Lame Humor

[Ron G.]

1. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman?

You can drop her off anywhere.

2. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

3. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?

Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.

4. Where does virgin wool come from?

Ugly sheep.

5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?

It isn't hard.

6. How can you make your wife mad while making love?

Call her from your cell phone.

7. What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard on

her wedding night?

His last name.

8. What's the down side to a threesome?

You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one.

9. How do you know you're really ugly?

Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.

10. Why are hurricanes named after women?

Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your

house and car.

[Shellon]

[Belle]

:blink:

Ron, I think those are called "groaners"

[Sudo]

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?"

"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year! ''

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'."

sudo

[topoftheworld]

Sudo---

[moony3424]

[Sudo]

Hey guys...

Don't encourage me.. you'll just make me do it more!

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She

spent $5000 and felt really good about the result. On her

way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she

was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you

don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the woman

said, feeling really happy.

After that she went into McDonalds for lunch, and asked the

order taker the same question, to which the reply was, "Oh you

look about 29?" "I am actually 47." That made her feel

*really* good. So she continued on asking nearly

everybody she ran into.

While standing at the bus stop she asked a man who

called himself "Pawtucket" the same question. He replied,

"I am getting up in age and my eyesight is going. But when

I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age.

If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your

exact age."

As there was no one around, the woman thought,

"What the heck, he looks harmless enough", and let him slip

his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the

gentleman said, "Ok, You are 47." Stunned the woman said,

"That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied

coyly, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds."

sudo

[Sudo]

Alrighty then... lookie at the picture and tell me.. is it a frog?? Or a horse?? Give it a minute, OK??

sudo

[dmiller]

Edited May 17, 2006 by dmiller

[topoftheworld]

Very cool.

[coolchef1248 @adelphia.net]

way too cool

[Sudo]

Thank you guys!

Someone sent me that pic and I had the same feelings ya'll did... that's pretty neat. But.. where do I post it?? I didn't want to make a new thread for it so I just tacked it on here. In the silly forum :) . Makes me wonder how someone came up with that.

sudo

[Tom Strange]

I thought I saw figures from the kama-sutra! :blink: