people.
Are you involved with an offshoot of TWI and only around men who used to be involved with TWI? That's what it sounds like. If so, maybe branching out and dating someone who's never even heard of TWI would be better for you.
Regarding trust issues and healing: If you've been trying to handle this on your own then I really suggest visiting a therapist. I've been in therapy since before leaving TWI last year and I know I wouldn't be nearly as healthy mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally if it wasn't for therapy.
Whta things have you tried? We might could offer more suggestions or help.
Congratulations on your 5 year anniversary!!
:)-->
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Zshot
hmmmm....
I am not sure on how or if to respond...
I am single, ex-wayfer etc...
Been in relationships that didn't work out for one reason or another. In the relationships that didn't work out since I have been "out", I can honestly say that it was not due to any type of "religious" beliefs or doctrine.
Of course, I was just a lowly "believer" while I was in.
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Zshot
Belle,
I play racquetball
--> 
;)--> I belong to a health club. I don't smoke...
I have tried online dating services (eharmony, match.com, yahoo etc...) with no success
:(-->
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Belle
That's why I asked her, Zshot.
;)--> Thinking of you and a possible beginning of a beautiful friendship for the two of you, if nothing else. Sounds like likeaeagle could use some time with a perfect gentleman like you. 
:)-->
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likeaneagle
Thanks so much to you all.....
I moved to Va a year and half ago and im losing my midwestern accent and gettin a southern twang!! ha.
D- second class......yep, the balance was way off..also. 5yrs. and more to come..hurray!
Stayed2long- I have had several dates from scouting the singles sights......A local Dr. who recently was divorced and yelped and was fried after his 2 yr. seperation cause she wanted all his moolah....moving on....the second who wanted to take me to his mountain retreat.......sorry, not a retreat..he actualy lived in a one room cabin......a real griz....yikes..lol.........I have considered therapy.....It could be a good thing. I drive 3 hrs a day to and from work.......The thought of diverting my route is scary. these are the original indian trails from moons ago that were devoloped into highways...commuting here is the worst..Chatty, not like Chicago at all.
Chatty- Sorry about your brother. I lost a sister. Its difficult at times. I have quested so hard to hold on to the good I have learned. It's been a challenge tho. I have learned to listen carefuly to people (believers or not)
It has helped me to come into my own. I still enjoy helping those who have troubled spots. The IN THE KNOW is not me...I think I have resolved to keep quiet so I dont foolishy embarrass myself..which I still do at times..I think that how we stuart our lives in any fashion is what we have at the end of the day and that includes how we handle people....The void is hard to fill and sometimes its just OK..know what I mean?
Chatty thank you for the loving care, you brought tears to my eyes..
Belle--realy now! yikes..geeesh!!ha....
Z--Hey there sweety watcha doin later
haha.
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Zshot
Likeaeagle,
If you ever come to Arizona
-->
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ChattyKathy
Cute you two!
:)-->
(((((likeaeagle)))))
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dmiller
Don't know if I can offer much (if any) advice here. I was married in 1975 - that lasted 10 years until 1985, and I've been single ever since.
I had a few dates here and there, had a couple serious relationships where marriage was discussed, but inevitably it got dismissed (by both of us) as *unworkable*.
At first I needed to seek out those women that had *like thoughts* when it came to religion, spirituality, etc. -- but as time passed -- that became less important when I started realizing that not all thought like I did, and didn't come from the cult *experience* like I did.
Certainly, everyone has their own *core beliefs* that they are not willing to give up or budge from -- and after a while -- I was able to distinguish what my *core beliefs* were, as opposed to what I could (or would) accept as *acceptable* in a partner for life.
I failed in marriage once, and was not (am not) willing to repeat that experience. I (like you) have met some folks that I thought to be *marriage material*, but after a closer look at the situation (I guess "caution" is the key-word here), either she, or I, or both of us decided against it.
Lots of good advice offered here already. Heeding it would be to your advantage.
:)-->
Seems like you already know not to get involved with an addict of any sort (be it religion, or drugs, or alcohol), because they will think of that entity first, and not you.
Caution is cool. What seems good at first, may not be. And what may not look good at first, could be the best thing that ever happened.
Good luck in your love life. You sound like you know what you want, and what it is right for you.
:)-->
David
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dmiller
Belle -- You Matchmaker, You!!
David
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vickles
I met my love of my life through the internet. He told me he didn't believe in church or anything. I thought he meant that he didn't believe at all. Come to find out he knows more of the bible than most of us put together and he doesn't have all the baggage of twi...
I didn't find this wonderful man until I sought out counseling and worked through a bunch of baggage. When I was ready he was there...
:)-->
This man of mine is the most thoughtful, caring, loving, and good father than any man I had ever dated. If I would have turned away when I thought he wasn't a christian I would have missed the most precious relationship ever.
So, for me therapy was the most important.
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Belle
likeaeagle - 3 Hour Commute???
Girlfriend, that's no way to live!! You probably only have time to eat dinner and get ready for bed once you get home. I used to commute 2 - 2 1/2 hours a day and it was miserable! No wonder your social life is suffering. I didn't mind too much because it gave me a good excuse to miss TWI stuff sometimes, but would rather have had a life. I took a pay cut to work closer to home and fewer hours. The salary I lost is more than made up for in the gas I don't have to buy, the wear and tear I'm not getting on my car, the toll roads I'm not using and the peace of mind and less stress I have. Just some food for thought...... 
:)-->
Regarding dating.....here's a thread from a while back that has some really good information on it. Way v NBW Dating
Also, since I'm so full of myself this morning...
I'd like to say "don't discount starting a long distance relationship". I've found that I actually am more at ease getting to know someone over the phone because you don't have the distractions that exist when you're meeting in person right off the bat. You also have to talk and so it's easier to get to know someone and talk about things you might not otherwise if you were going to movies and such.
I know quite a few couples who met this way and one of them ended up moving close to the other person taking the relationship to a more committed level. The airlines have good deals rather frequently, so if you're watching, you can fly to see each other pretty frequently without spending and arm and a leg. Southwest Airlines has been a Godsend for Bob and me!
;)-->
Now that I've totally stuck my nose in your business....I'll mosey along now. Just know that you're not alone and many people feel and/or have felt the same way as you. I've been there! I also highly recommend therapy as I know I'd still feel like the defeated, inadequate person TWI taught me to be if I hadn't gone into therapy.
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Bob
Especially when the flight attendants decide to give you free drinks.
;)--> 
-->
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likeaneagle
Hi again
I actualy forgot to say i am moving closer to work next week. Its a complex that all the amenities. I noticed they advertize over 50 parties..could be interesting!!
I am cheewing on what you all have shared. Im so thankful your there. Times can be tough...
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dmiller
I hear you. Glad to help out in any small way, if I can.
:)-->
David
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dmiller
Oh --- and also --
Cool. The less time you have to drive (to work), the more time it leaves for you and your life.
As much as I like to drive, and be out on the open road, I wouldn't want that 3-hour commute you were speaking of earlier. Too much *wear and tear* on body, soul, and automobile!
:D-->
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Belle
A shorter commute will be sooooo much better! In the meantime, books on tape saved my sanity and I got to hear a lot of books I wouldn't have otherwise read. I recommend Janet Evanovich, Sue Grafton and Stuart Woods.
:D--> They're not too long and they are very entertaining and easy to listen to. Most libraries have them on tape/CD so you don't have to buy them.
If you ever want to chat offline or need to vent to someone, please feel free to contact me.
:)-->
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